February 15, 2006
I cannot tell a lie
But I can totally borrow someone else’s truth and attribute it to my husband.
Technically, ALL of the stories I told are true, but one of them is not about Wade. Because while I have no flair for fiction, I’m good at taking things that have really happened and dressing them up a bit. Look at me–I’m James Frey! Although like James Frey I was tripped up by some simple fact checking, thus proving that I learned NOTHING from his mistake.
1. Wade rode on the University of Oklahoma cycling team.
TRUE!
Wade went to grad school at OU in the late 80s/early 90s. And yes, he really WAS hit by a car; he suffered a mild concussion. He likes to tell everyone that the day AFTER the accident, his parents went out of town on vacation, despite the fact that he was languishing in the hospital. But he was fine, really. And he wears a bicycyle helmet all the time now–when he’s riding a bike, I mean, not ALL the time, which would be, well, wierd.
2. Wade runs marathons; he has run 18 in the past ten years.
NOT TRUE!
Actually, this IS a true story–but not about Wade, who wouldn’t run for the phone if it was Heather Locklear calling to ask him out on a date.* Well, okay, MAYBE then. But not for anything else.
Wade’s friend Adam, on the other hand, really IS a runner and is a fairly good marathoner; he has finished in the top ten at the Memorial Marathon for the past two years, and ran a personal best in 2004. Adam also ran the San Francisco Marathon with his brother-in-law, who is some sort of venture capitalist, and the brother-in-law really DID take phone calls during the race. (My brother, on the other hand, is a golfer, not a runner, although he DOES own a business and has been known to take phone calls at odd times. Just not during a marathon, unless it was one he was watching on television. And I can’t really see that happening, now that I think about it.) Adam is also a writer; he did a series of articles about races in Oklahoma, including the run at the nudist colony (which may or may not be near Tulsa–I made that part up. Look at me! with the lying!). I am fairly sure he ran that particular race nekkid, but quite honestly, I don’t want to know. I like this man and his wife a lot and I really want to be able to have dinner with them every once in a while without having to think about . . . well, you know. But apparently, people DO run the race in their birthday suits, and then they all hop in the hot tub together when it’s over. Adam runs his race, collects his trophy, and leaves–no hot tub. You’re all relieved to know THAT, aren’t you?
3. Wade once shared a bottle of Southern Comfort with David Lee Roth, in the stairwell of a local hotel.
TRUE!
I still don’t know what else to say about this, except that it was a long LONG time ago and I was not there.
4. Wade spent a summer working in an oil field.
TRUE!
Apparently this was the Most Boring Summer Job ever, and the trailer was horrible. More horrible than the Motel 6, which is saying quite a bit.
5. Wade will go on a five-day camping trip where he will hike twenty miles while carrying a fifty pound pack, fly fish in icewater up to his thighs, sleep on the ground at night, and eat freeze-dried camp food while sitting under a tarp in the pouring rain (or snow!), but he will NOT eat a decent, freshly-prepared meal outside.
TRUE!
The one exception to this is when we visit my parents in Albuquerque, where there are no bugs and no humidity. But for the most part, Wade would sooner be drawn and quartered than have to eat outside. I, of course, would eat EVERY meal outside, weather permitting, but wouldn’t go camping on a dare. And yet we are somehow able to coexist peacefully. Because we love each other. Or something.
A big congratulations to Mama Christy, Crayonz, and M&Co, all of whom actually looked up the race results for the Memorial Marathon, which is a clear sign that they have WAAAAY too much time on their hands. And so to fill that time, I suggest that THEY do this meme (follow the link for the ACTUAL instructions–or play my way!). See? No good deed goes unpunished. The rest of you–particularly those of you who guessed correctly–should feel free to tag yourselves and let us know you’re playing. I want to see what kind of liars you all are.
So now you know a few more things about my husband. And remember–if you find yourselves in line at Starbucks one morning behind a really REALLY tall guy with glasses, say ‘I KNOW YOU!’ and see what happens. I’m sure it will be funny.
*We actually sat around the other night and talked about how now that Heather and Richie Sambora were divorcing, and my pretend boyfriend Ralph Fiennes had been dumped by his long-time girlfriend, we could all go on a big double date. And hoo boy did we think we were funny!
We really need to get out more.
Posted by Susan @ 8:24 am • Uncategorized
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February 15th, 2006 at 9:15 am, ieatcrayonz Says:
Yippee! Okay, so I really did the research, but MamaChristy gave me the idea.
Did I ever tell you about all the hits for “Oklahoma nudist colony” I got before I used the search engine norobots meta tag?
I thought it was a joke!
February 15th, 2006 at 9:56 am, Felicity Says:
Ok, it’s too late now. The image is burned into my imagination… men running naked. WIth their jewels bouncing freely. Uhm, EW! I hope to God that there are NOT women who run naked. With bouncing you-know-whats.
February 15th, 2006 at 10:31 am, Susan Says:
Apparently, clothing is OPTIONAL at the nekkid race; everyone wears their running shoes, and some of the men go with the jock strap while some of the women opt for a sports bra. But probably not vice versa.
There! Another image burned on your brain. You’re welcome!
February 15th, 2006 at 11:59 am, Felicity Says:
LOL and saying EWWW at the same time. With a mouth full of lemon yogurt (because I was too late to pack lunch). At my desk. Lovely.
February 15th, 2006 at 12:03 pm, MamaChristy Says:
Darn you and your meme tag! I swear that research took me all of 5 minutes since it’s what I do for a living. I’ll get around to that meme in a day or two…
February 15th, 2006 at 12:05 pm, CarpeDM Says:
Wow. I never even would have thought about researching this. I really loved this and am going to tag myself. I’ll probably post it today or tomorrow. Hopefully today if people would just stop calling. I do not have your cost basis, people! What part of retain your statements for your tax records do you not understand?
February 15th, 2006 at 1:06 pm, Susan Says:
DM, you make me laugh. Which is more than I can say for OUR taxes, which made us curse. Ha ha! So not funny.
Get on that meme, Christy. You can do it! Let us know when you’re done.
And the rest of you–do it! It’s fun! Or more fun than taxes, at least.
February 15th, 2006 at 1:12 pm, The PIssed-Off Progressive Says:
Hey! I was working at OU at the same time that Wade was in school there. I bet we’ve crossed paths at some point, but much of my life in those years is a blur, thanks to… uh… the blessed amnesia of age. Yeah, that’s it.
I suspect the nudist colony is this one, which used to be called Willow Beach Naturist Club. There is actually a difference between naturists and nudists, but I can’t remember offhand what it is.
February 15th, 2006 at 2:17 pm, Susie Says:
yay I got it right! Not sure I could sit across from naked runner man at a meal either!
heh heh Felicity said “jewels bouncing” heh heh
February 15th, 2006 at 3:58 pm, MJ Says:
I used to work for an organization called the “Ontario Naturalists,” which is an environmental organization. However, each spring our receptionist would field phone calls from people who thought we were “naturists” (or nudists by another name) looking for information. Not sure why but the phone calls only ever came in the springtime.
February 15th, 2006 at 5:09 pm, Penny Pressed Says:
Arrgh! I meant to comment on this post yesterday, when I had to leave the computer to attend to my son jumping on the dog. That said … I was totally going to guess the running one! Do I get some sort of an award for good intentions? No? Ah well, I used to live not far from the nudist colony. We’d often see helicopters circling really slowly over that area. I’m sure it wasn’t for any National Security purposes, either.
February 15th, 2006 at 5:22 pm, Susan Says:
Penny! You can totally do the meme! That can be your prize!
February 15th, 2006 at 7:35 pm, Candace Says:
Hey, Susan…did you see this?
http://tinyurl.com/8ls24
February 15th, 2006 at 7:59 pm, Kristen Says:
Phew. I’m glad to know I probably won’t run into any naked running men. *shudder*
February 15th, 2006 at 11:41 pm, Chag Says:
Have you guys ever heard of hashes? Where you basically run (sometimes naked, depends on the theme for the evening), following a trail (usually marked in flour), with pit stops (kegs) along the way?
February 16th, 2006 at 1:46 am, The Daring One Says:
I wish he could eat outside. That would be so FREEING. When I see him in the store, I’ll express my sincere concern.
February 16th, 2006 at 10:14 am, Laura Says:
Shoot! I missed the answer. However, I did do the meme at my blog, and gave you full credit for the idea.
Also, there is a race in San Francisco each year that is a naked race. My buddy’s husband runs it every year. He has a lovely photo of him crossing the finish line - from behind. He calls it his “ass shot.”
February 16th, 2006 at 8:30 pm, The June Cleaver Diaries Says:
Yeah, I already thought about bouncing jewels, and for a minute, I thought I was off guys for good.
But the thought of women running with just sports bras on makes me cringe as well.
So I think the solution, at least for me, is if you’re near me, and you’re nekked, please hold still. Or, at least don’t bounce. Much.
Okay, this is heading in all sorts of bad directions.
Bad of Wade not to wear a helmet!!! BAD BAD BAD!!! Does he still shave his legs, like my hubby does? He says it’s to prevent road rash when he races, but I know better….
February 16th, 2006 at 9:19 pm, MamaChristy Says:
Damn you to hell, I HATE MEMEs! Allow me to clarify - hate DOING not READING. Well, I did it and damn you it was fun. I expect you to guess, you know!
February 16th, 2006 at 11:04 pm, Andie D. Says:
Ahhh! And I was convinced! CONVINCED! That m answer was right. Goes to show that one never knows….
But now we really do deserve to know the entire David Lee Roth story. Got that Wade?