August 1, 2005
where I was in 1994
SO not Martha wants to know where I was in 1994 . . . so here it is.
In the summer of 1994, I was 26 years old. I was in graduate school at Ohio State University; I had finished my master’s degree in the spring and had started a PhD in English (eighteenth-century British literature). And Wade and I were getting married.
Because we were living in Ohio and getting married in New Mexico, we ceeded most of the planning to my mother. She chose the invitations, the flowers, the tablecloths, and the food. She also chose my headpiece (a simple wreath of white silk flowers), since I refused to do it myself. A woman in Oklahoma City made my dress; I had exactly two ‘fittings’, if you count the day we picked out fabric and patterns. I didn’t try the dress on until it was FedExd to me in Columbus, two weeks before the wedding. I had nightmares about it arriving and being too small, but it was perfect.
I was a pretty laid-back bride (if by ‘laid-back’ you understand me to mean ‘baffled by all the things I was supposed to worry about, like what color the napkins were and where everyone sat for lunch’). Wade and I realized, early on, that this wedding was only about us to a certain point (he still claims the wedding isn’t about the bride and groom at all, but I disagree. I think about 13 minutes of the whole day belong to the couple, but that was enough for me). Initially, we wanted a family-only ceremony–the two of us, our parents and siblings and grandmothers, and our two closest friends. We told our parents they could have whatever kind of party they wanted afterward, but we wanted the actual Saying Of the Vows to be very small and intimate.
We were overruled. My mother insisted we include more family–aunts and uncles and cousins–and she had a point. I love my extended family, and there’s no point in having a party without them. And, in the years since our wedding, my grandmother and my aunt Sue have both died and my cousin Jill has moved to Germany. I am glad they were all there that day. Negotiations with my mother-in-law were more difficult. She had spent years going to the weddings of her friends’ children, and she felt that it was time her friends returned the favor. Her compromise was to invite people and then tell them they couldn’t actually come to the wedding. No, I swear! It was horrifying (but we got through it and are very close now, really).
In the end, we had 75 people for a lovely garden ceremony in my parents’ back yard. I had three friends stand up for me; because two were in graduate school and the third had just had her first baby, and because all of them were flying to New Mexico for five days, I didn’t ask them to do the bridesmaid dress thing. On their own, they talked and discovered that they each owned a nice dress in the periwinkle blue/violet family; they looked perfect. My dress was white linen, which worried my mother to no end, but it was lovely and exactly what I wanted. We all stayed at my parents’ next door neighbors house, my girlfriends and two of their husbands, and it was so much fun. I would do it again in a heartbeat.
The actual wedding was so very lovely; people on BOTH sides of our family still talk about how wonderful it was. I remember it as a very serene day, although I’m sure it wasn’t. The weather was beautiful, my friends were beautiful, our families were (mostly) well behaved. I remember laughing a lot with girlfriends that I loved, and I remember not caring what we ate or what the invitations looked like–or even if my ass looked big in my dress (although I remember saying, ‘Are you SURE my ass doesn’t look huge?’ about a thousand times before the ceremony started). It was a really happy day. And talk about funny–days later, I learned that Wade and his best man had left the reception (which went on untill all hours of the night) and gone to the hotel to take a two hour nap! And I hadn’t even missed him! Ha ha ha! I think maybe I had a lot to drink. Yes, I think I did. In my beautiful white dress! How fun.
So that’s where I was in 1994. Your turn, Misfit Hausfrau! And while we’re at it, let’s hear from the rest of you–where were YOU in 1994?
Posted by Susan @ 5:56 pm • Uncategorized
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August 1st, 2005 at 10:42 pm, adria Says:
I answered the 1994 question on my site. Enjoy and thanks for bringing back such fun and carefree times. It was nice to think about that year because it is not something I single out like other times in my life. Usually my life is divided into before and after Daria.
August 2nd, 2005 at 8:31 am, ieatcrayonz Says:
I knew you were my kind of gal. My wedding was also no fuss, small wedding party, and held in another town, albeit only two hours away instead of 20.
I will do a wedding post on my anniversary next month. Oh, the drama.
August 2nd, 2005 at 11:33 am, The June Cleaver Diaries Says:
I wish my wedding were that laid back. I was overruled my my mother (of course), who insisted on things like a string quartet and a $3500 dress (I really protested that one). REALLY. She overdoes everything. Everything was beautiful, but it was way beyond anything I wanted, or they could afford. They had to refinance their house. All for one day. And the kicker was, Anheusar Busch workers went on strike, so about half of the people invited had to go in to work to replace them, so obviously, that’s a lot of wasted chicken. But the one thing I loved was a “cordial tree” that my dad insited on. It was a huge silver pole with about 20 silver platters attatched at different heights. Each platter had it’s own yummy liquor and matching glass. I don;t think anyone remenbers much of the reception from the point that the tree rolled out.
August 2nd, 2005 at 12:35 pm, Susan Says:
SNMartha, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of the tree thing before–that is way cooler than the ‘dollar dance’ (no offense to anyone who did that–Wade refused to have dancing, but later, when he heard about a friend who walked away with nearly $2,000 in cash from the dollar dance, he was kicking himself).
There is, quite honestly, a little part of me that would have liked the big Princess wedding, but I am completely incapable of behaving properly at large formal functions (at some point I have too much to drink and start to swear, which is unbecoming in a Princess Bride). Plus there appears to be some rule about how much hair you have to have to be a Princess Bride. Or so that lady at the bridal store led me to believe.
Okay, who else is going to play Where Were You in ‘94? Or, tell us about your wedding! Whatever!
August 2nd, 2005 at 5:26 pm, Candace Says:
I, too, was getting married, in November of that year.
Since I can’t say it on my site, I’ll say it here: it was my mother’s wedding through and through. We just wanted to be married; she planned the whole thing. The only decisions I made were my dress, the food, and the flowers. She did everything else, and it was WAY overboard. I’d do it completely differently if I had to do it over again.
But I just wanted to be married to my Pete, and THAT I wouldn’t change!
August 2nd, 2005 at 6:27 pm, The June Cleaver Diaries Says:
I must also mention that I did not dance on the cordial pole.
What’s up with the moms planning the weddings?
August 2nd, 2005 at 6:50 pm, Misfit Hausfrau Says:
Well, y’all missed my freakshow wedding in November 1993. We got hitched at the St. Louis County Courthouse the day before Thanksgiving. St. Louis County only married people on Wednesdays at the time. We figured no one would be there as it was the day before a holiday. We were wrong. We were Couple #11. The judge kept having to bang his gavel because no one could manager to shut the F up while people were doing their thing. I was a llittle disappointed that I didn’t have an engagement ring. I was bitter that I was there because we were too poor to have a “real wedding.” I was bitter that my parents couldn’t manage to get there because Mom was having “an episode”, yet they managed to get on a plane a few months later for a friend’s wedding in California. I was REALLY bitter that I had to go out that morning and buy my own God Damned flowers because my husband was too clueless at the time to think to get any for me.
We redeamed ourselves a few years later and renewed our vows in Pittsburgh–it was beautiful. My husband now has wisened up and has managed to buy some nice jewlery for me over the past couple of years…
Sorry to take over your blog!
August 2nd, 2005 at 7:26 pm, Susan Says:
Hausfrau, I hate to say it, but that’s hysterical (probably more for those of us reading it than those of you who lived it). So did you ever get an engagement ring?
And it could have been worse–you could have had SNMartha dancing on a pole . . . or would that be BETTER? SO hard to tell.
August 2nd, 2005 at 7:41 pm, Misfit Hausfrau Says:
I actually received my great-aunt’s wedding set, which I wore until my husband got me a beautiful diamond band after the birth of Baby Girl. He then got me a Tiffany bracelet and necklace for the birth of Peaches. Things are looking up!!
I was actually in SNMartha’s wedding. There was no pole dancing to be had, but there was a TON of fun family drama that you hope to God you see in a Lifetime Movie and not in your wedding!
August 2nd, 2005 at 8:11 pm, Susan Says:
Wow–the Chemist sure can shop for jewelery!
For our tenth anniversary, I bought myself a new ring and told Wade, ‘Look what you got me!’ We were both very happy. The end.
August 3rd, 2005 at 11:36 am, The June Cleaver Diaries Says:
Hausfrau— please admit that you danced on the cordial pole.
I got NO JEWLERY when the kids were born. But I got a ruby necklace for Mother’s Day.
August 3rd, 2005 at 12:12 pm, Susan Says:
I got jewelery when the boys were born. After Henry came home from the NICU, I bought myself a lovely necklace and earring set, made by a local woman. Before Charlie came along, I took Wade back to the gallery where she has her things, picked out a bracelet, a necklace, and two pairs of earrings, and said SURPRISE ME!
He came to the hospital the day Charlie was born with the earrings; the day we went home, he gave me the bracelet.
Ta da!
And for Mother’s Day, I got a book about Monet. (Okay, but I loved it, so I’m not really compaining, I’m just saying . . . )
August 3rd, 2005 at 12:14 pm, Misfit Hausfrau Says:
I had the good fortune of having a few girlfriends who pounded it into my husband’s head that jewlery is to be given after a wife squeezes out a watermelon. He thought I had made it up…
August 3rd, 2005 at 12:18 pm, Susan Says:
My husband was under the same misperception about the jewlery–he also thought that I (and several friends and EVERY BOOK WE LOOKED AT) was kidding about how nursing a baby might cause my nipples to bleed.
The joke was on him that time, I’ll tell you what!
August 3rd, 2005 at 1:54 pm, The June Cleaver Diaries Says:
Oh— I can give testimonial to the bleeding nipples issue. I swear I had to look once to see if my nipple had actually torn off.
August 3rd, 2005 at 2:37 pm, Homestead Says:
Crisco, ladies, Crisco….. for the bleeding nipples… and not the butter-flavored stuff.
Jewelry…. ah, Saunder’s Jewelry (family-owned & fabulous) has my husband’s credit card number on speed dial. And they even let him “design” his own stuff…. and then they make it for him…. Damn, must remember to tell that man how much I love him.
Oh, wait, the post is about 1994. Um, I was graduating from college in Colorado with a degree in biology/pre-med and then I moved to California to run a martial arts school!!! Geez.
August 3rd, 2005 at 4:32 pm, Susan Says:
Crisco? Really? Whoda thunk?
When I was still pumping for Henry (who never learned to latch on–but that’s another story for another day)–I actually pumped ORANGE milk one day. You know, because of the blood. It was lovely.
Okay, and I’m outta here (do you think we’re scaring people with all this boob talk? I hope so!).