Friday Playdate » Blog Archive » Tim Gunn and Mrs. Potato Head

Filed Under other places on July 26, 2009

Yesterday was the kind of day that leaves me breathless with amazement that this is really my life. It went like this: I put on a dress and some pretty shoes and I interviewed Tim Gunn, who complimented the shoes, and then went to dinner at a lovely restaurant with a group of smart, funny women who make me want to write smarter and think faster and laugh harder. And then I went back to my hotel and tracked Chris down and we went upstairs and jammed the dirty laundry and the Mrs. Potato Heads from the conference swag bag into our suitcases and talked about the weekend.

Oh, the weekend.

Other people have done a better job than I could of encapsulating what specifically went on this weekend; I don’t feel any need to go over that ground again. But I laid awake for a long time last night thinking about what my take-away was from BlogHer — and no, I don’t mean that I was cataloging my swag bags.

I am a freelance writer. I used to tell people that I was a professional blogger, but that title — blogger — is problematic. What makes it problematic is the perception that bloggers are not professionals; that perception is often reinforced by the behavior of bloggers themselves. Let’s call it the I-elbowed-a-baby-in-the-head-for-a-swag-bag behavior. Just for example.

I do not want a $4,000 swag bag. Really, I don’t. And I don’t want sex toys or anything else you’re giving away. That doesn’t help me professionalize. It just makes it harder for me to get my dirty laundry back in the suitcase when the conference is over. What I wanted from this weekend — although I only realized it today, when I was searching for the take-away — was professional guidance. I want to know how to do this work better.

What I want is help putting together pitches and business plans, and strategies for marketing what I do to people and companies who need it. But that’s not something you find in a swag bag.

Let me be clear: I am not saying that this weekend, or this conference, was a loss. I came home energized and focused, with a list of things I want to get done and people I want to get in touch with. I talked to so many smart, thoughtful women this weekend, about everything from the pitfalls of full-time freelancing to the essential value of personal blogging. They made me think and they made me laugh and they made the trip entirely worthwhile.

I started blogging — I started this blog — not because I wanted swag or trips or boxes of product delivered to my door; I started blogging because I had a story to tell. From the beginning, I have tried to write well, before everything else, and because of that, I had the chance to sit down with Tim Gunn on Saturday and show him how Twitter works.

(More about that tomorrow. Promise.)

Here’s the take away: if you are blogging because you want the swag — the trips and the packages and the attention — that you think someone else is getting, then stop. If you are blogging because you love to write or you have a story to tell or it connects you to other people, then keep it up, please. And if you want to do more than blog — if you want to write, and get recognized and paid for that writing, and maybe even, through that writing, have the opportunity to travel and preview products — then write well, always, because a sincere, authentic voice is what makes a blog — or any piece of writing — worth reading.

Or you can just grab the swag bag and run. There might even be a Mrs. Potato Head in there! It’s your choice.

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I think Mrs Potato Heads are over-rated personally. I have one in my house - a rather ominous and constantly bald presence.

I went for inspiration and to meet people I have read for years. I saw you a couple times, but every time it didn’t look like a good time to introduce myself. So I met 10 or so women I have read many years. I met some new people that I will be adding to my feed reader. And I spent a lot of time with my rockstar twin sister. I mean, people scream out her name as she walks down the hall at BlogHer. WEIRD. But unless a bag was handed to me, I didn’t take it. I walked around the Expo hall and while I loved the kiwis, I just don’t need or want all that stuff. I also don’t want to be a brand or learn more about marketing. I’m a lawyer and a hobbyist blogger and mostly a reader and twitterer. I’m also 35 weeks pregnant and so shlepping around that huge venue was too much for me after a day and a half, so I left early. I don’t think I’ll go to another BlogHer and I won’t be home wondering about what I’m missing.

[…] already reading posts about this, about how a few proverbial rotten apples are spoiling it for the rest of the bunch, and […]

I went to Blogher in 2006. While, I never say never, I likely wont’ go again. Not because it wasn’t fun, but because of the expense and the fact I’m not that in to blogging any more.

One of the things that I think also gets lost in the commercialization of blogging is the women who blog only to tell their story. Being a professional writer is not their goal. I met a number of women who had a blog to be part of the larger community, find validation or wrote just for the love of writing.

I feel sad that there is so much marketing to and from bloggers that some of that seems to be missing.

I actually felt, for the first time, like the weekend was a loss. The few moments of amazingness - dinner with you and a few other friends, a few of the parties, and the moments where I got to squeeze and chat with friends (old and new) for all of four seconds were amazing.

But everything else left me completely disheartened.

Hi Susan,
I’ve been reading what all of you ladies had to say about the past weekend and I want to thank you for being so honest.

I’ll be honest - I lost my professional job about 17 weeks ago (not that I’m counting) and have since refound my roots - I’m a journalist at heart, a blogger for fun and I always struggle with what to say when people ask me what I do for a living. Now, I just say, “I’m a writer.” Because that’s what I am. I’m a freelance writer, Twitter junkie (that’s been asked to do some stuff for my small-ish community), blogger, etc. all which adds up to writer, in my mind.

Anyway, my roots as a journalist tell me never to accept free things. No matter what. Not even a cup of coffee. But now that I’m doing this for myself, on my own, without an editor or a newspaper backing, I know it’s a little different. I also know there is a fine line and I love how you’ve written about products in the past and acknowledged that. In fact, I’ve read those posts time after time because I think you do it with tact. And in the end, I think that’s the kind of writer we’re all striving to be (well, not the ones fighting for swag bags and elbowing babies, but the rest of us) - one with tact.

Thanks, again.

Mandy

You make me want to be a better writer right back. Thanks for being among those who lift this community up and make me proud to be a part.

Dinner Saturday night was a highlight to be sure.

I didn’t go to BlogHer, but reading people’s accounts of it, I’m much more jealous of people meeting Tim Gunn and what everyone describes as the plushest hotel beds this side of heaven than I am of the swag bags. But I get jealous easily, so you might want to hide your Mrs. Potato Head doll, just in case.

May I just go completely off topic and say every time I read the words “Let me be clear” I hear them in President Obama’s voice? He has at least two or three “Let me be clear”s in every speech, and I always get kind of giddy that he’s going to be clear. Yay clarity!

All right, carry on.

I’ve already commented over and over on this issue on other blogs. But I often read you, and I don’t know if I’ve ever commented. I just wanted to tell you that I find your writing inspiring and always genuine in a time when genuine is difficult to nail down. Thank you.

I’ve read a couple of posts on this topic, and I have a question I’d love to hear some of you consider. What is so threatening about women being blatantly profit-driven? Might it even be a good thing that women are interacting directly with corporations? Aren’t all professional conferences filled with “swag”–corporate jets, corporate golf outings, etc.? Is it possible that what you’re all noticing is an empowering development–even if it has ugly and rude sides (as virtually everything does)?

Blogging because you love your craft is one thing, but finding a way to become more financially powerful in the process seems like a good thing, to me. It seems like a lot of the women writing negatively about this trend want women to take as little as possible from the corporate table. Instead, wouldn’t it be more constructive to be developing professional norms that construct a right way to do so (e.g. full disclosure, etc.)? A

Susan says: I’m not opposed to women writers — or women — being profit-driven; I admire women who are able to take their passions and skills and turn them into a viable source of income. Some of the most interesting conversations I had at BlogHer were about how to succeed at doing just that. I’m also not objecting to corporations making their presence felt at professional meetings by providing swag for participants. It’s a nice way to reach out and make contact with potential partners. I’m also all for the kind of conversation you describe here about professional norms, and I like to think that in my own professional life, I am doing precisely what you point to (I wrote the disclosure statement that accompanied my Good Nites posts, for example).

What I object to is anyone — writers, women, mommy bloggers — who are so focused on the stuff that they stampede hotel luggage carts to grab swag bags and interrupt interviews to share the word about their sponsors. In my mind, that behavior crosses a line; there’s nothing professional or adult about that.

I am happy to sit at the corporate table; in fact, that’s a large part of how I earn my living. But I sure as hell wouldn’t shove a babywearing mama out of my way to get a gift bag, and I’m saddened that anyone else would either.

“What I want is help putting together pitches and business plans, and strategies for marketing what I do to people and companies who need it. But that’s not something you find in a swag bag.”

me too. I really like parties, too, but I pay to learn something. xoxo steph

Great post. Summed it up so well.

I like to think the creme will rise to the top. At least I hope so.

This was my first BlogHer, and I don’t know that it will be an annual event for me. I thought the content was worthwhile, but the social stuff was a bit high-intensity for me. I would have really liked more opportunities to out-and-out TALK with people. It’s hard to converse at those swag parties.

And please believe I am not sucking up (or stalking) when I say this, but after reading you in various places for more than two years now, I’m really glad I had the guts to walk up to you in Java Bar on Friday night and meet you, Susan! That was one of the highlights for me :-).

I had no idea things could get so bad in the blogging community. I guess I don’t mind having a blog with 5 readers.

I was behind you on the escalator at one point and wanted to say hello, but figured I’d save you the stammered gushy-ness, though my first thought was indeed–ooh, cute shoes! You are one of the bloggers I’ve read the longest and you always have been a writer first. I admire the way in which you navigate the different places that writing takes you. I really loved the leadership sessions with Katherine Orenstein of theopedproject.org and wish more of the conference offered that caliber of inspiration and challenge.

Well said, as always.

How is getting swag from corporate sponsors different than having it mailed to you to review or sending you somewhere to then talk about it? I am unclear about the despair and angst about all the free stuff. Don’t take it if you don’t want it. They had a room to leave your swag in if you didn’t want it and you didn’t have to take anything at the Expo hall if you didn’t like it.

I agree about the poor elbowed baby and the frenzy to GET the bags full of who knew what but there was that MUST GET IT mentality. I just think that we must tread carefully with criticizing those how help support BlogHer so we don’t pay a huge amount of money to attend.

Also, some of the highlights you refer to and great people you met were at “invite” only dinners and parties, which I know creates an exclusionary atmosphere. I was invited to a perhaps one “private” event and certainly it was nice to have a more intimate setting in which to see our fellow writers/bloggers, but not everyone gets invited.

I agree with the swag frenzy, people need to take what they like or need or want without elbowing others or being greedy, but it is hard to take with one hand and push away with the other.

I hope that didn’t sound like sour grapes. For me it was the best BlogHer ever. I attended some of the best panels, listened to some of the best speakers and had great conversations with fellow bloggers than ever before.

Susan says: Jen, that doesn’t sound like sour grapes at all — you raise a valid point. There’s nothing wrong with swag — Kristen Chase has talked in very smart ways about some of the lovely samples she came home with, and about people — bloggers and marketers — who sought her out because they knew that she (and Cool Mom Picks) could benefit from what they were sharing. It was specifically the behavior — the attitude of entitlement — that I saw this time around that bothered me. I heard more conversations about the $4,000 swag bag and the free Crocs than I did about the super smart panels, which made me sad. (And now the story about the blogger who threatened to write something bad about Crocs if the rep didn’t find her some shoes — shame on her.)

I agree that the sponsors are important to the conference — I really enjoyed the expo hall this year — but there was a real sense that the stuff was more important than any relationship, corporate or personal, that the bloggers might form during the weekend.

And your point about invite-only events is a good one. The conference this year was huge (1,500 participants) and it was difficult for me to navigate that sea of people. Smaller events — including things like a group of women deciding to walk off site for lunch, rather than eating at the hotel — gave me an opportunity to step back from the noise and the crowd and have a longer conversation. But I think that’s also a part of professional development; not everyone gets invited to everything, and not everything that I go to is relevant to other bloggers.

Thanks! Excellent response. What you say makes sense and clarifies things for me. I did get some free things I rely liked. I actuly called down to the Sheraton front desk to ask if o could leave some things on the room for housekeeping staff, if they wanted anything. The front desk said I had to leave a note with my tip indicating they could take what the wanted (3 bottles of wine!). If I didn’t leave a note it all went lost and found. I wish everyone had known that. Next year!

those people who are blogging for free things and swag and whatnot AREN’T going to stop. they are getting what they want, so what is the motivation to get them to stop trying to get all those things? there is none. they are encouraged to keep at it. they are rewarded for having giveaways, writing about things, trips, etc- but what mareketing and pr people don’t get is that those people don’t tell their story- ever. i mean, they may have an “audience” now… but is it a genuine audience? or is it people who want the stuff they have? i’m not making any sense am i?

basically, the thought of starting and having a blog for the sole purpose of making money or getting free things is such a weird concept to me. it’s also something that never crossed my mind. personally, i read the blogs that tell a story.. that speak to me about who the blogger is as a person and what they are experiencing in their life- not what they just got for free and what they have to give away.

Susan says: Jen, that not only makes sense, it is dead on, and is something I talked to a quite a few people about over the weekend. I couldn’t agree more.

I enjoy writing about stuff (not all of which — or even most of which — is free stuff; most of it is stuff I buy and then love and write about) and I love a good giveaway — but that’s not why I have this blog. I like sharing the things that make me happy/make my life easier with my readers, not because a PR person asked me to, but because it is part of that story you’re talking about.

I’m also not down on product review blogs (I write for one, after all) — thoughtful product reviews can be a great thing. But when the motivation is to get free stuff, rather than to provide some kind of value to readers, then it doesn’t work.

I get asked to do reviews from time to time. I rarely say yes unless it is something I find useful or interesting. I love to do giveaways, so on the rare occasion I do a review, I usually ask the company to send 2. It is fun.

I write on my blog because I enjoy writing. I want to inspire. Some of my stuff is good, some boring, some terrible. I have been published, as well as hired as a photographer for a newspaper as a result of my blog, but one thing I know, I would never consider myself a writer. I have maybe met a handful of bloggers that I would consider truly gifted with the written word. They will go on, I am positive, to write novels, books of poetry or something equally permanent and awe inspiring. Blogging is fun, but it is a public diary of sorts….or a running dialogue of our lives… and I am not sure when it became the stick we use to measure ourselves.

My stick is my family, and blogging and all the crap that goes along with it simply takes a back seat. Hence my resistance to ever go to Blogher. It would take time away from my husband and kids, and I have learned through Bill’s stoke how precious that time is.

If you really want to go to a writers conference, there is an amazing list of outstanding writer conferences by state on Wikipedia. Blogher is not listed.

“I am a freelance writer. I used to tell people that I was a professional blogger, but that title — blogger — is problematic. What makes it problematic is the perception that bloggers are not professionals; that perception is often reinforced by the behavior of bloggers themselves.”

YES, exactly.

Here’s to next year being better, from a variety of angles. (It was so nice to finally meet you!)

[…] reading all kinds of BlogHer posts that have my fingers itching to write again; to tell my stories, no matter how small. To find grace […]

That was inspiring

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