September 17, 2008
I would like to buy Jillian Michaels a hot fudge sundae
Everyone I know is doing this 30 Day Shred workout — do you know about this? Apparently the short version is this: Jillian Michaels kicks your ass for 20 minutes a day, you can’t walk for the first week, you eat everything in sight, and after a month you look like Elle MacPherson.
Yeah, whatEVER. I don’t need that — I have the Unrelenting Stress of two jobs and two kids and a husband who just announced that he’s buying a new car (this week, even!) to keep me thin.
Good god.
A variety of things, other than the 30 Day Shred, have been kicking my ass recently. Yesterday Charlie came home from school and plugged up the toilet in the downstairs bathroom, causing it to overflow EVERYWHERE. I had to choose between wading into the muck in my very expensive Jack Rogers sandals or taking them off and walking into the bathroom in my BARE FEET (you do NOT want to know what I chose — god I don’t even want to think about it).
Henry followed up the Toilet Incident by spending ninety minutes doing his homework, and before you say oh my god how much homework does he HAVE? let me tell you that I’m pretty sure it takes all the other kids in second grade about eight minutes to do the homework because they’re not stopping after every single math problem to recap the plot of Star Wars (The Original Trilogy). Twice.
At some point I gave up and started drinking. Seriously. Because what else was I supposed to do?
Charlie woke me up at 4:30 this morning with a bloody nose, which is always a nice way to start the day. By the time I got him all unbloodied, it was time for me to make coffee and check email and start my day.
Tonight I took Henry to soccer practice and decided to sit in the car because a) I was too crabby to hang out with the other parents, and b) I was pretty sure I would wind up yelling at my kid if I were outside where I thought he could hear me. So instead I watched from my Honda as he ran lap after lap because apparently the words PAY ATTENTION are not in his very large vocabulary.
Pretty much the last three weeks have been just like that (although with more homework and less raw sewage and blood) and honestly, it is kicking my ass. My jeans, which were all too tight at the beginning of the month, fit again, which is a good thing, I guess, if only because I’m getting to skip the part of the 30 Day Shred where I can hardly stand up straight and can’t bring my knees together. At this rate, I will be a size 0 by November.
See? LITERALLY kicking my ass. Dude.
Posted by Susan @ 8:40 pm • everyday life
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September 17th, 2008 at 9:36 pm, Stacy Says:
I’d make a safe bet and say you wouldn’t have it any other way. Life will settle soon, and you’ll be able to laugh at all of the craziness
September 17th, 2008 at 9:45 pm, Shannon Says:
Yikes! To the workout AND the parenting trials.
So why is it that when MY mothering life kicks my ass, I eat more and GAIN weight? So that when I finally find the perfect cheap yet cute, nicely made, stylish, dark-wash, straight, knee-length denim skirt (on sale at Target this week!), I’m stuck between sizes, going, “Well, should I buy the larger size which is a wee bit roomy, or should I buy the smaller size in the assumption that my summer-from-hell-induced weight gain will reverse itself this autumn and then it won’t feel a wee bit tight? Huh? Wee bit big, or wee bit small? Which? Which? WHICH????”
My husband is losing patience with my denim skirt obsession. Not that that has anything whatsoever to do with your raw sewage horror story. My sympathies.
September 17th, 2008 at 10:22 pm, All Adither Says:
That sounds pretty brutal. I’m sorry it’s going like that.
We’re having lots of snot, asthma and anxiety attacks (on my part).
September 17th, 2008 at 11:32 pm, Headless Mom Says:
Hate the 90 minute homework sessions. I have gotten to where after about 45 I walk away and only come back to remind him to get back to work. Good luck with that.
September 18th, 2008 at 12:10 am, Nothing But Bonfires Says:
Hey, what do you say to maybe lending me one of your kids for a few weeks? That sounds like a pretty good diet.
September 18th, 2008 at 6:43 am, Mrs. Schmitty Says:
I just started the Shred…Jillian Michaels is EVIL!!
September 18th, 2008 at 8:00 am, Sue Says:
See, this is where Crocs would have come in handy. I’m just saying. And I would have hit the alcohol AND the chocolate, which is why I will never be a size 0.
(Also, I leave a plate of chocolate chip cookies just out of reach… they can partake as soon as they finish their homework. Yet another reason why my jeans are too tight!)
September 18th, 2008 at 8:05 am, Rebecca Says:
I’m sorry it’s been so hard. If you learn the trick to getting Henry to focus on homework and such, please pass it on because I have a kid just like that. Super smart, total daydreamer though.
September 18th, 2008 at 8:50 am, Heather B. Says:
And you entertained a houseguest??? During all of this stress??? WHYYYYYYYYY??
I’m sorry. You know I feel your pain. But I’m still sorry.
September 18th, 2008 at 8:51 am, Miguelina Says:
Ha! Your week(s) sounds exactly like mine. Just exchange “homework” for “leaky poopy diapers” and we’ve had the same week.
PS - Soccer practice is more boring than I ever imagined.
September 18th, 2008 at 9:20 am, Naomi in Ohio Says:
Nasal Spray (the saline stuff) for the nosebleeds … we have ‘em every morning too.
I feel your pain too … and am with you … sympathy and empathy being sent across the net.
September 18th, 2008 at 12:57 pm, STL Mom Says:
Ack! I’ve had weeks like that, but it usually results in a lot of snacking and wine drinking, not dieting and exercise.
I just laugh (a hollow, bitter laugh) when the school talks about “10 minutes of homework per grade.” My daughter takes at least 50% more time, sometimes twice as long as it is “supposed” to take. And that’s with me in the room, saying, “Yes, that’s a wonderful idea honey, but can we please just focus on math until the end of the page? The page you’ve been working on for 25 minutes? Please!!”
September 18th, 2008 at 3:11 pm, Rhi Says:
I bought the Shred DVD. Do I have to actually put it in the DVD player and do it? If so, NOT INTERESTED.
September 18th, 2008 at 8:37 pm, Stacy Says:
I am sorry that your week has been so tough, especially the overflowing toilet part, but I have to say that I hate you just a little bit for losing weight when you are stressed…I only gain weight! Good luck, hope things start going smoother soon.
September 18th, 2008 at 9:16 pm, Kristie Says:
Oh my gosh, you crack me up. Of course, these things are only funny to READ about, NOT funny when they are actually happening to you. And I’m local, so I’d even suggest we hang out and drink together while our kids are doing homework (my daughter is an 11 yr old female version of your son) …. but I’d hate for you to think I’m a stalker.
September 18th, 2008 at 10:44 pm, Tracy Says:
90 minutes of homework? Check. Every second sentence involve the words Darth Vader. Check. Are you sure you don’t have my second grader? This sounds too much like my house.
September 20th, 2008 at 3:19 pm, Jerri Ann Says:
You gonna have to slap Life right back in the face, it works, I’m sure of it!