July 12, 2007
the half life of chaos
Wade: I’m going to Borders. And then a strip bar.
Me: This is because I never showered today, isn’t it?
Wade: Maybe.
I didn’t get dressed today until nearly noon. I sorted laundry, and then left it in piles on the bedroom floor. I made a meatloaf that spent an hour in a 350 degree oven and was STILL not done. And I never showered.
Today was chaotic, in a slow, peaceful way. If that’s possible.
One of Wade’s favorite moments from The Simpsons is when someone (I forget who) accuses Homer of doing a half-assed job, and Homer replies, very insulted, “But I used my WHOLE ASS.” That’s the kind of day I had; no matter how hard I tried, nothing got done. But I swear I was using my whole ass.
Last night, I dreamt that I gained 140 pounds. I don’t know why it was 140, but I know what the dream was about: I have a long list of deadlines, each of which is manageable by itself but which have gotten piled together into a gigantic extra weight that is hanging around my waist. Or is that my hips? Hmmm. Apparently my looming deadlines weigh 140 pounds.
Yesterday I read about how Chris hates board games, and I giggled because board games are FUN! And then this morning, when the boys wanted to play Clue at 6:45 am, I thought my god she’s RIGHT. But because I don’t learn, I bought them a Monopoly game and introduced them to the wonderful world of capitalism, which they spent dinner time explaining to Wade.
Charlie: And there’s a spot where you have to go to jail, and you can only get out with a special card.
Me: Or you can pay a fine.
Charlie: Right. Or have the special card.
Me: Henry wound up with a Get Out of Jail Free card.
Henry: Yes, and I think that the next time someone is in jail, I will give it to them.
Me: Well, you can SELL it to them.
Henry: OR I could GIVE it to them.
Wade: Ah, altruism.
Me: Yeah, too bad the game is about CAPITALISM.
At 4:00, we decided to go to the pool (Henry: Okay, let’s have sunscreen. Me: Nah, it’s late, we don’t need it.) which turned out to be inexplicably closed (good thing, because NO SUNSCREEN). Henry thinks the pool staff have decided to take Thursdays off, in addition to Mondays. I’m pretty sure that’s not the case, but I can understand how it could happen, because sometimes even when you’re using your whole ass, it’s not enough.
Posted by Susan @ 7:05 pm • Uncategorized
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July 12th, 2007 at 8:27 pm, Wendy Says:
You have hit the nail on the head. I had a half ass day using my whole ass, too. We were rained out of our swimming lesson, but there was dinner at Sonice. Not all was lost.
July 12th, 2007 at 9:49 pm, Undercover Mutha Says:
Heaven forbid you really did weigh 140 lbs more and used your whole ass today. It would have been like Aunt Fanny on the Robots movie.
But really, your ass is fine the way it is.
July 12th, 2007 at 9:54 pm, Kimblahg Says:
I am going to start using the whole ass comment. Oh, and I hate board games too which is karma because my Mom says I used to endlessly nag her to play High Ho Cherry-O.
July 13th, 2007 at 7:26 am, merrymishaps Says:
Being a huge Simpsons fan … I decided I needed to look up the full quote. And look — it’s about parenting!
Bart: No offense Homer, your half-assed-under-parenting was a whole lot better than your half-assed-over-parenting
Homer: Oooh, but I was using my whole ass.
July 13th, 2007 at 7:32 am, Susan Says:
Thank you, Merrymishaps! That makes it even better, doesn’t it?
July 13th, 2007 at 7:41 am, Mir Says:
NOW I understand why my ass is sore. Thanks!
July 13th, 2007 at 8:56 am, Daisy Says:
I take great pleasure in getting all kinds of work done while still in my pajamas. laundry, correcting papers (while school is in session), cleaning the kitchen — who needs regular clothes for all this?
July 13th, 2007 at 10:36 am, Homestead Says:
Hah! Lessons here were canceled and the swimming pool was evacuated on Monday because of a wildfire!
July 13th, 2007 at 11:31 am, chris Says:
I am drowning over here in deadlines too. But you know what works for me? Doing NONE OF IT. Just so I can drag the torture out even longer.
July 13th, 2007 at 11:39 am, Susan Says:
Chris, that made me laugh out loud.
We’re going to spend the whole time we’re in Chicago in the hotel room working, aren’t we? Dammit.
July 14th, 2007 at 9:10 am, Mark Says:
That’s it! We will put a strip bar in a Borders!
Synergy!
July 15th, 2007 at 6:08 am, susie Says:
God yesterday I felt like my whole ass was on a hamster wheel. Hate those days!
July 15th, 2007 at 10:21 am, candace Says:
I haven’t showered yet. It’s 12:20. About the meatloaf: do you have a thermometer in your oven? Because maybe the oven’s 350 isn’t actually 350. Just a thought.