May 8, 2006
I’ve been holding out
I am thirty pages from the end of the mess that is Caitlin Flanagan and I’m still not sure what to say about her or her book (except that today I realized that the top two books in the basket on the ottoman in our family room are titled To Hell With All That and The Bitch in the House–make of that what you will). I will say this: I’m not drunk, nor am I angry–I’m more baffled than anything. I’ll get back to you after page 239.
In the meantime, you can go here and read my review of Leslie Morgan Steiner’s The Mommy Wars. And it is with a great sigh of relief that I can FINALLY tell you that I’ve been holding out on you. About a couple of things, actually. I’m going to be writing a media column for mamazine.com, which is fantastic in itself–but! Wait! It gets better.
Through the intercessions of the amazing Amy Anderson, I got to interview Leslie Morgan Steiner. Yes, really! I called her at home on a Monday morning a few weeks ago, and she talked with me for an hour. And I have been itching to say this ever since: she was gracious and thoughtful and honest, and it was a pleasure to talk with her. I still don’t entirely agree with her about some things–for instance, I think she simultaneously expects too much and too little from men–but she is clearly passionate about finding ways to support women regardless of their choices.
I also want to say this: Mommy Wars includes an incredible essay called “Red Boots and Cole Hahns,” by a woman named Monica Buckley Price; it is the story of Price’s decision to leave her career and stay home with her autistic son. When I talked with Leslie, I had not yet read this essay (the interview was scheduled during the window when Henry was off his meds and not going to school, and I was a little, er, behind). I asked Leslie what her favorite essays in the book were, and she mentioned “Red Boots and Cole Hahns” and I was compelled to admit that no, I had not read it. When she told me what it was about, I blurted out, “That’s what I’m doing!”
“Read Monica’s essay,” she said. “You will love it.” I hung up the phone and sat at my kitchen table and read Buckley’s piece and sobbed. I was still weeping an hour later when I picked Henry up at school.
The whole book is like that, and I give Leslie Steiner credit for pulling it together. I still don’t believe in the “Mommy wars,” but I do believe in this book.
And now I have thirty more pages of Caitlin Flanagan to tackle. Excuse my while I refill my drink.
Hey, and speaking of drinks, didn’t Jenorama do a FANTASTIC job with my new banner? Doesn’t it look all 1950s Preppy writer? Martinis for everyone! Especially Jen, who had to put up with all my blahblahblahing about what I wanted the font to look like. Hooray! And thanks, Jen.
Posted by Susan @ 6:39 pm • other places
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May 8th, 2006 at 7:58 pm, Granny Says:
I haven’t read Flanagan’s book and probably won’t. I get too angry.
Isn’t Jen wonderful? She set up my entire blog as a gift to me when she was tired of saying “Ann, get a blog”.
Here it is - now blog!! Whatever you say, Jen.
May 8th, 2006 at 9:51 pm, MommyWithAttitude Says:
Cool on the Mamazine column!
I picked up Flanagan’s book over the weekend to review also. I wanted to read the book before I judged, to be fair, but just flipping through it was annoying for a variety of reasons, so I’m thinking I might as well have judged blindly.
May 9th, 2006 at 10:04 am, Elizabeth Says:
congrats on the mamazine gig.
I agree that many of the essays in the Mommy Wars book were great. I just hate the title, and think Steiner is wasting the huge opportunity of being given the blog on the WashingtonPost site.
May 9th, 2006 at 10:38 am, Candace Says:
Never ever sell yourself short again, missy, or you’ll find me on your doorstep, ready to smack you in the head.
May 9th, 2006 at 11:03 am, Susan Says:
Candace, I would do anything to find you on my doorstep, even if it meant taking a beating.
And oh, Elizabeth, that blog . . . I don’t even know where to start with the blog. I wrestled with how to write about it, and then just gave up.
Maybe on another day.
May 9th, 2006 at 12:41 pm, Mary P. Says:
Having never heard of Caitlin Flanagan prior to three weeks ago when I first ran across her name on a blog, and then in quick succession read a few articles about her in various print media, I confess to being very curious.
I intend to get the book this weekend. So far all I’m hearing just makes her sound interesting. I may not agree with everything she says, but I don’t think I’ll disagree with everything, either. Always fun to find something like that!
May 9th, 2006 at 1:18 pm, Velma Says:
I’m dying to hear your take on the Flanagan book, Susan - I’ve been holding off getting it because I’m not sure she deserves my money. Love the new banner - I’m jealous!
May 9th, 2006 at 6:29 pm, Nancy Says:
Congrats on the Mamazine column! I will go read it when I’m done here.
Love the new header too. Kudos to you and Jenorama!
And appreciate the feedback on The Mommy Wars — I’ll definitely have to check out Price’s essay if nothing else.
May 10th, 2006 at 6:10 am, fELiCitY Says:
Hey Susan I read somewhere that the REAL mommy wars are NOT about working or staying home–No, no, it’s now WOMEN wars between women who choose to BE mommies and those who remain childless.
May 10th, 2006 at 6:47 am, Susan Says:
Felicity, that makes so much sense, as a next step in this whole mess; if we’re talking about choices (stay home, work) the choice to have or not have a child is a big one, particularly at THIS moment in time, when abortion rights are being slowly but surely eviscerated.
I think the fascination with the “Mommy wars” is indicative of other things going on in our cuture, and it frightens me.
May 10th, 2006 at 7:19 am, Lauren Says:
Can’t wait to read your review. I’ve read many of the chapters before in The Atlantic and The New Yorker, but not in the actual book. I have a different take on her in my blog if you want to read it.
May 11th, 2006 at 10:05 am, Suburban Turmoil Says:
Congrats again on Mamazine.
Maybe there’ll be a Mamazine party and they’ll fly all their writers to Tahiti!
I’m about to read and review Inner Housewife and I’m very excited about the controversy surrounding it. I’ll be interested to read what you thought of it.
May 11th, 2006 at 1:49 pm, Mary Tsao Says:
I thought that essay was the pivotal one on the book; I based a lot of my review of the book on it. And I was thinking of you and wondering what you thought of it. It was powerful, huh?
Love the banner. Very nice.