July 26, 2008
famous is as famous does
I lost my job yesterday.
I knew this was coming — I had known it for a while, in the back of my head, in that amorphous way you just know some things. I had been tormenting Wade for months with my strategies for saving this particular site, all of which he listened to politely and with much sympathetic head nodding. I knew with more certainty this week, when a budget crisis had me sitting at my dining room table with a glass of wine and a calculator and three thousand post-it notes trying to do math (which, as Barbie told us, is HAAARD). I knew for certain early yesterday morning, when I got up and made coffee and saw the advance email confirming that yes, the site would close at the end of the month.
I knew it was coming. But I was still unprepared when it came.
When I read the official your-site-is-being-retired email, I cried, which goes to show you that I am not cut out for actual office work (because really who wants a manager who CRIES? and also because it was 9:00 am and I was still in my pajamas with no bra on, and let’s not even TALK about what was going on with my hair). I didn’t cry because I had lost my job — it actually wasn’t until much much later in the day that I even realized that I had lost MY job too — but because the other women who wrote for the site were losing theirs. I cried because I have loved working with those girls and I will miss them and their funny emails and fantastic writing. I cried because I felt like I had failed them somehow, even though I knew in my heart that we had done everything we could, and done it well. I cried because it was just so sad.
This morning I got up early to work (because the great thing about freelancing is that there is ALWAYS more work! although you might have to get up at 5:00 am on a Saturday to get it all done) and found an email from a very nice woman who wants to know how “famous” bloggers do it (her word, not mine). Specifically, she asks this: “How can you continue to write about your life as if it is a normal-every-day-writing-just-for-myself life when you are receiving, in some cases, enough monetary payments to live off your blog?”
And I kind of wanted to cry again.
I don’t make much money off this blog — let’s just say that the money I get in ad revenues from Friday Playdate is enough to get my hair cut every month and colored every other. My very very short hair, which doesn’t need much cutting or coloring. At a fairly inexpensive salon. In Oklahoma City, where the cost of living is still very low.
And yes, I do tip my stylist pretty generously, but still, it is NOT a lot of money.
I make my living working at other sites, not writing here. I manage and write for three sites (two, after Friday) and write a wee daily-ish shopping blog on the side. I freelance for whoever will hire me. I work, easily, 35 hours a week, which doesn’t include what I write here but DOES explain why I don’t post every single day. Because after a full seven hour day of emails and editing and posting at other sites, I have no words left for this site. And also no one really wants to read about how I sent emails! and edited posts! and cropped photos! and maybe, if it’s a REALLY exciting day, had a conference call! or WROTE A REPORT! WOO!
Okay, seriously (did I mention that I got up at FIVE AM? and that I LOST MY JOB yesterday? oh right I did) — I don’t know what the answer is. I’ve written about strategies for making a living blogging, but strategies for being popular or famous? I have no idea. And honestly, I don’t really care.
I love what I do — I feel fortunate every day to have stumbled into this crazy career, because it lets me be home and be flexible and do something I enjoy. But I work hard at it, and it can be exhausting and stressful. You know, like any other job. I don’t have time in my day to worry about being famous or popular; I’m too busy weeping in front of my laptop because a bunch of people I really respect and admire just lost their jobs.
Posted by Susan @ 7:42 am • everyday life
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July 26th, 2008 at 7:55 am, Lullaby Says:
I am sorry about the webite closing and you losing your job (funny how you always feel it coming, when you are going to los your job, and still you end up crying when it really happens - I do, at least)
July 26th, 2008 at 8:32 am, Kristen Says:
Obviously, I feel your pain (being one of the people from that site) — I’m still feeling pretty damn foggy. The thing that is making me so sad isn’t just the fact that I lost a job — it’s the fact that so many of us poured so much into making that site a what it was and now it’s gone. I was (and will continue to be) so proud to have been a part of it. That part doesn’t retire.
July 26th, 2008 at 8:54 am, janssen Says:
I’m so sorry to hear about that. Your funny and classy balancing of work and style and family life is always an inspiration to me.
July 26th, 2008 at 9:39 am, Lori Says:
I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your job. I don’t think anyone (worth reading) started a personal blog to be famous. I think you do an amazing job writing for this blog and thank you so much for sharing as often as you can.
July 26th, 2008 at 9:42 am, Angella Says:
So sorry about it closing, Susan. Sending love to you!
July 26th, 2008 at 9:46 am, Velma Says:
So sorry that you (and the other fabulous bloggers) have lost that particular opportunity. I hope more chances to work with each other will come to all of you.
July 26th, 2008 at 9:49 am, Heather B. Says:
Not sure whether or not this will make you cry more but I am about to purchase a ticket to Oklahoma City. Do you need kleenex? Because my coming to visit is pretty damn painful.
July 26th, 2008 at 10:09 am, Sue Says:
I’m so sorry about AisleDash. I enjoyed reading it, even though my own wedding was… well, let’s just say a LONG time ago… and hopefully, I’ll never have another one.
I just got my copy of Sleep Is for the Weak yesterday and I was up half the night reading it. (Sleep really IS for the weak!)
I loved your post, Under “Occupation” I Usually Write “Dilettante”, especially where you said, “I’ve been thinking that I want something else to do, something that will challenge my mind and give me something to talk about at the end of the day…” I know that was written a few years ago, and I wanted to tell you that I find it SO INSPIRIING that you took those words and turned them into a career that gives you the flexibility your family needs and allows you to use your gift of language for so many of us to enjoy. I am just getting to that stage myself and it gives me great hope that there are flexible ways of nurturing both my family and my mind.
It’s clear to me that you work your butt off. I always look forward to your posts here on Friday Playdate, but I can imagine how the flow of words is dried up after a day of writing and you need to save what you have left for your family. If working hard and being good at what you do is what it takes to be one of the cool kids, then YES, you are!
Thanks for doing what you do. There are many of us who enjoy reading and are inspired by you.
Sue W
July 26th, 2008 at 10:09 am, Sue Says:
OMG - that was long. Sorry for taking over!!!
July 26th, 2008 at 10:42 am, becky Says:
As another one from the site, I feel your pain, too. I thought it might be coming also, and yet when we got that final email? Still bummed about it. I loved it, loved the group we had. And also proud of the work we did. I will miss those (near) daily emails. Can we just make a google group or something so we can continue to chat with everyone?
PS) *loves*
July 26th, 2008 at 10:56 am, She Likes Purple Says:
We really (ridiculously) respect and admire you too.
July 26th, 2008 at 10:57 am, DesignHER Momma Says:
first off…I am so sorry that you lost your job. But honestly you are so gifted and talented that is this just a pothole in your road.
Bigger and better things lie around the corner for you, I just know it.
I can’t wait to see what’s in store.
July 26th, 2008 at 10:59 am, Suebob Says:
I’m sorry, Susan. I fear that more and more of us will be in this bucket soon.
July 26th, 2008 at 11:14 am, Jenny, Bloggess Says:
Crap on a crap cracker, honey. I just want to come over with a pitcher of cocktails and hug you. I’m so sorry. Even when you know it’s coming it’s such a helpless feeling.
You will bounce back stronger than ever but today let me just say that I’m thinking of you.
PS. i like having a manager that cries. makes her human.
July 26th, 2008 at 11:37 am, Busy Mom Says:
I am so sorry. I lost one, too. They told me at BlogHer. During lunch.
July 26th, 2008 at 11:39 am, slynnro Says:
Sorry Susan
July 26th, 2008 at 11:43 am, Rhi Says:
Well, Boo. I’ve lost my job 3 times (IN A ROW!) and it really never gets easier. So, I changed industries and damn it if my current industry is in the crapper too. BOO.
July 26th, 2008 at 11:59 am, Mrs. Flinger Says:
I’m so sorry, Susan. You know, I think a lot of people would want to have a manager who will cry when they loose their jobs at 9AM without a Bra. It makes you real and full of heart and that’s what’s going to bring you to a better and even more wonderful job. I hope quickly. For you.
July 26th, 2008 at 12:03 pm, jcristg Says:
sorrt to hear about aisledash closing, susan. thinking about you!
July 26th, 2008 at 12:04 pm, jcristg Says:
*sorry.
i should proof-read.
July 26th, 2008 at 12:28 pm, laurie Says:
Keep writing awesome stuff like your BlogHer post today and this’ll just be another fork in the road that leads to the next good thing. (Which it will, anyway.)
Still, as someone who hates endings of any good thing (really, it’s pathological) I get what you’re going through.
July 26th, 2008 at 12:36 pm, Sheryl Says:
Oh Susan, I’m sorry! I know you, and the writers you worked with worked so hard. I hope you get to work with them again. i hope the next project is even more fun, more lucrative, more fulfilling.
July 26th, 2008 at 1:40 pm, All Adither Says:
Rats. I’m sorry about the site closing down. But I don’t think it was all for nothing. People might not be able to visit that particular URL anymore, but I promise you that some of your words will swirl in their heads for a long time to come. I can’t tell you how many bits of blog posts and fragments of Twitters I mentally reference throughout my day. You’ve made the web world richer with all your effort and good writing.
July 26th, 2008 at 1:55 pm, blackbird Says:
I’m awfully sorry about losing that site. I’ve always considered you top-notch and am honored to be part of whatever you are doing.
I’m also completely in awe of your being able to earn ANYTHING while doing something you love - another testament to your talent.
July 26th, 2008 at 2:10 pm, Shan Says:
What a bummer. Knowing you, though, Susan, you’ll either find something just as awesome to work on or you’ll embrace having 1 less “part-time” job in your already-overflowing schedule and make that work in its own way. I agree with blackbird above, about being in awe of you for earning an income at something you love; I still haven’t figured out how to do that.
July 26th, 2008 at 2:19 pm, Florinda Says:
I had a feeling that had happened. One of the Aisledash bloggers is an online friend, and she had a status message up yesterday about “suddenly having all this free time,” but I was a little afraid to ask why.
I’m sorry the blog is folding. I’m not in the wedding market currently, but I enjoyed reading it regularly - it was fun.
Something else will come along, I’m sure. Hang in there!
July 26th, 2008 at 2:19 pm, Tara Says:
I’m so sorry to hear that.
I’ve been a “writer” for about fifteen years, have had a few paying jobs, and still have trouble calling myself a “real” writer. I don’t really know what I think a “real” writer is, except that you are one. I like reading your words, and I know you will continue to write, wherever you can. And we will continue to read you. (No pressure there, right?)
I was laid off four months ago from my sucky non-writing job and I’m still trying to cope. (I just wrote a poem about it on my blog, in an effort to try to express my deep, deep feelings.)
I know you’ll figure it out. And if not - more time for cocktails!
July 26th, 2008 at 2:56 pm, Blythe Says:
It’s always so hard to say goodbye to something you’ve worked hard on, and to know a group of people who do good work aren’t being rewarded as they should be (with fame and fortune and traffic!).
Take care and have an extra glass of wine or at least some extra ice cream today. We’ll all be looking forward to hearing what comes next for you, I know it will be great.
July 26th, 2008 at 4:14 pm, Anna Says:
It SUCKS when you have to leave something you love before you’re ready to let it go.
If it makes you feel any better…I bought your book today…at Barnes and Noble…for FULL PRICE because I didn’t want to have to wait for it from Amazon! And I LOVE your entries!
July 26th, 2008 at 4:21 pm, Her Bad Mother Says:
Oh, lady. I am SO SORRY. That SUCKS.
And? Thanks for spelling out the reality here. Blogging and online writing and whatnot - not so big with the glamor. It ain’t easy to be a geek.
July 26th, 2008 at 4:45 pm, Kristabella Says:
Well put.
I’m sorry to hear that Susan! I know how that feels, having gotten my 60-day notice at work back at the end of June.
July 26th, 2008 at 5:23 pm, Closing doors | misspriss.org Says:
[…] She was a fabulous manager and I only hope that our paths will cross again. Because anyone who cries over her people losing their jobs before she cries over her own? Is alright with […]
July 26th, 2008 at 5:36 pm, STL Mom Says:
Oh, I’m so sorry and good luck for finding more writing work.
Can I be selfish and ask whether this means you’ll have time to start up Friday Style again?
July 26th, 2008 at 5:55 pm, Nina Says:
oh Susan. I am so sorry. I don’t know what else to say.
Regarding Mom E Centric’s query, BlogHer was hard for me in part because I didn’t have a friend to fall back on (unless you count the baby and the hub, heh), which I guess is what makes her scared. But going to these events is about making friends too right? If you don’t reach out to people, then you won’t make friends. And even though you’re “popular” you were incredibly kind to me and I appreciate that. Actually, all of these so-called popular ladies, at least the ones I had the good fortune to run into at BlogHer, were all very nice and normal. Exactly as I would expect them to be because seriously? We’re all just bloggers. We are all bloggers and writers and (many of us) mothers who are just doing what we do as best as we can do it.
July 26th, 2008 at 6:09 pm, ali Says:
that’s just the thing…this is what we come back to read. that you, like me, and like many others, get up at 5am and sit around braless and cry. you are awesome. HUGS. i’m so sorry to hear about the site closing. that sucks.
July 26th, 2008 at 6:50 pm, Jessie Says:
I am very sorry for yours and your friends loss. Thank you for sharing your life with us here on the net. Thanks you for being real and honest; and for updating all of your blogs!
July 26th, 2008 at 8:13 pm, Susie Says:
Oh crappernuts. Wish I was next door and could take you to SB and we could gawk at the hot barrista.
You are one of the most real writers I have had the pleasure of reading. I remember I started reading you because I kept seeing “Friday Playdate” as a commenter on different blogs. I liked what you had to say and came here to find more.
Next thing you know - it’s over a year later and I’m thinking of you when hearing about a hot new mascara (BTW - I ended up buying it - LOVE! LOVE! LERRRRRRVE!) and email you in the middle of the night because you NEED to know.
There is much love out in the blogosphere for you, Susan Wagner. Roll around in it for a bit.
July 27th, 2008 at 9:36 am, Shan Says:
One more thing! I just realized! Maybe this will give you time to reinstate Friday Style?! Right? Sure! Yeah? Because I’m still in Friday Style withdrawal, Susan!
July 27th, 2008 at 12:26 pm, anneglamore Says:
So sorry, Susan.
I have loved reading Sleep Is For The Weak, though. You are in my prayers.
July 27th, 2008 at 1:08 pm, crockpot lady Says:
oh no.
I’m so sorry, susan.
something huge is about to come along, though. I can feel it. you have awesome karma.
xox steph
July 27th, 2008 at 3:15 pm, Friday Playdate » overheard Says:
[…] want to thank each and every one of you who has commented on this post or emailed me or reached out in any way — I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. I […]
July 27th, 2008 at 5:11 pm, Crisanne Says:
Sorry about the site going down. As many have said before me, your a damn good writer and more work will follow soon.
I’ve never gotten the chance to attend Blogher, though I’d desperately love to. Our life situation simply hasn’t allowed for it yet. But, I’m holding out hope for another year. I don’t know of anyone that I would have to go with me, and I’m sure it would be quite overwhelming socially, but I also know that it would be extraordinarily inspirational. And I suppose that makes it worth a few awkward moments.
July 28th, 2008 at 9:09 am, erin Says:
wow! i am going through kind of the same ordeal right now- layoffs!!!! I wish I could be just like you- strong, smart, and amazing—with cute hair! I love your blog and look forward to reading it everyday. I am sure there are many amazing opportunities out there for you!
July 28th, 2008 at 9:24 am, Mocha Says:
I feel the need to tell you that this is “for the best” but then I’d have to slap my own self upside the head for saying something so trite.
It is what it is. You are strong and willful and incredibly creative, so I can’t wait to see what’s going to come of this.
With that said, this is the second time today I’ve read of this “famous” crap and I’m disgusted that the other 2 Heathers are on that list and I’m not. I mean, seriously.
Love you,
K
July 28th, 2008 at 11:04 am, heels Says:
Just tell me what your next project will be and I’ll be there!
(And I still can’t believe that I missed shopping with you in S.F. That’s what I’m still crying about. Because that’s what you need when you’re sad about your job- a good dose of petty from me, right?!)
July 28th, 2008 at 11:39 am, jody Says:
Oh poop! I am sorry.
I am sending you some warm fuzzy hugs and a virtual margarita.
July 29th, 2008 at 10:04 am, Meredith Krumenacker Says:
I am really sorry to hear about that. But I agree with the many other comments that this is simply a blessing in disguise (well, at some point it will be, now it is still just sad); this will open the doors to new opportunities for you. (And more free time do them!)
I think it’s sweet that you were upset about it. Online or face-to-face, talking to people IS just that (connecting and communicating), and it’s hard to brush off those connections. Thank goodness for the web finding ways to keep us connected, somehow! And hey, it’s still a job - it still sucks when it gets taken away.
You will do fantastic, anyway - you’re a brilliant writer and have a TON of fans and a family who adores you.
July 29th, 2008 at 4:47 pm, Raven Says:
I’m sorry to hear this news! I think it shows amazing grace that you are so concerned about your writers, though. Stay strong Susan, good things will come your way.
July 29th, 2008 at 10:16 pm, My Two Cents « A Sundry Anthology, by Meredith Says:
[…] announces its final days: This makes me mad because a lot of cool people work on this site and it also makes me scared because if the recession (yes, I said it, the big bad […]
July 30th, 2008 at 8:50 am, cagey Says:
Wow - I am SO sad to see this post. I was wandering over, finally catching up on updating my BlogLines with the awesome people I met at BlogHer. Sigh. I am so sorry, Susan.
re: Mom-eCentric. Her email and posts really, really disturbed me. I feel sorry for her, because it is obvious that she is in a bad place in her life, but I was not comfortable being on her list.
July 30th, 2008 at 7:54 pm, Ilona Says:
You cried? Aw. I am 100% sure none of us blamed you for a split second — I see Becky and Jennifer up there already. You were terrific, Susan, did everything that you possibly could and then some.
It was a great run. Should’ve been longer, but a great run, nonetheless!
July 31st, 2008 at 8:56 pm, Isabel Kallman Says:
oh, Susan. I am so sorry. I wish I had something to say that could make you feel better. Just know that I am thinking of you.