December 7, 2005
so what exactly is a crumpet?
Kara asked the other day if we ever have snow in Oklahoma; she lives in the Boston area and will soon be up to her Mass in snow. Get it? GET IT? Up to her Mass in snow! That was the whole point of this post! See how funny I am? And oh god do you want to know how long it took me to come up with that lame ass (ha ha lame Mass!) joke? I don’t know why you nice people keep coming back here.
Okay, but seriously: snow. Yes, we do indeed have snow in Oklahoma, but not much and not often, thank goodness. Today we are bracing for the First Storm of the Season. The Weathermen (and yes, for some reason they are all men here) are predicting between two and eight inches of accumulating snow, depending on what channel you are watching and how low their ratings are (low ratings = significantly more dire storm predictions, which are designed of course to raise the ratings). The snow I can deal with, but the HIGH temperature FOR THE DAY is supposed to be 18 degrees. EIGHTEEN DEGREES, people! I’m still going around in mules without socks! Yesterday I had to go and buy down jackets for Henry and me (okay, I didn’t HAVE to buy one for myself, but after my weekend, it only seemed fair, and Henry really did not have any sort of winter coat, so it’s not like I went to Old Navy just to shop for me). It’s going to be COLD, people!
I don’t mind cold, really (yes, I will put some socks and proper shoes on). And I don’t mind snow–I will even drive in it, if I have to. But god help us if they close the schools. Last year Henry had TWO snow days IN A ROW; by day two I was a nervous wreck. Because really, where are you going to GO with the kids on a day when the weather is bad enough to cancel school? On the second day, my friend Caroline and I were both starting to see double and so we met at a TGIFriday’s for lunch (I have no idea why Friday’s, I actually hate Friday’s because they do that thing where the servers are encouraged to sit down at the table with you and pretend they are your friends, but at the time it seemed like a good idea. See how crazy we were?). Charlie wore his Halloween cow costume (this was in, I think, February, by the way) and ordered ‘A HAMBURGER! WITH FRENCH FRIES! AND KATCHUP!’ which Caroline said had to be some kind of wierd cannibal thing. And, just after we ordered, Henry started to cry. To wail. To HOWL. And to say that his ear hurt. Could it be that the boy had a spontaneous EAR INFECTION? Why, yes! He did! Go figure. So we spent the second half of our snow day at the pediatrician’s office.
I don’t know what the point of that was either, but please PLEASE pray that school isn’t cancelled. Because I might be forced to go back to TGIFriday’s, just to get out of the house, and that would most certainly push me over the edge.
In a completely unrelated bit of fun, Holly expressed her delight at Charlie’s use of the world ‘pullover‘, which I assume she approves because it is a British term and she is a Brit (although I should tell you all that in our house, a ‘pullover’ is any fleece garment that one pulls over one’s head; preferrably, it is manufactured by REI, although the boys’ fleece pullovers come from Old Navy because while we have standards we are cheap when it comes to the kids). So, where was I? Oh, right–being British!
No, I am not actually British (although how COOL would that be?) but, influenced by waaaaayyyy too many viewings of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone over the past two weeks, I have decided to start affecting certain Britishisms. For example, I will be wishing everyone a ‘Happy Christmas!’ this year, and handing out crackers to anyone who comes to my house. And the other night, I suggested that we celebrate Boxing Day, and the boys got all excited because they thought I was saying that for one WHOLE day they could beat the crap out of each other! with my permission! so I had to withdraw that suggestion. But if you have any good suggestions of Ways I Can Sound English, beyond saying, ‘bloody hell!’ a lot and calling all the bad drivers around here ’stupid gits,’ let me know.
One last unrelated thing: Cynical Dad has been nominated for a Weblog Award for Best Parenting Blog. Click the link, vote for Chag, tally ho! And if you’re not already reading his site, then bloody hell! Get over there! Right now!
And now I think that I shall fortify myself against the coming storm with a pot of breakfast tea and a nicely toasted muffin (both of the English variety, of course). Although I might make my tea Irish, if you know what I mean. Because I need to be ready if they cancel school.
Posted by Susan @ 5:08 am • Uncategorized
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December 7th, 2005 at 8:57 am, Jacqueline Says:
Oh, oh I know! Use “daft”. That’s my favorite. People can be daft, ideas can be daft, it’s a very handy word. And fun to say!
December 7th, 2005 at 9:20 am, Susan Says:
Oooh, Jacqueline (with the British spelling, even!), daft is EXCELLENT, especially as we are no longer permitted to say stupid in our house (Henry learned at school that stupid is a bad word. Unfortunately for me, it is also my favorite adjective, so I am CONSTANTLY getting busted by the boy). Daft is wonderful!
Keep ‘em coming, people! It’s cold here and I have nothing better to do.
December 7th, 2005 at 10:28 am, Laura Says:
Gah! 18 degrees is nothing. Here in MN it was 6 yesterday, with a windchill of -7. When it is so cold the snow crunches underfoot and it actually hurts your ears to hear it. So why live here, you ask? The school system of course. As soon as S. graduates (2015) we are out of here! Woot! As for British-isms, I would use “Pip.” Or “dead useful.” Pip pip, that’s a dead useful word. I just like saying Pip. Hee.
December 7th, 2005 at 10:29 am, Dawn Says:
Sign everything:
Warm Regards,
Susan
I ordered soemthing from a little company in England many years ago, and was so charmed by this I took it and twisted it, of course. Into Baleful Regards
Oh, and Sistah Girl. New England reigns supreme for amount and frequency of snow days. My kid had at least 14 snow days last year.
Luckily, I am the working parent, so my husband stay home on all sick/snow days!
December 7th, 2005 at 10:39 am, Susan Says:
Laura, it is the whole idea of Minnesota that gets me through the winters. I figure if you all can go outside to play all winter long, than SO CAN WE!
But not today. Jesus, NOT today.
And Dawn, I would go back to work SOLELY to miss the snow days. You know I’m serious.
December 7th, 2005 at 11:01 am, Kristen Says:
Susan - my husband does a mean cockney accent, and often uses it to get the boys’ attention. “Right-O” is a good one, too.
Oh, and I’m in Tulsa also preparing for the First Winter Storm, and this morning I actually went for a jog. Outside. Yes, I’m quite daft, myself.
December 7th, 2005 at 11:02 am, Candace Says:
We might have a snow day on Friday, which could possibly mean that Pete won’t be able to travel home on Friday, which could mean the death of me *or* Christopher. Just FYI.
Let’s see…how to be British.
Drink Early Gray tea at 4 pm.
Say “nutters” for crazy people and “mad” instead of crazy.
Be cheerful in the face of adversity (remember rationing and blackouts and bombings?).
With-hold (I’ve tried seventeen hundred variations and none look right) physical affection.
Change your last name to something like Waverly-Hoppington.
December 7th, 2005 at 11:10 am, Dawn Says:
I know Susan. It is one of the main reasons I work.
And I’m not kidding.
December 7th, 2005 at 11:16 am, Melynda Says:
My favorite British word - gobsmacked.
You could also consider teaching the boys to call you “Mum.”
We are in line to get the same weather you are, but after you. Only 1-2 inches predicted here.
December 7th, 2005 at 12:05 pm, Misfit Hausfrau Says:
My favourite words are
“Bollocks!” (Must be said with an !)
and
“Pissed”
Jolly Good! I will be sure to vote for Chag!
December 7th, 2005 at 12:20 pm, Nothing But Bonfires Says:
All these suggestions about Britishness are excellent! After all this talk of children, finally there is a subject on which I am qualified to dispense advice! I’m also supremely glad to see that no-one has said anything trite about bad teeth or bad food because MY GOD, that is so done to death, and not even CORRECT anymore. Because otherwise why do we all fancy Jude Law? And order fish and chips in restaurants?
Oh, fancy, that’s a good one. Susan, you can fancy Wade. And Wade can be fit. And you can want to pull Wade. Or get off with him. (Actually, people over 14 probably shouldn’t use the last three.) Kevin Federline is a chav. Start eating crumpets, they’re delicious — sort of like muffins but….spongier, if that doesn’t sound too gross. Lots and lots of tea. (Formula should go like this: Bad hair day? Cup of tea. Bad break-up? Cup of tea. Bad case of some incurable terminal disease? Cup of tea. And so on.)
Pullover, daft, right-o, nutters, gobsmacked — all excellent. DEFINITELY get Charlie and Henry to call you Mummy. I still call my mother Mummy and I’m 25. Angry at someone? Wanker or tosser will suffice.
Golden rules — bugger and shag are much ruder words than you think they are. NOT to be used in front of grandmothers. And most importantly of all? NEVER EVER say “a spot of tea.” I can say with a great deal of confidence that no-one in the whole of England has ever, ever, ever said that, despite what Hollywood wants you to think. I promise.
December 7th, 2005 at 12:32 pm, Susan Says:
Wanker! Holly, I completely forgot about wanker! How fantastic!
And yes, the cup of tea cures everything, doesn’t it? Thank you for sharing your insight with us.
Right-o. Carry on. And all that.
December 7th, 2005 at 12:46 pm, Kara Says:
my in-laws live in ireland most of the time. i find the way the irish insert the fbomb into everything particularly endearing.
staring sentences with the word ‘have’ is a good way to pretend you’re british: ‘have we any tea? yes? brilliant. cheers, darling.”
since we listen to the HP books on CD, the kiddo pronounces all of her incantations and charms with a british accent. priceless.
send that oklahoma snow to new england, please. and what’s with TGI Fridays? too flat to sled out there?
tomorrow, in my series ‘blogging advent,’ i’ll post ways to have the best snow day ever.
pip pip
December 7th, 2005 at 12:47 pm, Felicity Says:
a) I think you’re a day late with the adding Irish to your coffee, or tea, or whatever caffeinated beverage you’re drinking. And anyway, I suggested Frangelico, which is ITALIAN.
b) I’m not trying to be mean. I’m trying to toughen you up for the coming snow days.
We were braced for them at my hosue YESTERDAY and then the kids actually HAD school, which set off a whole NEW round of problems in the form of children whining that they did not WANT to go to school.
Uhm, re being British, you could call your sweaters “jumpers”, which I learned from my wonderful dog-eared and way to expensive Boden catalog, whose link makes my comment look ugly. So you’ll have to Google them yourself.
Love.
December 7th, 2005 at 12:47 pm, Chag Says:
Thanks for pimpin’ my site. Where do I send the check?
People around here say “git” as well. But when they say it, it usually means “Go away.”
December 7th, 2005 at 12:56 pm, Susan Says:
Kara, my boys also say many many things with the Harry Potter pronunciations. Especially Henry, who speech tends to be echolaic (which means that he repeats both what you say AND how you say it, with an eerie precision). It’s a good party trick!
And sled? What is that? This is the plains, baby, where the buffalo roam (or used to until they were over hunted or something like that). We have wind, but no sledding.
And so far, no snow! Hooray!
December 7th, 2005 at 9:57 pm, Susie Says:
I am loving the Britishisms.
Most of my favorites have been suggested… a favorite being “bloody brilliant.”
How about referring to someone as “cheeky”? “Chatting up” a store clerk for a discount? Tell the person who cut you in line to “sod off.” And attending “Uni” after high school.
PS We are anticipating being up to our Masses in snow Friday.
December 8th, 2005 at 8:50 am, BK Says:
Potterhead Dad from NE MASS here. The Potter books are full of Britishisms - moreso than the movie. Actually, the rest of the Potter books have more as Scholastic originally tried to edit a bunch of them out in the first book because they thought it would be over kids’ heads.
To echo laura’s sentiments….18 degrees is nothing. In Montana yesterday it was -45. Unbelievable.
December 8th, 2005 at 4:45 pm, MIM Says:
Um, Susan? Exactly how MUCH coffee have you had today??
Having said that, however, you truly are an extremely clear writer. I mean, I was able to actually follow that post!
P.S. — I’m still wear-ing my mu-les!
December 8th, 2005 at 4:51 pm, Susan Says:
You can never have too much coffee, MIM. Especially not with my kids around.
And today, I am wearing my LL Bean Maine Hiking Boots. SO not sexy. So warm and dry.
Sigh.
December 9th, 2005 at 6:45 am, Mary P. Says:
My favourite word is “wanker”. Makes me laugh just reading it, and saying it is even better. Then there’s “tosser”. I love “gobsmacked”, too. My grandfather used “gormless” (pronounced, of course, “gawhm-less”), meaning clueless.
And my great-uncle from Lancashire, upon seeing my then 9-month-old daughter all smeared with grime from the park, came out with this marvellous phrase:
“Eee, th’art a mucky pup, th’art.”
Yes, that is “thou art”. Isn’t it WONDERFUL???
(And you have to get those vowels right - those u’s are slow and deep and halfway between a long “u” and an “oo”.)
p.s. Up here, we have Boxing Day and Christmas crackers, and my kids call me mum. Wanna come up for a long, tall gin and tonic??
December 9th, 2005 at 10:31 am, Tonya Says:
I’m in Oklahoma also. Did you end up having a snow day? We did, but my kids played down at the neighbor’s house most of the day.