September 13, 2006
the uniform
This morning, Henry’s school had a special donuts-and-prayer deal, and since I’m trying to reform and be a More Involved Parent, I figured I should go. Plus, DONUTS! You know, to go with all the hamburgers.
Of course, deciding to show up meant finding something to wear, which seems much harder now that I’ve started giving fashion advice. Yesterday I changed the bottom half of my outfit three times (corduroy peasant skirt that kept falling off, stretch cotton capri pants that made my calves look huge, jeans that were cutting off the circulation to all my internal organs) and spent over an hour trying on pants at the Gap (do NOT be tempted by the Audrey Hepburn Pant–trust me). By the time I picked the kids up at school, I was still hating what I was wearing but since I’m always getting on them about changing their clothes AGAIN, I had to stick with the jeans. My kidneys are really pissed today.
Anyway, prayer and donuts! What do you wear to prayer and donuts? I have no idea so I opted for the Mom Uniform. You know what I mean: a brown t-shirt and khaki capri pants. Practical! Flattering! Boring! I tried to spice it up a little by adding some embellished ballet flats and a pretty one-of-a-kind necklace and my white jean jacket (white! not blue! unexpected!), and the capris are a nice cotton stretch blend that I IRONED, so they look a little dressier. But still–Mom Uniform.
In theory, I hate the Mom Uniform–I don’t believe that just because someone calls you Mommy you can’t wear pretty clothes or sexy shoes. But in practice, I am totally won over by the well-considered wardrobe, the closet that is full of pieces that go effortlessly and beautifully together. Because half the time, I am getting dressed in the dark before I’ve had coffee, and if I have to really think about what to wear I wind up standing in front of the closet in my underwear, swearing, which throws my whole morning off.
Yesterday, after the whole Gap experience, I came home and tried on every pair of pants I own. EVERY SINGLE PAIR. And I weeded out anything that didn’t fit properly, because I’m tired of constantly grabbing pants that crush my kidneys, and I’m not willing to stop with the hamburgers and donuts (mmm, donuts). Then I hung everything by length: capris, floor length, needs a heel.
I really need to get a life, don’t I?
This morning, I looked in my newly organized closet (okay, only the bottom is organized; the top half is a disaster) and pulled out my Mom Uniform. And really, when we left the house, I was feeling pretty good! My stomach and thighs were covered, I liked my shoes, and I was pretty sure I could wear this outfit all day and not fret about it.
Of course, when I dropped Charlie off, he started to cry and climb on me (because he wanted to go have a donut, too, or because he wanted me to go to school with him, or because I was wearing light-colored pants that I had IRONED for god’s sake) and he left a perfect footprint on the left leg of my pants. Then Henry, my child who doesn’t like to be touched, hugged me REPEATEDLY with his Krispy Kreme-coated hands, leaving perfect fingerprints of sugar glaze across the backside of my pants. THEN, when I came home, I pulled the trash cans in from the curb, and because I had left them out all night, they were all wet and dripped all over the back of my pants.
It’s 9:00 am and I’m thinking I should change my pants.
Posted by Susan @ 8:00 am • Uncategorized
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September 13th, 2006 at 9:09 am, Candace Says:
Hahahaha. It’s 11:02 am and I HAVEN’T EVEN SHOWERED. I have no children home. Yet, I haven’t showered. I am NOT a person who should work from home.
As for the Audrey Hepburn pant; yeah, no. Anything named after that waif will never look good on my ample hips and backside.
September 13th, 2006 at 9:16 am, MJ Says:
This is why the mum uniform works. Because if all that had happened to something pretty and that need to be dry cleaned, you’d have to cry. Now you can just throw it near the washing machine and change into something else. (I’d love the pretty clothes to work. My daughter keeps trying to get me to wear a cocktail dress to drop her off at school!)
I’m sad about the Audrey Hepburn pants though. I’d like them to work.
September 13th, 2006 at 9:47 am, Nothing But Bonfires Says:
Oooh, my pants always crush my pancreas.
Also, this may sound weird, but I totally bought a pale lavender-ish hoodie after I saw you wearing one in a picture somewhere on this site, because it looked so nice! So, you know, you’re Leading The Pack and all that. Of non-mommies as well as mommies.
September 13th, 2006 at 9:48 am, Melissa Says:
Must see pretty one-of-a-kind necklace. But you don’t have to show the foot-printed, sugar-glazed pants. Unless you want to.
And hey, it’s 8:41 here, and I’m only halfway dressed, but gosh darn it, I’ve already read your blog and commented. My priorities may be slightly off.
September 13th, 2006 at 9:57 am, Chilihead2 Says:
NONE of that would have happened if you hadn’t ironed. Guaranteed.
September 13th, 2006 at 10:12 am, Jenorama Says:
I need to maybe get out of the pajamas. Your idea of a mom uniform is what I wear when I leave the house, if it’s not pajamas, LOL!
This morning, Christian, the Child Who Does Not Like to Snuggle, leaned against me for warmth in the bathroom– I had asked him to hop out of the tub so Tommy could dip his head into the water. I wrapped my arm around Christian and kissed the back of his neck.
He stepped away from me. “Ew, grosssss,” he told me.
“Sorry,” I told him.
He shrugged. “I’ll wash it off in the tub.”
Sigh.
September 13th, 2006 at 10:41 am, Undercover Mutha Says:
Giggle. Giggle. Repeat.
You would stab your eyes out with a #2 pencil if you saw what I was wearing right now.
September 13th, 2006 at 11:07 am, Mir Says:
I’m sorry, but you lost me. What is this “ironing” of which you speak?
September 13th, 2006 at 12:28 pm, boogiemum Says:
I like your mommy uniform. For some reason, the mommies around here wear cute little flowy tanks and the audrey hepburn pants. I would be the one wearing the mommy uniform feeling out of place because my supersized thighs don’t do audrey hepburn.
September 13th, 2006 at 1:15 pm, Arwen Says:
I am with Boogiemum on the the thighs thing, I have always had ample thighs.
But you are an edge liver…you wore white AFTER Labor Day. You are still cutting edge, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I would never wear white after labor day because I just don’t have the guts.
Wait…what the hell am I talking about? I wouldn’t wear white ever because it would have a coffee stain on it by 6:30 am.
September 13th, 2006 at 1:35 pm, Susan Says:
I should have mentioned that I didn’t stay for the prayer part of donuts and prayer; after the donuts, Henry decided that he would really rather go to class with his teacher instead of praying, and I encouraged that.
Although I was all ready to pray for smaller thighs. And bigger boobs. Do you think that would have worked?
September 13th, 2006 at 1:49 pm, Lauren Says:
The mommy uniform is not a bad thing, I agree with mj. When you feel insecure it’s a great backup. You know that you are at least not making some kind of shocking faux pas. It’s not a way to live life ALL the time.
Confession: I ironed my boys’ polo shirts, both of which were slightly stained, before church the other day. Why? Because I was hoping the smooth look would trump the stains. Twisted logic? Perhaps.
September 13th, 2006 at 2:39 pm, adria Says:
That is funny because I am fretting on what to wear when I pick up Daria today. Since I am walking today, my options are more limited because I must wear sneakers or my walking sandles.
I will need the mom uniform tomorrow night because it is open house night. Oh dear…what to wear…what will be comfortable?
September 13th, 2006 at 6:23 pm, mausfrau Says:
Back in 1993/94 I had three pairs of stirrup pants and two knit skirts, plus five combinations of turtleneck/sweater/tunic-like items that went with all five (because I got ALL of them at Lerner’s!). It was like wearing Garanimals! I could just pull out something from one side of the closet and something from the other side and i was good to go. Sigh.
Of course, I gained 20 lbs. from wearing elastic waists all the time, which is probably why a pair of kidney-crushers would be really good for me right about now!
September 14th, 2006 at 6:05 am, Karyn Says:
I support the Momiform. It is, as others have said, the uniform of choice FOR A REASON.
Socially acceptable.
Reasonably attractive (I’m sure you were stunning and are just too hard on yourself).
EASY TO CLEAN.
I’m wearing tatty Hanes cotton pull on shorts and my husband’s polo shirt which, i hasten to point out, i wore all day yesterday (I fell asleep in my clothes in front of Project Runway - AGAIN). Oh. And cotton ankle socks with Minnie Mouse embroidered on the ankle part.
Feeling chic yet?
September 14th, 2006 at 7:01 am, Laura Says:
I am deeply envious that you now have an organized closet. I do periodically have a little moment where I go through everything and donate stuff, I almost never put them in order of length. Plus I have to share a closet with the husband, who routinely seems to knock hangers over. Which makes no sense to me.
As for the Audrey Hepburn pant- I don’t think they make that to fit my butt, because if I remember correctly, Audrey didn’t have a butt. She was gorgeous, but had no butt. I would have been willing to share some of mine.
September 14th, 2006 at 11:19 am, slackermommy Says:
We had prayer and donuts at school last week and I also opted for the mom uniform except the mom uniform for me is sweat pant capris and a matching jacket.
September 14th, 2006 at 5:15 pm, daysgoby Says:
Think your neighbors were wondering what on earth you’d been doing?
Woman’s voice:The husband’s nice, and the kids are sweet, but the wife comes home with handprints on her bum….
Man’s voice: Bet they’re Democrat…
September 15th, 2006 at 7:22 am, chris Says:
i’d never be able to hack it in your neighbohood! lots of jeans and black t-shirts here. i DO set aside one outfit for when i’m painting. you crack me up with this stuff! carry on!