November 29, 2007
I would say I am more devious than crafty
Henry and Charlie are having a little Christmas pageant at school in a couple of weeks. The program is called “Wriggly Nativity” and involves some Wiggles-style singing and dancing. For weeks now, they have been singing the songs and doing the dance moves together, which makes my cold dead heart melt a little because there is nothing cuter than kids hollering a song about camels. And dancing! So cute.
The kids need little costumes for this extravaganza, nothing fancy, just a tee shirt and a simple headpiece. The tee shirt part is easy (hello, SuperTarget!) but the headpiece has been making me a little nervous. Especially since Henry is a chicken — yes, you heard me a CHICKEN — and Charlie is a star. When I first heard about the chicken, I panicked a little because holy hell what does a CHICKEN wear in the Christmas pageant? How do I make a CHICKEN headpiece?
I should have been worrying about the damn star.
Poor Charlie. No wonder he has issues.
Today I went to Michael’s, which always makes me nervous because I am so CLEARLY out of my element in the craft store, and said every swear word I knew while I tried to figure out what the hell I was going to make for Charlie to wear on his head. Henry — the CHICKEN! — was easy: yellow craft foam visor and yellow feathers. Glue the feathers on the visor and voila! he’s good to go.
No, I haven’t done it yet, because he doesn’t need his headpiece for TWO MORE WEEKS. Charlie’s, on the other hand, has to be sent to school TOMORROW.
Dammit.
I asked another mom this morning what she had done, but at some point when she was describing paint and glue and pipe cleaners I zoned out. “It was fun!” she said. “And you know, we had the whole break and it was nice to have a craft.” Uh, yes. We had plane tickets and numb asses from riding in the car all day. And stomach flu! Don’t forget the stomach flu.
Eventually I ran out of swear words and bought a white visor and some silver pipe cleaners and star garland and brought them all home. And then after the kids were in bed I dumped it all out on the kitchen table and started swearing again. Wade came to the rescue, figuring out how to attach the garland to the visor. It still looks like crap, but it’s done and the odds are that Charlie will break it before he ever sings a note.
I keep telling myself that I COULD have spent the Thanksgiving break working on this, but it wouldn’t have looked any better in the end. I just don’t have that crafty gene. OBVIOUSLY. I just hope the chicken turns out better.
Posted by Susan @ 8:39 pm • three martini parenting, those damn kids
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November 29th, 2007 at 9:51 pm, slynnro Says:
Dude, that visor is cracking me up. Is there some sort of visor requirement?
This is yet another reason I shan’t procreate.
November 29th, 2007 at 10:05 pm, Susan Says:
The note from the teacher said something about headbands from Target, but both of my kids flat out refused to wear a headband (because those are for GIRLS and because it interferes with their glasses). So visors it is!
God help us all.
November 29th, 2007 at 10:33 pm, Lisa Milton Says:
Oh silly teacher - no self-respecting boy will wear a headband. That’s crazy talk.
God be with you and your crafty aspirations.
The things we do for these kids, I tell ya.
November 29th, 2007 at 11:00 pm, joan Says:
Thank God my youngest is now 18. I HATED doing that crafty crap when they were kids. There was always that one kid, whose mom had gone to art school, that would show up to school with the perfect costume or project. My kids looked like glue stick nightmares and that kid looked like the lead on a movie set.
November 29th, 2007 at 11:08 pm, slynnro Says:
Unrelated, but OHMYGAH! Did you see that J.Crew has a shoe of the month club gift???? For a mere $1800 they will send a special someone (LIKE ME) a pair every month.
November 30th, 2007 at 6:01 am, daysgoby Says:
…And a little Chicken shall guide them, with a Bright Star to show them the way…..
(cue Wiggles-type dancing)
November 30th, 2007 at 8:06 am, Lori Says:
When I read the Wiggles-inspired thing, I thought, she will need a cocktail for this.
Then I saw that Henry is a chicken and Charlie is a star. I thought you were saying that since Henry is a chicken (about getting on stage) you would need to put less effort into it and Charlie is a star, so he likes being on stage.
Then I began wondering what the hell a chicken can do for Baby Jesus. I figured it out. The chicken is going to lay eggs for breakfast.
Lastly, I think the added pressure of not using the break makes a statement of some kind. I had it a moment ago, but I haven’t had my coffee stick the cork in my ears to keep my thoughts in.
Good luck!
November 30th, 2007 at 8:13 am, The Simple Family Says:
Oh why didn’t you tell me? WE COULD HAVE GONE CRAFT STORE-ING!
I think wool felt would work well for the star. Or, it would have. Next time, tell me.
November 30th, 2007 at 8:13 am, MaryP Says:
See, moms like you are why moms like me end up making a dozen star-hat things. But that’s okay, because I LIKE doing crap like that. I volunteer for it, to keep from having to do OTHER crap I hate.
Why doesn’t the kindergarten teacher organize this? WHAT AM I SAYING? I used to be a kindergarten teacher. I know damned well why the poor, overworked thing isn’t taking on one more task.
BUT. Maybe you could organize it. Like, go to that crafty mom and suggest she could do the same for Charlie, and in exchange you would … um… have her baby? Nah. She’s got one of those. But something.
November 30th, 2007 at 8:59 am, All Adither Says:
I like it. Maybe you should start an Etsy store.
November 30th, 2007 at 9:24 am, Shan Says:
It looks FINE! However, stories like this are what make me wish–and you all must know how insane this is–I could keep my girls babies forever. True, babies are difficult and high-need. But you don’t have to make costumes or projects for their school events. GAH! I dread it already.
November 30th, 2007 at 10:13 am, Deva Says:
i was a waddling penguin in our school’s production of Mary Poppins
those memories still haunt me.
November 30th, 2007 at 10:53 am, Jenny Says:
My oldest likes to say she was THE star of her kindergarten Christmas play…. after all she was the only one with a line. And the angel said “Hark! … I don’t remember the rest… LINE!”
My favorite part of that little production was that the riser for the three angels was built for two and there was continuous pushing and shoving among the heavenly host.
November 30th, 2007 at 3:26 pm, Sherry Says:
You, My Dear, are in luck. We have a Chicken Little hat that we saved UPCs from cereal boxes for and it is yours for the asking. It looks like a yellow stocking cap with the red comb on top. I will find it when I get home and if you will email me your address, it is yours!
November 30th, 2007 at 3:30 pm, Sherry Says:
It looks like this
http://tinyurl.com/24sfqa
November 30th, 2007 at 9:55 pm, Ginny Says:
Maybe when the teacher said headband she meant more like a sweatband for the boys? I am equally uncrafty and thank my lucky stars for help from my husband. With stuff like that anyway.
November 30th, 2007 at 10:58 pm, Heather B. Says:
Tell Charlie he can’t break it before I get there. I must see him in it live and in person. Actually I just want to check out his mother’s craft(wo)manship.
December 1st, 2007 at 12:34 am, janet Says:
i feel your pain. i am so NOT the craft mom. my daughter despairs.
December 2nd, 2007 at 10:18 am, Sherry Says:
Well, I can’t find the hat. The Boy has not idea where it is either. It is probably stuck under a chair or bed somewhere. I’ll keep an eye out for it though.
December 4th, 2007 at 1:05 pm, *jcg Says:
while far from craft-talented myself, i must say the visor is exceptionally creative. and i am oddly proud of you.
(i didn’t read everyone else’s comments so i hope i didn’t repeat anyone.)
December 18th, 2007 at 5:46 pm, Friday Playdate » devious, not crafty: the sequal (plus, shots of my cleavage!) Says:
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