January 9, 2008
for Christmas, he got a new TV
Wade refuses to use our remote’s PREVIEW mode when he watches television, preferring instead to flip through EVERY SINGLE CHANNEL in our eleventy million channel cable package. Sometimes he does it just so he can say, “Look! This one is HD! THIS one is NOT! Can you see the difference?” and I say, “Yes, absolutely!” without ever looking up from the J. Crew Catalog Du Jour.
He also only recently figured out how to use the DVR; until about a week ago, he would watch a recorded program and RUN to the kitchen at the commercials to get a snack or a beer and RUN back before the show started again. I finally had to remind him that IT’S ALL TAPED, SEE, SO YOU CAN SKIP THE ADS. Sheesh.
So the other night we’re watching television, but NOT the bowl game because we KNEW Ohio State would lose and it was too heartbreaking, and also we are lazy. Wade was flipping, flipping, flipping, stopping at CHANNELS WE DO NOT GET, which have nothing on the screen except a notice that says YOU ARE NOT SUBSCRIBED TO THIS CHANNEL, so that he can narrate to me what we COULD be watching if we had these channels. “Ooooh Newsies! We could watch Newsies! Except we don’t get this channel.”
And then he gets up and leaves the room and goes off to read somewhere else, leaving the television tuned to a channel that WE’RE NOT SUBSCRIBED TO. While I am still sitting there. The saddest part is that it probably took me five minutes to realize that he wasn’t coming back.
Tonight he said, “Let’s see what’s on TV,” and I had to resist the urge to beat him to death with the clicker. Because he totally has it coming.
Posted by Susan @ 10:03 pm • good people
RSS feed for comments on this post.
TrackBack URI
January 9th, 2008 at 10:43 pm, Poppy Says:
Ha! I don’t even let my husband hold the clicker. That’s the kind of feminist I am.
I’m probably going to make him vote for Hillary, too.
January 9th, 2008 at 11:21 pm, slynnro Says:
OHMYGOD. This is my house. It drives me freaking crazy. The preview thing….AAAAH!
But I’m guilty of the discussion of channels we do not get. There is some channel from India that I am obsessed with. The show titles are insane!
January 9th, 2008 at 11:42 pm, Angella Says:
I LOVE THE PREVIEW SCREEN.
And cannot fathom why Matthew clicks through every. single. channel.
MUST be a guy thing.
January 10th, 2008 at 12:32 am, Kendra Says:
My husband wants all of this-but when he watches tv he goes to the National Geographic channel, and then snores. And wonders why I keep saying no to more cable. The big screen with lions chasing and eating something just doesn’t sit well with me.
January 10th, 2008 at 4:30 am, Heather K Says:
Have the kids teach him how to work it! My kids (1 and 3) ask for Tivo by name and know how to work the pause button.
Want to borrow mine?
January 10th, 2008 at 7:05 am, Heather B. Says:
1. I used to click through every single channel until we got the ‘Guide’ screen. Now I would get carpal tunnel going through 900 channels.
2. Y’all are so funny. I can’t even handle it.
January 10th, 2008 at 7:05 am, blackbird Says:
K is in charge of the remote (shocking, I know) and I’ll usually be answering emails or reading…at some point I will look up and wonder why he’s watching Spy Kids, in Spanish, and realize he’s been asleep for half an hour.
January 10th, 2008 at 7:49 am, merry Says:
Too funny!
I couldn’t watch the game Monday night either. A sad day for Buckeyes.
January 10th, 2008 at 8:37 am, Jen Says:
I don’t watch football and HD TV still confuses me, so I am just de-lurking! Hi, Susan!
January 10th, 2008 at 8:59 am, All Adither Says:
The novelty will wear off soon enough.
January 10th, 2008 at 9:03 am, Lori Says:
I wish I had eleventy million channels to flip through…Congrats on the new TV! He must have been very good for Santa to bring that.
January 10th, 2008 at 10:14 am, jaime Says:
Oh my goodness! This sounds just like my husband and it makes me C.R.A.Z.Y. I have to just leave the room.
January 10th, 2008 at 10:41 am, Stephanie Says:
Indeed! You would think these boys could run these remotes more efficiently, but alas, they are not so good.
I took control of the remote years ago, as my husband is far too slow on the fast forward through the commercials, as well as the mute, if there is no fast forward left. And he also refuses to use the guide which just makes me CRAZY. I am like a jungle cat with that thing whereas he is a little more, um, sloth-like.
I’ll be scrolling through the pages of channels, and he’ll be going “wait, go back, I think I saw something…” I’ll have to assure him, “no, I read it all, there was nothing there, I assure you.” he won’t believe me, I’ll be forced to scroll back (ugh,) and of course, I’ll be right…now I’ve just wasted precious scrolling seconds.
Even our friends know not to attempt to use the remote at our house as I will lunge across the couch and hit the buttons myself if they dare to attempt to take control.
January 10th, 2008 at 12:59 pm, margalit Says:
My SON does the same thing. I used to withhold the clicker from him because he drove me so crazy with it, but then he used a Best Buy gift card to buy his own clicker. No kidding.
January 10th, 2008 at 1:39 pm, She Likes Purple Says:
This is hilarious. Just the funniest post I’ve read today.
January 10th, 2008 at 7:57 pm, Marlee Says:
This is why we don’t have CABLE. I can’t even tolerate the flipping of the FIVE measly network channels we have…
January 10th, 2008 at 8:32 pm, Raven Says:
I hate my husband’s DVR. Why? Because he built it himself, which means that it has “features” the word here means breaks all the damn time and has to be upgraded constantly. I believe last night was the 25th channel scan. GAH!
January 10th, 2008 at 9:05 pm, Susan Says:
SOOOOO a guy thing. And SOOOOOOO annoying.
January 10th, 2008 at 9:14 pm, Katy (formerly June C.) Says:
If by “Wade” you mean “Chris,” I totally clued in— nice try. He said he’s been working late, but now I know he’s been watching HD with you.
January 11th, 2008 at 10:20 am, *jcg Says:
matt doesn’t use the preview either. it drives me bonkers.
January 11th, 2008 at 11:24 am, Kristie Says:
Be glad it’s only your husband — I wish my KIDS were ignorant of the workings of the DVR. As it is, we have about a bazillion hours of Drake and Josh and iCarly and Top Model (wth?) recorded for them, and NOTHING recorded for me. There is no justice. (sigh)
January 11th, 2008 at 1:19 pm, rebecca Says:
What I love the most about this post, you too call it a clicker.
rebecca
January 11th, 2008 at 2:32 pm, heather Says:
My husband does the same thing, except he’ll not only leave the room - he takes the remote with him. It’s as if by giving it up he’s giving up a small piece of his manhood.
January 11th, 2008 at 6:04 pm, janet Says:
that’s freakin’ hysterical. my husband just. will. not. stop. clicking.
if there is a commercial, we’re lookin’ at something else… click click click aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
January 11th, 2008 at 7:20 pm, Daisy Says:
Hubs makes me feel like a techno phobe — which I’m not — when he’s surfing the cable channels. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) he’s a television engineer.
January 11th, 2008 at 8:04 pm, Elizabeth Says:
Ha! I just wish my husband would pause during the commercials and then fast-forward them rather than flip, flip, flip until we land on some stupid History Channel show about some dumb airplane that was flown in 1943, which I so do not care about, at all.
January 11th, 2008 at 8:39 pm, barbetti Says:
My problem with Shane is that he turns on the surround sound for EVERYTHING. It wouldn’t be so bad, except he does it in the bedroom (when I am asleep) and promptly falls asleep. I end up shooting out of bed because right next to my pillow BILLY MAYS WANTS ME TO TRY NEW ORANGE-GLO WITH SHINE BOOST! AT 2 IN THE MORNING! YEAH!
January 12th, 2008 at 1:33 pm, D Says:
I had to smile … we don’t have cable, so we don’t often get to use a clicker for channel-surfing. And the reason we don’t have cable is because we would be one of those families that discovers that knowing about those 1943 airplanes is *really really fascinating*.