Friday Playdate » Blog Archive » oh, Alanis Morissette, I’ve got your irony RIGHT HERE

oh, Alanis Morissette, I’ve got your irony RIGHT HERE

Filed Under Henry&Charlie on August 27, 2009

It’s a good thing I’m throwing myself into cleaning my house (and also pontificating about how much better my life is when everything is put away and dusted) because yesterday Henry cried the ENTIRE WAY HOME FROM SCHOOL.

What do those things have to do with each other, you ask? Well, the boy was crying because he had forgotten to bring the exact same unfinished school work home with him for the second day in a row. Still not seeing the connection?

The boy is painfully disorganized, you all. PAINFULLY. Although most of the pain is probably mine.

My kitchen is clean but my son is a mess! It’s a win-win! Wait no it isn’t.

Argh.

Henry has ADHD; for the most part, he functions just fine, but sometimes he loses track of things. Like time and space and his shoes and apparently his religion homework.

TWICE.

Like a lot of kids with ADHD, his room is a mess; our best strategy to date has been to have him contain the mountains of crap on the floor to piles in the corner, where we’re less likely to step on them and injure ourselves at four am. And — even MORE ironically, because it never ends — just yesterday morning I was telling a friend that I don’t worry too much about Henry being disorganized because those piles? are totally organized! Henry has a system! That none of the rest of us can figure out, but whatever! He has a system!

Apparently the system does not translate to school stuff. Not surprising when you consider that PILES ON THE FLOOR isn’t really a system after all, or at least not one that meshes well with a daily planner.

Again I say, ARGH.

So blah blah blah, we get through the afternoon (crying! and yelling! and apologizing! and coming up with strategies! and doing homework! and racing to eat dinner because OMG WE HAVE KARATE AND FOOTBALL PRACTICE AT THE SAME TIME!) and Wade and Charlie go off to football practice and Henry and I go to karate, where Henry spends 45 minutes not paying attention to the instructor and asking the kid next to him for help (which would have been awesome except that this particular kid had NO IDEA WHAT HE WAS DOING OMG I AM PAYING FOR THIS ??? WTH?!?).

And then we got to the really good part of my day.

On the way out of the karate place (studio? gym? sweaty smelly space with too many kids running around yelling?) the manager stops me because he wants to talk about our options for classes (we’re on a trial membership thing because we needed to know if ~~karate was going to kill me~~ Henry was going to like karate before we committed to anything bigger). I understand that this man is running a business and that right now, my child is a loss leader for him, but I wasn’t really in the mood for a sales pitch.

I was more in the mood for a martini, honestly. But I agreed to listen, because I’m nothing if not polite. Which may actually be a large part of my problem, come to think of it.

Unfortunately, the karate guy starts his pitch by talking about how focused and driven Henry clearly is and what a great job he’s doing of paying attention during the classes, and at that point I might have stopped listening because SERIOUSLY KARATE MAN??? WERE YOU REALLY WATCHING THE CLASS??? DO YOU KNOW WHICH ONE MY SON IS?!?

Argh. AGAIN.

So karate man is asking me for $1,600 (!!!) for Henry to stay in these classes where as far as I can tell he’s not listening AT ALL and I’m still worrying about the missing religion homework because my kid CANNOT FAIL THE THIRD GRADE (unless the school doesn’t mind him buying beer for everyone in the seventh grade since he’s already the oldest kid in his class by a YEAR). And then karate man started talking about discipline and organization and all I could think was shit, my kitchen is clean but my kid is a mess.

Rain on your wedding day isn’t irony, Alanis, but this sure as hell is. Believe me.

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$1600 for karate??? Do they want a lifetime commitment (excuse me, membership)? Yikes - no wonder I’m dragging my feet on signing my kid up for karate.

Wow - $1600 for Karate that doesn’t get someone to clean your kitchen for you is crazy!

There’s a cheaper option, I think, but I really did kind of zone out after the whole “Henry is so focused” part of the conversation. Also I was thinking that $1600 would buy a lot of J. Crew.

What?!? It’s true!

It’s a new school year. Hopefully he will find his groove. Or a strategy, or something. (And I feel your pain, my 4th grader is my attention um… challenged one. But she DID make it through 3rd grade!)

I’ve never been able to get past the steep financial committment to karate either. The same is true for ballet, by the way, in case you were thinking of trying that next.

There is a judo place on North May, by the sewing machine shop, that is very reasonable.

Karate is not a high school sport (which is how I always made my activity decisions) and that WOULD buy a lot of J.Crew.

My daughter, who has cerebral palsy, has attention issues - do I recognise the not listening to the teacher bit! It’s frustrating, it’s banging-your-head-against-a-wall, it’s trying NOT to think about what will happen in future.

I don’t know how she’s going to manage Year 4 (she’s nearly 9, you know I don’t know what third grade is) and yes, she’s one of the oldest in the class too. How to manage it the balance between gentle pressure guidance and and losing my rag is terrifyingly hard.

I don’t know how much $1600 dollars is in pounds sterling, but I think I’d be looking for a different hobby. Especially since the man doesn’t sound particularly understanding.

I have no answer. Other than drinking, of course.

Sorry. I’m laughing at the piles of stuff in his room. Sounds like my room when I was growing up. Didn’t know about ADHD back then, at least not in girls so I was just considered lazy and disorganized. When I was around 16/17, my mom decided to surprise me by cleaning up my “messy” piles. I couldn’t find ANYTHING afterward for a long time. She still doesn’t understand why I got so upset with her.

Jeez - go buy Ralph whats-his-name Karate Kid dude with Sensai Miyagi and he can “wipe-on wipe off” for a hell of a lot less that 1600 smackeroos! And you can have a wine cooler or fancy drink with a wee umbrella and a cherry for a 80’s nostagia moment.
Damn those messy pile being attached to an actual diagnosis - I refer to them as my office. Each to their own order I say…now - if I can just find where I left my drink….

Hey, Susan! I think part of the unorganization is just part of having kids - unless two of mine (ages 13 & 14) have undiagnosed ADHD.

I think it will get better as he learns what’s expected and gets into the routine of putting homework back in his backpack/folder/whatever he uses after completing it.

And the karate? That is a ridiculous price - especially with an instructor who clearly was only trying to make a sale. He obviously didn’t pay attention to your son at all in class.

I should clarify that the guy who gave me the sales pitch was NOT the same guy who taught Henry’s class the other night, and I don’t hold the sales pitch against him — he talked me through all the different pricing levels and was very open to the idea that we might not want to shell out more for karate than we pay for school tuition (for BOTH KIDS).

I think that moment was more about what was going on in my head. I have nothing bad to say about the karate place, I promise — it was just a looooong long day.

Ours is $1300, unless you pay in full, then it’s like $1100. Which is really not that bad when you break it down by month/week, but sounds horrible when you price it for the year…lol.

Third grade is the really hard year. I didn’t think either of my girls would make it through. But one is in 6th grade and one is a junior in high school…so they did. And I’m not locked up in a padded room (Yet). Good luck though!

I feel your pain.
My kids had their first day of school yesterday. My fourth grade daughter told me that she could see her teacher’s mouth moving, but all she heard was the music in her head.
“Do you think you might have missed something important?” I asked. “Oh, no!” she said with complete confidence.
I’m sure she’s right - after all, the first day is JUST about explaining the rules and expectations for the year, right?
Argh!

My son has ADHD and did karate for two years until I moved away from the dojo and sniffed and cried, because his instructor was very very very good with him and it gave him a real sense of pride to earn his brown belt just before we moved. Oh, and in our case it was $75/month, for coming to as many classes as we wanted to during the week.

The karate helped SOME with issues of self-control and self-discipline. But organization? Hahahahahahahahahahaha. I often joke that if his head was not firmly attached to his body, I’d be fishing it out of the Lost and Found every day.

One thing I did for him in regard to school papers was to write out exactly what to do every day with his homework papers etc, and tape it to his take-home folder (which, um, he has already forgotten at school. The SECOND day. This does not bode well. But LAST year in third grade it worked!)

Hang in there, my husband is ADD and managed to get thru school all the way to a PhD.

I’m thinking we’re “lucky” in that my ADHD diagnosed son also is allergic to a list of things including dust mites, so we keep next to nothing in his room — his and his brother’s beds, bedside tables with lamps, and the train table. Nothing else is allowed to stay in the room (because it collects dust)… So, we get to have the clutter everywhere else! At least their room is safe to traverse!

Not for nothing, but my incredibly wonderful but unbelievably disorganized ADHD kid has only ever excelled at one physical/sporty thing — karate. Somehow it works on keeping him focused and attentive. It helped him in all areas of his life and his behavior in that setting was shocking to see. So in my book karate is worth it. Of course, that was much cheaper karate — $1600???!!!???

Oh man. I sympathize. My kid makes her bed every morning to within an inch of its life. It is straight. The pillows are just so. The dolls are lined up at attention. And the rest of her room is piles and piles of mess. She’s got the one thing, and the rest is noise.

Your post made me smile - and I had a rough day too! My 5YO organizes his Bakugan so well…but can take an hour to make his bed…I guess you take the good w/ the bad!

OMG! I could have written that post word for WORD…only I have a 13, almost 14, yr old girl. Can I tell you that her ADD started affecting school in 3rd Grade too! It is REALLY FREAKING HARD some days. Other days are OK.
Fortunately for Kerry, she has VERY understanding teachers (most of them anyway…she is in Catholic school as well and 1 or 2 are still hard core old school…frustrating for everyone!!!)who do not enable her, but also don’t punish her for that which she is physically unable to control. (It is an EXTREMELY fine line, I know.) I want her to be responsible and organized (an utterly near impossible task for her), but some things she is just not capable of.
It will always be a struggle for us, but each year she learns another stategy to help her along.
Last year we incorporated a “binder system” for her…so, so helpful. It may not be for your little guy yet as it seems to be more geered to middle and high school. Instead of separate notebooks for each class (which tends to lead to: “I don’t have my notebook home” or “I have the WRONG notebook home”), use a binder with loose leaf and separaters for each subject. Bonus: You can add pages as needed so no need for 2 notebooks for the same subject!
Also, Kerry gets an extra set of text books to leave home so that there are fewer things to forget. I know some people will say I (we) am enabling her, but I assure you, I am not. She is held accountable for her work…but that is the thing…I want her to be able to concentrate on the work not the anxiety of not having the proper tools to do the work.
You are not alone in your struggle…but I will agree IT IS SO PAINFUL FOR THE MOTHER!!!
Hope my tid-bits help…I know I am always on the look out for ways that may help Kerry.
Good luck.
Meg

Oh, and we pay WAY more in tuition for Catholic schools…you guys are lucky!!

It’s hard to find a good dojo that also caters to children. There is an excellent sensei near me who has kids classes, and fear not, they’re ALL doing what you describe Charlie doing. So as long as this guy doesn’t have a case filled with trophies as the entrance (unless sport karate is what your after), maybe stick it out for a bit and see if Charlie can put his “brain on the shelf” and just be in the here/now (it took me a good year to get to that point, and afaik I don’t have ADHD!)

Ossu!

$1600! HOLY CRAP! Jack starts Tae Kwon Do tomorrow and it’s $90 a month. He can take up to 5 classes a week if he wants. Maybe Henry would like to take where Jack is taking? let me know if you are interested.

Holy smokes! I hope my son never wants to be in karate, LOL. How sad is that??! And I thought soccer was expensive!

Hang in there! It will all work out in the end:)

My 9yo son seems to have those same problems but I personally would not consider him ADD or ADHD. He is being a kid just like every single other kid I know.

Take yesterday for example. Kid comes home from school to work on homework. Has forgotten our homework routine from last year where he sits down and does the work without talking or asking for help until he is done (saves my sanity). After he is done, I help, explain, correct his work.

He couldn’t sit still for more than 2 minutes. Considering he has 45 minutes worth of work for the 4th grade, that is sad.

Found that he forgot his Math book for his math homework. Forgot his homework folder that says what the rest of his homework is.

Finally remembered to bring his lunch bag home that he forgot to bring home LAST Wednesday.

Get ready for baseball game (cuz the day is hectic enough already), and realized that he had left his hat at his friends home the day before. Struggle to get ahold of someone there and end up having to borrow the coach’s hat during the game.

Fun day!

The thing that I have finally come to realize though with my son; it will get better. This is the beginning of the school year blues for mommy because it’s the struggle to get him back into the same routine as last year. He will eventually remember to bring his homework home (almost every single day). He will eventually learn to sit down at the table and do his homework without getting up or talking. He will get it. I just have to survive for that time.

One other thing I have learned. Sports are important but school is more important. My son knows (and had this happen in the second and third grade) that if he cannot concentrate and do well in school, we pull him from whatever sport he is playing. I have seen his grades in school plummet as soon as spring baseball starts.

I personally have found that having time to come home, work on homework, have a decent meal and some family time, read a book, and then the bath/bed routine is so much better for him then the evenings we have baseball. The three school nights a week we have baseball, he gets home from school, has an hour of homework/snack time, gets dressed for baseball and goes to baseball from 5-8pm, come home, bath, eat some crappy dinner that mommy knows is quick to throw together, read & finish homework, go to bed.

He definitely does better on the evenings with no commitments.

Sorry about the book….lol

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