February 22, 2007
sometimes the simplest answer really IS the best
Yesterday I wrote about how I am giving up multitasking for Lent, and a couple of you said, very wisely, “Good luck with that!” I assume you meant it in a hearty, supportive way, not a whatever, crazy lady kind of way. Right? Right.
Anyway, I didn’t mean to sound smug about my Lenten resolution. The deal is this: recently, I’ve been scrambling to get through the day. First we had all those snow days, then the kids were sick, which meant that I had people underfoot all day every day, people who were small and bored and germy, which shot my kids-go-to-school-and-I-get-things-done routine all to hell. Then, right as the sickness set in, I started writing for BlogHer and Blogging Baby. It took me three days to figure out how to post at Blogging Baby, because every post needs a picture and for the life of me I couldn’t get the hang of posting pictures, mostly because every single time someone would start to talk me through it, one of the kids would cry or vomit or run a fever.
On top of that, the idea of getting PAID to write gave me terrible writer’s block; I would lay awake at night thinking WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING? which wasn’t really conducive to peaceful resting. I would wake up in the morning already feeling like I was behind, and would juggle checking my e-mail and making the boys’ lunches and defrosting pancakes for breakfast. I wound up yelling almost every single morning.
I would come home and scramble around to get things done but I would never get to the laundry or the dishes, and then I would have to load the dishwasher after school, while the kids raced around the house and I yelled some more. And eventually someone would come and say, “I don’t have any sweatpants/underwear/black socks to wear tomorrow. Did you do laundry?”
Christa called one night last week, and Wade answered the phone. She said something about my new writing jobs, and he said, “Yes and maybe someday she will make more than ten dollars for five hours of work.” Christa thought that was so funny, but I had to tell her that yes, that’s about right just now. But I couldn’t really talk because I had to start the laundry.
I knew that eventually the kids would be healthy and the weather would warm up and I would figure out how to upload a damn picture and everything would level out, if I could just get through this little window. But then Charlie started acting up at school, and it was one more thing I had to deal with.
Charlie is an easy kid; he wants his blanket, a little chocolate milk, and someone to snuggle with him. When he misbehaves, it is often specifically a bid for attention. Usually, he doesn’t have to resort to this, because he gets lots of snuggles and stories and love. But recently, I was so busy scrambling to get everything else done that I was cutting corners on spending time with the boys, and while this doesn’t really phase Henry, it was totally throwing Charlie. And me.
My first strategy was to go with the reward-and-punishment option, because it seemed easy. But it’s hard for me to keep track of who has how many pluses and minuses, and how many pluses get you a reward and what the penalty is for so many minuses, and then I realized that I was punishing him AGAIN for getting into trouble at school, which seemed silly because his teacher had already imposed a consequence for THAT behavior, and frankly I was too tired and stressed to be The Enforcer all the time when what I really wanted was for Charlie to climb in my lap with his chocolate milk and his binkie while Henry told us a long complicated story about superheroes saving the planet.
When I say I’m giving up multitasking what I mean is that I am going to organize my time better, and not try to do everything all at once all day long. I’m not opening my computer until after carpool; I’m not going to check my e-mail in the two hours before dinner. I’m going to do all my writing while the kids are at school, and when I’m writing I will JUST do that, instead of leaping up halfway through a post to start some laundry or sweep the kitchen. I’m going to take time time in the morning specifically to deal with the housework–load the dishes, start the laundry, sweep the floor.
Yesterday morning, I sat with Henry while he ate. I folded laundry, at the kitchen table, while Charlie ate. I talked to both of them, about their day and the weather and their breakfast. No one cried or yelled, and we were on time. I ran errands after carpool, from a list I had made. I came home and wrote for a while; I stopped after lunch and picked up the house. When the boys came home, I sat with them while they played, and then we watched Dragon Tales together. Charlie got his chocolate milk and his blankie and snuggled in my lap.
Charlie did not get into trouble at school yesterday. It seems too easy to say that he had a better day because I talked to him at breakfast, but I think that may be the answer. So I’m giving up multitasking, in favor of doing everything better. I’m going to do all the same things, just one thing at a time.
Posted by Susan @ 9:43 am • Uncategorized
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February 22nd, 2007 at 10:41 am, ollka Says:
oh, go you! go you so very much.
February 22nd, 2007 at 11:25 am, daysgoby Says:
You just described how many people hope parenting will be.
I think that’s lovely, and I hope it goes well!
Your boys will love it. And you might get to come down a few rungs on the stress ladder, too.
February 22nd, 2007 at 11:28 am, Cathy Says:
you just gave me an idea for Lent. I am going to cut down on my computer time, it isn’t like I get paid to write or read.. but I do get paid in good behaviour, and hugs and kisses. And I do get paid in a stress free life if everything is going better around here. compartmentalizing it all sounds better than doing it all at once.
February 22nd, 2007 at 12:24 pm, Mary Says:
One thing at a time. I’m impressed with you for doing it and need to try that myself.
February 22nd, 2007 at 12:47 pm, Mir Says:
I’m so guilty of not giving the kids my attention when they get home from school, even though the whole plan was to push back from work when they arrive. It’s too easy to say “I just need to finish this one thing…” and then suddenly it’s time to make dinner, and come to think of it, if they eat in front of the TV, I get twenty more minutes to work….
Your example is inspiring me. I will do better.
February 22nd, 2007 at 12:59 pm, Jen Says:
Oh, I love this! I think I am going to have to start something like this, because I am not getting my work done. And the house? Forget it. Fortunately, with regard to the kids, this has been a SUPERMOM kind of week, and I feel like a rock star.
But in terms of being a grant writer and a professional, I am kind of sucking swamp water at the moment.
And clearly, not working right now…
February 22nd, 2007 at 1:57 pm, christina Says:
I totally agree. I have spent years feeling like I was doing a lot of good things, but not really doing anything as well as I had hoped.
As I enter a new season of focusing on one thing at a time, I think it will help me to have a more organized environment. Hopefully this will help me from being distracted by the clutter.
And I’m definitely going to begin with the kids’ rooms - aka. clutter havens! The company I work for has a great free resource full of tips to help think through how to organize kids’ rooms. (Check it out at www.organizingmyhome.com.)
Wish me luck!
February 22nd, 2007 at 2:22 pm, rachel Says:
congratulations on the new writing gigs!
I love your ideas for Lent! I hope it works out well.
February 22nd, 2007 at 4:41 pm, An Iowa Mom Says:
I hope for you that it goes so well that it continues even after Lent.
Sounds wonderful … you may have inspired me to become more, ummmm, organized with my time.
I organize every single aspect of my life. I’m the house of bins and label makers. But, I’ve never really thought about organizing my TIME.
Thank you for that. I hope it makes my life a little quieter and smoother too!
February 22nd, 2007 at 7:26 pm, Becky Says:
Well, you’ve just inspired me! I spend way too much time on the computer because when I am on it I am trying to do a hundred eleven other things. You are one smart cookie! Thanks for sharing your reasoning…I love it. Makes perfect sense. I just read a church sign today that said…”Give your children what they want…Your time!” It is so true. They crave our attention and if we are able to clear away the distractions it is so much easier to sit and play and enjoy them! Thanks again for sharing this…makes me really think how I need to change some things around here! I really hope that you do well!
February 22nd, 2007 at 11:32 pm, Annika Says:
This is the shape that my New Year’s resolution was supposed to take. Everything got thrown for a crazy loop lately. I need to reassess.
February 22nd, 2007 at 11:33 pm, Annika Says:
Also, and this really has nothing to do with anything, I really need a popsicle right now. And so I am going to have one.
February 23rd, 2007 at 9:26 pm, susiej Says:
What a great post. The simplest answer is the best — and less is always more. Thanks.