November 14, 2007
eye had no clue
I went to the eye doctor yesterday, which I don’t mind, really (I mean it’s the EYE DOCTOR, I don’t have to take my clothes off or put my feet in stirrups or … you get the idea). I am nearly out of contact lenses (I wear the daily disposable, which rock) and my ten-year-old glasses are all mangled and bent (why don’t I get new glasses? you ask, and I say, because my prescription never changes and there is always something else to spend the money on).
Plus good eye health is important. For everyone.
So I go to the eye doctor, wearing my L’Oreal Lash Out (top lashes ONLY, of course) because I think THIS will be the Ultimate Road Test: could the Lash Out survive the basic eye exam, complete with TWO kinds of eye drops (one to dilate my eyes and one for something else that I have no idea about because I am an idiot and I don’t ask enough questions at the doctor’s office) or would it smear all over the place?
Hmmm.
The Lash Out stood up well to the exam and the drops, without smearing or smudging. So far so good. Plus my eyes were healthy and my prescription hadn’t changed, so yay me!
And then things went awry.
I put my contacts back into my dilated eyes, tearing one of them in the process, which wasn’t surprising considering that I couldn’t see a damn thing. I tossed that lens out and put a new trial lens in, said goodbye to the doctor and headed out.
While I was waiting to pay the bill, my right eye started to feel weird, like my lens wasn’t in right. I blinked and poked at it and gave the woman my credit card and blinked and poked some more and signed my name and blinked some MORE and went into the ladies’ room in the lobby to figure out what the hell was going on.
Of course, that was harder than it should have been because my eyes were dilated and I couldn’t see anything but I continued to poke around in my eye in an effort to figure out if there even WAS a lens in there or if somehow a piece of GLASS had lodged in my eyeball because jesus pete it HURT. At some point I realized that I had the wrong lens in my LEFT eye (which didn’t hurt but wasn’t working all that well, what with the dilation and the wrong lens) so I took THAT lens out and put a NEW lens in.
Meanwhile I still can’t find the lens in my RIGHT eye. Although I remembered putting a lens IN that eye, not ten minutes ago, and I can feel SOMETHING slowly and painfully slashing my cornea to pieces.
By now, the Lash Out has wimped out and is all over my face; I looked like Tammy Faye Baker, god rest her soul, during the dark years, when she was always weeping and praying that Jesus would forgive Jim for stealing from the church and having sex with the secretary (what was her name?) who went on to make the rock music video. Remember that? Yeah.
So there I am, looking all Tammy Faye, but only on ONE side because only my RIGHT eye is being tortured by a missing contact lens that I can’t see.
It was awesome.
Eventually I gave up and went back into the doctor’s office, and said, “You all are going to think I’m crazy, but I’ve lost one lens. I can FEEL it in there but I can’t find it.”
And yes, they stared at me like I was insane. Perhaps because one half of my face was COVERED in L’Oreal Lash Out (in black, of course).
The eye doctor took me into an examining room and shined a big ass light in my eye and said, “Yeah, I can see it. Look that way.” And while I’m wondering what he’s going to use to retrieve the errant lens (surely not tweezers! it’s my eye, after all!), he puts his finger in my eye and fishes out the little bit of contact that has lodged itself UNDER MY EYELID.
We have no idea what happened to the rest of the lens; he looked and looked but it was just gone. Only that one wee piece was still in my eye.
Gross.
Mascara verdict: L’Oreal Lash Out holds up well under normal conditions; in the event of a contact lens emergency, however, particularly one that involves having someone PUT HIS FINGER IN YOUR EYE, it tends to run.
Posted by Susan @ 9:00 pm • pretty things
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November 14th, 2007 at 9:17 pm, Jamie Says:
That story just made my eyes water. I hate the eye drs, and nevermind thinking that I could ever wear contacts. My eyes tear up just reading this, so you can imagine what happens when I have an eye exam.
November 14th, 2007 at 9:32 pm, BethanyWD Says:
I wore my Lash Out today, and it held up pretty darn well. At LEAST as well as the $30 Trish McEvoy I’ve been using.
And, yes, daily disposable contacts totally ROCK. Can you believe that I wore hard contacts for 18 YEARS before making the switch 3 years ago? (and yes, I was 11 when I started wearing contacts!!) After that many years of wear my eyelids starting creating a protein that adheres itself to the hard contact. Which is totally annoying. I used to take my hard contacts out several times a day because they were bothering me. No more; I pop these disposables in my eyes in the morning (extra bonus: I have the exact same prescription in both eyes!) and I don’t think about them again until it’s time to take them out at the end of the day.
Did I just write a novel about contacts? I think I did!
November 14th, 2007 at 10:01 pm, angela Says:
Lash Out is the best.
November 14th, 2007 at 10:01 pm, regan Says:
oh my god. I think I just threw up in my mouth some.
November 14th, 2007 at 10:10 pm, daysgoby Says:
Oh lord. That rushing sound in your ears when you hurt your eye?
A very creepy and bad thing.
November 14th, 2007 at 10:11 pm, All Adither Says:
I just made my first eye appointment in, um…fifteen or so years. Things are getting a bit less crisp, shall we say. I think it’s because I’m freaking old.
November 14th, 2007 at 11:17 pm, She Likes Purple Says:
Well, I already bought it, so I have to remember to avoid letting strangers stick their fingers in my eye. Or at least prolong it until I’m wearing some different mascara.
I hope your eyes are feeling better!
November 15th, 2007 at 12:04 am, D Says:
Been there, done that - without the mascara, however. I miss contacts - I should probably get the laser surgery, but that frightens me more than bifocals.
November 15th, 2007 at 12:45 am, gorillabuns Says:
uummm….crap!
and her name was jessica hahn.
November 15th, 2007 at 2:01 am, Blythe Says:
I was going to saw Fawn Hall, but she was Oliver North’s secretary. They, along with the woman who sat on Gary Hart’s lap in that Monkey Business photo, are all an 80’s hair blur to me.
November 15th, 2007 at 2:07 am, janet Says:
i’ve done this. my sympathies.
November 15th, 2007 at 2:55 am, kat Says:
omg. stories like yours are why i waited until senior year of college to get lenses. because losing them in your head would FREAK me out. i’m totally cringing. but hey. at least the mascara lasted as long as it did. i’m sure the makers didn’t think to make it last for lost lenses right?
November 15th, 2007 at 6:05 am, Susan Says:
Jessica Hahn! Thank you, Shana.
And the other one, the Gary Hart girl, was Donna Rice (remember No Excuses jeans?).
My eye is all better, and for the record that was some sort of weird fluke. I hope.
November 15th, 2007 at 8:22 am, Janssen Says:
There is NOTHING worse than losing a contact lense in your eye. It has happened to me more often than I want to admit.
November 15th, 2007 at 8:51 am, bgirl Says:
Most. Uncomfortable. Post. Ever.
November 15th, 2007 at 9:11 am, Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah Says:
My eyes hurt just thinking about it.
November 15th, 2007 at 9:34 am, Jodi Says:
Every now and then one of my contacts will fold in half and migrate. I have no idea what inspires little Ms. Contact to go on such an adventure, but it is NO FUN for the eyeball. Retrieval involves much saline, much rubbing, much blinking, and intense whining.
November 15th, 2007 at 12:46 pm, Kendra Says:
My glasses are 10 yrs old, an old prescription, and broken. Do I get new glasses? No! Lets see….hubby first got 3 pair (1 sun, 2 reg.), then kid 1&2 both needed a pair, and this fall instead of ME getting some we’re paying doctors bills and saving for hubby’s teeth extravaganza.
Ah, the joys of being a mom! Let’s just hope I don’t, you know, get into a car accident or anything. Because, you know, I can’t SEE!
November 15th, 2007 at 2:03 pm, blackbird Says:
is it bad that I’m laughing?
okay, really, I’m laughing and skeeved out.
AND hoping your eye is okay now.
November 15th, 2007 at 5:38 pm, Suzanne Says:
You have to find an eye doctor that has a machine that tests your eyes with out dilating them. Yes, it’s true! My eye doctor does this (for an extra $20 - but it’s soooo worth it).
Oh, and OUCH!
November 15th, 2007 at 5:39 pm, Shannon Says:
I had this happen to me while I was DRIVING. Going 70 on an interstate with lots of big trucks around me. My eye was irritated and I kept blinking and then my contact was just gone. I could feel it somewhere in my eye, but couldn’t see anything. There was no where to pull over, so I’m blind in one eye and trying to drive with one hand over that eye so everything doesn’t look distorted and blurry. That sucked.
November 15th, 2007 at 6:37 pm, natalie 42 Says:
Wow. i feel your pain. That has toooootally happened to me…more than once. Mine actually went all the way to the back of my eye. It feels so good doesn’t it?! I never knew my eye could water THAT MUCH or that i could cuss THAT MUCH. I rubbed and rubbed and finally…coming from the area of my tear duct (!! - yeah I know…apparently it took a tour of my eye ball) came my contact lens. ugh. Hate.
November 15th, 2007 at 7:08 pm, standing still Says:
This is why everyone in my family says, “Why don’t you just get lasik surgery? Then you won’t need contacts.” What they don’t understand is that I am cursed. I will be the 1 in 1 million patient that goes completely blind. So, I put up with the contact lens crapola, deal with the miniscule hair that feels like a small piece of pottery wedged under my lid, and just keep rinsing and rubbing and soaking and going on …
November 15th, 2007 at 8:14 pm, debra Says:
First, that second set of drops? They numb the cornea so your doctor can poke stuff right on your eye without you feeling it. Good stuff, except it leaves a bitter taste in my throat.
Second, inspite of what Suzanne says, part of an eye exam cannot be done without dilating the eye. (if they have to see your retina).
Third. Sometimes I’m really glad that I can’t wear contacts. (the disposable and soft ones don’t give me good vision).
Fourth. Wish i wore mascara, because that L’Oreal stuff sounds like it rocks!
November 15th, 2007 at 8:22 pm, Susan Says:
Since I have already freaked you out with my whole contact-lost-in-my-eye story, I will ALSO tell you this: I have to have my eyes dilated every year because I have a mole on one retina.
You heard me. A MOLE. On my RETINA.
You’re welcome!
November 15th, 2007 at 9:05 pm, Ginny Says:
Perfect timing as I was just thinking about getting contacts for my teen–NOT for me, as I’m way too chicken to stick anything in my eye (think Rachel on ‘Friends’)Random scary eye story: I have a friend who had TWO detached retinas–they just detached!–and nearly went blind. So sorry you had to go through that contact thing. Nice boots in the picture, though!
November 15th, 2007 at 9:33 pm, Kristie Says:
After twenty years of wearing contacts with no problem, I splurged and had lasik — Best. Thing. Ever!
Yet despite the fact I rarely have to put anything in my eye, to include doctor’s fingers, I’m still happy for the Lash Out suggestion and plan to pick some up on my next trip to Target.
But bummer about the eye doctor’s though — it totally made my “squinchy” just imagining it. Hope you have stopped watering and can put the Tammy image to rest!
November 15th, 2007 at 11:16 pm, Lisa Says:
I think I would ask for an x-ray or MRI or something! Where oh where has the contact lense gone?! Scary! And, yeah, my eyes are watering now, too.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:07 am, fidget Says:
uhh not to alarm you but i had the same scenario minus the mascara.. TWO days later I woke up the a big torn chunk of contact matting my eyelashes shut. It had rolled up into my head and the eye doctor only had found a small piece.. eeewwwww
November 16th, 2007 at 8:29 pm, joan Says:
wait, wait…everyone is ignoring the BIG question….where the hell did the rest of the contact go??????
November 19th, 2007 at 6:43 am, Irene Says:
I don’t think my mascara would have held up for that, but I will have to try the next time I go to the eye doctor. BTW - the last time I went to the eye doctor, I forgot to take out my old contact lens and put the new one on top of the old one. The people at the eye doctor’s thought I was insane. BTW2 - WHERE did you get those boots and what brand/style are they?!?
November 19th, 2007 at 6:45 am, Irene Says:
Nevermind about the boots - it helps to click on the pic. Duh!
November 20th, 2007 at 7:41 am, OMSH Says:
I only wear mascara on my top lashes too - I’d look like a hollowed-eyed Dark Crystal creature by the afternoon if I applied anything of color to the bottom of my eyes.
And eeeek…I don’t even know how people WEAR contact lenses at all. I remember trying on a trial pair once when colored contacts were all the rage. Seriously, that was extremely uncomfortable.
Love the boots.
September 28th, 2009 at 9:24 pm, Friday Playdate » stupid kittens Says:
[…] isn’t the first time this has happened to me, although last time, I was actually at the eye doctor’s office, which was super convenient if not a little surprising. Tonight, of course, I was in my bathroom, […]