June 7, 2005
I hate it when I’m right
It’s been a wild week here at Friday Playdate. First the anesthesia, then the psychologist–oh, did I mention that we celebrated Henry’s fifth birthday with a visit to the lovely psychologist, who has diagnosed him as ADHD, with some mild Asperger’s tendencies? No, I think I forgot to mention that. But we also had cake (not at the doctor’s office, later, in our yard, with a few of H’s little friends) and a new bike and dinner with my in-laws, and, as Charlie’s friend Ryan says, ‘Is all good!’
It was, as I said, a wild week.
But now we seem to be getting back on track. We spent the weekend trying both to be extra nice to the boy, and fretting about what to do next. The diagnosis itself came as no real surprise–I just knew, and had known for a long time, that he was probably more hyper and unfocused than other kids, and I had already talked to my pediatrician about the Asperger’s thing–but the doctor’s suggestion that we find a new school, one with smaller classes and more structure, really threw us. After all this is June. Our first tuition installment at Current School is due the first of July. Oh, and it took us TWO YEARS to choose this school, and now we have TWO WEEKS to choose a new one. So that was a little stressful. On top of it all, the first school that the doctor recommended is one that, for reasons too personal and complicated to go into here, I do not want Henry attending. Period. So even more fun!
But yesterday I called some places–an Episcopal school with 200 total students (in pre-K through grade 8!), a Catholic school not too far from us, and the preschool at the Jewish temple, where Leslie’s kids go. The Episcopal school was closed yesterday; the Catholic school has a waiting list for fall, but H is ‘on the list’ for this year and next; the school at the temple had an opening (huzzah!) AND the class will be only seven or eight kids AND Leslie’s son will be in H’s class. By the end of the day, I was feeling better about the whole thing.
We are meeting with the doctor again on Friday, and we still have to deal with Current School (they must be notified in writing that H is not coming back, and I feel like I should go visit with the director and let her know what we’ve decided). And then at some point we have to tell H what is going to happen, and there are some other parents from Current School who I probably need to tell at least that H is leaving. And then there is the long-term ‘treatment’ which right now will NOT include any drug therapy, but is still a bit of a blur beyond that.
I am both overwhelmed and relieved. I have always had a sense that H was not like other kids, that he was just more difficult to parent, although I also tended to feel that it was my fault, that if I were just more patient or more interested or more something it wouldn’t be so very hard to be his mommy. But as it turns out, that’s not true. He just experiences the world differently, and we need better and different strategies to help him, and to teach him to help himsef. That’s all. And we are trying to think of ways to talk about his ’situation’ (especially the school change) without using any diagnostic lables. I don’t want anyone to look at my son and see the hyper autistic kid. I want them to see Henry, who is smart and funny and kind and charming and quirky and energetic and . . .
On top of all that, my dishwasher is leaking (and has destroyed some of the wood floor in our kitchen) and the brakes on Wade’s car are doing funny things. So we’ve been shopping for schools and dishwashers and cars, and yesterday I spent an hour researching laptops, because why the hell not? And somehow we seem to have decided that instead of selling this house sometime soon and moving to Suburbia (what I like to refer to as North of the Turnpike), we’ll maybe do some things here and stay a while. So now I’m also fantasizing about remodelling our currently horrible porch (screens, fans, new roof, lovely outdoor living room furniture). Then I could sit in the lovely living area with my new laptop and write on my website while the boys play in the yard. It’s such a wonderful dream.
Right now I have to go find a babysitter. Wish me luck.
Posted by Susan @ 12:25 pm • Uncategorized
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June 7th, 2005 at 9:08 pm, M&Co. Says:
The BoyChild goes to the temple school. It is a wonderful environment even if it is GawdAwful expensive!
June 7th, 2005 at 9:40 pm, ieatcrayonz Says:
Wow. Wow. Wow.
Oh man, just like that you had to change the school you loved so much? When I first read that the doctor said that, my brain shouted, “SECOND OPINION!” I’m sure you’ve gone into much more agony over it then you let on.
Sorry to hear about the house and car meltdowns. You do know that the brakes are fixable, right?
Just kidding. Rance’s truck is doing very odd, odd things and he’s looking for another vehicle as well.
Well, the good thing about the suburbia north of the turnpike is that they have excellent public schools. My sister-in-law is in charge of the science programs there. She loves it.