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We talk about superheros a lot at our house. Mostly the conversation is about the fictional members of the Justice League, but every so often I decide that it might be nice if we talked about REAL superheros, about people who have devoted themselves to helping others and making the world a better place. We talk about doctors and soldiers and firefighters. The firefighters are the most interesting to my boys, probably because they are the most accessible; we see fire trucks all the time, and we often run into firefighters at the grocery. In our neighborhood, the firefighters are mostly young men, and they always have time to say hello and give the boys a high five. For my sons, firefighters are real people and it’s hard for the boys to imagine them as heroes.

Both of my sons attend schools where prayer is part of their day. On the way to school this morning, I realized that they would, most likely, pray today for the victims of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, and for the families and friends they left behind. I’ve talked to the boys about 9/11 before, in ways that I hope they can understand. We talk about the planes that crashed in New York and Washington DC and Pennsylvania; we’ve talked about the people who died in those crashes. We’ve talked about how the men who hijacked the planes were trying to make a point, but that instead of using their words they used the airplanes. Mostly, though, we have talked about the heroes, about firefighters and police officers and regular people who stopped what they were doing and ran to help. We talk about the firefighters who went INTO the burning buildings when everyone else was running OUT. We have talked about how those men and women were heroes not because they had super powers but because they risked their own lives to help someone else.

Today, I reminded the boys about the 9/11 attacks, and about the firefighters (who had mommies and daddies and little buddies of their own at home) who lost their lives doing something incredibly heroic. I told the boys that they might pray for those families, those mommies and daddies and buddies, at school today. I told them to remember that those firefighters were real heroes because after the planes crashed and the buildings were burning and falling down, the firefighters raced in to help, even though they knew it was dangerous.

Henry said, “But why would they do that?”

I said, “Because that’s what heroes do, buddy.”

“No,” he said, “not the firefighters. They were trying to save people. Why did those men crash the planes into the buildings? Why did they do that?”

It’s hard for me to talk to my sons about that part of the story, to explain why someone would hate anyone so much that the death of thousands of people would seem like a reasonable thing. I don’t want my sons to be afraid; I want them to be compassionate, to see the good in people, to see the heroism in the world around them. I want them not to fear the terrorists but to respect and honor the heroes.

“It’s hard to explain, buddy,” I told him.

“Oh,” he said. “It’s a good thing those firefighters were there, isn’t it?”

“Yes. It is.”

14 Comments so far

Yes, it was.

The hardest talks I’ve ever had with the girls is trying to make sense out of senseless.

And yes, the firefighters were heroes, every one.

I haven’t had to talk to any young ones about it, so how hard that will be had never even occurred to me.

How do you explain evil and stupidity?

“Why would they do that?”

I got that question this morning too. Such a tough one to answer. How do you break it down for a child’s mind when you don’t understand it yourself?

Sounds like your boys understood the important part.

That is the hard part. And who really has an answer?

Great thoughts. Today’s a sad day, but I’m glad to see people saying what’s on their mind, because so many folks see so many different sides to it, and bring up so many issues.

I’m glad the heroes were there, too.

I have 2 little ones at home, four year old boys, and I normally log into your site, after I’ve gotten them tucked into bed, for a few giggles. Your post today brought tears to my eyes, thinking of what I will eventually tell them. They are still “immune” to what happened on September 11th, 5 years ago. Though won’t be for long and your post was perfection. A child’s innocence, honoring the heroes and putting the act of ignorance in it’s place. I was on the phone one day, a few years after 9-11, and happened to be speaking with someone who was running down those long flights of stairs that particular day. He said to me “You will never know what it feels like running down…watching them (the firefighters) running up. And knowing, what happened.” Very true. God Bless America and thank you, for giving a Mom in Maryland laughs every few days.

Mom in Maryland, now you made ME cry. Thank you for your kind words.

I really do think it’s so important for kids–for ALL of us–to see the heroic in the everyday. It takes so little to be a hero, but it means so much.

I think that is my prayer today.

So awesome. The guts it requires to rush into a burning/collapsing building is…hard to put into words. Firefighters: They’re part of the world that makes me feel safe. Thanks for this post.

That was a wonderful post. I’m going to use it as my model when we have “our discussion”. We didn’t tell P about it yet - she’s 3-1/2 but I guess that we will have to eventually. I want her to hear about it from us first. Firefighters rock! When I lived in Brooklyn I used to walk past a firehouse on the way home from the subway. There used to be a cute fireman who would stand outside and say hi to me when I went by. One day he asked me if I wanted to attend the “Fireman’s Ball” with him. I had to turn him down - I had a boyfriend at the time. I think of him sometimes and wonder where he is today. I hope that he is somewhere still dancing and holding the love of his life in his arms.

Good job, momma. Good job.

Talking about it with the kiddos makes sure that their memory is never forgotten.

Your post made me tear up when I read it yesterday. I can imagine having the same conversation with my superhero-obsessed boys in the future. Thanks for a moving post.

I’m relieved that I have a few years before I have to try to explain this to the girls. That was really moving.

I have a good friend who is a member of FDNY and who worked 24 straight hours on 9/11 and who lost a lot of friends.

He’s all that and then some.

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