March 28, 2006
random Charlieness
Last night, as I was getting myself all psyched up to nuke something cook dinner for the boys, Wade called to say he was going to be late because he needed to take his new suit back in to have the alterations altered. And while I KNEW he needed to do this, I found myself wishing that he hadn’t waited until FIVE O’CLOCK to call and say he was doing it RIGHT NOW. Especially yesterday.
While I was having this nice moment of telephone bonding with my husband, the boys started throwing a ball in the hallway, which somehow resulted in Henry having a complete meltdown, thus causing me to hang up on said husband (he’s used to it, don’t worry). No, I don’t know how we got from Point A: Playing with the Ball to Point B: Lying on the Floor Yelling, but because I am a TERRIBLE parent and was tired and unwilling to negotiate with someone who wouldn’t stop screaming, I opted to ignore Henry and just leave him in the hallway until he was done melting down. So I said to Charlie, “Want to help me make dinner?”
And he said, “SURE!” Because, you know, that would involve food.
In the kitchen, he said, “I need a CHAIR!” (That is pronounced CHAY–EEER, by the way). He dragged the chair over to the counter, in front of the microwave (he knows the drill) and announced, “I’m going to be the WAITRESS!”
I think it is entirely possible Charlie has been eating out too much lately.
We get the nuggets all arranged and we set the timer and push START, and of course Charlie has to watch the proceedings with his head DIRECTLY in front of the microwave, which probably killed some brain cells, but whatever. And then, when the nuggets were all done cooking, I opened the microwave door and smacked him right in the eye.
I immediately put my arms around him and said, “Oh, baby, I’m SO SORRY! Are you okay? Let me see it.”
And he looks up at me, all squinty because I have hit him in the EYE with the CORNER of the plastic door, and says, “It’s okay, Mama, I’m a TOUGH waitress!”
Charlie has been on a big kick lately where he announces, “I don’t want to be ANYTHING when I grow up,” which is probably better than wanting to be a squirrel, but still makes me nervous because my one consistent parenting goal is to get these kids OUT OF MY HOUSE and not have them living in the basement when they’re 30 playing video games all day.
But last night he said, “I’m going to be a DADDY when I grow up.”
“That’s great, buddy. You’ll be a terrific daddy.”
“Yeah,” he said. “Because when I grow up, I don’t want to do ANYTHING.”
I was really sorry Wade missed dinner.
After dinner, when Henry had gone to his room to talk to himself and Charlie and I were eating Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans (Jelly Bellies, really), Charlie said, “Where is Daddy?”
“He’s on his way home,” I said.
“From Albuquerque?” Charlie asked.
“No,” I said. “From the mall. He had to take his suit back to have it fixed.”
“Oh.” Charlie thinks about this. “So, is he driving naked?”
Finally, this morning, during the usual let’s-get-ready-to-GO chaos, Charlie asked, “Am I going to school today?”
“No, not today.”
“YAAAAYYYY!” he said, dancing around.
“You’re going to stay home and help me with a few things.”
“Oh. Can I go to school today?”
And because I KNOW you’re going to ask, YES, Henry is wearing Charlie’s Halloween costume, and YES those are the still unloaded bags of groceries on the floor (and one random pile of things to go to the recycling), and YES, I really DID take all these pictures RIGHT BEFORE DINNER. And Charlie never once stopped jumping around.
Posted by Susan @ 2:46 pm • Uncategorized
RSS feed for comments on this post.
TrackBack URI
March 28th, 2006 at 3:14 pm, Chilihead2 Says:
Good lord, girl. I need a vacation just from reading this!
Your kids are hilarious.
March 28th, 2006 at 3:28 pm, ieatcrayonz Says:
I LOVED this. Really, you must do more picture editorials.
Please tell me you tipped Charlie because you have to start em young in the craft of tipping.
March 28th, 2006 at 5:01 pm, adria Says:
That was so funny - thank you.
You really should make movies.
March 28th, 2006 at 5:08 pm, MJ Says:
You have some seriously cute (though blurry) children there. And, is there something wrong about unloaded groceries on the floor? And recycling strewn about the kitchen? Doesn’t everyone’s home look like this?
According to my children, the best meal I make is chicken nuggets (from a box) and frozen peas and frozen corn. I must emphasize that the vegetables go right from the freezer to their plates. No cooking involved. Other people–with more refined palates–do seem to like dishes I make that involve chopping, sauces, etc. But that wouldn’t be my children.
March 28th, 2006 at 5:12 pm, Susan Says:
MJ, the thing about the groceries was that I brought them home at 11:00 am and I took these pictures at 5:30 pm, and they are STILL ON THE FLOOR! In the bags, even. And no, there were no dairy products in the bags. Just tampons and hand wipes.
And for SOME reason, Wade likes to pile ALL the cardboard recycling up outside the laundry room and leave it there for the Recycling Fairy to pick up, or for me to put in the trash, whichever happens first.
Guess what usually happens first.
March 28th, 2006 at 5:44 pm, Candace Says:
Is there something *wrong* with leaving dry goods in the bags on the floor? Cos if there is, I’m guilty.
Your kitchen floor = my family room floor.
Awesome pictures.
I feel the need to cook for your family. That’s not a judgement call on *you*, I just feel the need to cook for your family.
March 28th, 2006 at 7:32 pm, Laura Says:
Hee. Your Charlie is so like my S. She was trying to be a waitress yesterday as well, and asked me for a tip. I told her not to quit her day job. She said she wanted money. I had none. She offered to get my purse. I said no. She said she would take checks.
Hee.
March 28th, 2006 at 7:44 pm, Kristen Says:
Tonight as we prepared dinner in our home for the second night in a row, Bryce said, “what restaurant are we going to tonight?” and I said, “we’re eating at home because it’s healthier” and guess what? Melt.Down.
March 28th, 2006 at 7:52 pm, Kara Says:
those kids are SO. DARN. CUTE!!
I swear, I never saw myself with a little boy before, but between you, and kristen, and then Dubyas (i know, when it’s more than two it’s not between, it’s among or something but that doesn’t dound right. you were an English teacher- what is it, anyway?)i swear, my ovaries ache just looking at those children.
March 28th, 2006 at 7:54 pm, Kara Says:
can shou tell i ben shrinking sum wine/
jeez, why dn’t you people remind me to read my comments before I send them? sheesh.
March 29th, 2006 at 1:25 am, Joels Says:
believe it or not, my Mom reminisces about when I used to be rediculously hyper all the time.
I think she’s on crazy pills.
I tend to leave groceries sitting around also. I go and buy bagels… put them on the floor in front of the freezer… and then wait several hours AT LEAST before putting them away.
March 29th, 2006 at 5:54 am, Felicity Says:
what I really like is the “I dont’t want to be anything when I grow up.” Fin has said the same thing. And he’s older and has had some exposure to people working and the nice things that that can provide for him. And still he wants to do nothing. However, with his single-minded fascination with guns and weapons, he’ll probably grow up to be a hitman. And rich. Oh, oops, I mean, uhm, a tour guide.
I like the costume & the stuff on the floor–again, totally familiar–and p.s. boys standing directly in front of the mcirowave actually offs sperm, I believe, so Charlie can forget about being a Daddy.
March 29th, 2006 at 8:03 am, Mary P. Says:
“Is he naked, then?” LMAO
I love that kid!
Good call on the Henry event, too: there is absolutely nothing wrong with letting them work it out for themselves once in a while! Or more often.
March 29th, 2006 at 9:10 pm, standing still for once Says:
Oh, I’m just laughing out loud. I want to adopt Charlie, okay? I SWEAR I’ll feed him until he can’t be fed any longer. I think I hear an Okie accent, too, in that chay-errr. I’ll do my Kansas Twang for him. We’ll get along fine.
March 29th, 2006 at 9:33 pm, L. Says:
I have a cleaning lady — a luxury, to be sure, but she fills one highly necessary role: if she didn`t come twice a month, I might NEVER put the non-perishable groceries away. We would just use them right out of the bags on the floor by the door.
Most weeks, I`m sure she thinks I`ve just returned from a massive morning shopping trip, as I scurry to pick up and say, “Let me just get these out of your way!” Little does she know that these cans of soup and boxes of macaroni and cheese, plastic bags of junk from Target, etc. have been piling up for two weeks.
I DO put away the frozen food, having once learned a very costly lesson involving mint chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches.