February 17, 2006
it’s Friday, so let’s talk about my hair
This was my hair when I was in Houston, which was, oh, a month ago. And yes, I’d had a glass of wine (or three), thus my Extra Happy Face. Party on!
This was my hair (and my vintage 1997 geek glasses, which I love, so don’t mock them) on Monday. I had to take like three dozen pictures to get two halfway good ones. Really! I probably should have had a glass of wine then.
Please note that the photos are black and white to disguise my roots, which I have not had time to touch up. And yes, they still make SunIn, although when I looked at the bottle I realized that I actually use Clairol Touch of Sun because it costs less. And it works! Okay, although it doesn’t hide the grey. Oh well.
Glad we’ve got that out of the way–watch this space on Fridays for Hair Updates. Or for the (inevitable) news that I’ve caved and cut it.
I have so much else to tell you all, like about all the fascinating conversations I overheard at Starbucks this week, but Charlie has been coming in at 5:45 am to get in bed with me, which is very cute until I try to get up and get in the shower and he cries and says, ‘I don’t WAAAANT you to take a SHOOOWWWER!’ He also cries in the afternoons because he’s tired and doesn’t want to nap. Except today, when he DID want to nap, but on the floor, and he INSISTED that I lay down with him ON THE FLOOR. I said no, and he cried. For half an hour. At bedtime he gets up like 200 times because he’s so tired that he can’t settle himself to sleep and enventually he falls apart and cries until I lay down with him (in the bed, not on the floor). So I’m feeling a little tired myself, and I could really use a long shower. And any advice the Internets might have about how to get the boy to stay in bed and go to sleep would be welcomed. We’re open to anything, including bungee cords and duct tape, just so you know.
Edited to add . . .
Hey, it’s 8:30 and I’m back to say look at you all, ignoring the complete narcisscism of this post (good lord, who needs to see all those pictures of my head?) to offer ACTUAL USEFUL ADVICE and sympathy about my demon spawn son! On a Friday night, even! Thank you, Internet. Keep the suggestions coming.
To help you out, here are Things We Have Tried (With NO Succes) To Keep Charlie In Bed:
1. Closing his door; he opens it and come out into the hall SOBBING. And then comes to find me, still sobbing.
2. The doorknob cover on the inside of the door. We did this with Henry and it worked like a charm. But Charlie can take it off! Because Henry taught him how! Whose idea was it to encourage them to like each other? Dammit.
3. Bribes. This didn’t work for the potty either, which is wierd because Charlie loves him some candy so you would think he’d be ripe for the bribing. But no! Last night, for example, I offered him a lollipop in his lunch–his favorite treat ever–and he STILL got up. Repeatedly. And then this morning had the gall to REMIND me to put a lolly in my bag for him. I think not, son.
4. Threats. I am all about the threat. Which may actually be part of my problem. Hmm. Anyway, at some point I wind up saying some verson of the following: ‘Go back to bed or we will take your stuffed friends/binkie/pillows/food/you name it away.’ And I actually have made good on some of these threats (the stuffed friends and pillows, and the binkie, although we return that to his bed once he’s calm, and of course we wouldn’t take his FOOD away, in case you’re worried. Although someone should probably do that to me).
5. Oblivion. We have actually had the most luck with the very simple strategy of ignoring him when he comes to find us. We either keep reading or surfing or loading the dishwasher or we have the MOST BORING conversation you can imagine. One night Wade told me EVERY SINGLE DETAIL of an internal review board meeting he had been to that day. I thought my brain was going to start leaking out my eyeballs. But it worked! Charlie laid down on the floor and was half asleep by the time the meeting was over. And when I said, ‘Are you ready to go to bed, buddy?’ he said, ‘Yes PLEASE Mommy.’ I kid you not.
The problem right now is that by 7:30 or so, Charlie is beyond exhausted and I have had enough of his whiny company. And so we are at an impasse.
BUT! Continue to help and sympathize. Or at least make me laugh.
Posted by Susan @ 4:32 pm • Uncategorized
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February 17th, 2006 at 5:19 pm, Jenorama Says:
Oh, I love the glasses and your cute hair!
I wish I had suggestions about Charlie. But I lay down with my kids at night for an absurdly long time. When my kids (who are older) get out of bed now (rarely), they end up in Time Out. I wish I knew what to tell you with that!
It sounds like he may be fighting something off…
February 17th, 2006 at 5:36 pm, adria Says:
Your hair looks so cute! When I was at Big Lots this morning, I saw Sun In on the shelf, but it was not in spray form. It made me instantly think of you.
Luckily, Daria does not fight bedtime too bad, but she does show up in our bed around 6ish in the morning. She likes to lay there and hum until the alarm goes off or one of us gets up.
Have you tried good ol’ fashion bribery on Charlie? Like in forms of food, stickers, or toys?
February 17th, 2006 at 6:36 pm, Misfit Hausfrau Says:
Love the hair (and the glases are adorable.)
About the whole sleeping thing at night. I don’t lay with my kids. Never have. I do have the plastic door thingies covering the door knobs (more to keep her from locking herself in). She has recently figured out how to open them anyway, but again, she doesn’t get up.
That said, a friend of mine did have that challenge. After her daughter went out to the front porch at 2AM last summer, I suggested that she switch the lock around on the doorknob so that it locks from the outside. No more problems. It may sound cruel for a split second, but being able to sleep because you know that A) they are safe and B) they can’t climb into bed with you is a great feeling. There might be a night or two of a crying boy, but you’re laying down the law.
February 17th, 2006 at 6:40 pm, Felicity Says:
Love love love the glasses so much that I could just pollute my underwear! OMG SO GREAT.
I love your hair too and your smile and no wonder Wade loves you. And now I’m really SURE you’re younger than me.
At my house we cosleep, so, no help from me on that issue, sorry.
February 17th, 2006 at 7:10 pm, Candace Says:
Why are you so cute and I’m so hagish?
Re: the sleeping thing, we do death threats.
Okay, not really, but I’ve thought about it. We (and by “we”, I mean “Mr. Foot”) started allowing them to play in bed, meaning they get to have a soft toy or two and they can talk to themselves and said toys until we call up and say, “SHUT UP! IT’S TIME TO GO TO SLEEP!”. Oh, wait, that’s what *I* say. Mr. Foot says, “Time for bed, guys!”
It works quite well, and they almost always drift off to sleep within a half hour.
February 17th, 2006 at 7:45 pm, Jack's Raging Mommy Says:
Personally I saw screw the shower and go ahead and nap, but that is just me and the fact that I sometimes don’t leave the house for three days at a time and can skip showers.
I’m nasty
February 17th, 2006 at 7:56 pm, Kristen Says:
Good god, woman - Charlie and Quinn really do share a brain. Or a desire to drive their mothers to the brink of sanity. Or something. Quinn’s been doing that sleep-fighting thing lately, too, and I’m pulling my hair out over it (which keeps me from having to get hair cuts, by the way).
Your hair and your glasses are really cute…and you know what else I noticed? How jealous I am over your perfectly straight teeth (hating the braces even more, now…)!
February 17th, 2006 at 8:01 pm, MamaChristy Says:
Stop it! You people are scaring me! My boy is 18 months old and is still in a crib, so I don’t know what to tell you. Other than that you have cute hair. But I don’t think that helps so much with the sleeping issues. But it doesn’t hurt! But I like Adria’s idea of bribery. I’m gonna “but” out now…
February 17th, 2006 at 8:15 pm, Mary P. Says:
I generally go with the duct tape, myself. Bungee cords stretch, and so are a choking hazard. Though I may dream of throttling a child from time to time, I’d never actually do it.
February 17th, 2006 at 9:18 pm, Meredith Says:
I love the hair! I have equally geekish funky glasses too. I like the style of the Houston picture a touch better - so cut away!
February 17th, 2006 at 9:21 pm, Susie Says:
I’m with mamachristy as Liam is almost 18mos and I’m gonna put a lid on his crib. HA. That was a joke. Sorta.
Look at you with the cuteness! Cute hair! Cute glasses! Cute cute cute! I’m so jealous that you can wear short hair so well! I can’t.
*sigh* but grow it out if you must!
February 17th, 2006 at 9:51 pm, ieatcrayonz Says:
Maybe his bedroom isn’t fun enough. My bedroom has fun things in it like KY jelly and a stethoscope!
Okay, so maybe you should just buy him a tent to sleep in. That could be fun, if you find a way to remove the internal zippers.
February 17th, 2006 at 11:12 pm, Chag Says:
I think you solved your own problem! Just have your husband make up work-related bedtime stories.
February 17th, 2006 at 11:30 pm, daysgoby Says:
Our problem is that the computer is upstairs and if Hubs goes up to use it they can hear him BREATHING and the hue and cry begins. See, I’m the tough one. One drink of water, one pee (preferably the same trip!)and that’s it. No hanging around with Fun Dad, playing on the computer and seeing what you can get into. No, I am the threatener and the kill-joy, the one who roars from downstairs “If you aren’t back in bed in one minute you and your Dad are in BIG TROUBLE!!”
Cass has two nightlights now - one plain one, and a small lamp that whirls when the lightbulb heats up (it sends fish patterns on his walls.) It seems to calm him.
Also, have you tried running a fan or an air cleaner outside his door?
The white noise seems to help my little night marauder in bed.
Good luck.
February 18th, 2006 at 1:24 am, The Daring One Says:
I love it when you post about your hair. I would love to have that hair cut but I would look like a melon.
I’m with you on the ignoring thing. I love it in fact. The image in my head of the scene you described is so funny.
February 18th, 2006 at 6:22 am, Nancy Says:
You look so cute/sophisticated/pretty with the short hair and glasses. I want short hair but every time I’ve gotten it cut I hate it immediately and spend the next several months trying to grow it out. need to find me the right stylist…
Good luck with Charlie. Battles like that are so frustrating.
February 18th, 2006 at 8:53 am, The June Cleaver Diaries Says:
Everyone is saying how “cute” your hair is, so I’m breaking the mold and saying it looks “adorable.” I’m so counter-culture.
I was the queen of gettnig out of bed when I was that age. I think I felt like I was missing out on something by being in my room, or that I couldn’t sleep, so maybe my parents could help me sleep. It nerver dawned on me that my parents were doing a happy dance as soon as my brother and I went to bed, and that their sanity-time was being cut into by little old me. I would have never dreamed that my parents wouldn’t want to hang out with me a little more.
Then my dad threatened to give me one slap on the ass for every time I got out of bed.
Fear worked. But my feelings were hurt, because, after all, why wouldn’t they want me around?
Enough about me. Talk about narcissism.
Alex plays in bed until he goes to sleep. Thank God.
I’ve head about trying a “hall pass” at night. They get 3 passes (or 2, or whatever) to get out of bed for something. Once the passes are used, that’s it. If they get out of bed again, they lose a pass (or 2 or all) for the next night. gradually work down the number of passes they get.
ANd each night they stay in bed WITHOUT using a pass, give them a check mark towards going see Curious George or something.
Gee, I sound like a regular Dr. Spock here. So why are my kids so difficult??? ARGH!
February 18th, 2006 at 8:54 am, The June Cleaver Diaries Says:
I’m also the queen of typos this morning, as you can see.
February 18th, 2006 at 10:20 am, Chilihead2 Says:
Oh! I had that hair too! Then I decided to grow it out and perm it. I’m wishing I had the short back! ; )
February 18th, 2006 at 11:26 am, Kristen Says:
I had that haircut! Then dear old husband decided that he wanted to know what it looks like long. Now I’m growing it out (STILL) and hating it. You look sooo cute!
My SIL used a baby gate to lock her kids in their room. Does he know how to climb over baby gates?
We had this problem with my husband’s twins. I told them that if they got up after already going potty and getting water, they had better be vomiting, have diarrhea, be bleeding, or be dying. Any other excuse was going to make them lose television for THE WHOLE FOLLOWING DAY. I only had to take tv away once or twice.
February 18th, 2006 at 3:56 pm, Susan Says:
Kristen, Charlie doesn’t mess with climbing over the gate; he just rips it out of the doorframe. Because he’s a thug.
His cuteness is sometimes the only thing that keeps him alive.
February 18th, 2006 at 4:21 pm, kyra Says:
i love the hair!! and i’m the LAST person to give advice about bedtime and sleep since it is 5 years now and fluffy has yet to a) fall asleep alone in his bed and b) sleep through the night more than twice. i am a sad sad case in this area.
February 18th, 2006 at 5:07 pm, CarpeDM Says:
Your hair is adorable. And I love the glasses. I can’t wear glasses shaped like that because my face doesn’t work well with anything cool looking. I have to stick with round glasses that are not cool. It is very sad.
Apparently I am also counter-culture.
I have absolutely no advice on keeping children in bed. Being child free and all, I keep my big mouth shut unless I actually know something that has worked for someone who has children. Although I did enjoy reading your update and how Charlie couldn’t handle the details of the meeting. I’ve been to some of those meetings.
February 18th, 2006 at 7:31 pm, chichimama Says:
First off, love the hair. And the glasses, I have the same ones. Mine are red, well, maybe maroon. Some version of red that is not cherry red.
Second, I am anxiously reading the sleep help tips as we have the EXACT. SAME. PROBLEM. over here. And it sucks big time. So know that there is someone else out there who knows your pain.
And if you find a solution please do share…
February 18th, 2006 at 7:32 pm, chichimama Says:
OH, yeah, and I used SunIn for years. Until the grey got tooo bad and I had to go full hog. I love that smell to this day…
February 18th, 2006 at 9:48 pm, Amy Linder Says:
Okay, I’ve got some good bedtime advice for you, courtesy of T.V’s The Super Nanny. This really worked well for us with our 3 year old daughter (whom we had to sit with until she fell asleep, then sneak out - we did this for months!). So, this is what you do…
On the first night you tell your kid that you’ll sit next to his bed until he falls asleep, but once the light is out you can’t talk to him, hold him, nothing. The next night you sit a bit further away, same no talking deal. Each night you progressively sit further and further away from the bed - soon you’ll be out of the room altogether.
For us this was about a 7-10 day process. And once I was out of the room, I spent several more nights waiting right outside her door for about 5 minutes to make sure she wouldn’t get out. She did great! Yes, she got out on occasion and we silently took her right back to bed (no talking = no fighting = no getting each other riled up). But these instances were rare and now she goes to bed like a pro (okay, so she has this “thing” where she does get out of bed almost instantly and my husband puts her right back. But it’s almost always just this one time, then she’s good for the night. Cool).
Another good tip - if he tends to get up in the middle of the night to come to your room - get him a digital clock for his room. Tell him he’s not allowed to get out of bed until the 1st number on the clock is a 6 (or whatever time works best for you). We’ve found that covering up the other numbers on the clock is also very helpful so she doesn’t get confused which 6 she’s watching for. This has worked for our daughter really well. She does still come into our room in the middle of the night sometimes, but we ask her what time her clock says and she knows. We take her back and tell her to wait for the 6 and she’s good with that. We typically don’t hear from her again until morning. Before, she would come to us and NEED to sleep with us in our bed, or have one of us sleep with her in her’s. Now she’s good to go back to sleep by herself.
Sorry this was so long, but I hope it gives you some good ideas to test out. Good luck!
Amy
February 19th, 2006 at 8:54 am, Arwen Says:
Your hair looks great short but I understand growing it, you have to cut it ALL the time. Have you ever watched the Nanny? She battles this all the time and she says to basically pick them up (say nothing to them) put them in bed and then say ‘I love you, time to go to sleep’ and walk out. If you let them hang out, even if you are ignoring them, it teaches them it is ok to be out of bed, which she seemes to think it wasn’t.
February 19th, 2006 at 1:28 pm, Anonymous Says:
First, I think you are stunning, absolutely stunning with short hair. Not everyone can do it … but I will support any woman on the haircut of her choice, so GROW, baby, GROW.
Second, my son is almost 11, and I’m an old woman, so here’s my advice. This sleep shit is a phase if we let it be. No one still sleeps with their parents when they go away to college. I co-slept with Child, nursed until 30 months old, laid down until sleep came during the nursery school years, blah blah blah. Never Ferbered, never silently walked him back to bed. Gave him what he needed for as long as he needed it. Now he doesn’t need it any longer.
I believe that the time to encourage and foster independence and separation is when the sun is up and all of us are more rational and the demons aren’t so scary.
Now at 10 and 11/12ths, Child goes to bed easily and with eagerness when he’s especially tired. Bedtime isn’t a battle, I believe because we didn’t make it one.
Like I did as a child knowing that I was missing grown-up-land, Child comes out to see what’s up (especially during the very good portions of Boston Legal, little shit), but he usually says something charming like, “Mom, I love you.” Then in my own loving mother tone I say, “I love you too, you brown-noser. Now go to bed.”
To everyone out there with little ones … this too shall pass, and please don’t make too big a deal of it. I know we all need our time, I have so been there and needed it, too. But, our babies need us when they need us and it’s for so little time in the course of our whole lives. If we allow them to go through this phase at their pace, they will be very much more securely independent when we really need them to be, like when they are 50 and sending us a little money so that we can keep enjoying our mountain home with a little 24/7 nursing care.
February 19th, 2006 at 7:55 pm, melynda Says:
Cute hair! Cute you! I, unfortunately, would more closely resemble a hedgehog with a similar ‘do. Life is so unfair.
As for Charlie, the only thing I can offer is to perhaps find something he loves and ONLY let him have it in his bed. (Obviously it would have to be something safe. No cigarette lighters or broken shards of glass…) And then only allow him to play with it in his bed. Also, if he’s wrung out at 7:30, maybe a slightly earlier bedtime?
(I wish I could say that I have some experience with these, or any, techniques, but I’m just throwing things out there.)
February 19th, 2006 at 8:13 pm, Kristen Says:
Susan, I just read your update - I wanted to suggest something. If you DO try one of the super nanny or other tv nanny approaches where you silently put him back in bed over and over, 100 times in one night if that’s what it takes, I think you should explain to him BEFORE you start (preferably during the day when he’s fully coherent and alert) that you will be doing this. That way, when you’re in that first intense segment when he’s sobbing for you and you’re putting him back to bed, you can say, “remember what we talked about? good night, no more talking” or something like that. I know when we had to try new things with Bryce, it went a lot better if we’d discussed it with him and explained what the new routine was going to be.
Of course, my younger kid wakes me up before the crack of dawn and I can’t figure out how to make that stop for the life of me. So my words mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
February 19th, 2006 at 9:07 pm, daysgoby Says:
sugar? Which way do your bangs go?
This may be Sunday night-whee-the-weekend’s-over eyestrain, but I could swear in one picture they point one way, and in the other, well, the other.
If you’re tryin’ to confuse me, it’s workin’.
February 19th, 2006 at 9:07 pm, Amy Linder Says:
Yes, I agree with Kristen. We explained to our daughter what was going to happen each night during a quiet time each afternoon. We reminded her each day that, at night, mommy would sit just a little further away and there’d be no talking, holding, etc. Pretty soon she would tell us what the “deal” was for each night.
February 19th, 2006 at 10:40 pm, Nothing But Bonfires Says:
I am loving:
a) your glasses
b) your hair (short and longer stages both)
c) how soft your sweater looks
I totally think we should be friends. Like, ones who lend their sweaters to each other. And advise each other on their glasses choices. (I need help picking new ones. Like yours.)
February 20th, 2006 at 11:00 am, Felicity Says:
33 comments? Is that because you are SO beautiful or because we are SO interested in your kids’ sleeping habits OR because we all come to read you and you haven’t posted in THREE DAYS NOW???
I wanted to chime in one more time–that anonymous near the end said that she co-slept, etc., which is what I do, as you know…I forgot to mention that DD, now 15, co-slept with me right up until 1st grade or so, then wanted nothing more to do with me at night.
The days are long, but the years are short.
February 20th, 2006 at 3:35 pm, Laura Says:
Hmm. Since S. didn’t sleep through the night till around 1st grade, and I don’t actually feel like I got a full night’s sleep till roughly a year or so ago, I don’t think I am much help. However, we did do the Nanny thing of gently putting her back in bed. Of course now that she is almost 9 we generally just say things like, “For God’s sakes, just go to bed!” or “If you get up again I will put you to work. How do you feel about picking up dog poop by moonlight?” We aren’t terribly cheerful after 9pm.
As for your lovely locks, I am deeply envious. You look nice in both pictures. My husband and I made a deal years ago when we married - I would keep my hair short, and he would cut his and never grow a beard. I have deeply resented this agreement ever since. I WISH I could cut my hair like yours. But a bargain is a bargain. Or at least until he goes senile and forgets who I am. Then all bets are off.