April 20, 2006
I pay good money for this, but you get to hear about it for free
Charlie’s Mother’s Day Out spiffed itself up this year; in addition to Art Cart and Fun and Fit, they added Science School and Spanish School. Mother’s Day Out, for those of you not from Around Here, by which I mean this part of the South, is daycare for stay-home-mommies–two days a week, 9:00 to 2:30ish, usually in a church, but NOT a Catholic church, for whatever reason. Charlie’s Day Out is in an Episcopal church, but most of the nice ladies who work there are Baptists. Go figure.
Where was I? Oh! Yes! Stuff they are teaching the boy! Right.
Science School seems to be the thinly veiled teaching of creationism, which I’m fine with (Intelligent Design, however, would really have pissed me off). Charlie loves Science School and comes home full of interesting information about not touching snakes and what bunnies eat and how the puppy LICKED him! It’s very sweet. And no, I don’t really think they are teaching creationism, although they do have a Bible story every day. The only one Charlie has ever remembered was the creation story from Genesis, but he insisted–INSISTED–that Jesus was there to help God. I kept saying to Wade, “The creation story is from the OLD Testament and Jesus is in the NEW Testament!” like it really mattered.
But! Spanish School! Right! Spanish School, as far as I can tell, is a big waste of my tuition money. Charlie knows ONE Spanish word–”HOLA!”–which I taught him. That’s it! Nothing else!
This morning, when I dropped him off, the Spanish teacher was talking with Charlie’s teacher, telling her that they were going to have a FIESTA! with some PINATAS! for Spanish School today. I figured the boy would come home with at least two new Spanish words. I could teach him MARGARITA and we would be all set to party! Anyway, twenty minutes later, this same woman was behind me in the checkout line at WalMart (seriously, you all, WalMart has the best oudoor chair cushions, for $15.00 a piece!) with a cart full of Starburst and two SpongeBob pinatas. Ole!
When I picked Charlie up this afternoon, he was wearing a pair of yellow sunglasses; he ran over and jumped in my arms and said, “HI MAMA! I have sunglasses! They have DUCKS on them! And I have candy in my school bag!” A good day all around.
On the way to the car he told me that he got the sunglasses from the Prize Box, because he took a nap (dammit, I hate it when he naps at school; it makes bedtime a big pain in the ass because he’s not TIRED). The candy, though, was harder to track. Was it leftover Easter candy? No, he said, it wasn’t M&Ms, which are apparently the Official Candy of Baptist Staffed Episcopal Day Outs (he comes home from school with M&Ms nearly every day). “It’s chewy and square!” he told me. Okaaaay.
In the car, I asked, “Did you have Spanish School today?”
Charlie: Nope.
Me: Are you sure?
Charlie: Yes. We did NOT have Spanish School. Look at my sunglasses! They have ducks on them!
Me: Charlie, did you have a pinata today?
Charlie: What?
Me: A pinata.
Charlie: Nope.
Henry: Do you even know what a pinata is, Charlie?
Charlie: Nope.
Henry: You hit it with a bat and then it breaks and it has candy in it.
Charlie: Yeah! We hit SpongeBob with a bat!
Me: I think that was your Spanish School, Charlie.
Charlie: No, it was SpongeBob. And we hit him with a BAT!
So the Spanish School lesson for today was . . . I have no idea. Charlie and his friends beat the holy hell (heh heh, get it?) out of SpongeBob but did not break him (and, much to Henry’s disappointment and my relief, they were NOT wearing a blindfold during this beating). Then one of the teachers decapitated SpongeBob and gave everyone some Starburst.
Ole!
Posted by Susan @ 8:53 pm • Uncategorized
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April 20th, 2006 at 9:27 pm, educat Says:
Ok, I have an MDO story.
Evidently, a local pastor called another church and, as a prank, engaged the church receptionist in a long conversation on how he wished to bring his mother to Mother’s Day Out. I mean, after all, his mother needed a day out!
Additionally, my fancy Baptist education could make the argument that Jesus was there at creation to help God. But perhaps the theolgical implications of the Trinity are best not taught to preschoolers in MDO. Ask Charlie about eschatology if you need to check what they’re peddling.
Perhaps I should hold comments after enjoying dinner with a pastor. Nevermind.
April 20th, 2006 at 9:30 pm, adria Says:
It always amazes me what our money is paying for when it comes to preschool.
April 20th, 2006 at 9:37 pm, Granny Says:
Hola, Susan
They must be teaching their version of Hispanic culture. We live in a small city with a large Hispanic population and the pinatas here take on some strange forms as do their celebrations which often include a bounce house and a pinata.
Ole!!
Ann
April 20th, 2006 at 9:50 pm, Jenorama Says:
What was I going to say? I am so tired.
Oh yes: Mormons believe Jesus was there with God when He created the earth.
Clearly, Charlie is Mormon.
::ducks::
April 20th, 2006 at 10:44 pm, McSwain Says:
As educat and jenorama said, most Christian-type theology will tell you Jesus was there at creation. He just didn’t come to earth ’til the NT. Ask him about eschatology. LOL!!
April 21st, 2006 at 1:39 am, The Daring One Says:
Mormon here. Jesus=yes. Maybe he’s “one of us.” Wee-ooo-wee-ooo.
The whole pinata thing has me cracking up! That is so funny. I love the thought of them beating the ever-living cheese out of SpongeBob. Do those things EVER break? Not in my experience.
April 21st, 2006 at 6:59 am, Mir Says:
Monkey’s kindergarten class is serving as guinea pigs for a Spanish enrichment program this month. So far he can tell me a number of zoo animals in Spanish, which is great and all. Yesterday I arrived at snack time and the teacher was making each child say a Spanish word to receive their snack. That’s what I like. Education via bribery. That kid will remember mariposa his entire life now, every time he wants some crackers.
April 21st, 2006 at 7:08 am, Kristen Says:
At Bryce’s Day Out when he was 3, they had “parent-teacher conferences” and despite the fact that he knew all the actual material they were supposedly “teaching” (shapes, numbers, letters, etc.), the teachers were “concerned” that he still couldn’t open his own ziplock bag at lunch time.
It was at that point that we started looking for a new school.
April 21st, 2006 at 7:12 am, Heather Says:
So this is what I have to look forward to? They let the boy nap *and* send him home with candy?? I think our MDO is at a Baptist church, but probably run by the Mennonites.
April 21st, 2006 at 7:27 am, Anne Glamore Says:
Spanish is part of the curriculum at our elementary school, and the teacher only speaks in Spanish, but so far all my boys claim to be able to say is “amarillo” which is yellow, and then they collapse into giggles.
How far will that get them in Spain?
April 21st, 2006 at 8:10 am, ieatcrayonz Says:
!Muy bien! !Let’s go to Ted’s and celebrate! Arriba!
April 21st, 2006 at 8:33 am, Laura Says:
I believe that is “El Spongebob.” However, this is why we never did MDO. And probably why the first time we went to church (when G. was 3) she got freaked out when my Mom told her Jesus was everywhere. “What?? He’s in my house? How did he get in there??” After I explained that he was like Santa, she relaxed.
I am SO going to hell.
April 21st, 2006 at 11:07 am, sarcastic journalist Says:
Next week: taco bell!
That is the crappiest spanish school, ever.
April 21st, 2006 at 12:15 pm, Mary P. Says:
Did you ever read the Dave Barry column about some child’s birthday in which the theme was Princess, and they had a pinata shaped like Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty or something?
Imagine: a dozen crazed four-year-old girls beating the crap out of Cinderella. Like Charlie’s, I don’t think the kids could break into her, so some adult — [gasp] decapitated Cinderella! Then I think there was trauma all round, or maybe it was just the mommies who were traumatized, their little princesses being too busy swooping down like vultures upon the carcass.
I just about peed myself laughing.
April 21st, 2006 at 2:39 pm, Nothing But Bonfires Says:
But at least the Spanish School will have a Parents Evening, and then you’ll all get shots of tequila and chips and guacamole while the Spanish teacher talks about how well your kids are learning to hit pinatas. Or we can but hope.
April 22nd, 2006 at 4:09 pm, Meredith Says:
That was too funny - I read it out loud to my husband who now is talking about decapitated spongebob’s full of treats. I think it is a new ctch phrase sweeping the nation.
April 22nd, 2006 at 6:49 pm, Mary Tsao Says:
I need to do a search for some MDOs around here, but I don’t think they have them. What a crock!
Now let me get this straight. This is a place where kids get to learn about where candy comes from (Jesus’s friend Spongebob Squarepants) while moms go to all day happy hour? Did I get that right?
You’re right — either you need to move by me or I need to move by you! We can throw all of our kids into this heaven on earth place called MDO and get our margarita on!
April 22nd, 2006 at 9:09 pm, Velma Says:
Ole! This is very funny to me, because my daughter has recently taken to showing me how well she counts in Spanish by counting up to 14 ALL THE TIME. Why 14? I dunno. But listening to her count up to 14 for the umpteenth hundred time today? It made my head feel like that pinata.
April 24th, 2006 at 1:23 pm, Kelly Says:
I’m new to reading your blog, and am loving your stories.
I figured out long ago that pre-school where I live really isn’t for the pre-schoolers. It’s for the Mommies like me, you know the one’s who don’t want to lose their minds? Oh, and I guess the socialization with other pre-schoolers is good too…
Mom’s around here become deeply defensive when I say stuff like this, but really, who are we kidding? But I guess it’s easier to rationalize that great big ‘ol monthly check that goes out…you know, if it’s for their babies education…no cost is too great!;)
April 24th, 2006 at 4:55 pm, Suburban Turmoil Says:
Ha ha! Great story.
Many of my friends send their kids to Mother’s Day Out? And I told all of them that I didn’t need it because my stepdaughters give me a Mother’s Afternoon Out every day (which is true, because Baby wants to hang out with them for an hour or two when they get home every afternoon)? But the real reason that I don’t use Mother’s Day Out is…
I could never afford it. *sigh*
Which is why I should be selling Arbonne or something, right?
April 24th, 2006 at 9:47 pm, Granny Says:
Mariposa = cracker? Mariposa County is one county away on the road to Yosemite.
Even worse, we have town about 50 miles from here called Manteca.
Manteca = lard. (used to be a rendering plant there).