August 6, 2007
if you come to visit me in Oklahoma you will probably be subjected to at least three of these things
1. You will get to listen to me negotiate with my sons about EXACTLY how many Milano cookies they can have for snack. My seven-year-old will use the phrase “suggested serving size” correctly. Twice.
2. We will go to a bowling alley where Henry will disappear twice, both kids will insist that they do NOT want to bowl but want to play video games, and the woman behind the counter will refuse to even acknowledge us.
3. Shana will tell you that she is late because she had to take a pregnancy test because there was an incident with the . . . oh, never mind. Trust me, it will happen. And it will be funny.
4. We will leave the bowling alley without bowling and go mini golfing instead, at an indoor course at the mall which is entirely lit by black lights and marked off with florescent tape and paint. You will simultaneously be thankful that you are sober and wish you had a stiff drink.
5. After three rounds of indoor blacklit mini golf with a seven-year-old, a five-year-old, a four-year-old and Shana, we will go to the mall’s indoor play area, where you will declare, “I AM NEVER HAVING CHILDREN.”
6. I will serve wine in the Grown Up Study (No Children Allowed) at 4:00 pm, while the kids watch Scooby Doo in the other room. Seriously.
7. We will take you to a local burger joint for dinner even though you are a vegetarian. Charlie will repeatedly ask for MORE CATCHUP and you will be stunned that we are giving it to him because he has a plate full of catchup RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM.
8. I will announce at 8:00 pm that I am TOTALLY going to bed. Four hours later we will still be sitting in my kitchen, drinking. Or we WOULD still be drinking if we hadn’t finished all the wine.
9. I will take you to Target for groceries and school uniforms for Henry. I will make you look for size 7 shorts and will hold up multiple white polo shirts, asking, “Does it look like THIS will fit him?” even though you only met him yesterday.
10. We will go to Sonic for brunch. Mmmmm Sonic.
11. You will get to hear Wade talk about all the great boob jobs he saw at the pool. And about his pretend stripper girlfriends. And his CD collection, which consists only of jazz and classical recordings. You will wonder which of those things is the most disturbing.
12. We will spend six hours at Whoorl’s parents’ house eating pickled okra and drinking red wine and laughing until our sides hurt. We will also say “Whoorl says ZIP IT” three or four dozen times, because it is funny.
13. You will say, “You are SUCH a MOM,” at least twice. Every hour.
14. You will also say, “I am SO moving to Oklahoma!” about a hundred times, until you realize that moving to Oklahoma would mean, well, living in Oklahoma.
I miss you, HeatherB. Come back soon.
Posted by Susan @ 7:23 pm • the internet came to my house
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August 6th, 2007 at 7:43 pm, Brooke Says:
What if I don’t visit Oklahoma, but move back to Oklahoma City instead? Like in September? Can I still do all those things?
August 6th, 2007 at 7:55 pm, Susan Says:
And more, Brooke. AND MORE.
I am entirely serious.
August 6th, 2007 at 8:11 pm, Megan@SortaCrunchy Says:
Comment delurking to say . . . Sonic? For brunch? Oh, I am so totally there.
August 6th, 2007 at 8:53 pm, chris Says:
So jealous.
August 6th, 2007 at 9:05 pm, Rachel Says:
The nearest Sonic to me is like 4 hrs away… and yet hubby and I still occasionally contemplate the drive just for the sake of Sonic. And I think that indoor black-light mini-golf sounds like fun. But then again, it’s so hot here (DC area) that most activities that are usually done outside that I can do inside sound great.
August 6th, 2007 at 9:14 pm, Susan Says:
Four hours is NOT an unreasonable drive for tater tots and a diet Cherry Limeade. You know it’s true.
August 6th, 2007 at 10:42 pm, Susan Says:
Susan, I swear I’d totally dig life at your pad. It sounds like my pad. If I come, can I bring children? They go to bed at 8:00 and know how to do dishes.
August 6th, 2007 at 11:00 pm, gorillabuns Says:
you forgot to add that whoorl was saying “zip it” to me at least 3 dozen of the 4 dozen times. because? the wine made me deaf.
and i will totally sing my childrens’ made-up theme songs to you. oh, yeah! you were an excellent audience, susan.
i promise, i won’t sing to you again.
unless, i have a microphone in hand.
August 7th, 2007 at 6:21 am, Heather B. Says:
I was so drunk I didn’t even hear whoorl say zip it. Or perhaps that’s when I was saying Yum to Rum. Who knows.
You also forgot to add, that you will return home practically in tears because you miss Oklahoma.
(psst. I’ve spent a fortune on my credit card so a free reward ticket should be coming soon.)
August 7th, 2007 at 6:51 am, whoorl Says:
Zip it.
August 7th, 2007 at 7:29 am, Wendy Says:
And you said you were no fun. Target, Sonic, bowling. Sounds classy to me.
August 7th, 2007 at 8:45 am, AlliT Says:
Delurking to say that I am vicariously living through your blog and those of your friends… And having a BLAST!! Hope that didn’t sound to stalkeryish… Anyway I am glad you guys had tons of fun!
August 7th, 2007 at 8:52 am, MsRebecca Says:
Excellent post! Love this, so easy to relate :o)
August 7th, 2007 at 8:59 pm, wordgirl Says:
I would totally go to Target with you…even for school supplies. But..but…you never come by anymore.
August 8th, 2007 at 9:38 am, becky Says:
oh, man. be forewarned that when i move back to branson, okc will totally be within driving distance. and shana, you’re being put on notice in particular.
susan, i’m sorry i didn’t really get to talk to you at blogher. but if HB went all that way to see you all, then that’s enough of an endorsement for me.
August 8th, 2007 at 1:41 pm, Her Bad Mother Says:
Well, you’ve done it. You’ve made Oklahoma sound compelling. Didn’t think it was possible, but there it is.
August 8th, 2007 at 3:22 pm, Susan Says:
Catherine, it’s because we have Target here. And not just Target, SUPERTarget.
Oh yeah.
August 8th, 2007 at 3:49 pm, Heather B. Says:
I have to tell you, I’ve been making friends with Oklahoma elected officials and telling them all about my trip, especially Sonic, and they’re all really into it and so freaking nice. And, hey, I think I might come back.
(Ok, maybe I’m returning for the tater tots, but just roll with it)
August 8th, 2007 at 4:01 pm, Diana Says:
Mmm… Sonic. Any time is time for tots. Only it’s a state away, even though Food Network insists on running commercials like it’s not. It’s a ploy to drive me crazy, and it’s working.
August 9th, 2007 at 10:39 am, becky Says:
i miss sonic. but the burgers aren’t nearly as good as they used to be. and that makes me cry.
August 9th, 2007 at 11:01 am, Susan Says:
Becky, I agree. I go for the tater tots and the cherry limeade. And over the weekend I discovered the breakfast toaster sandwiches. Mmmmmm . . .
August 9th, 2007 at 3:59 pm, Annie Says:
I only recently discovered your blog and have been lurking, but I had to delurk to say: That sounds like a pretty awesome visit. Who in their right mind would pass up that sort of invitation?
August 9th, 2007 at 8:27 pm, Friday Playdate » I’m blaming this randomness on my jaw Says:
[…] « Previous Main […]
August 12th, 2007 at 9:14 pm, Mary Tsao Says:
Not sure if this sounds like fun because I’m a mom or because it was *Susan and Heather* hanging out and doing things like me!
Party in OK!
January 13th, 2008 at 8:08 pm, Friday Playdate » it’s only a suggestion, but he thinks its a good one Says:
[…] Heather B came to visit me last summer, Henry was having a big Milano cookie phase (understandable, really). […]