August 29, 2007

you would tell me if I were drooling, wouldn’t you?

The entire left side of my face is numb right now, which is really slowing me down. I had two of my four cavities filled this morning (I know, I originally said there were THREE but I was WRONG, how fun is that?) and now every time I go to put ChapStick on (which is about every 48 seconds because I am addicted) I rub it all over my face.

Sexay.

Anyway, it reminded me of this: a few years back, when we were living in Tacoma, Wade went to the Quack Dentist and had a couple of fillings. What made this particular dentist a quack, you ask? In the three years that we lived in Tacoma, Wade had like eight fillings, or pretty much one every damn time he went to see the dentist. Since we moved to Oklahoma City SEVEN YEARS ago, he has had none.

(Oh sure he had to have that crown, but that was a whole different thing. Unless the broken tooth RESULTED from a filling the Doctor Quack put in, which now that I think about it is ENTIRELY POSSIBLE.)

I seem to recall the dentist here commenting on how MANY fillings Wade had, in a kind of surprised, goodness-what’s-going-on-here kind of way. My theory is that the Quack Dentist saw that Wade had good dental insurance (god bless liberal arts colleges and their good dental insurance) and decided that he would get on the gravy train. So to speak.

Also there was that one time that he numbed Wade’s mouth and accidentally numbed a nerve in his tongue. Whoops!

Anyway, this one afternoon, Wade goes in for yet another filling and then comes back to work. His ENTIRE MOUTH is completely numb, to the point where he is quite seriously drooling a little bit (yet more evidence of quackery: I had TWO fillings today but only one side of my face is numb and I am not drooling at all, at least not that I can tell).

Small detour: that year, Wade’s friend Joe, a professor in the Spanish department, decided to flee academia and join the FBI. Because that’s a logical career progression, no? Anyway, this friend had listed Wade as a reference. End detour.

Wade comes back to the English department after the dentist and spends a few minutes entertaining the secretary and me by showing us how HITH ENTHIRE FATHE ITH NUM AND HE CANTH THAK! AAA-THUM! Then he goes off to his office to work. Or nap, whatever.

And who should show up at his door but two guys from the FBI, who want to ask him a few questions about Joe.

So he says, “Thum on inth! Wath do you needth to thow?”

I forget what all they asked him; I do remember being disappointed because instead of being dressed like the Men In Black, the FBI guys were wearing their REI outerwear, and one had a pony tail. Apparently the Washington State FBI is a little more laid back than they are in other places.

Despite the fact that Wade sounded like a drug addict with a speech impediment, Joe got the job. And eventually Wade was able to feel his tongue again. And then we moved here and I had three–no FOUR!–cavities.

The end. (Except that my ear is numb, which is a little weird.)

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12 Responses to “you would tell me if I were drooling, wouldn’t you?”

1. August 29th, 2007 at 12:14 pm, 3carnations Says:

   That is weird. I’ve never heard of a filling in an ear.

2. August 29th, 2007 at 12:23 pm, Rachel Says:

   Not that strange really, there is a nerve that runs from your sinus cavity along your jaw, that’s probably what’s causing the numbness in your ear.
   That nerve causes all kinds of problems, like being sent back and forth from an ENT to a dentist over and over again because one says it’s a sinus issue and the other says it’s a dental problem. (It was a sinus infection, the dentist was right. Twice.)

3. August 29th, 2007 at 12:37 pm, Marti Says:

   My mom winters in South Texas,(Now how pretentious does that sound? She lives in a single wide when she’s there, mkay.). Anyway, it’s all the rage to go across the border into Mexico and have dental procedures done cheap. My mom did this for a couple of years until she ended up with a mouthful of hurt, and had to have her dentist here in Oklahoma fix all the crap that the Mexican dentists screwed up. Now, if I can just get her to stop buying Penicillin by the crate full when she goes there.

4. August 29th, 2007 at 12:56 pm, Susan Says:

   (Resisting the urge to make a crack about how it’s a sad day when a dentist in OKLAHOMA is the preferred choice to fix bad dental work. Because of course I LIVE in Oklahoma and JUST HAD dental work.

   But still. The urge, she is strong.)

5. August 29th, 2007 at 1:47 pm, MJ Says:

   I feel your pain. I once (key word there) went to a dentist named, I kid you not, Ian Fleming. And he froze my eye. Seriously. In fact, I had scheduled a doctor’s appointment afterwards and she thought I was there because my eye wouldn’t move. I had tears streaming down one side of my face. The dentist thought my complaint was hilarious until I mentioned my doctor didn’t find it all that funny. I now go to a better dentist.

6. August 29th, 2007 at 3:04 pm, Cathy Says:

   I jusshth haaa-d a crown put on. My eye was numb for two days. It was a RE-DO. I wish I blogged more, b/c it would make a great story.

7. August 29th, 2007 at 3:07 pm, Cathy Says:

   b.t.w. I read your comment on the SVM blog re: Eliz. Edwards - your comment was really good - it sure is an interesting issue.

8. August 29th, 2007 at 6:14 pm, gorillabuns Says:

   thanks, now i will prolong the madness of my teeth due to your description. though, if they give some really good pain killers, i might reconsider. did they give you any? or is tylenol 500mg your drug of choice?

9. August 29th, 2007 at 6:42 pm, Susan Says:

   I had no painkillers, just the Novacaine shot in my cheek, which really did the trick.

   And then maybe some wine in the later afternoon. Possibly.

10. August 29th, 2007 at 8:50 pm, Lizzette Says:

    So the tongue numbing thing isn’t normal you say? We were poor growing up and could only afford Quack dentists who took medicaid. There was only one time I went to the dentist as a kid, and its been the only time I have ever needed a filling. Apparently I had a tiny cavity. I was twelve at the time, and wished someone would have mentioned not to bite your own tongue just because you can’t feel it. Wow, did that hurt afterwards.

11. August 29th, 2007 at 10:16 pm, Val Says:

    I am horrified that your husband has fillings he didn’t need!

12. August 30th, 2007 at 9:01 am, kris Says:

    i love me some novocaine. i often wish i had it on dates.

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