November 26, 2006
maybe Scrooge needed some butter toffee popcorn
Today I was indecisive, which works out well for you.
I’ve spent three days moaning about how FUUULLLLL I am (Wade: Any thoughts about dinner? Me: I’m still FUUUULLLL from Wednesday night. Wade: Soooo . . . what’s for dinner? Me: I’m too FUUULLL to think about dinner. Wade: Okaaayyy . . . ). Of course, that didn’t stop me from buying a gigantic container of toffee-covered popcorn at Target today. Because there’s always room for popcorn, particularly when it’s coated with a buttery-sugary glaze. And if you’re already wearing your stretchy yoga pants, then really there’s no reason NOT to buy it.
Mmmm, glaze . . .
Charlie has been pestering me all weekend to put up our Christmas tree, and today we finally did it. We have a plastic tree, which I used to think was a HORRIBLE TRAVESTY, until the Christmas that I INSISTED we get a live tree and the damn thing died three days later. We spent all of Christmas week sweeping up needles and trying to keep Baby Henry from eating them. It wasn’t exactly what I was dreaming of when I said, “I want a REAL tree!”
Now we have a little plastic tree that we put up every year. I like to think of it as our Charlie Brown tree; it comes out of the box totally mauled and horrific looking, and an hour later it’s beautiful.
This year, though, the road to beautiful was a bumpy one, as I seem to have lost ALL of our Christmas lights. So after taking the kids to SuperTarget this morning for muffins and milk, I had to go BACK to SuperTarget AGAIN to get Christmas lights. Oh, I tried to avoid a second trip to Target; I went to the Dollar Store (which was like a little visit to hell) and to Walgreens (seriously, you want HOW MUCH for those lights? are they made of glass or PLATINUM?) but in the end, there was no substitute. Also, Target has the candy-coated popcorn, so it wasn’t all bad.
But still, WHERE ARE THOSE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS? That’s going to bug the hell out of me.
So we got the tree up and the lights on and then the boys decorated it, which went better this year than last year, when I just haphazardly handed them ornaments, with no regard for the boys’ coordination or the ornament’s fragility. We broke some stuff last year, which was fine, really, because you know they’re just ORNAMENTS (except that Henry broke the cute cute handmade train my mother had sent him and I wound up sitting on the sofa holding the pieces and muttering CALM BLUE OCEAN over and over). THIS year, I put the breakable things on myself and the kids put the rest on and it was ALL GOOD.
When we were done, Wade looked at the tree and said, “Great job, guys!” Then he whispered, “Maybe later I’ll do some reorganizing.”
I also put some kitschy chili pepper lights up outside, which was when I started swearing for real. First I couldn’t get the string to hang right, then I couldn’t find the extension cord, THEN the cord (which was wedged under my mountain bike–dude, I totally forgot that I have a MOUNTAIN BIKE! cool)–the cord was all knotted, and THEN I had to drag it through the bushes to plug the lights in and THEN I had to run the damn cord halfway around the garage while Wade watched to be sure I wouldn’t block his car door and then . . .
Argh.
When I finally got the lights hung and ready to turn on, Wade sent the boys to look out the window. I plugged the cord in and waited for the cheering, or at least a big THANK YOU. Instead, I heard, “Is Mommy going to put MORE lights up, or is that it?’
Oh, that’s it. THAT IS IT.
Happy holidays, dammit.
Posted by Susan @ 5:23 pm • Uncategorized
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November 26th, 2006 at 6:49 pm, Melissa Says:
THAT IS IT.
We lose all the Christmas lights every year. EVERY. YEAR. Where could they possibly go???
This year I know where the outdoor lights are because we never packed them away. They’re in my laundry room, where I have to move them every time I want to get to the stain remover. We’ll hang outdoor lights this year.
November 26th, 2006 at 7:03 pm, Toady Joe Says:
HeeheeHEE. Thanks for cheering me up, I’m feeling rather irritable with Family DRAHMAH and came online to escape. Wah-LAH, you fixed me with your woeful tale.
November 26th, 2006 at 7:21 pm, Jenorama Says:
Oh my hell. When the hell are we going to set up Christmas decorations, do the baking, and clean for Dereck’s parents, let alone shop?
Now, I feel slightly panicked.
Not your fault though! Damn holidays.
November 26th, 2006 at 7:40 pm, wordgirl Says:
No tree here just yet, but some of the decorations are out of storage and others can be gotten tomorrow. It’s a big undertaking and, of course, there’s cleaning to be done as well.
Slowly, I’m getting into the spirit.
November 26th, 2006 at 8:37 pm, Stefanie Says:
I loooove Target and I hate hanging shit up. We have a lot in common.
November 26th, 2006 at 8:55 pm, Wendy Says:
Oh, I love me some Target, too.
We had a live tree until we got the wood floors. I couldnt take the thought of water and cleaning pine needles. We found the perfect fake tree with lights already on it. Hubby always has his swearing moments when he is stringing the lights on the tree. Then I go to Bath and Body Works and buy the tree wallflower and bam, I have the tree I wanted. The only thing I like about the real trees is the smell.
We need to get started on our decorating. I guess I will have to do some of it on my own. Bah Hum bug.
November 26th, 2006 at 9:56 pm, Karyn Says:
That’s funny as hell.
My spiral Christmas Tree with a star on top and little swirly white lights all round it has vanished since last year. Maybe they got together with your lights?
Crap.
I did the big colored Charlie-Brown lights along our fence and gate… the porch will wait until another day.
November 26th, 2006 at 10:45 pm, Andie D. Says:
We have a big ole fake pre-lit tree we bought from Target a few years ago.
I LOVE IT.
The tree, the holiday wreath, a few odds and ends, were all up the day after turkey.
But we wait for the actual decorating until Mick gets back in town. Ben is JONESING to put ornaments on the tree. Poor kid.
November 26th, 2006 at 10:52 pm, Velma Says:
“CALM BLUE OCEAN” will definitely be my new mantra to get me through the holidays this year. That, and “Where’s the corkscrew?”
November 27th, 2006 at 6:17 am, Mamacita Tina Says:
I always dread trying to untangle the MASSIVE KNOT the lights manage to get in while in storage. Maybe it was sheer luck you had to go buy lights.
November 27th, 2006 at 8:01 am, Laura Says:
Hee. “Calm blue ocean.”
November 27th, 2006 at 11:04 am, sarcastic journalist Says:
Ornaments and popcorn for everyone!!!!!