June 18, 2008
which is better?
Charlie has a new favorite game; he will ask us, “Which is better?” and then offer two choices, with no context at all. Like this:
“Which is better, Mama, 15 or 75?”
“Okay, which is better, a grappling hook or a light saber?”
“Mama, which is better, green or orange?”
I love that.
No matter how many times I explain that really, it depends — if we’re talking about how many minutes until snack time, then 15 is better, but if we’re talking about how many dollars he might earn doing chores, then 75 is better — he always says, “No, Mama, which is BETTER? Just answer.”
And no matter how I answer, he says, “That’s RIGHT!”
I’m trying to apply a little of his philosophy to our summer, to remember that each choice really is the better choice, in its own context. And I’m trying not to see every choice as a failure of some sort, but instead to see that orange and green are both good and both right.
Some of you asked about other camp options for the kids; there are other options here in the city, but we’re not feeling like the other options are an option for us. We chose this particular camp because it is familiar to the boys, and because starting over, again, with a new place and new friends was just more than we wanted to deal with this summer. I know we were right about that, even if the camp has turned out to be less than perfect.
I think that Charlie is right: there aren’t clear-cut choices sometimes, there are just options. Sometimes context helps — a grappling hook is more useful than a light saber if we’re climbing a mountain, for example, but not if we’re fighting the Sith — but sometimes the context is so complicated that you just have to make a choice.
“Green or orange, Mama? Which is better?”
“Hmm. Green.”
“That’s RIGHT!”
Posted by Susan @ 7:50 am • home sweet home, three martini parenting
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June 18th, 2008 at 9:09 am, karyn Says:
Ah, so, Grasshopper.
Very wise. And I was in dire need of some such wisdom this morning as it is Day Two of Summer Vacation here. God. Help. Me.
Thank you for this -
June 18th, 2008 at 9:14 am, All Adither Says:
Clever boy. He has it all figured out.
June 18th, 2008 at 10:00 am, daysgoby Says:
And most memories by the end of summer will be we WENT to camp, not camp was this and camp was that, too.
When you said green or orange I was SURE he was talking about his cast!
June 18th, 2008 at 10:55 am, RuthWells Says:
What a clever little boy.
June 18th, 2008 at 11:32 am, Lucinda Says:
What an excellent reminder and a very sweet post. Thanks for sharing.
June 18th, 2008 at 2:56 pm, Susie Says:
So so so true.
June 18th, 2008 at 3:16 pm, Margaret Says:
I’ve just remembered something I did one summer when camp wasn’t an option because of the particular ages of my children at the time, which would have meant three different camps in three different directions (another way of saying “spending shit loads of money to spend the summer driving around”): I went to Michael’s and bought every kind of art supply they had. Popsicle sticks, glue gun, q-tips, feathers, sequins, buttons, little wooden hearts, construction paper, post-it notes, pipecleaners, stickers, plastic beads, glitter glue, everything. Plus a bunch of plastic shoebox things to keep it all sorted. Altogether it cost less than one half-day camp for one child for one week, and it kept my kids happy for hours and hours and hours. Whenever I needed them to shut up and leave me alone, I pulled out something messy for them to do, and they left me alone. They even got to be halfway decent about cleaning it up again afterward.
Hang in there. You’ll make it through. In the meantime, I hope the camp gets its act together and you can stop worrying.
June 18th, 2008 at 8:01 pm, Velma Says:
He is quite the little zen master already, isn’t he?
June 19th, 2008 at 8:36 am, Carla Graham Says:
Kids can be so profound without knowing it. We’d better not tell them how smart they are, or they’ll be taking over the world!
June 19th, 2008 at 1:26 pm, Shan Says:
Ha! Love this. Yes, kids are S-M-A-R-T sometimes. It’s so true! Every choice is right, in some ways, for some reasons, at some moments. So why not just focus on the right part, and forget about the rest?
June 19th, 2008 at 2:19 pm, Kelly Says:
so true! the slightly more grown-up version is what I’ve said to friends who’ve been grappling with some tough decisions: you aren’t choosing between right and wrong, you’re just making a decision. either one is ok.
June 22nd, 2008 at 11:47 pm, Cmommy Says:
I needed that bit of wisdom tonight. LilBro went to bed with tears on his blanket ’cause he is sick of summer school. Part of me wants to phone him in tomorrow as a drop-out. Another part of my brain maintains that the routine and review are necessary for his school success in the midst of ADHD.
**sigh**