January 18, 2006
I wish I had something else to write about, I really really do, for your sake and mine
But I’ve got nothing. Oh, sure, I could (and should!) tell you that Baby Andrew has been moved from the Level Three NICU (for the smallest, sickest babies) to the Level Two, which is one step closer to going home! My sister-in-law has been able to start kangaroo care, too, which is good for her and for the baby. They are planning for him to be in the hospital until mid-March (when he would have been full-term) but this is a big move. And I should thank you all for your kind words! Thank you!
I could also tell you that I’m on page 315 of The Other Boleyn Girl. 346 pages to go. Still waiting for something interesting to happen. Or just for SOMETHING to happen. Other than me dying of boredom.
Or I could tell you that Rachael Ray is getting her own talk show. And a magazine! I don’t have anything else to say about that, I just found it surprising, mostly because she irritates the hell out of me, and I can’t imagine that I am alone in this. Am I?
But I am essentially out of things to write about, except that it has been SIX WEEKS since I had a completely kid-free weekday. Which means I have had a child with me essentially ALL THE TIME for six weeks. This morning I realized that my brain has completely melted! Like fondue! Only less delicious.
Okay, so I haven’t been with my kids for the ENTIRE six weeks–there was the whole trip to Houston, and my manicure at Christmas, and the Saturday a couple of weeks ago when Wade took the boys so that I could balance our checkbook (which took EIGHT HOURS, because that’s what happens when you don’t do it for THREE MONTHS), but still! Six weeks! Without a free Monday! For those of you new to Friday Playdate (or those of you who just aren’t paying detailed attention to my schedule, and by the way why aren’t you paying detailed attention to my schedule?), Monday is the ONLY day that BOTH of my children go to school all day. Although they haven’t, for the past SIX WEEKS.*
Mostly I hang out with Charlie (Henry goes to school every day, although he only stays all day on Mondays and Wednesdays). And, for the most part, Charlie is a ton of fun to hang out with, except on a day like today, when we have had the following stimulating conversations:
Me: Here’s your French toast!**
Charlie: NOOOOO! I wanted a WAFFLE! I don’t want something soft! I want something CRUNCHY! (puts head on table and cries)
Me: Okay, let’s get our shoes on so we can take Henry to school.
Charlie: NOOOOO! I don’t like any of my shoes! (lays down on floor and cries)
Charlie: Will you please play with me? Will you play with me? Playwithmeplaywithmeplaywithme!
Me: Sure! Can I go potty first?
Charlie: NOOOOO! (grabs my legs and cries)
Charlie: Look! This pirate has a gun! And a sword! And I think a shark ate his hand! Because he has a hook! And he’s going to ride on the ship! With this other pirate! Who has a gun! And a sword! But a shark didn’t eat his hand! But he’s not wearing any shoes! Why isn’t he wearing any shoes?
Me: Uuunnnnhhhh . . . (bangs head on floor and cries)
Charlie has essentially spent the past six weeks honing his master plan to push me over the edge; it consists of cheerfully pestering the bejesus out of me to PLAY WITH HIM (translation: ‘Sit here on the floor and let me stick Playmobil people up your nose!’), alternated every so often with hysterical crying when he is asked to do something he doesn’t want to do, like wash his hands or eat lunch or go to bed. And it’s working!
Henry has also been doing his best to drive me into an early grave, although his strategy is to be EXTRA good all day and then completely fall apart RIGHT before Wade comes home, or–even better!–just as Wade walks through the door. Despite the fact that I know it’s coming, this always catches me off guard, because, unlike Charlie, who cries about predictable things, Henry’s breakdowns are often precipitated by . . . well, I don’t know what. And that’s the problem, see?
Last night, it was his light saber. (Yes, the boys have light sabers and yes, I approved this, and YES, I am clearly unable to learn from my mistakes). The light sabers were in time-out when Wade came home, because the boys had been waving them around in the living room and nearly cleared all the picture frames off a table. Wade was late because he had been in a meeting; his mother was on her way over with cookies. That’s the back story.
The actual scene went like this: when Wade came in, Charlie was in his room, naked and crying, I don’t remember about what. Then Wade’s mom showed up, and Henry started SCREAMING about his light saber and about how mean I was to take it away and about how he would not be able to do his play now and wouldn’t be able to go to school in the morning because no one would know who he was without his light saber and ‘Mommy is so MEAN!’ I heard Wade say, in his extra EXTRA calm voice, ‘Buddy, I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
My mother-in-law came in Charlie’s room to tell him about the cookies (which of course made HIM stop crying), and I could tell that she was waiting to see if Henry would calm down so she could visit with him. When he kept on screaming, she said, ‘Okay, well, I’m going to go!’
And I said, ‘Can I come with you?’
I was serious.
*Okay, that’s not entirely true. Last Monday, the boys went to school but I had my niece with me all day, which was nice but still! not a free day! Especially as it included many many off-key renditions of Hakuna Matata.
**Aunt Jemimia, from a box, cooked in the toaster. You didn’t think I was actually MAKING French toast, did you? You must be new here. Welcome!
Posted by Susan @ 12:28 am • Uncategorized
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January 18th, 2006 at 12:32 pm, Anonymous Says:
Rachel Ray is like Kelly Rippa on speed.
January 18th, 2006 at 12:45 pm, Arwen Says:
Remeber when you could put your child in the exersaucer and they would actually forgot you existed for about 45 minutes? Ok, maybe 25 but it seemed like they can chew on the parts for ever.
January 18th, 2006 at 12:58 pm, Chag Says:
Glad your nephew is improving. I’ve been dealing with the “not doing anything right in my child’s eyes” around here as well. Good luck.
January 18th, 2006 at 1:17 pm, theyellowwallpaper Says:
I feel your pain. Lately, I’ve been feeling like teddy bear whose lost all her stuffing. The kids and daily reduancy have worn me down to my seams and not even my daily glass of red wine seems to help.
I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait until spring.
January 18th, 2006 at 1:39 pm, Candace Says:
I love you for being annoyed by Rachel Ray and all her side-mouth speaking, man-handedness. She annoyes me. Make her go away.
God, I’m sorry you haven’t had a kid-free day for so long. My kids had Monday off od school and guess what! They don’t go this Friday, either! Hooray!
Help me.
January 18th, 2006 at 1:40 pm, Penny Pressed Says:
Yeah for the baby!
Rachael Ray: don’t believe the hype.
French Toast: You got me! I guess I’m new here! (Though now I don’t have to hate you.)
Our house: Crying? Check. Screaming? Check. Light sabers? Check. “Play” that has nothing to do with my lovely talents, only tiny plastic toys and my orifices? Check. Check.
(But what I really want to know is, you still have picture frames on tables? I bow to you.)
January 18th, 2006 at 3:34 pm, Laura Says:
I think I would rather have lightsabers than tiny little Polly Pocket people who get caught between your toes and scrape the hell out of your feet when you jump and shriek and fall down after having stepped on a freaking village of them in the middle of the night when crossing what is supposed to be a completely empty hallway.
Whew. I feel so much better now. And there is much sympathy over here for you never getting time to yourself. The years before the kids went to school? Pretty hazy. I’m fairly sure there was drinking involved.
January 18th, 2006 at 3:35 pm, Jenorama Says:
I feel your pain. I do. It’s like dental pain. Only worse.
January 18th, 2006 at 3:40 pm, Susan Says:
Laura, I think the Playmobil people and the Polly Pocket dolls were dreamt up by the same evil mind. And I swear to you, as the Internet is my witness, that if I get one more teeny weeny sword shoved up my nose there will be hell to pay.
And Penny! Yes! ONE table with photos! In frames! In what is supposed to be our formal living room, but is instead the Room Where The TV Lives and the Light Saber Fights Occur!
The waffles come from a box, too, just so you know.
January 18th, 2006 at 4:05 pm, adria Says:
I read the first issue of the Rachel Ray mag last week, and I was not impressed.
Speaking of wacky tantrums:
Daria usually cries all the way home from preschool. Today it was because her friend left the building before us. Her friend lives really close to us, and we usually follow them home. Daria was fearful that they would leave without us. We did make it to the car in enough time to follow them home. Today the crying last 1/4 of the way home.
January 18th, 2006 at 4:21 pm, mom on a wire Says:
Pffft. Mothers in law. All sweets and no action.
January 18th, 2006 at 4:29 pm, Anne Glamore Says:
The Other Boleyn Girl drove me nuts. D’you know why?!
Life’s too short. Get a new book. I have some suggestions at my place!
January 18th, 2006 at 4:44 pm, Kristen Says:
Hooray for Andrew (and family)!
Ah, the unpredictable and irrational screaming fits, the youngest child throwing a tantrum while naked in his room… yes, these things sound vaguely familiar.
January 18th, 2006 at 4:51 pm, Susan Says:
I’m telling you, Kristen–move to OKC. We could totally hang.
While our kids were screaming in another room.
January 18th, 2006 at 7:06 pm, Mrs Big W Says:
Rachel Ray is annoying…. and why does she get to say her food is “healthful and figure-friendly” it absolutley is not!
She has like 6 TV shows…. what the heck does she need a magazine for? and a talk show? UGHH
January 18th, 2006 at 8:26 pm, kyra Says:
thank you for cracking me up! and i’m so glad to hear about baby andrew. i don’t know this rachel ray of which you speak; i barely know kelly rippa. i’m sooooooo out of it. i’m prematurely grandma about pop culture. sorry that damn book is so damn boring but i loved the books from your other list. and when are you finding time to READ???
January 18th, 2006 at 9:03 pm, Andie D. Says:
Glad baby Andrew is better.
I know how you feel about getting a break. I had my first “hall pass” last week where I got to meet a friend for happy hour. My first outing without kids or husband.
MY FIRST OUTING WITHOUT KIDS OR HUSBAND IN ALMOST 7 MONTHS.
I’m going to beg for another one next week. Wish me luck.
January 18th, 2006 at 9:14 pm, educat Says:
I had a dream once (in the throes of some evil cold) that I was lobbying at the State Capitol with Rachael Ray. She annoyed me so much that I dropped the cause for which I was lobbying so we would never be associated.
She bugs me, really bugs me. Yummo, indeed.
The over the top groaning she does while dining alone on “$40 A Day” is an oft used joke in my family.
You are NOT alone.
January 18th, 2006 at 10:49 pm, MJ Says:
Time without children? Seriously? These things happen? Hmmm. Let me think. Nope. It’s not bringing back any memories. One of my friends just spent a weekend(!) without her children and another friend is preparing an trip to another continent(!) for 10 days(!) without her children. I’m so insanely jealous of them I could cry or have another glass of wine.
Glad to hear that Baby Andrew is prospering.
January 19th, 2006 at 9:56 am, Misfit Hausfrau Says:
Yay for Baby Andrew. Whaaa for Susan (dammit I wished we lived closer–we could both drink while our combined four children implode.) And BOOOOO for Rachael. I can stomach her 30 minute meals, but the show she had about celebrities was unwatchable because she ALWAYS interrupted them and shared stories about her stupid life.
I would SO watch a Paula Dean talk show. “Hey Y’all, get off your beeehinds and go git sum counselin!” I just spotted her magazine this week. Almost bought it.
January 19th, 2006 at 11:31 am, L. Says:
I have no idea who Rachel Ray is, but even her name is perky, so I think I`ll try to keep it that way.
My household pet peeve is Legos — I still have scars on the bottoms of my feet.
I remember when I was home with my two older kids, and someone said to me, “The days are long but the years are short. Enjoy these precious moments.” In retrospect, I have to say, the days WERE long, but the years were long, too, and I truly did enjoy all the precious moments, but did NOT enjoy the rest of the crap.
January 19th, 2006 at 11:53 am, Mary P. Says:
How do you do it, you talented woman? Six weeks in hell is laugh-out-loud funny! Your new career should be writing travel brochures.
The Other Bolyn? I say, you’re 300-odd pages through a 600-odd page book and you’re still bored - throw it OUT!
January 19th, 2006 at 7:57 pm, Susie Says:
You mean the children… they eventually separate from you? Why has no one told me about this!??!
Rachel Ray gets no love here I see! I don’t watch her shows because she is grating (seriously, her claim to fame is coining “EVOO” instead of saying “extra virgin olive oil”). But the magazine has some decent recipes - I got a subscription as a gift.
Wonderul news about your nephew.