January 9, 2006
tongue-tied
We’re one of those houses where certain words are not permitted–and no, I don’t mean words like ‘fuck’ and ‘jackass,’ although we try to keep those unsaid as well. No, we have a list of things we don’t say and before you start mocking me, remember that I have one child with an ASD and one child who imitates his brother and you’ll see why we have this batty rule.
One of Henry’s quirks is a tendancy to echolaic speech, which means that he can mimic ANYTHING with surprising accuracy, and will often replace actual conversation with lines from books or movies. Recently we’ve been watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets over and OVER again; Henry’s current favorite moment is when Harry and Ron and Ron’s brothers first arrive at the Weasley’s house and Mrs. Weasly bursts in a starts yelling at them. ‘Where HAVE you BEEN?’ she storms, pronuncing ‘been’ like ‘bean.’ And when Henry declaims this line–as he does EVERY time someone leaves the room and then returns–he sounds EXACTLY like the woman in the film. It’s eerie.
Anyway, last year Henry came home from school and announced that ’stupid is a bad word.’ I suspect that one of the kids in the class referred to someone else as ’stupid’ and that Henry heard the teacher (who he cited as his source) tell the child that ’stupid’ was not an acceptable word. We tried to explain that while one should not describe PEOPLE as stupid there was nothing wrong with the word itself, but for Henry the rule is the rule: stupid is a bad word, regardless of context.
However, I grew up in a family where ’stupid’ was a useful adjective, a sort of polite alternative to ‘damn,’ as in ‘This stupid corkscrew doesn’t work right!’ But now, any time I use ’stupid’ one of the children (usually Charlie, which I will get to in a minute) announces, ‘Don’t say stupid!’ Which makes it very VERY hard for me to talk about our President and most of his policy decisions. But I digress.
Other words we don’t use in polite conversation at our house: ‘hate’ and ‘kill.’ At one point there was some discussion about whether ‘dead’ was okay, but we were able to convince the boys that while ‘kill’ is mean, ‘dead’ is just a fact. Please tell me you have these talks with your preschoolers as well. Please?
Charlie, who is not the least little bit echolaic or hyper or anything but normal, has appointed himself Family Language Policeman and takes great glee in reporting whenever any of us wander into forbidden territory, which is how I learned that I say ‘Jesus Christ!’ when I drop things, like my car keys or cell phone, and that I tend to overuse ‘dammit.’ This tendancy is also delightful when we’re reading Harry Potter, where the word ’stupid’ comes up quite a bit. In addition, the various characters have been known to tell each other to ’shut up,’ which is also off limits (although I’m the only one who ever gets busted for it, and it’s always for saying it to Wade in a saucy, Stacey London kind of way which seems perfectly appropriate in some contexts). But because he’s the Language Police, Charlie will solemnly interrupt whoever is reading to say, ‘Excuse me, but stupid is a bad word. Don’t say stupid.’ I think that will be the first word he learns to read because I’m always pointing at the text and saying, ‘See? It says stupid right here. Can we keep reading now?’ Come to think of it, maybe I shouldn’t be reading Harry Potter to my three year old. Huh.
So yesterday morning, I’m making coffee and chatting with Wade while the boys are playing with Playmobil pirates (planning to overthrow the Playmobil castle, if I heard them correctly, by smashing the castle door with their catapult, which is a nice peaceful Sunday morning kind of pretend) and I said something about someone being a Baptist. Now, I live in Oklahoma, where this is true of virtually everyone. And no, I didn’t say it in any specific tone of voice, you know, like the one I use when I say Republican. I just said, ‘Blah blah blah she’s a Baptist.’
And Charlie’s little head pops up from the death and destruction he is raining down on the Playmobil people and he announces, ‘Don’t say Baptist!’
‘What?’ Wade says.
‘DON’T SAY BAPTIST,’ he repeats, very firmly. ‘That’s a bad word.’
My kids–they’re so . . . wierd. Can I say that?
Posted by Susan @ 5:41 am • Uncategorized
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January 9th, 2006 at 7:18 am, Chag Says:
I know they’re not allowed to use these words individually, but if they strung together the phrase “hate stupid Bush,” would that be ok?
January 9th, 2006 at 7:27 am, Jenorama Says:
I’m with Chag. Too bad Bush isn’t Baptist… is he?
January 9th, 2006 at 7:53 am, Susan Says:
I should make clear, right now, that I’ve got nothing against Baptists–Wade’s grandmother, who is the kindest, loveliest, most Christian (in a good way) woman I have ever met, is a devout Baptist.
And yes, I think Dubya may be one, too. But he’s not worshipping in Gigi’s church, I fear.
AND–you would all be shocked (SHOCKED, I tell you!) to hear how respectfully I speak of our President in front of my children. When I am compelled to speak of him at all.
January 9th, 2006 at 7:56 am, Nancy Says:
This might be the time to start using pig latin around your kids.
January 9th, 2006 at 8:37 am, Kristen Says:
Chiming in to say that yes, I have these conversations with my pre-schoolers as well. Mainly because of Bryce, the repeater (also uncannily recites movie lines, with correct accents, sheesh!) and Quinn, Copier Of Bryce. I am also admonished when I use the word stupid, despite the fact that we’ve explained hundreds of times that you just shouldn’t call *people* stupid - the word itself is fine to describe a behavior or inanimate object that is legitimately stupid - like Bush, for instance.
January 9th, 2006 at 10:13 am, Susan Says:
Kristen, you make me laugh.
Move to OKC! NOW! Be my neighbor! We can have quirky play dates and laugh at the president. Wait, I meant laugh at our kids.
Or both!
January 9th, 2006 at 11:24 am, M&Co. Says:
Actually stupid is a forbidden word in our house. It’s not a word I use a lot so it was pretty easy. I just leave it at “it’s not a nice thing to call people, so let’s find a different word to describe things.”
January 9th, 2006 at 11:38 am, Candace Says:
Yep. That’s a typical day at the SM household. Someone says something they aren’t supposed to say (oddly enough, usually me) and *our* resident Language Nazi–I mean, Policeperson–jumps in and corrects me (it’s Sophie for us).
And did you know, that for all his Jesus-loving, moral values spew, Bush hasn’t been to church in D.C. since he became President (I’m not including funerals or “special” occasions like Christmas and Easter). The Clintons went to church nearly every Sunday.
Huh. Go figure.
January 9th, 2006 at 11:43 am, Joel S Says:
just wait until later on when they realise that some bad words have counter parts that mean the same thing, but arn’t bad. I didn’t even try to explaine why “bum” is ok to say.
January 9th, 2006 at 12:01 pm, Andie D. Says:
Yep. I have the same conversations with my preschooler too. “Stupid”, “shut-up”, “kill”, and “hate” have all become no-nos in our home. It’s simply easier to say that the words are forbidden than to try to explain that they might be ok in another context. Someday.
So for now, Ben has become the Word Cop. He admonishes anyone who uses those words, wherever we are.
He’s also the Manner Cop. If Grandpa doesn’t say “excuse me” after burping, he has to deal with Ben. I love it!
January 9th, 2006 at 12:03 pm, Mary P. Says:
YES, we have these conversations. All the time. You’re normal. If you want to be.
I’m confused: She pronounced “been” like “bean”. My response: “Well, duh. How else?” Around here, those words are homonyms. Aren’t they down there?
January 9th, 2006 at 1:08 pm, Dawn Says:
I have heard that about the Baptists. You gotta watch them every mintue.
And our HP phrase du jour is “nutters”. She just keels over with the whole “nutters” and “mental”.
And do the boys have the Playmobil Cannon? The one that shoots rocks? Sadly, it has come to pass in our playmobil unicorn forest that some very angry pirates have arrived with said cannon.
January 9th, 2006 at 1:40 pm, Felicity Says:
Mary P: Been pronunciation = “bin.”
My 6 y/o boy has made new rules for everyone that include no cursing, which kind of sucks because he busts me when I say to my husband “YOU BASTARD!”
And I’ve TRIED to have discussions with my kids about how to speak to each other…I gave up on hate and kill a long time ago but Shut Up is still a no-no. My husband encourages the violence in my son (yea, the bastard husband, the one I am leaving!) and laughs about it. Uh, maybe one of the big reasons I’m leaving?! My big thing is tone of voice. If everyone in my house wasn’t constantly disgusted wtih each other, it would be a nicer place to be. But they are and their tones convey that. Constantly.
January 9th, 2006 at 1:46 pm, Nothing But Bonfires Says:
I still get riled if someone says “shut up” to me (in the non-Stacey-London kind of way) because we always got told off if we said it in our house.
But when I was home for Christmas, you would not BELIEVE the dirty looks I got when I said “For Christ’s sake!” when the Christmas cards I just hung fell off the wall. I’m 25. Can’t I say For Christ’s Sake yet? I don’t tell people to shut up, I promise.
January 9th, 2006 at 1:55 pm, The June Cleaver Diaries Says:
Mary P.– Do I have to learn to say Beeeeen before I move to Canada? I don’t want to stick out TOO much as the big, fat ugly American!
And people, please! I listened to “It’s Raining Men” over a month ago on our drive to see Misfit Hausfrau. The other day at dinner, Alex bursts out with, “Tear off the roof and stay in bed, ya’ll!” Holy smokes. If he says this at his Catholic preschool, I’m SURE everyone will know that we’re Protestant.
–Katy (aka So Not Martha, for those of you who don’t know yet!)
January 9th, 2006 at 2:36 pm, L. Says:
I wonder, what does he think a Baptist is?
I have just banned the word, “What?!?” When I call my oldest son, I don`t want to hear him say, “What?!?” back in that horrible preteen tone. He has to say, “Yes?” instead. It`s impossible to get the same amount of attitude into “Yes?” but he does try!
January 9th, 2006 at 2:55 pm, Dear Jane Says:
Funny, we have the same words on our “bad word list” - stupid, idiot, shut up, kill…when my daughter was three she would get on the phone with my mom and tell her that I say “bad words” all day long. I recently did a post
http://dear-jane.blogspot.com/2006/01/hookers-tampons-and-dickey-poop.html
on the five weird things about my kids…it took me forever to narrow it down to 5 things, but I love ‘em.
I liked your blog, I’ll be back…
January 9th, 2006 at 3:27 pm, The Pissed-Off Progressive Says:
Pretty sure the Bush *family* is Episcopalian. Dubya’s evangelical leanings seem to have come from a men’s Bible study group he was involved with in Texas and from Dobson and the other politically powerful wackos he counts on to lead their flocks to him. I don’t think the Southern Baptists are high-profile enough (or have enough members, anymore) to interest him.
“Bush” is a bad word in our household. At least, in the tone I usually use.
January 9th, 2006 at 3:58 pm, MJ Says:
Yes, we have “forbidden” words too. According to my son, “argue” is a bad word. Like you with the word stupid, I can’t quite convince him that it’s okay to say “argue” and less okay to “argue.”
It appears that Canada is about to (on 23 Jan) elect a very stupid, hateful man to be Prime Minister. A man I would argue with if I ever met him. Then, I’ll be left trying to teach my children respect for the office…not the person who holds it.
January 9th, 2006 at 4:01 pm, adria Says:
Daria is our language police. For some reason she disapproves when I say “that cracked me up.”
And she scolds me when I yell or laugh loud at the television - mostly during the news or the daily show. I guess I should call her the fun police.
Did you find out why baptist was a bad word?
January 9th, 2006 at 7:15 pm, Laura Says:
I actually call G. the Language Police. Because we usually say that something is not “appropriate” rather than “bad” (something our infant day care lady started) it always becomes interesting when people visit.
For one thing, the kids have decided that we don’t say “Oh my God!” you have to say “Oh my Gosh!” S. actually walked up to some people in the mall once and told them they were saying words that weren’t appropriate. They just looked at her as if she was some alien child.
And I don’t know if this is an ASD thing, but G. is an incredible puritan. You can’t mention the word sex, menstruation, etc., or listen to a song on the radio that might even hint at it. It is “inappropriate, Mother!” I wonder if she will ever date.
January 9th, 2006 at 7:50 pm, Dear Jane Says:
you rock susan! I never knew anybody else that let their son play with hookers!!!!!!
January 9th, 2006 at 9:50 pm, CarpeDM Says:
I don’t have children so I’m constantly being watched by my sister whenever I am around the nephew. It amazes me how many words I am not allowed to say. I think “dang it” is next to be struck from acceptable words.
And now the site looks great. Not sure what happened there. Stupid…uh, less intelligent Internet Explorer.
January 10th, 2006 at 1:37 pm, Mary P. Says:
That TagWorld ad (see? I’m still clicking for you!) says, and I quote:
“Sign up in less then a minute”.
Sheesh. They looked entirely professional until that. THAN, you fools, THAN. Bah!
January 10th, 2006 at 3:11 pm, mom on a wire Says:
“Please tell me you have these talks with your preschoolers as well. Please?”
No worries, I’ve pretty much had that EXACT talk with my preschooler.
January 11th, 2006 at 4:13 pm, courtney Says:
Friggin hilarious!