January 17, 2008
it’s for you
Charlie refuses to learn our phone number, or rather ANY of our numbers, because we are the generation that has an entire phone book of numbers (home, work, Mom’s cell, Dad’s cell, etc etc). When Henry was in pre-K, we had him memorize our home number, only to later realize that we almost never ANSWER that number, because we just assume that anyone who REALLY needs us will call our cell phones. So then we had to teach him our cell numbers, which was fine with him because he likes doing stuff like that (memorizing! and numbers! ooooh!) so that we could be certain that if he were ever lost and had to call us, he could.
Which assumes of course that I am EVER going to let him go anywhere alone, which I so am NOT. But whatever.
Charlie, on the other hand, REFUSES to learn our phone numbers, any of them. For a brief window in the fall he knew my cell number, because they were working on it at school (and now that I think about it, he also knew it LAST year when they were doing phone numbers at school) but now when you ask him he just shrugs and bats his eyelashes at you and makes little kitten noises.
Kid has issues.
(Aside: for the longest time this fall, his teacher was CONVINCED that he didn’t know the words to the Our Father or the Hail Mary. She assumed that this was because we’re not Catholic, which was a good assumption, except for the fact that Charlie DOES know the prayers and just won’t say them for the teacher. He’s said them for me and for my mother, but at school he refuses. ISSUES, I tell you! ISSUES!)
So the other night, I’m coaching Charlie on my cell phone number and he’s saying, “It’s just so many NUMBERS” and I’m trying to explain that if he ever needs to call me, he will need to know the number, and he’s saying, “But why would I need to call you?” and of course I say, “Well if you ever got lost,” and HE says, “But WHY would I be LOST?!? Where would YOU be?” and I start rooting around in the bar for the vodka that I am CERTAIN is left from Christmas because I DO NOT KNOW WHERE I WILL BE I WILL BE HERE TRYING TO TEACH YOU OUR PHONE NUMBER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE HELP ME MARY.
And in the middle of all this, the phone — the land line phone — rings. And it’s a telemarketer who wants to refinance our mortgage for ONLY two percentage points MORE than what we currently pay! Woo!
“You know,” I say to Wade, “I’m starting to think that we should just get rid of the land line. No one calls us on it any more, and it’s a gigantic waste of money.”
“Do it,” he says.
The next morning at breakfast, Charlie wants to practice our phone number some more because he is CLEARLY trying to KILL ME and it comes up in conversation that we’re getting rid of the land line. And Henry comes unglued.
“YOU CAN’T GET RID OF THAT PHONE!” he howls, and I try to explain that we don’t really use that phone and that it costs us money and that we will still have PHONES just not THAT phone. “NO NO NO,” he sobs, “YOU CAN’T GET RID OF IT!”
I’m trying my best to calm him down when he looks at me and says, “But Mom, if you get rid of the phone in the house, Charlie will NEVER GET TO LEARN THAT NUMBER!”
I really think the two of them are out to get me. Really and truly.
Posted by Susan @ 8:25 pm • three martini parenting, those damn kids
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January 17th, 2008 at 9:40 pm, Jenn Says:
The solution to this problem is obvious. You must buy the boy his own cell phone. This way all he needs to know is he pushes “2″ for Mommy, and “3″ for Daddy.
All kidding aside, do not get rid of the land line. I have had the very scary experience of calling 911 from a cell phone, only to give up after 10 minutes. Luckily, a paramedic was at the event. Cell phone 911 calls go to the highway patrol, while landline 911 calls go the police department.
January 17th, 2008 at 10:44 pm, The Simple Family Says:
When Ellie pulls this crap, and she does a lot, I often just play along.
When she REFUSES to admit she knows my name, I just tell her “Well, it is Bob Smith.”
For some reason, knowing that I said it wrong is usually enough to get her going.
January 17th, 2008 at 10:46 pm, Stacy Says:
If you do get rid of your landline, I did and so happy about it, you can still call 911 from your landline phone. At least you can here, maybe check with your phone compay
January 18th, 2008 at 6:17 am, Dennise Says:
I had this problem until I made my cell phone number my son’s password to get on the computer.
January 18th, 2008 at 6:36 am, chichimama Says:
Oooh. I so heart Dennise right now, she totally has the answer for my kids. Off to change their passwords RIGHT. NOW. Hopefully that will work for you as well.
And I ditto the 911 thing. But you could totally get rid of all the long distance and everything else and save a bundle that way.
January 18th, 2008 at 7:44 am, Mir Says:
Ahahahahaha….
January 18th, 2008 at 8:42 am, MaryP Says:
Ooo, Denisse! A woman after my own heart! Devious, crafty, and SO effective.
January 18th, 2008 at 10:18 am, janet Says:
dennise is completely brilliant.
January 18th, 2008 at 4:42 pm, Marlee Says:
I solved this problem (I hope?) by just giving my kid a business card with my cell # on it. He’s OBSESSED with having that business card and I’ve actually seen him pull it out at the mall and hand it to a mom and ask her to call me. So as long as he doesn’t LOSE it, we’re good (I hope.)
And the kitten noises? OMG I THOUGHT MY KID WAS THE ONLY ONE!!!! Should I feel better now??? Because you kept mentioning ISSUES…
January 19th, 2008 at 3:49 am, Kian Says:
I want you to know that thanks to your last 3 posts, I am developing a deep affection for Henry. He cracks me up!
January 19th, 2008 at 5:40 pm, rachel Says:
it’s not fair when they team up on you like that!
I love Henry. He reminds me so much of BG. Hunh. MG and Charlie have a lot in common, too. Does Charlie have his own imaginary world yet?
January 21st, 2008 at 11:53 am, bonnie Says:
Oh, my word! I’m a first time visitor and I’ve never laughed so hard!!! Thanks for the morning chuckle! We do a song with the numbers at our place, but denise is SOOOO much cooler than me.. obviously! And when you find that leftover vodka??? Oh, man-I’m still laughing!Anyhow, the world is much to confusing now, with all this technology, phone or otherwise, I said to our youngest a while a go, don’t stick that CD in the VCR, you can’t play it in there
it’s not a DVD… ARGH! We wonder why they have issues? Pass the vodka
January 21st, 2008 at 12:12 pm, Deva Says:
Oh my god, I am home from work sick today and Henry has me in fits of giggles on my couch! Give him a hug from me!