February 7, 2008
the one thing that came after the other
Thank you all for your kind comments and e-mails about this post; I cannot tell you how much it helps to know that other parents are walking this same road. You are all the best. Really.
I would love to tell you that I have spent the last few days doing fun! things! but really it has just been one thing after another here, and it is wearing me out. I am still (STILL!) sick, which is just such a gigantic bummer I can’t even begin to think about it. From everything I am hearing, this is a badass virus that can hold on for three (THREE!) weeks, and I will just have to ride it out. Of course, I am past the two week mark now, so I should (SHOULD!) be on the upswing.
But still.
On Tuesday, both of my kids managed to lose their sweatshirts, the ones they wear all the time. It wasn’t their fault, either of them; Charlie hung his on his hook, in the classroom, and at the end of the day it was gone, and Henry put his on the bench during basketball practice and at the end of practice it was gone — but it was just one too many things that day. Charlie’s sweatshirt turned up yesterday, in someone else’s bag, and I was able to replace Henry’s with a hoodie that he loves even more than the one he lost (and ON SALE, too) but it still just felt like one more thing.
Charlie woke up early early yesterday morning with a bloody nose that took us 40 minutes to stanch. He left the usual CSI-style mess — trail of blood on the light carpet in the hall, bloody hand print on the white sheets on my side of the bed, blood spatter on the bedroom wall and the bathroom tile and inside the laundry basket by the dresser (no idea how that happened). I bundled up his sheets, which were a bloody mess, and took them out to the trash can — I hope the neighbors didn’t see that, or I may have to answer some questions.
I woke up in the morning with a headache that nothing would cure, and by ten am was sound asleep on the sofa in the playroom. Chris called me twice and finally texted me to ask if I was dead. No, I told her, but I kind of wish I were.
It’s been that kind of week.
Today I took myself for a manicure, because after Henry had one tantrum this morning, about his shirt (which I insisted have long sleeves) and another about his hair (which was sticking up) and then went right back to being his charming, cheery self — it was either a manicure or a padded room. I have already dinged two nails, but I don’t care. It was worth it.
Posted by Susan @ 1:28 pm • fretful and worrisome
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February 7th, 2008 at 2:03 pm, Crisanne Says:
It’s all about the experience! The nails, I mean.
I’ve only been reading here 6 months or so, but does your pediatrician have any idea why Charlie has so many bloody noses?
February 7th, 2008 at 2:05 pm, Susan Says:
He has terrible dry skin — not QUITE eczema, but close — and in the winter, his nose dries out. And recently, he’s been taking decongestant for the Virus from Hell, which has dried him out more.
Also, he is out to get me. Don’t forget that.
February 7th, 2008 at 3:30 pm, Sherry Says:
During the winter, we also get very dry skin and noses. I keep one of these running in the family room when we are home.
http://tinyurl.com/2ftnk4
It is wonderful.
February 7th, 2008 at 3:39 pm, Margaret Says:
My Henry, who’s 11, still sleeps with a stuffed giraffe every single night. His brother, who’s 9, is still capable of throwing a gigantic temper tantrum. Neither of them has ADHD.
I started to write this response to your last post but then didn’t because I was afraid I’d sound all it’s-not-a-big-deal-if-your-kid-has-ADHD, when I KNOW it’s a big deal if your kid has ADHD. And one of the biggest deals is that you can’t ever be sure what you’re seeing in your own child is one of those normal personality differences that makes people charmingly different from each other, or something that a professional ought to help with. But I thought I’d tell you that those two particular traits of Henry’s are traits in my house, too, and not because of ADHD.
Thing is, I don’t know if this chiming in of mine would make anyone feel better anyway. When Joe’s lying on his bed and kicking his heels against the wall and screaming about the unfairness of the world, I wouldn’t exactly object if a professional were to show up and make him stop. And when tenderhearted Henry gets picked on at school, not because of the (secret) stuffed giraffe but because of the sweet, loyal soul that makes him true to his friend from babyhood, then I’d be damned glad to see some sort of professional show up and launch of few of those crappy kids off the playground and into outer space.
I think I’m digressing.
I hope you feel better. Here’s a line for you from Shelley:
O wind,
If Winter comes can Spring be far behind?
Hang in there, Susan.
February 7th, 2008 at 4:06 pm, All Adither Says:
Yikes, that sounds like a hard week. Go get a pedi too!
February 7th, 2008 at 4:12 pm, Velma Says:
I feel so bad for you and The Virus That Will Not End! We’ve had a fever bug in our house for a week and I’m ready to crack, so I can’t bear the thought of another couple of weeks of hell. Winter sucks.
February 7th, 2008 at 4:14 pm, Undercover Mutha Says:
With all of the bloody references, this post makes you sound a lot like a Brit.
February 7th, 2008 at 4:14 pm, Tricia Says:
My 11 year old- soon to be 12 (like next month) still has a cozy friend or friends and when he has a sleep over -his good buddy brings “Fozzy” with him.
I do agree, it is hard socially. I just want him to make it through high school without much trauma. And I am confident that he will be a great grownup and that he will make someone a fabulous partner.
February 7th, 2008 at 4:20 pm, gorillabuns Says:
Do I need to leave a care package of alcohol on your doorstep?
February 7th, 2008 at 4:29 pm, Kristen Says:
I wanted to say this on the last post, but I didn’t get around to it.
My stepsons have ADHD (along with my husband, my three brothers-in-law, and my mother-in-law, but not my two biological sons) along with learning disabilities and other “issues.” In addition they have a mother who can’t be bothered to show up to see them when she’s supposed to and who tells them that they act terrible for her ALL THE TIME. The older boy has had A LOT of problems the last week and a half. He was sent home from school yesterday (calling little kids names because they were “making him mad,” kicking anything he could as he walked to the office, locking himself in the nurses’ office, screaming and tearing apart the nurses’ office) and I spent the afternoon with his teacher trying to come up with new strategies for dealing with him. I talked with the principal about him this morning. I basically told her that I don’t know what to do to help either of them and that I feel like I am failing them.
They are so well loved by their teachers, the principal, the administration, everyone. They just do not act in appropriate ways. It’s terrible to feel like you’ve done something wrong with these children, as my husband did yesterday when he asked me repeatedly if somehow all this was his fault.
Parenting a child with “issues” is not a job to be taken lightly. And it damn sure isn’t easy. We should get medals for the work that we do.
February 7th, 2008 at 4:34 pm, Kelly Says:
I am avoiding that virus. I hear the pediatricians offices locally are SRO.
Under the heading of blood, let me just say the dollar store has this stuff called LA’s Amazing Totally Awesome sport remover and it makes blood go “poof”.
February 7th, 2008 at 4:40 pm, Kelly Says:
Spot remover. Not sport remover. (If it would remove sports I would spray it all over my husband.)
I also have to mention it takes out tomato-based stains better than anything else I have ever tried.
February 7th, 2008 at 5:07 pm, Mary Says:
Not that I am giving any medical advice here…but…my elderly mother also has thin, dry skin that caused nasal bleeding. The doctor recommended she use Premarin on it. Since this is a hormonal based cream that women use on other mucous membranes, this might not be good for Charlie, but you could ask.
February 7th, 2008 at 5:23 pm, Catherine Says:
I second (or third or more) the humidifier. We have a whole house humidifier and that’s fine and dandy. But kids both have humidifiers in their rooms. The relative humidity in CO in the winter is like 4. Okay, maybe 24 - but still low.
February 7th, 2008 at 5:25 pm, heels Says:
Get thee a bottle of HYDROGEN PEROXIDE and dump the entire contents into the wash for any fabric with blood. Midwives SWEAR by it for after-birth laundry! You can sponge in on carpet, too, with great success.
February 7th, 2008 at 6:05 pm, Stephanie Says:
I second the hydrogen peroxide. Works like a charm.
Good luck with the rest of your week. We’re on week two of the sick ourselves.
February 7th, 2008 at 6:40 pm, Shan Says:
Oof, Susan, your week has been so atrocious, you totally deserved that manicure. And more! Wishing you good health at last–soon. And–your last post was so moving and thoughtful. I’m a clinical psychologist, and though I don’t specialize in children Henry’s age, I used to work exclusively with pre-teens, teens, and parents, and I know how heartbreaking it can be for parents to try to do their best for a child with more challenges than most. I didn’t comment the other day because words failed me, and they still do. But, just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you and your sweet family. Those boys of yours are adorable beyond belief.
February 7th, 2008 at 9:32 pm, Jenn @ Juggling Life Says:
Is Charlie using Ocean nasal spray? It’s just a saline solutioin that keeps things moist. It really helps.
I had a whole winter once that went like yours is going. It will pass. But I know it still sucks while you’re in the middle of it.
February 8th, 2008 at 2:55 am, Blythe Says:
I’m telling you, a plastic bubble would solve all your problems. It would be nice and humid in there on top of the germ protective qualities.
February 8th, 2008 at 1:54 pm, Busy Mom Says:
Well, I could give you an “atta-girl” or a “hang in there”, but, you might hit me.
So, I’ll give a hearty “that sucks” and I hope things look up soon.
February 8th, 2008 at 6:25 pm, zarlyng Says:
I’m delurking here. Whew.
I didn’t leave a comment on your last post, the one about your concerns about your son and ADHD. I’d like to add something to what your doctor said, something that he should have said to you too. Yes, many children with ADHD struggle in their 20’s. It is a proven, well-researched fact. It is also a proven, well-researched fact that children with ADHD whose parents are involved and active, and who create structure, rules and stability with clear expectations do much, much better in their 20’s.
And quite frankly, any seven and half year who is not having tantrums isn’t worth their weight
February 8th, 2008 at 10:19 pm, standing still Says:
I am so with you on the salon therapy. Tomorrow, first stop, Caribou Coffee for a decadent latte. Then, a new hairstyle (which was kindly voted on by my blog readers …). I may even live a little and wear eyeliner. We are on day 57 of the bedbound / wheelchair bound broken legged Child here. Yea, good times.
February 9th, 2008 at 9:02 am, Sherri Says:
Thinking of you last night when our youngest disappeared upstairs with his “meltdown”. After he had calmed down and returned to game night - put his men back on the board - he announced that he was fine now, did his deep breathing and who’s turn was it? My eyes were still crossing from trying to remain calm. He is 9 now and this is his new stage of dealing with his frustrations. It is always like a switch is flicked and down comes the happy peaceful child once again. Every stage has its ups and downs (although some seem more down than up :/). Hang in there Susan - no you and your family are not alone!!
February 13th, 2008 at 9:29 am, Crisanne Says:
Just finally remembered to check back about the nose bleed stuff…I agree that saline spray every morning and night helps mucho with dry nose. Not that freaky addictive stuff, just salt and water.
February 15th, 2008 at 6:54 am, Mara Says:
Where aaaare yoooouu? Is my link broken? Are you on an Internet fast? Is this your least-favorite project?
Come back!