March 29, 2007
what kind of wine goes with Spam?
Do you know what’s even BETTER than having contractors in my house making a giant mess and moving all my furniture around? DO YOU KNOW?!?
Having the tornado sirens go off today while the painters were here! Right after they painted the trim in the bathroom we use as our shelter!
Hot damn! It was like a party! But without the booze!
I was chatting with Chris this afternoon when the weather started to turn, and I told her that I would liveblog the tornado just for her. I would have, too, except that my router was temporarily knocked out by a lightening strike, and there was no actual tornado, at least not at my house. But I had every intention of keeping her in the loop while my house was being demolished. Last night, I regaled her with stories about how I took my contacts out and left them on the sofa (Chris: why would you DO that? me: because my eyes hurt and I am laaaazy) and how Wade was making me watch a show about the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders (Chris: why would he DO that? me: because his penis is in charge of the remote). She really wants to be my next door neighbor now.
When the sirens started going off, I shuffled the boys into the bathroom (me: GET IN THE BATHROOM NOW! GO GO GO! Charlie: But we don’t have our shoes! me: I DON’T CARE! GO GO GO!) and told them that if they touched the wet paint, I would kill them (oh, I didn’t say that EXACTLY, but that was the idea). I left them huddling next to the toilet trying not to touch the baseboards while I went to watch the news and find out how long we all had to live.
Chris said, Where were the painters?
Out in the yard, I told her, looking for the funnel cloud. Because that’s what we do in Oklahoma. Well, I don’t, I cower in the bathroom with my cell phone and a bicycle helmet. Whatever.
I also told Chris that we’re supposed to have Spam in our tornado emergency kits and we decided that we would both rather die in the tornado than eat the Spam. Because you have to make choices.
So I have the kids in the bathroom and I’ve taken down the 400 pound Pottery Barn mirror over the sink and I realize that not only can I NOT close the laundry room door (wet paint) but that the garage doors, all of them–interior AND exterior–are wide open, as is the BACK door. If the tornado comes, my children will be sucked right out of their Safe Place and hurled across the neighborhood.
About then I started to need a drink.
The tornado missed us, the paint was undinged, and I waited until after the painters left to open my wine, because that seemed like the right thing to do. And now Chris is pinging me on the IM again, probably to find out what thrilling thing I’m up to tonight. Stay tuned–maybe I will liveblog THAT for you all later.
Posted by Susan @ 7:04 pm • everyday life
RSS feed for comments on this post.
TrackBack URI
March 29th, 2007 at 9:55 pm, Barbie Says:
LOL This was my FIRST tornado siren that wasn’t a test…the test scared me my first Saturday but that is another story;-) I was on the phone telling someone how God blessed me today when the siren went off and my weather radio went off and THEY freaked out. They are FROM OKLAHOMA so them freaking out scared the crap out of me! I didn’t know what to do lol I am from Florida! We do hurricanes not tornadoes. I gained a few gray hairs today:-)
March 30th, 2007 at 12:50 am, Blythe Says:
Every time I go into my spam folder in gmail, Google’s helpful advertising links at the top direct me to some new Spam recipe. Today’s edition: French Fry Spam Casserole. Let me know if you’d like me to forward it along for your next crisis.
March 30th, 2007 at 5:28 am, rachel Says:
*twitch* Tornadoes are the one thing I don’t get homesick for about Texas. *twitch*
Glad you all didn’t get sucked out the door, then where would I go for fashion advice?
I did have wine in our emergency box. But then there was an emergency, and I drank it.
I should probably refill the box.
I also hate remodeling more than anything. We did a Big Clean last weekend, and that was bad enough.
March 30th, 2007 at 6:47 am, chris Says:
I can’t believe you didn’t blog our scintillating conversation about jellybeans.
You need to put wine, a corkscrew, and chocolate in your survival kit.
March 30th, 2007 at 6:49 am, mausfrau... aw, what the hell, molly Says:
Wait… have things changed since I left Oklahoma? I thought you were supposed to leave all the doors and windows open. Something about how the pressure change can blow out your windows and shower you with glass shards, so you’re better off leaving them open. But then, that’s coming from my hazy memories of 5th-grade tornado drills.
At least it wasn’t actually a tornado, because having a tornado destroy your whole house and all your possessions right after you’ve paid the contractor’s deposit would be a major bummer.
March 30th, 2007 at 7:17 am, The June Cleaver Diaries Says:
You totally gave me flashbacks to when I was little and living in Illinois. We had tornado drills all the time in 1st grade, and we had to all huddle under the desks until we heard the ‘all clear.’
Because those little plastic and metal desks would never blow away or crash down on us. Especially when stratigically placed in classrooms with wall-length windows. And sharp pencils. And scissors.
We actually had a tornado touch down once on a weekend while we were on a walk, and my parents and I all huddled in the basement of the apartment building next to ours.
And then my mom sent my dad out, on foot, to get us some magazines. And snacks.
Looking back, I think it may have been an attempt to get out of her marriage ‘the easy way,’ if you know what I mean…
March 30th, 2007 at 7:59 am, Mark Says:
Oh, it was a tornado, with about 2 minutes notice, it was west of the 73116.
I am with the painters, get a beer and go outside to look for the funnel cloud.
(by the way, in Oklahoma, when they turn on the sirens, you are suppose to turn on the tv, and see where the tornado is at.)
Don’t you just love the panic on the weatherman’s face!
March 30th, 2007 at 9:47 am, Susan Says:
Mark! I know! Rick Mitchell was all WHAT THE HELL?
The best part was watching the storm chaser, the guy who was driving around following the funnel cloud and saying “TAKE COVER!” Henry finally said, “Why isn’t HE taking cover?”
And I said, “Because he’s from Oklahoma, son.”
March 30th, 2007 at 10:46 am, bgirl Says:
We had no such excitement in Stillwater - Rick often ignores us, though.
March 30th, 2007 at 11:00 am, Queen of the Run-on Sentence Says:
Please tell me that Gary England is still there! I was one of the crazies that stood out in the front yard watching the storm. I think I really miss that, here in Southern California people flip out if it sprinkles.
March 30th, 2007 at 11:03 am, Anarchy in the OK Says:
Okay, the bicycle helmet is a GENIUS idea. I’m totally putting one in my bathroom/shelter right now. But I’m uneasy with the idea of SPAM in a tornado emergency kit for several reasons. First - would you ever be trapped in your shelter long enough to need real ’survival’ food? I think tornado shelters should be stocked, as Chris suggested, with comfort food that will calm your nerves during the chaos. Second, wouldn’t a can of spam hurt if the tornado sucked it up and whipped it at your head? It would hurt a lot less to be smacked with a snickers, don’t ya think?
March 30th, 2007 at 11:08 am, Susan Says:
Gary England IS still here! I just find Rick Mitchell more soothing. Gary is a little too dramatic for me, and god knows I don’t need any more drama during a tornado emergency.
Although it’s fun to play the Gary England Drinking Game.
March 30th, 2007 at 11:53 am, wordgirl Says:
Odd…we had storms last night as well as threats of rotating clouds but all we got was wet. Glad you came away unscathed.
March 30th, 2007 at 12:46 pm, Melissa Says:
Good call on the spam. Maybe include hershey bars instead.
March 30th, 2007 at 3:00 pm, Mark Says:
I don’t need food, just beer, wine, and coffee
March 31st, 2007 at 9:52 am, Barbie Says:
fROFL The comments here are cracking me up! I think the funniest thing to me was this was my first winter here and I thought the weathermen were going to explode with excitment when the snow and ice came…the NAMES of the storms also cracked me up the deep freeze, the artic blast, big chill, ice storm 2007 lol I think they should just name them like we did the hurricanes and my friend even suggested ya’ll use hick names like “ice storm Cletus” and then they can get excited about how far in the alphabet they go:-) Honestly though I LOVE! IT! HERE! Still in shock I moved half way across the country but I wouldn’t trade Oklahoma for anything!
March 31st, 2007 at 10:10 am, cce Says:
I’m am soooo glad you all didn’t nick the paint. Imagine all that precaution, no twister in your neighborhood and another day of fun with painters in your house. This happy ending has celebrate with Margaritas all over it!
March 31st, 2007 at 11:06 am, stephenie Says:
Since moving to California last July from Oklahoma, the weather has actually been one of the things that I have missed the most! What I wouldn’t give for a tornado watch right now, Gary England included!
March 31st, 2007 at 1:44 pm, The Daring One Says:
I beg you to take a picture of yourself next time you’re huddled in a bicycle helmet.
Do you really have Tornado sirens? Truly?
April 3rd, 2007 at 8:42 am, sarcastic journalist Says:
I would have totally been out in the yard with the painters. Why is it that we’ve NEVER had a tornado siren in all the millions of times I’ve been to OK?