January 28, 2007
in which my feminist side rears her unshowered head
Henry climbed into bed next to me this morning and said, “Did you ever shower last night?”
“Huh? No,” I said, still mostly asleep.
“Oh,” he said. “Well, you stink.”
That pretty much summed up my mood this weekend, too.
At Tuesday’s State of the Union address, President Bush introduced Julie Aigner-Clark, creator of the Baby Einstein empire (now owned by Disney) as an example of “the character of our people . . . the heroic kindness and courage, and self sacrifice of the American people.” Yes, it takes courage and heroism to develop a line of baby and toddler videos designed to make parents feel guilty about not teaching their infants the difference between Manet and Monet.
In Wednesday’s recap of the President’s speech, the New York Times noted the dramatic change signaled by Nancy Pelosi’s role as first woman Speaker of the House by pointing out that “Appearances were obviously important to Ms. Pelosi, who changed from the brown suit she had worn earlier in the day to a soft green one, which offered more contrast to her dark leather speaker’s chair.” The Times didn’t bother to mention that Ms. Pelosi had changed her suit because she spilt coffee on herself earlier in the day.
On Thursday, Judith Warner’s examination of America’s willingness to elect a female president elicited nearly 100 comments, most of which were some variant of this: “I don’t think that voters will write off Ms. Clinton because she is female. That statement misses the mark. I think that they will write her off if she can not shake the perception among voters that she is a political opportunist who will say/do whatever appears to be politically expedient at the moment.” So we don’t like her because she acts just like every other (male) member of Congress currently running for President?
On Friday, Meredith Viera equated being a mother with being a babysitter. I don’t even know where to start with this one. I don’t want my babysitter drinking while she watches my kids, of course, but I also don’t want her to plop them in front of the TV while she takes a shower, or tuck them in at bedtime and then have sex with her husband once they are asleep. Apparently, I am not allowed to do any of those things either.
In a week that should have been all about our move forward, women were instead reminded that our place was in the nursery, devoting ourselves entirely to our children. We were reminded that even when we achieve positions of power–Speaker of the House, presidential candidate–we will be called out for acting unladylike, or patronized for our appearance. We will not be respected, no matter what we achieve.
And god forbid we have a cocktail at the end of the day. Because WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?
So yesterday I never showered. I made banana bread, which required two trips to the grocery, and I took a nap with Charlie, who stayed up late on Friday night to go to a birthday party, and at 5:00 I poured myself a glass of wine and popped a frozen pizza in the oven and steamed some broccoli and had a nice dinner with my family. And I spent the whole day feeling vaguely irritated because being a mother is NOT the same as being a babysitter and I am NOT what I wear and my children are doing just fine, thank you.
Okay, so maybe I still feel a little stinky. Don’t you?
Posted by Susan @ 1:59 pm • Uncategorized
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January 28th, 2007 at 4:08 pm, Jenorama Says:
:Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap!:
Jesus, that was a good post.
And fuck Meredith Viera in particular.
January 28th, 2007 at 4:20 pm, susie Says:
Ugh between Meredith Viera Friday, Oprah re-opening the Mom vs Mom can of worms and the review of Pelosi’s wardrobe choices, I felt as if I maybe should be putting on my pearls and kitten heels when making OUR prozen pizza this weekend.
I haven’t showered yet today either.
January 28th, 2007 at 4:21 pm, rachel Says:
brava!
My stepfather said once that equality wouldn’t come until it stopped being news. The first black governor of MA is great, but the fact that it’s news isn’t. First woman president would be great too.
I want there to be so many firsts and seconds and thirds that it isn’t newsworthy any more.
Of course, if it’s not newsworthy, maybe then they will create other stories like the whole cocktail playdate one. gah.
January 28th, 2007 at 4:58 pm, Annika Says:
I haven’t showered either, and I want to propose a stink-off, but I’m afraid that would be unladylike.
The whole Today thing has me SO PISSED OFF. I don’t feel like washing a glass, so I’ll be in the corner with the whole bottle.
January 28th, 2007 at 5:20 pm, Mir Says:
You are awesome. And pretty. Not that I noticed.
January 28th, 2007 at 5:29 pm, Debbie Says:
With all the things happening in the world currently, it is ssoooo refreshing to hear that others acutally notice, and are irritated by, some of the remarks made about our women leadership roles. Thanks, I needed that post today. (I’ve showered, but only because I had to leave the house!)
January 28th, 2007 at 6:01 pm, Lauren Says:
Amen, sister. Stink Power Forever!
January 28th, 2007 at 6:04 pm, Owens Family Adventures Says:
wow…babysitters huh….well that kinda pisses me off. I think I may need a drink to digest that one…where are my kids?! What a croc!!!! Having a drink in front of your kids is wrong…give me a break! What is up with people out there??????????? You know what, I just might drink all day long and not shower either so there Meredith “you are so on my list now” Viera! UNITE WITH ME SISTER FRIENDS!! COME ON OVER FOR A BATCH OF COSMOS! And wear jeans for Gods sake..maybe we can all burn our bras. SIGH! Okay I’m done.
dawn
January 28th, 2007 at 7:36 pm, Granny Says:
That had to be one of the dumbest interview questions I’ve ever heard.
And why is it always women. I don’t see a lot of difference between a glass of wine with a group of friends while the kids are playing and a beer or two in front of the t.v. while he’s watching the kids while mom shops (or has her hair done or whatever). Nobody says a word about that.
January 28th, 2007 at 7:49 pm, dani Says:
we’re supposed to shower EVERY day? its really asking us to do a lot. between deciding whether my suit will clash with my office chair and getting my drinking in at the end of the day, you want me to shower too? ugh. ugg. uggs.
i new it was going to be a bad week for women starting with Oprah’s working mom vs. sahm debate. i hate when oprah’s all “i don’t have kids but i know how hard it is… i mean, i’ve had a lot of puppies.” so… being a mom is not only like being a babysitter, its apparently slightly harder than being a dogsitter.
January 28th, 2007 at 7:54 pm, Susan Says:
Dani, that’s why we don’t have a dog.
January 28th, 2007 at 8:20 pm, SJ Says:
I haven’t showered yet today and it’s 7PM. I did however spend the day with my kids playing and having fun. So yeah, I stink and I don’t care!
The Today thing bothered me as well….and I just saw a small clip. Thanks for writing this post, you stated it all so very well!
Bravo! Bravo!
January 28th, 2007 at 8:40 pm, chris Says:
Yes, Yes, sigh Yes!
I especially don’t want my babysitter putting my kids to bed and then having sex with my husband.
January 28th, 2007 at 9:47 pm, Jenn Says:
perfect!
I didn’t watch the state of the union address (*stress*) but I did watch the Today show clip.
I may have been better off watching George.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must go shower.
January 28th, 2007 at 10:19 pm, dani Says:
oh and i especially dont want my babysitter having sex with my husband either. the only two people who babysit are my little brother and my mom. ew.
January 29th, 2007 at 4:59 am, Mamacita Tina Says:
We’re taking steps backwards, or should I say leaps? My mom is doing the same thing to me, my mom! She was telling me it was the woman’s responsibility to respond to birthday/party invitations and to send out birthday cards in the mail or to make the phone call. WTF? Did she totally miss the womens’ movement or what?
January 29th, 2007 at 8:09 am, mamalang Says:
I saw that link to Meredith’s interview, but have refused to watch it. I used to like her…not so much now. At least those parents are in the same room as thier kids and not pawning them off on some other person for 20 out of 24 hours every day! (and that isn’t directed to SAHM or Working moms…that’s directed at those mothers who do nothing at all with their kids, whether they work or not). So many things made me mad this week. I also was upset that it was made such a big deal that we were going to have a tie for the first black coach to make it to the superbowl. Maybe worthy of a small mention, but really, should it have been made that big of a deal? Why is it always a big deal whenever someone is the first black or first woman for anything? Arrrgghhh! People other than white males have managed to run several other countries just fine, and they’ve coached winning teams, and raised amazing families…America needs to grow up.
January 29th, 2007 at 9:00 am, Jacqueline Says:
Yuck.
I have to say that I think they have a point about Hilary Clinton though. True, I don’t like her for doing the same things as the male politicians, but I don’t like any of them either, so…
January 29th, 2007 at 9:12 am, AZ Says:
Yes! Thank you Susan! Great post!
January 29th, 2007 at 9:20 am, Susan Says:
Jacqueline, I agree about Clinton and her politics, but I wish we could STOP talking about the fact that she’s a FEMALE politician or a WOMAN presidential candidate. She’s a politician, like all other politicians. Let’s talk about her voting record or her ties to lobbyists or ANYTHING except the fact that she has a uterus.
I am also not wanting to defend Meredith Viera, but I suspect that whatever her personal opinion about cocktail playdates might be, she chose to provoke Melissa because she knew that Melissa would respond in a way that was articulate and interesting (unlike the other guest, who didn’t have much to say beyond ONE DRINK WILL RENDER YOU AN UNFIT MOTHER). My beef is not with Viera personally but with the media at large for continuing to demean women and call it “news.”
January 29th, 2007 at 9:39 am, Kate Says:
What really gets my goat about all this is, well, everything, but mostly the part where women can’t stop picking fights with other women about their appropriate or inappropriate motherliness/wifeliness/womenness.
When I was a kid, watching tv with my mom, we always had lengthy discussions about what the women reporters were wearing, whose hair needed a trim or some color, who was prettier, etc. As I look back, we sure didn’t do that to the male reporters. I learned how to judge women by their clothes and hair from MY MOM! Urgh! (not that I’m judging my mom or anything)
Thanks for a kick ass post!
January 29th, 2007 at 10:10 am, sarcastic journalist Says:
Did he really say that about Baby Einstein?
“Hi! We’re Americans! Your baby should know Japanese! Don’t drink or shower!”
Also, we can plop the kids in front of the tv because, as I like to say “I made them, I can do what I want.”
January 29th, 2007 at 10:18 am, sarcastic journalist Says:
Also, might I add that M.V has three children. Since she works, and has been working for quite some time, can I imagine that she has some “help?”
It is so easy to judge someone that has absolutely no help, a person that is left alone with children for 10, 12 hrs a day when you get to leave the house, have a job that pays you millions of dollars and have someone to help you with your kid.
January 29th, 2007 at 10:20 am, Susan Says:
At the end of the State of the Union, W introduced Dikembe Mutombo (the NBA player who buit a hospital in an impoverished part of Africa with his own money), Wesley Autrey (who threw himself under a New York City subway train to save a complete stranger who had fallen on the tracks), and Julie Aigner-Clark.
He prefaced their introductions this way: “When America serves others in this way, we show the strength and generosity of our country. These deeds reflect the character of our people. The greatest strength we have is the heroic kindness and courage, and self sacrifice of the American people. You see this spirit often if you know where to look. And tonight we need only look above to the gallery.”
One man builds a hospital, one man risks his life, and the lone woman . . . develops baby videos.
Right.
January 29th, 2007 at 10:39 am, Sheryl Says:
I noticed that comment in the NY Times too. Really chaps my hide.
January 29th, 2007 at 10:42 am, Amy W Says:
Thanks for the great post.
Last week wasn’t a good week, why can’t we all just be Moms and screw the labels?
January 29th, 2007 at 12:55 pm, Mocha Says:
This is the perfect post that I wanted to write to sum up everything I’ve been thinking and feeling lately. Two steps forward, one step back to fix that damn stilleto heel we’re being forced to wear to make our legs look longer for those with an eleventh digit. Geez.
Personally, I’m inspired by this post.
January 29th, 2007 at 2:41 pm, Karyn Says:
Okay, can YOU just run for President?
I hurt my hands applauding.
January 29th, 2007 at 4:32 pm, Gidge Says:
I did get in a shower today.
But that’s about all I can say for myself. I’ve changed six poopie diapers.
My inner feminist just wants all those people to shut the fuck up, I swear.
I mean, Meredith Viera….wtf? The whole thing, WTF.
I love the way that people comment on what women are wearing but we never say “Oh and look, there’s the leader of the free world wearing a tie that looks like he picked it up at the Super K Mart….and now he’s wearing cufflinks with SKULLS on them……changed from the earlier ones with daisies. His shoes are by Hibbity Dibbity, made from calfskin and coordinating nicely with his belt.”
What the HELL does it matter what she wears?
I need a damn drink. And I have zits today. Ugh.
January 29th, 2007 at 4:53 pm, MommyWithAttitude Says:
Oh a great post Susan!
If I have to read what Nancy’s wearing one more fucking time, I could choke somebody!
I need to shower still today, but perhaps I’ll skip it and go straight to cocktail hour.
January 29th, 2007 at 5:12 pm, Susan Says:
Do it, Staci. For the women of America.
January 29th, 2007 at 7:44 pm, Arwen Says:
I am supposed to shower every day? I.AM.FUCKED.
What was the URL you linked to long ago as a resource for kids’ reading?
January 29th, 2007 at 7:49 pm, Susan Says:
Arwen, the reading site is Starfall.
Now go get a shower–or maybe a drink.
January 30th, 2007 at 12:46 pm, dani Says:
Oh my Susan! Amelia LOVES starfall! My former teacher mother who watches Amelia during the day hooked us on it. We’ve been doing “letters” on the computer since before she was 1. We try for less than 10 - 15 minutes at a time because she gets very addicted to it.
January 30th, 2007 at 8:35 pm, misfithausfrau Says:
I stopped watching all of the Morning Shows over the summer when the Mommy Wars were in full force on the Today Show and GMA. Watching that very painful clip from the Today Show on Friday just reinforces my anger over the fact that it is the PRESS stirring the pot in these Mommy Wars.
January 31st, 2007 at 1:33 pm, Erin, who is Angry Says:
HATE HATE HATE Meredith Viera. Can we all say sactimonious bitch, boys and girls? I knew we could!
January 31st, 2007 at 4:26 pm, lildb Says:
yeah. yes.
this is spot-on re: my feelings since witnessing the high drama of the Today Show debacle about mothers where they cornered Melissa Summers (?) and accused her of mother-suckery.
I feel trapped again by it all. and I was getting so good at pretending I didn’t feel trapped anymore.
also, I’ve been drinking every evening since I saw that hot mess. I can’t tell if I’m drinking to commiserate, drinking because I’m determined to prove their wrongness, or drinking because I just. need. a. damn. drink.
pfffft.
February 2nd, 2007 at 9:54 am, Keli Says:
Not to defend Meridith Viera, but she is well known to be a complete slob and have a horribly messy house. They’ve actually shown it on tv several times back when she was on the view. She’s perfectly fine with it and not the least bit ashamed with her slobiness. She probably doesn’t shower on her days off either.
Anyway, my point is, She’s just reading the prompter and doing “her job” so blame the Today Show. Not Meredith specifically.
February 2nd, 2007 at 10:03 am, Susan Says:
Keli, I agree–this isn’t about Meredith Viera personally. But it aggravates me that the Today show and the White House and the New York Times and the American public at large still insist on this Mommy Wars rhetoric.
And it gets to me when it is a woman–a wife and a mother, someone who SHOULD know better the power that a word like “babysitter” has–who starts slinging that language around. I agree that Viera was just doing her job, but I wish there were some OTHER way for her to do that job.