November 29, 2008
there was also a cat on my flight (I could hear it miaowing)
My flight home from Chicago on Thanksgiving day was a gigantic nightmare — oh, the flight was on time and my luggage was right there when I got off and the driver was waiting for me; that wasn’t it.
The other people on my plane apparently decided that if they had to travel on a holiday they could behave like complete assholes. Seriously.
There was a huge group of not-English-speaking tourists who spent the hour before the flight yelling across the waiting area to each other and laughing hysterically. Then they all traded boarding passes so that they could sit together, which meant that the one child in the group had an adult’s boarding pass and not his own, which totally slowed everything down when we went to get on the plane. And THEN, when some of them still didn’t have seats together, they just moved into other random seats, willy nilly.
When I got on the plane, there was a man in my seat. I very nicely said, “I think that’s my seat.” And he says, “Yah it is.” And then there was an awkward silence because I’d been awake since four am and was waiting for him to either move or ask me to trade seats with him or SOMETHING FOR GOD’S SAKE. Instead, he just stares at me.
Finally I say, “What seat are you supposed to be in? We can trade.” And he says, “Yah, 15B.” And then there’s another slightly awkward silence where I wait for him to say thank you for swapping seats. But apparently that was too much to ask; he turns back to his friend and resumes the conversation that I apparently interrupted with my request to SIT IN MY ASSIGNED SEAT.
So I slog to the back of the plane and sit down next to a very lovely woman who waits until I have stowed my bag under the seat and tucked my magazine into the pocket and wrestled my coat off because it is a thousand degrees in the plane to ask if I would be willing to trade seats with her sister, who is three rows in front of us, so they can sit together. But she asked so nicely and it’s Thanksgiving after all so I say sure and I get my coat and bag and drag them back up the aisle and tap the woman on the shoulder. And she looks at me and says, “WHAT?!?”
So I explain that I’m going to trade seats with her so that she can sit with her sister and she huffs “FINE” and pushes me out of the way to get to the other seat. And then I realize that I’ve left my InStyle in the seat pocket of the OTHER seat, so I slog back to get that and she ROLLS HER EYES AT ME.
Goodness.
So THEN I sit down in this SECOND seat that is not mine and stow everything and THIS TIME I get my phone out because the iPod function is the ONLY THING that is going to save me, and I say a polite hello to the woman next to me who says, “Well I wasn’t ABOUT to change seats for them,” and I realized that she’s pissed that I did change seats.
So I say, in my most sympathetic voice, the one I use with the kids when I’m not really feeling all that bad for them, “Oh I know, holiday travel is such a nightmare!” And then I jam my ear buds in my ears.
But that’s not the end.
Remember the child who had the wrong boarding pass, from the very beginning of this story? He’s sitting behind me, and he’s maybe two-ish, and apparently he hates the airplane. Or at least the part where he has to wear a seatbelt, because he’s not wearing one and the flight attendant is VERY CALMLY explaining to his mother that until he is buckled up, we cannot leave the gate or leave Chicago. And the mother is saying that yes, she will buckle him, but she’s waiting until the last possible moment.
And the flight attendant takes a deep breath and says, “This IS the last possible moment, ma’am.”
(Apparently the kid screamed the ENTIRE WAY from Chicago to Oklahoma City. Thanks to the fine people at Apple, I did not hear him.)
Wait! Still not done. We land in Oklahoma City, on time, no problem, and we taxi to the gate. And we wait and wait and wait and the plane gets hotter and hotter. There is a man on the flight, not much older than Wade, who is clearly in bad health; he is on a walker and is accompanied by no fewer than eight family members, all doting on him. It took them forever to get ON the plane in Chicago (because they preboarded THE ENTIRE GROUP rather than just this man and someone to help him) but again, whatever, it’s Thanksgiving, I’m feeling for the guy.
Or I was until we got to Oklahoma City and they let him get off the plane first, with his ENTIRE entourage and their carry on luggage. And it took FOREVER because he’s on a walker and doesn’t move very fast and apparently STOPPED TO TALK TO THE PILOT on his way off the plane. And the kid behind us is still screaming and the air has been turned off and I seriously thought people were going to riot.
Happy freakin’ Thanksgiving.
Posted by Susan @ 4:02 pm • everyday life
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November 29th, 2008 at 4:22 pm, exile on mom street Says:
I would feel very, very sorry for you, except I was trying to potty train my two-year-old over Thanksgiving and my sympathy quota has been used up. By me. Feeling sorry for myself.
November 29th, 2008 at 4:42 pm, Kim Says:
Yet another antecdote that supports my Number One Rule, No Exceptions, of pre-flight Xanax. And mid-flight. And post-flight.
I’m sorry you had to endure that and I’m glad you’re home safely.
November 29th, 2008 at 5:51 pm, anneglamore Says:
Yo, that sounds awful. Glad you made it home.
November 29th, 2008 at 6:48 pm, Steff Says:
You are so very kind!!
November 29th, 2008 at 9:40 pm, Denise Says:
I feel so bad for you…that was a terrible day. You spent so much time helping people and then got all that stress handed to you. {{{HUGS}}} Im glad your home, safe and sound.
November 29th, 2008 at 11:25 pm, Stephanie Says:
Simply horrible. Yet another reason why I refuse to fly during the holidays unless for funeral of a VERY close family member.
November 30th, 2008 at 6:21 am, Alison C Says:
How come flights like this only happen when you are coming home? I don’t know If i am just more relaxed on the way out but when coming back I feel like a three year old having a tantrum. I just want to shout at everyone to shut up and to the pilot to get me home already!!
Hope you are now realxing and enjoying a belated Thanksgiving.
November 30th, 2008 at 6:43 am, Gigi Says:
The worst flight I EVER had was coming home from a Thanksgiving visit. It was on Southwest, which has open seating, so there was a small riot when boarding started as groups tried to sit together. Some guy started going off on a PREGNANT lady, and her husband got in a fight with him trying to protect her. They threw both guys off the plane, and the lady went with her husband, leaving her poor mom and dad ON the plane with no ride home from the airport. It was u.g.l.y. and I swore that day never again to fly on Thanksgiving weekend.
November 30th, 2008 at 11:16 am, Johna Says:
Holiday travel really does s-u-c-k. Except for one trip where we we flew on Christmas eve and missed our connection in Detroit due to snow delaying us from NH. We had to spend the night in a dive because the nice hotels were totally booked. Then the next day we got to fly first class with breakfast and everything for free. Only six other people were on the flight. But still Christmas day was almost gone by the time we got where we were going in Tennessee.
Also, I am guilty of flying with my cat.
November 30th, 2008 at 12:46 pm, Heather B. Says:
I, on the other hand, would’ve told the asshole in my seat to move, not traded places with the other woman and/or rolled my eyes several times, given the finger and used the ‘f’ word. I also wouldn’t have said hello to any of the people sitting next to me and the 2 year old behind me - the one flipping his shit? - he’d be missing an appendage.
And to think that I fly all the damn time.
November 30th, 2008 at 1:04 pm, Gina Says:
What a flight…why is it that people have to be so rude when it takes no more effort to be nice? Glad you’re home but sorry you had to go through that nonsense…just nonsense!!
November 30th, 2008 at 3:13 pm, Janssen Says:
Oh, I just want to kick those people. How ANNOYING!
November 30th, 2008 at 3:59 pm, Miguelina Says:
I TOLD YOU to get on the flight to Boston with me
November 30th, 2008 at 6:32 pm, mom101 Says:
Oh hell Susan. That just blows in every way.
You are a way better woman than I; I’d have lost it with the very first guy in my seat just to show him. Show him what, I don’t know, but I’d end up with my seat back and a guy glaring at me the whole flight and probably an ulcer–as opposed to you, quietly enjoying your music. I need to take a lesson.
November 30th, 2008 at 7:34 pm, Shannon Says:
Good Lord! I’m all crazy and stressed out just reading about it.
November 30th, 2008 at 8:17 pm, Camels & Chocolate Says:
Oh dear. You poor thing! And yet, I can totally relate to you, as my life (read: job) entails near-daily flights. Near-daily flights mean the possibility of the previous events happen even more frequently. And I still don’t manage to keep my cool.
December 1st, 2008 at 9:25 pm, Kim Yamaguchi Says:
Oh you poor thing! *hugggggggggggggs*
December 2nd, 2008 at 7:28 pm, STL Mom Says:
Wow, your story actually makes me feel better about my trip home from Thanksgiving. And my car slid on the ice, rolled into the ditch, and was totalled, so that’s saying something. After all, not only were we miraculously not hurt, but absolutely everyone was super nice to us. So, except for paying for a new car and getting home a day late, I think my trip was better than yours!