March 5, 2008
take away
This afternoon, the boys and I stopped at Starbucks on the way home from school; we had pumpkin bread (them) and coffee (me). We came home and Henry did his homework and Charlie went upstairs to play and I checked my email. When Henry finished his work, he went up to play; I took the clean laundry out of the dryer and piled it in the basket to take up to the playroom.
As I came through the office, I saw a car slow down and stop at the curb. A man got out and came toward the door. I assumed he was passing out flyers or selling something, so I stood where I could see him but he could not see me and waited, holding the laundry basket. I wasn’t going to answer the door; I don’t even answer the phone half the time. But I didn’t want to step into the foyer, where he would see me and know I was home and try to sell me something. So I waited.
He came all the way up to the door, and then he turned around and walked back down to his car and I saw that he was holding a package that had been sitting on my front porch. I put the laundry down and flung the front door open and yelled “HEY!” He turned back and looked at me, and got in his car, and drove away.
Oh, and he WAVED AT ME. Bastard.
The package was a stereo amp that Wade had ordered, to hook up to the speakers on our sunporch. It had been delivered maybe fifteen minutes before this jerk walked up and stole it OFF MY PORCH, which isn’t so much a porch as the wee end of the walkway from the driveway to my front door.
I was stunned; I was too stunned, in fact, to get a license number, which still makes me angry. I called Wade, because I wasn’t sure what was in the package, and I called the police, and I called the private security firm that patrols our neighborhood, and I called Chris because the whole thing left me so unsettled and I needed another adult to talk to, even one who was thousands of miles away. Because I couldn’t believe that this asshole had come right up to my front door to steal a package.
We filed a police report, because it’s the right thing to do, not because we really think they will catch the guy. The officer was nice, if a little humorless; he said they would check the pawn shops, of course, but we all know we will never see the damn amp again. He asked me to describe the man, and I did; he said, “Do you think you would recognize him if you saw him again?” Yes, I said, I absolutely would. You know, since he looked RIGHT AT ME as he was walking off with my stereo.
Bastard.
While the policeman was sitting in my dining room filling out paperwork, my neighbor came home; I saw her pull in the driveway and not thirty seconds later my phone rang.
“Are you ALL RIGHT?” Rita asked.
“Yes,” I told her, “we’re fine, but I will have to call you back. ” When I did, she answered the phone and instead of saying hello, said “WHAT HAPPENED?!?”
It’s such a silly thing, really, that happened. A man walked up to my house and stole a package. That’s what happened. We can replace the amp, easily. Wade pointed out that the take away is this: if we’re having anything of value shipped, we need to have it sent somewhere else, like his office. Or we need to sign for it. No more packages on the front steps. The actual loss is insignificant.
But that’s not the point.
I am still furious that someone would just WALK UP and TAKE something, anything, from another person. I am furious that this jerk would WAVE AT ME as he drove off. He also spat in the grass on his way to the front door, which is disrespectful and disgusting and neither here nor there, but still irritating. At dinner tonight, Henry said, “Why would someone do that, take something that didn’t belong to them?” And I had to say, “I have no idea, buddy. No idea at all.”
I told Rita what had happened, and while we talked, I dug around in the bar looking for the vodka that I just KNEW was there, except it wasn’t because apparently we drank it all. “I have vodka!” she said, “I have an UNOPENED bottle of Absolut! That I don’t need! Because I’m pregnant! You can have it!”
“Nooo,” I said, “Wade can go to the liquor store later.”
“NO NO!” she said, “I am walking out the back door RIGHT NOW, I’m not even putting on my shoes or getting off the phone.” And I looked out the window and saw my pregnant friend, cradling a bottle of vodka in her arms and the phone against her shoulder. Trailing behind her were the dog and her son, who was in his socks and was clearly thrilled to be outside with NO SHOES ON.
It almost made up for the rest of the afternoon.
Posted by Susan @ 9:14 pm • everyday life
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March 5th, 2008 at 9:25 pm, STL Mom Says:
Damn, that’s terrible!
Thank god you have good neighbors.
I pity the next door-to-door salesman who tries to sell something on your street. Well, not too much.
Hope the vodka is taking effect.
March 5th, 2008 at 9:25 pm, M&Co. Says:
Oh Susan I’m sorry. I’ve read about this wave of robberies.
March 5th, 2008 at 9:50 pm, Deva Says:
Oh Susan, that is NOT COOL. Karma demerits to him, and I am glad that your family is okay!
March 5th, 2008 at 10:09 pm, Christina Says:
I don’t think I’ve ever commented here, but I know I’ve commented on your other sites…
Anyhow, I’m delurking to say that I am so, so sorry to hear about what happened… and I completely share your anger and frustration, as just a few weeks ago, I had THREE packages stolen off my front porch. THREE. IN THE SAME DAY. I wasn’t home at the time, but considering they were delivered at 1:48pm, and it started snowing at approximately 2pm, and there were no footprints at all in the snow, the bastard stole them about 14 seconds after they were delivered. I really hope whatever idiot stole them enjoyed my tank tops and puffer vest from J Crew - and I hope whoever it was is a size medium.
So now, any time I need something delivered, I have to send it to work, because I can’t be home in the middle of the day to sign for packages. It’s a giant pain in the rear. I’m totally with Henry on this one - who would DO that??
March 5th, 2008 at 10:30 pm, Headless Mom Says:
The take away is that you have a great neighbor in Rita!!
March 5th, 2008 at 10:35 pm, standing still Says:
Friends bring friends vodka barefoot. Beautiful. And, the guy? His karma is gonna get served up a can of whoop ass.
March 5th, 2008 at 10:37 pm, Jenn @ Juggling Life Says:
Now that’s the kind of friend and neighbor you want to keep.
My daughter’s bike was stolen off our lawn once. It was out there because there was a cloudburst the likes of which we rarely ever see in San Diego. What really pissed me off was that, since we live at the end of a cul-de-sac, it had to be someone out trolling for stuff to steal. I feel your pain.
March 5th, 2008 at 10:38 pm, Annika Says:
I [heart] your neighbor.
March 5th, 2008 at 10:48 pm, Jordan Says:
Wow, that is nuts. And AWFUL! I hadn’t heard of that fad - people are crazy.
March 5th, 2008 at 10:51 pm, regan Says:
My porch has a great hiding spot for packages where they would not be visible from the street, but does UPS use that spot? No, because they are a bunch of jackasses and are probably cut into the profit from selling my crap.
dammit, now I’m so mad I need vodka.
March 5th, 2008 at 10:57 pm, All Adither Says:
The violation! Am outraged! The spit! The waving! The loser!
March 6th, 2008 at 6:04 am, daysgoby Says:
I’m so sorry!
A POX ON HIS HOUSE.
March 6th, 2008 at 6:17 am, chichimama Says:
Grr. I can’t believe he didn’t drop the package when he saw he was seen. And may your neighbor remain your neighbor for a very long time. Friends who come bearing vodka in a time of crisis are good friends indeed ;-).
And do you have a back door? We had a similar incident this winter, and we now put on the instructions for them to leave it at the back door.
March 6th, 2008 at 6:49 am, Erin Says:
I love that your pregnant neighbor brought you vodka because hello? VODKA HELPS! And, god, sorry about the package. I live in the city and am amazed that this doesn’t happen to me more often.
March 6th, 2008 at 7:30 am, Shan Says:
Seriously UNBELIEVABLE. Unbelievable!!!
When I was 16 or 17 and had a summer job nannying, a man walked right up to the garage of the family I nannied for and stole the brand-new bike I rode to get to that job every morning, while the kids and I were just feet away in the house. I saw him, too, and like you assumed he was going to ring the bell with a sales pitch or a survey or something. It was only later on that I realized the bell never rang and my bike was gone. The nerve!
I can’t believe he WAVED AT YOU!
March 6th, 2008 at 7:39 am, Kimberly Says:
This is so crazy! I don’t understand how some people live with themselves. Honestly…
But your pregnant neighbor with the vodka? I love her.
I was robbed once when I lived in New York City. It is an overwhelmingly unsettling feeling that takes a while to shake.
March 6th, 2008 at 7:42 am, jody Says:
What a scum! What an arrogant, criminal scum.
The vodka was a must, and I am jealous that you have such a fun, sweat neighbor. She sounds wonderful.
March 6th, 2008 at 8:20 am, MamaChristy Says:
man, that really sucks. Sorry you didn’t think to write down his plate number, but glad that he didn’t try to hurt you or the kids. At least ol’ Jerk-off is just a thief and not a violent SOB. Sorry, sweetie.
March 6th, 2008 at 8:23 am, MamaChristy Says:
Oh, and we were robbed when I was a kid once. We hadn’t moved into a house yet, but my parents already owned it and had a few things moved in. The guys stole the usual - jewelry and electronics - and something more unusual: toilet seats. Brand new, still-in-the-box toilet seats that my parents hadn’t installed yet. Of everything, that was what made my parents feel most violated.
March 6th, 2008 at 8:49 am, Susie Says:
How AWFUL. I would be angry too. About the spitting and the waving which is = just flipping you off as he takes your stuff.
And sorry your officer was humorless.. I still say it was the chafing.
And bonus points for the neighbor…with friends like that, a girl can get through just bout anything.
March 6th, 2008 at 9:05 am, okiemom Says:
I hate that, too!!!!!!!!!! We had to cancel our bottled water service because people stole 5-gallon bottles off our porch EVERY delivery day. GRRRR!!! They were hitting our neighbors, too–only the ones who work away from home during the day. No matter where we had the delivery guy stash them, they were swiped. These thieves KNEW the delivery days and were just waiting for the truck to come. It’s a crying shame that people are like that. And explaining it to my kids is hard because it’s hard for me to be forgiving or kind about it.
March 6th, 2008 at 9:06 am, aimee Says:
Two Christmas’s ago in my hometown they caught these two old ladies who had been following UPS trucks around town taking all the packages as soon as the driver pulled away! The police finally caught them with TONS of loot in their house. Crazy!!
March 6th, 2008 at 9:57 am, Sister Honey Bunch Says:
I can’t believe he waved. Total ass.
March 6th, 2008 at 10:08 am, She Likes Purple Says:
I’m FURIOUS for you. But thank goodness there are good vodka-carrying friends to make the bad balance out.
March 6th, 2008 at 10:26 am, Suniverse Says:
That is so terrible. I hate awful people. And what do you say but, “I don’t know.”
You’re right, it’s not the stuff, it’s the audacity of someone being that much of a jerk.
March 6th, 2008 at 11:04 am, Paulla Says:
What an upsetting thing to happen - even though, like your husband said, it’s not a huge loss, it’s still such a violation.
I’m so sorry that happened.
March 6th, 2008 at 12:12 pm, kat Says:
that sucks! it’s so unsettling too to invade your property too. ugh. he has some bad karma coming his way.
March 6th, 2008 at 12:34 pm, 3carnations Says:
That’s terrible! I generally have packages sent to work, but we’ve never had any problems when they come to our house.
I’m sorry that happened.
But how great is your neighbor?!?
March 6th, 2008 at 1:02 pm, Sue Says:
That is terrible!! I’m so sorry it happened. It’s the violation more than anything. We have had people follow the UPS truck in our neighborhood and steal the packages right behind the delivery guy. (Usually at Christmas-time though.) I’m glad at least there was no break in into your home, but I hope the bastard gets caught. If nothing else, they will be on the lookout for him to do it again.
I (heart) your neighbor too! There is nothing better than alcohol-delivering friends when you need them!
Hope today is infinintely better.
SueW
March 6th, 2008 at 1:51 pm, gorillabuns Says:
You’d think you lived in the hood. Actually if you did live in the hood, this wouldn’t be happening.
March 6th, 2008 at 4:19 pm, jcristg Says:
i think it’s the wave that adds insult to injury.
sorry for the hassle, susan. i know how violated you must feel!
March 7th, 2008 at 5:41 pm, ollka Says:
What a FREAKING BLOODY JERK!
W
March 7th, 2008 at 5:43 pm, ollka Says:
What a FREAKING BLOODY JERK! I feel for you so very much.
Last year, a guy came into our ground-floor apartment, took our laptop and two cameras (one borrowed, one brand new), and my bag with both our passports and just walked out. I was actually IN THE NEXT ROOM.
At least he dropped the bag as I was running after him. But we never again left our door open, even though ours was such a friendly neighbourhood. Every door was open but ours.
March 7th, 2008 at 5:43 pm, ollka Says:
(sorry for the broken comment)
March 7th, 2008 at 11:57 pm, Kian Says:
OMG!! That is just CRAZY!!! Though damn that it wasn’t something like special hemorroid cream or something.
I am so sorry that this happened. What the hell are people becoming?!
March 8th, 2008 at 10:44 pm, Nicole Says:
It’s a rotten thing, but think of this:
You’re alone at home with the kids and you see someone coming up to the door. Trying to be proactive to keep the doorbell from ringing (and being neighborly), you greet him before he gets to your porch. What would he have done? Attacked you? Broken into the house? Turned and walked away knowing you would write his plate number down as suspicious?
If he had the guts enough to walk up and take it off your porch and wave to you in the meantime, he probably was daring enough to do worse. Thank goodness you’re okay and all that was lost was some property!
March 9th, 2008 at 4:01 pm, Anna Says:
I cannot believe the nerve of that dirtbag! Stealing off your porch…and while you’re clearly home…maybe you’ll run into him someday in the grocery store and you can have him publicly ridiculed and thrown in the clink! Sorry…got off track there for a minute. That Rita, however, sounds like a keeper!
March 10th, 2008 at 1:39 pm, Reluctant Housewife Says:
Barefoot, pregnant, and delivering vodka. Beautiful!
I can’t believe someone walked up to your house and walked away with your stuff! What a bleepity bleeper!
March 17th, 2008 at 4:16 pm, Jack's Raging Mommy Says:
I still don’t have a birth certificate for Jack because I didn’t want it mailed to our apartment in Omaha after a box of checks and some maternity clothes my mom sent me were stolen.
I don’t get people, either. I really don’t.
March 28th, 2008 at 7:15 pm, Christine Says:
That’s terrible! I’ve often thought that it’s amazing that we’ve never had packages stolen.
Great neighbor though.
June 6th, 2008 at 4:36 pm, Friday Playdate » my life is less Sex and the City and more Law and Order Says:
[…] from the Oklahoma City Police Department called to say that she might have a suspect in our larceny, and would I be willing to look at a photo lineup? And I said HELL YES because I am still pissed […]
June 26th, 2008 at 8:57 pm, Friday Playdate » priceless (and alarmed) Says:
[…] has had somewhere between 30 and 40 break ins since the beginning of March (and of course we had our own brush with the criminal element, although there was no breaking involved in that incident, just spitting and STEALING MY STEREO […]