July 18, 2007
five is the new two
You know why I like you all? Because you say interesting things. Also because you are nice to me, even when I’m having some kind of Mystery Stress Overload that leads me to complain about my children. But more on that in a minute.
In the comments on yesterday’s moanfest, Catherine said, “Hold on nelly… all I got from this post is that my soon-to-be four year old boy will still be refusing to get dressed and throw himself on the floor daily when he’s five. Good to know.”
Yes, Catherine (where is your BLOG Catherine?) five is the new two. Remember how everyone warned you about how bad two would be, and instead it was a year of sweet kisses and snuggles with your darling baby? Well five will get you back for that. Trust me.
I think five is tough because on the one hand, five is potty trained and able to put a CD in the player on his own and get his own snack and water from the dispenser in the fridge and jump into the deep end of the pool and clear his place at the table. At the exact same time, though, five is afraid of the dark and needs his binkit to fall asleep and doesn’t have the language skills to talk about being scared or frustrated or sad. Five is excited about all the big boy things he can do at the same time that he’s pissed about all the big boy things he ISN’T getting to do.
Five wants to be cute and tough all at once. He wants you to be RIGHT THERE at the same time that he tries to pretend he has no idea who you are.
Five: It’s The New Two. Seriously.
But wait, Catherine had MORE smart things to say! “Actually, your day sounds very much like ours. I’m that mom too. But if we’re all that mom, isn’t that the norm and that other mom becomes that mom?”
Oooh, interesting. Let’s talk about my kids for a second and then come back to this.
This morning, Henry had an appointment to visit with the principal of Charlie’s school (not an interview! we don’t call it an interview when the child is only going into first grade!) because we’re changing schools! Again!
Dammit.
This will be Henry’s fourth school in four years. He’s not happy about the change, but we have our reasons (none of which I am going to discuss with the Internet). Suffice it to say that we feel like this particular school has been a good place for Charlie and will be a good place for Henry. Anyway, Henry had this appointment this morning, and coming on the heels of two days of cranky (for me and the boy) I was a little edgy about how it would go. What if he was totally irrational? or he talked about Bionicles the whole time? or wouldn’t sit still?
And–most frightening to me–what if the principal decided that this wasn’t a good fit and said they couldn’t take him?
I started looking at schools when Henry was 18 months old. I was one of Those Moms, although I still don’t know how that happened. I looked at every school in Oklahoma City and made thoughtful choices about what each could offer my preshus baybee. And yes, Wade participated in the choice, but I was the one who worried. I’m not saying that’s a good thing, by the way, it’s just the truth.
I think we’re all “that mom” at one point or another. We’re the mom who worries too much or doesn’t worry enough, the mom who over plans or underplans, the mom who cooks from scratch or who whips through McDonald’s because it’s late and WE’RE HUNGRY! I like to think that I’m the laid back mom, but every time anyone suggest that to Wade he laughs hysterically because really, I’m the Mom on the Edge.
Seriously.
A couple of you (and my mom) suggested that the boys should have gone to camp and yes, you are right. But I worried about that, too, about how they would do and if they would behave and have fun and if it would just be one more hassle. And so here we are and while I wouldn’t say I’m sorry the kids didn’t go to camp this summer, they most certainly will NEXT summer. For their own good, as well as mine.
So which kind of mom am I? I’m a strict mom and a mom who overthinks and a mom who worries and a mom who wants the kids to grow up already! but not so fast.
I’m a mom who knows that five is the new two, and seven is able to rise to the occasion.
Posted by Susan @ 9:19 pm • Uncategorized
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July 19th, 2007 at 5:46 am, Tracy Says:
I’m really glad you said all this. My almost 5 year old is making me pull my hair out and I thought it was just me. Honesty is refreshing (and very encouraging!).
My favorite new line of his? “You’re wrong Mom. You’re just wrong.”
July 19th, 2007 at 7:30 am, Susan Says:
You’re welcome, Tracy!
I say this all the time, but I love my kids; every single day they make me laugh until I cry. They are polite and funny and creative, and kind to each other and to other people. We have a terrific time together and I am truly grateful that I get to hang out with them like I do.
But lurking under that is the constant fear that I’m not doing this parenting thing JUST RIGHT, and that my missteps are really the cause of all those moments when my kids are NOT funny and charming and polite. Because I’m a worrier.
And Charlie–poor Charlie–is at such a crazy age, where he wants to be the baby AND the big boy, and it drives him berserk and that, in turn, drives ME berserk.
And then we go to bed and sleep it off and start over. The end.
July 19th, 2007 at 7:48 am, Kelly Says:
Your comment ^^ — that’s exactly how I feel, Susan! But I couldn’t have said it nearly as well. So thanks for putting into words for me.
Speaking as someone who’s staring down the barrel of Terrible Two, I’m not thrilled to learn there’s another Age To Be Feared lurking out there.
July 19th, 2007 at 7:48 am, Jordan Says:
Oh, I feel your pain! 5 was SO HARD! (Although we had a rough time with 4, too, and that one is my nemesis - I always say this with the caveat that, somehow, he got more wonderful every year no matter how rough it was.) There’s a great book by Jamie Lee Curtis called “It’s Hard to be Five” (I think that’s it) which is really excellent. We still read it because, of course, sometimes it applies to 6 1/2, too! I was just composing a post in my head yesterday about my older son being at that point of wanting to be big and a baby at the same time and how difficult it is. So you are definitely not alone!
Good luck with the school change!
July 19th, 2007 at 7:50 am, bgirl Says:
EXCELLENT post.
I’ve (somewhat) successfully gotten through Five with my son, but I think I will print this out so I can come back to it when my daughter gets here (she’s Four, but a very Five-ish Four). Oooh, can’t wait.
July 19th, 2007 at 7:51 am, Wendy Says:
Well, I think I would take your 5 yr old boy struggles over my 5 yr old girl struggles. If I have to fight one more time about what she is going to wear or hold my tongue as she walks out the house in something that completely doesnt match, I think I will melt into a puddle of goo. Then there is the constant struggle over Bratz, her friends being mean to her and the debate about who is a model and who isnt. In case you were wondering, I am not a model, but I guess she still loves me because she lets me buy her things. Where did this diva come from and how do I turn her back into my sweet little girl? She was there, once.
July 19th, 2007 at 8:21 am, Woman with kids Says:
Heh. If you go by Boy 1’s behavior, 12 is the new 2. Just so you know.
July 19th, 2007 at 8:44 am, lifeinsuburbia Says:
Love this post. Five is for sure the new two. Since Oliver turned five, it’s been tantrums and ‘The whiney voice’. Wow. That plus have a two year old girl (who really is the bad kind of two year old) is giving me a migraine. EVERY DAY
July 19th, 2007 at 9:40 am, Mary Says:
Save this post. You will need it when Charlie is 15 and not yet 16.What a year… I had girls so the specifics are different but the frustrations are the same. I am well past those years, but I can tell you that that sweet little child always emerged in the end for me.
With children, the years go so fast but the days can be soooo slow.
PS I work at Full Circle and have been reading your blogs for a while. I am your mom’s age but still enjoy and admire your subjects and your writing. Next time I see you at the store, I’ll identify myself.
July 19th, 2007 at 9:54 am, Melissa Says:
At first I thought you were suggesting that five KIDS was the new TWO KIDS. I was going to tell you you were off your rocker. But, as it turns out, you’re spot on. No rocker-offage at all.
I have high hopes for the seven and four combination. Four isn’t quite five! Really! Or so I tell myself.
July 19th, 2007 at 10:32 am, Susan Says:
Maybe five kids IS the new two . . .
Or maybe not.
Hello, Mary! Please do say hello! I’ll be the one in the children’s room hissing “Just SHARE the pirates! PLEASE!”
Good times.
July 19th, 2007 at 10:47 am, mamalang Says:
Very good post. I speak from the viewpoint of a 13, 8 and 4 year old when I say that 2 wasn’t so bad, 3 was worse, 4 even more so and 5 was horrendous. Actually, I’ve found I really am happiest when they are about 8-11 ish…then that preadolescent thing kicks in and I only really like them for short periods of time. (I love them all the time…never a doubt about that.) ANd luckily, they are so stinking cute at those earlier ages, you can forget about the annoyingness for small stretches!
July 19th, 2007 at 11:01 am, Susan Says:
The cuteness is nature’s way of stopping us from leaving them at the curb with a “FREE OR BEST OFFER” sign around their necks.
July 19th, 2007 at 12:19 pm, Shan Says:
And here I was thinking that three is the new two. Oh, and according to some other parents I know, that applies to BOTH behavior AND the number of kids everyone is having these days.
July 19th, 2007 at 12:48 pm, Jeanne Says:
I totally get it. Really. I lived through the ‘terrible fives’ with my first (and she actually had a good year as a 2 year old and then the ‘fives’ last from 4 until about 6.5)! Now my sweet middle girl who has always been kind and loving ans sweet - even at 2 - is going through those terrible fives even though she won’t officially be five until October. Then there is my third who is so strong-willed at 20 months that she is making me wonder if I am finally going to experience those terrible twos…maybe that means she’ll skip the terrible fives?
Yeah, I know…wishful thinking…
July 20th, 2007 at 8:54 am, Catherine Says:
OMG, I think I’m going to pee myself. My comment made it into your post. This is as close to fame as I’m going to get.
As for my blog, it’s right here.