September 26, 2007
it’s going to get worse before I get better
So right after I said, oh there’s nothing going on here today? Remember that? Yeah.
All hell broke loose.
I went to the furniture store, because nothing inspires you to buy a damn sofa already like hiring an interior decorator (if only because you realize that for $60.00 an hour, you can pick out your own damn sofa). I sat on sofas, I choose fabric, I conned the VERY NICE sales associate into making me a computer mock up of said sofa with the EXACT arms and legs and fabric I want on it. I promised — nay, SWORE! — that I would send Wade back to sit on the sofa THIS VERY WEEKEND so we could order the damn thing already and get on with our lives.
I felt good. Because look at me, on death’s door, but still choosing upholstery fabric! Yay me!
(I may possibly have rewarded myself for all this productivity by stopping at SuperTarget and buying a cool bead necklace. Or two. Possibly. Although in my defense, I went in NOT to buy a necklace but to get something for dinner and THEN remembered that we didn’t need anything for dinner. Whatever.)
So I go pick the boys up at school, where Charlie’s teacher informs me that five — FIVE! — kids in her class have stomach flu. She knows this because ALL FIVE threw up at school.
Preschool teachers should get hazard pay. Seriously.
As we pull into the garage, Charlie starts to cry because his stomach hurts. He goes upstairs and gets into bed while I corral Henry into the playroom because he not ONLY has his regular homework to do, but he has somehow managed not to finish his Spanish and has THAT to do as well. This is right after he tells me that he missed PE today because he had to go to the library and finish all the work he didn’t get done in class this week. Of course.
And then the doorbell rings. A very nice young man is offering me the opportunity to change my cable provider (who also takes care of my phone and internet). I already despise my current cable provider (because my internet connection drops THREE OR FOUR TIMES A DAY, you all, I am not kidding) so I am already inclined to change providers.
But then the nice young man (who is in the National Guard and is deploying to Iraq at the end of the year, which pretty much made me want to buy WHATEVER HE WAS SELLING because maybe then he could stay here and sell cable packages instead of going off to Iraq and risking his life) — then the nice young man says the magic words: FREE DVR.
I was putty in his hands.
The nice young man starts filling out paperwork, Henry finishes his homework, Charlie comes down stairs, and I turn Dragon Tales on. And then Charlie throws up all over the sofa.
You see where this is going, don’t you? I’m getting a new sofa! Because what I REALLY needed wasn’t a decorator, it was a five-year-old with a stomach virus.
I spent the next hour running in circles, trying to get Charlie calmed down and bathed and the sofa cleaned up and laundry started and the paperwork for the damn cable switch filled out. I guess Henry watched PBS during all this; I don’t really know. Good thing we don’t have that DVR yet or he might have been watching reruns of Project Runway.
It’s almost ten pm, I’ve done five loads of laundry, and Charlie just threw up again. The school called not ten minutes ago to ask if I could sub tomorrow, because Charlie’s teacher has the stomach flu (surprise! couldn’t see THAT coming). I am exhausted and completely out of laundry detergent, and I know — I just KNOW — that by this time tomorrow, someone else in this house will have the same flu.
The NEXT time I say, dude there’s nothing going on around here? Punch me in the head. Please.
Posted by Susan @ 8:58 pm • fretful and worrisome
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September 26th, 2007 at 9:33 pm, daysgoby Says:
Wade doesn’t get to come home at all before he’s sat on the sofa now, does he?
Poor Charlie. At least he had good aim - he could have hit the FREE DVR guy.
September 26th, 2007 at 9:38 pm, Marti Says:
Dang! Seven people with the stomach flu in the same day. Sounds more like food poisoning.
September 26th, 2007 at 9:44 pm, Susan Says:
The only thing that keeps me from thinking it’s food poisoning is that Charlie takes his lunch.
Either way, I’m getting a new sofa! Oh also my baby is miserable. Which is sad.
And a DVR!
September 26th, 2007 at 9:52 pm, Rocks In My Dryer Says:
Hey, I’ve been working on talking Hubs into a new sofa. Didn’t think about trying vomit. Nice tip!
September 26th, 2007 at 10:39 pm, Adria Says:
I hope Charlie feels better soon and no one else gets the flu!
Can’t wait to see the new sofa.
September 27th, 2007 at 6:06 am, cce Says:
Oh damn, where do you live? Because if it’s anywhere near me then I too will have the stomach flu by the end of this comment posting. My whole family is just so susceptible to this type of thing. And though my kids are old enough to get themselves to the toilet or the sink or, at the very least, a potted plant, they still seem to prefer vomiting in their beds, on the sofa or in the car.
Isn’t it early for the stomach viruses to be circulating? Sigh. I’m in a defensive crouch. Lathering on antiseptic hand lotions and what not. It’s futile. I know.
September 27th, 2007 at 7:51 am, Mir Says:
I’m just offering my generic condolences, because you know how squeamish I am about The Vomit and as soon as you said stomach flu I had to go rock in the corner for a while.
September 27th, 2007 at 7:53 am, Christine Says:
It’s that one darn kid, that threw up on the way to school three days before, but his mom sent him on in anyway, and he basically touched and licked everything in sight …
… not that this has ever happened to me and I’m bitter or anything …
September 27th, 2007 at 8:55 am, Wendy Says:
But you are getting TiVo. Yeah!!!! It will make everything better.
September 27th, 2007 at 9:17 am, M&Co. Says:
Oh Susan! This made me actually put on my anti-bacterial deep cleansing hand gel before I commented. But hey! A DVR AND a new sofa.
September 27th, 2007 at 11:34 am, Lee Says:
Vomit is one of the many reasons my husband says I CAN’T have a new couch!
September 27th, 2007 at 11:34 am, Jennie Says:
How about we buy you cocktails because if you’ve said there’s nothing going on, you’re going to need them soon enough.
And then the cocktails can punch you in the head the next day.
Win-win.
September 27th, 2007 at 11:56 am, All Adither Says:
I’m dreading the day one of my kids comes home with the stomach flu…I remember doing that to my parents and hearing them retch in the bathroom. There was nothing scarier than hearing your parent retch.
Good luck to you!
September 27th, 2007 at 12:30 pm, Shan Says:
NOTHING WORSE than a kid with the stomach flu. Except maybe both kids with the stomach flu. So sorry, Susan.
September 27th, 2007 at 1:11 pm, Heather B. Says:
Awww. Tell Charlie that I hope he feels better.
September 27th, 2007 at 2:31 pm, Kian Says:
This is what taught me the true beauty of slipcovers: a 2 year old with the stomach flu.
But they’re from Ikea, so it’s ok.
I hope Charlie is feeling better and that no one else gets sick!
October 31st, 2007 at 7:14 pm, Kristen Says:
So, I don’t have kids, but I did just lose DVR (had to get a new SUV because we got a new puppy and couldn’t fit TWO dogs in my car anymore . . .), so sacrifices had to be made. That being said, can I come live with you? I MISS DVR SO MUCH AND I CAN’T COMPLAIN TO MY HUSBAND BECAUSE HE’LL ASK WHY I BROUGHT HOME YET ANOTHER DAMN DOG THAT MADE US BUY THE NEW CAR!!!!!! And now I have to actually try to watch Ugly Betty when it’s on, and I’ve missed two weeks. Life sucks.
November 2nd, 2007 at 8:14 pm, Friday Playdate » under the wire Says:
[…] sleeper sofa. Charlie stood at the door and watched as they drove away, and then said, “I threw up on that sofa. Bye bye […]