May 14, 2007
so there I was making out with Stephen Colbert
Who wouldn’t want to make out with that face?
I haven’t been sleeping well recently, and by “recently” I mean since we started this whole let’s-buy-a-new-house odyssey (which was back here, if you’ve lost track). It’s not anything in particular–I’m thrilled about our new house and ecstatic that we sold THIS house as quickly and painlessly as we did–it’s just a lot of little things.
Like the fact that we haven’t packed ONE SINGLE THING. Nada. Zero! ZIP! And that every time I look around I think dammit we have a LOT OF STUFF. That needs to be PACKED. Soon.
Argh.
My nights go like this: after barely managing to stay awake long enough to get the kids settled, I scramble around to get some work or some laundry done. Then I get into bed and fall asleep and wake up again, somewhere between 1:00 and 3:00 am, worrying. My whole body is worried; my SKIN feels worrisome, kind of prickly and uncomfortable. I don’t know how else to explain it. I toss and turn and think about getting up, but most of the time I’m too tired to do anything constructive like read or write. One night I folded laundry for an hour and a half. I make lists, in my head and on pieces of paper, of Things To Do Tomorrow, which sort of helps although then I get anxious because I can’t DO anything RIGHT NOW, but really nothing is open at three am anyway. And THEN I start to think about how if I had some boxes, I could get up and start packing stuff, which is when I really begin to feel like I am losing my mind because what am I going to pack at THREE AM when everyone else is sleeping?
Deep breath.
I have these odd moments when I think, I cannot believe that in a few weeks we will not live in this house any more. I am a little afraid of the new house, because it is bigger and nicer and newer and because I’ve only been inside it three times and I can’t remember what color the living room is painted and I know we don’t have enough furniture to fill it up. It’s not really the house that is making me worry–I love the house, I really do–it’s the whole idea of change.
I don’t like change.
Last night, when I snapped awake at 1:47, instead of endlessly listing all the things I HAVE NOT DONE, I started listing all the things that I have finished, because I thought maybe that would help me calm down. Eventually, sometime after 4:30 or so, it did, I guess, because when Charlie came in at 5:22 to tell me that his nose was bleeding, I was dreaming that I was on a date with Stephen Colbert.
Yes, really.
Apparently, I have a thing for nerdy guys in suits, at least in my dreams. Although I suppose that describes my husband, too, really. Hmmm.
Anyway, there I was making out with Stephen Colbert and Charlie came in to say, “Mama, I’m BLEEDING AGAIN” which pretty much put an end to the dream and to any hope that I might score some more sleep before it was time to get up and start the day. And the saddest part was that while I was bummed to not being mashing with Colbert any more, I was more bummed that I wasn’t going to get ANY MORE SLEEP.
Because I am that tired.
Posted by Susan @ 7:39 am • Uncategorized
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May 14th, 2007 at 9:42 am, Wendy Says:
Going through the same thing over here, but it is not as exciting as a new house. It didnt help that our house alarm would go off every 5 minutes and I had an alarm guy at my house to pull the plug at 3am.
Even if I sleep and dream, they are just filled with the crap going on. *sigh* Hope you get some good REM, soon.
May 14th, 2007 at 10:46 am, Anarchy in the OK Says:
Dude - I TOTALLY had a make-out-with-Jon-Stewart dream last week. Are they sending out subliminal messages during their shows or something? Weird.
May 14th, 2007 at 12:08 pm, Jessica Says:
I feel sorry for you for two reasons:
1) I’m so sorry you’re not getting any sleep. I don’t know how you function, especially with two kids, when you’re getting that little sleep. You deserve, as a late Mother’s Day treat, to take a long, prescription sleep aid-induced nap. Let me know if you need some.
2) I’m sorry your dream of making out with Stephen Colbert was interrupted. If I were you, I might not recover from that, because I LOVE him. I totally have a thing for him, especially when he points and says “On Notice”. That is too bad about your dream.
Good luck packing!
May 14th, 2007 at 12:26 pm, Susan Says:
Jessica, I know EXACTLY what you mean about the pointing. I just love him.
Sigh.
May 14th, 2007 at 1:21 pm, Rocks In My Dryer Says:
Coming out of the closet, so to speak, to confess my total crush on Stephen. (We’re on a first-name basis, you see.) There is something kissable about that smirky little mouth, isn’t there?
May 14th, 2007 at 2:00 pm, susie Says:
Not much sleep going on over here either between the baby stomping on my bladder and the house stress. I wake up and worry about things I can’t go anything about right then either.
May 14th, 2007 at 3:33 pm, Karianna Says:
Stevie needs to come help you pack - then all will be right in the world.
May 14th, 2007 at 3:42 pm, Susan Says:
Kari, THAT would be HOTT.
Wow.
May 14th, 2007 at 5:59 pm, Anonymous Says:
Stress = no sleep. Get an ipod, make a playlist of music you can listen to without thinking and keep it by your bed. Cue it up before going to sleep and it will be ready for you at 1:47. Many mornings I wake up with it still playing. Better yet are there podcasts of Colbert Report?
May 14th, 2007 at 7:11 pm, Susan Says:
I am totally going to start looking for podcasts of Colbert.
Excellent idea.
May 14th, 2007 at 9:28 pm, Sharon Says:
Ambi&n. Short-term solution. I’m a major insomniac and have been for years so I finally gave in a few years ago and talked to my dr. about it and the drug has made a huge difference in my life. You may be ‘anti-sleep-med’, which I totally get b/c I was for years, but just a suggestion that made me a different person. Good luck with the house!!
May 14th, 2007 at 10:15 pm, Kelly Says:
Ah, Mr. Colbert. Even in our dreams, you’re out of reach. He is just delightful, isn’t he?
It will all get done! Someday soon, you’ll be settled in the new house and sleeping soundly, except when bloody noses interrupt.
May 15th, 2007 at 6:54 am, standing still Says:
Yea, I’ve done that whole not sleep thing due to anxiety. About the first 8 years of Child’s life. If it’s any consolation, getting in touch with your “I hate change” feelings gives you more empathy for the little guys who deal with ASD … but I suppose that’s not very helpful at 2:17 a.m.
May 15th, 2007 at 7:22 pm, Shawn Says:
I totally know that feeling and why does it always happen between 1 and 3? And, why does it seem we can fall right to sleep when it’s nearly time to wake? Hate that. Times of stress like that call for deep journal writing before bed and in the mornings … let it all out on paper and it frees the mind. Hope you get some zzzs soon!