June 9, 2009
won’t you be my neighbor?
On Saturday afternoon, Rita called to invite the boys to come play on Will’s new slip-n-slide. You don’t have to ask my kids twice to do something like that; if it involves water and running and even the very remote possibility that someone might get hurt, we’re totally there.
When I was in college, my girlfriends and I spent a lot of time just hanging out. An afternoon of studying would turn into dinner at the deli or coffee at the bookstore; in our senior year, when only I still lived in the dorms (I was an RA), we would hang out in someone’s house or apartment. Once the weather got nice, we dragged chairs outside and drank wine and talked about our plans for the future or our unfinished senior thesis projects or who went home with who the night before. There was no sense of time or schedule; we just hung out.
Once you have kids, hanging out takes on a whole new meaning. Today I hung out at the pool with my boys; they played with friends while I read a magazine. Right now we’re hanging out watching TIVO’d MythBusters — well, they’re watching and I’m working and fast forwarding through the commercials for them. But it’s not really the same, this hanging out with kids, and not just because no one is drinking or gossiping about last night’s unfortunate hookup.
I love my little family unit; I have so much fun spending time with my kids and my husband. But I miss those days of hanging out with grown up people, talking about things that did not go on inside my house. And maybe drinking the odd beer.
On Saturday, we went to Dave and Rita’s in the late afternoon. The neighbors on the other side also came over, with their kids; Rita and Sarah plopped the babies in the splash pool, and the big kids went crazy on the slip-n-slide while the medium size kids watched. They all jumped on the trampoline and blew bubbles and came to say hello to the babies. We drank beer and wine and talked about — I don’t know what, really. We just hung out, without any worry about what came next.
Eventually, of course, we needed dinner; fortunately, Neighbor Brian is a great cook who just happened to have a freezer full of pulled pork and brats that he wanted to unload, so he went home and whipped up a pizza for the kids and some homemade French fries for the adults and came back with trays of the most delicious food any of us had ever eaten. I brought the rest of Henry’s birthday cake over, and Rita pulled out the paper plates and we all had dinner.
In some ways, this summer has shot me back in time, both to a place in the past where kids played on the slip-n-slide in the neighbor’s yard without anyone fretting about how the whole thing was a head injury waiting to happen, and also to a place in my past where hanging out with friends, doing nothing important or educational or socially relevant, was the best way to spend a Saturday night. I find myself thinking about what else we can do with our friends and neighbors this summer, how we can make the hanging out happen more often and be even more fun.
I suspect cake is a good place to start. That, and a slip-n-slide.
Posted by Susan @ 4:54 pm • good people
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June 9th, 2009 at 5:16 pm, Shannon Says:
I know exactly what you mean about those old days of just hanging out, and also how that entire dynamic changes (or disappears?) once you have kids–at least so far, when the kids are tiny. This whole post gave me an almost visceral reaction. I, too, miss exactly what you described, only I hadn’t really articulated it in this way to myself before now. But yeah: those weekend afternoons and evenings of sitting around with adult friends, talking about politics and movies and music and houses and food and really just about anything? Drinking wine and snacking? Sitting by a fire or with candles or just outside? Not even caring or knowing what time it is? Wow. Those days feel like a long, long time ago.
I assume I will have those moments again: maybe when my girls are 9 and 5 (wait: 6? how old is Charlie again???). Mine are newly-5 and almost-3, and let me tell you, there is NO unstructured, relaxed hanging out with adult friends going on in any of our lives at the moment.
June 9th, 2009 at 5:46 pm, Lisa Says:
Speaking of visceral reaction. Once when I was old enough to know better I cracked my coccyx on a Slip-N-Slide. 20-some years later I still reflexively clench at the mere thought. Thank you for that.
June 9th, 2009 at 7:18 pm, Sue @ My Party of 6 Says:
You have a way of putting into words something that was in my head that couldn’t even be called a thought, just random images, memories, hopes.
I guess we are lucky that in our lives filled with too many responsiblities, we can REALLY appreciate the carefree moment when it happens. Here’s to more of those moments. (And more cake.)
June 9th, 2009 at 7:31 pm, Meg Says:
I remember those days fondly…I just celebrated my college reunion with my friends. Let me tell you, it is like those days happened YESTERDAY! And it comes right back to you..it was like we never left that grungy bar! And I loved it.
When we were in school we required each other to “log lounge hours”…just hang out and do nothing but listen to music and drink a beer…good times.
June 9th, 2009 at 11:10 pm, Headless Mom Says:
I’ve (we’ve?) had a lot of that lately. Hanging out, letting the kids run like wild men, adults drinking wine and laughing until our bellies hurt. These are the things that memories are made of!
June 9th, 2009 at 11:12 pm, Bryan Says:
Wow, what a great blog! You have a great gift in writing! Never visited your site before, you have serious talent.:)!!
BTW too kind about Saturday night, let’s plan a real party where frozen food isn’t mentioned! Glad everyone had a great time.
June 10th, 2009 at 1:51 pm, The Coffee Lady Says:
Oh. I want to be there, with the beer, right now.
June 10th, 2009 at 2:52 pm, Lucinda Says:
We have neighbors next door who are old friends. A shared gate in the back allows us to go freely back and forth in a way that is more comfortable than the front door. There are many evenings of “just hanging out” and it’s wonderful. I know exactly what you mean. I’m so glad you have that.
June 11th, 2009 at 11:45 pm, Janssen Says:
That is the life I want someday. Oh how I want that for my children.