May 14, 2009
date night at the bull fight
Not too long ago, the New York Times Well blog (one of my absolute favorite reads) ran a piece called “Reinventing Date Night.” The theory is this: “Rather than visiting the same familiar haunts and dining with the same old friends, couples need to tailor their date nights around new and different activities that they both enjoy.” The Times suggested “taking an art class or going to an amusement park.”
Wade and I are not take-a-class kind of people (although we occasionally talk about taking a wine tasting class, but maybe that sounds fun because there’s wine involved, I’m not sure). But the basic idea — that date night needs to be more than just going out to dinner — was intriguing.
I met Wade in graduate school; when we first started seeing each other, we didn’t have any money, so our “dates” consisted of things like picking up a six pack of Rolling Rock and watching reruns of Star Trek. We also read a lot, because we were English graduate students, and we spent a lot of nights in my living room, slogging through books on literary theory and talking about the difference between Marxist and New Critical approaches to the novel.
We were nerds, I know. Stop laughing.
These days, we still spend a lot of time together, but most of it is sucked up by the kids, and what little is not is often filled with long conversations about them. We rarely just talk about grown-up things, and when we do, they’re often work-related, which isn’t really what date night is all about. So that essay in the Times was intriguing, although art classes and amusement parks aren’t really our style (we would spend the entire time talking about how much Charlie would love the art class or how much Henry would love the roller coaster, which would really defeat the purpose).
What we don’t do together any more is read. We both still read a lot, although I read mostly magazines these days, while Wade reads things like War and Peace (I kid you not). There had to be some middle ground, though, between Tolstoy and Vogue. Wait, I know!
Hemingway.
Wade just finished reading A Farewell to Arms. “Is that the one about the ambulance driver?” I asked.
“No, that’s For Whom the Bell Tolls.”
“Oh. So what’s this one about?”
“It’s pretty much The English Patient.”
Later, when he announced, “I finished A Farewell to Arms,” I asked him how it ended and he said, “The English patient died.” Of course.
The English Patient is my favorite novel; it’s also a book that Wade recommended to me, which is funny, because he hates to recommend books and will go out of his way not to. But years ago, he read The English Patient, and said, “You would love this book.” And then he badgered me until I read it and lo, I loved it.
“We should read a book together,” I said, “for Date Night.”
“Sure,” he said cautiously, “like what?”
“Would I like A Farewell to Arms?”
“I don’t know — do you like Hemingway?”
“No, not really.”
“Well then …”
“But I like The Sun Also Rises.”
“I kind of want to read that again.”
And that’s how we came to be reading The Sun Also Rises for Date Night. I’ve finished the book — last night the tornado sirens kept going off and there was no going back to sleep, so I read and read — and I really enjoyed it, but now I’m all nervous; I feel like I need to come up with something interesting and smart to say about this book, something more than, “Wow those expats certainly drank a lot!”
I like the nervous; it reminds me of when we were dating. Which is really the point of date night, isn’t it?
When Wade finishes the book, we’re going to rent the movie; I’m thinking that I’ll get a bottle of absinthe, too, because why not! And we’ll have a date and talk about our book.
Nerds. Seriously.
Posted by Susan @ 1:05 pm • good people
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May 14th, 2009 at 1:38 pm, Erika Says:
My husband likes me to read to him. I read Harry Potter 5, 6, and 7 to him. We open a bottle of wine, light candles, and settle in for a good time.
May 14th, 2009 at 1:38 pm, Pork with Bones Says:
I love this. Maybe because I, too, am such a nerd.
May 14th, 2009 at 2:02 pm, Susie Sunshine Says:
You ARE nerds! The rare instances we have date night are spent driving around looking for a place to park that won’t land us in the local paper.
May 14th, 2009 at 2:03 pm, Susie Sunshine Says:
PS. But obviously you’re nerds perfectly suited for each other which is quite lovely.
May 14th, 2009 at 2:20 pm, Jenny Lemmons Says:
whew, it’s good to know there’s more than just my guy and I keeping the nerd torch alive! I am so stealing your idea, and possibly even your book choice…
May 14th, 2009 at 2:40 pm, Kim Yamaguchi Says:
AWWWWWWW I think the whole thing sounds really sweet. I’m reading “Angels and Demons” right now and I am going to make my husband read it too because it’s really pretty good and he never gets a chance to read. So maybe we’ll make a date night of it too!
May 14th, 2009 at 3:11 pm, ToKissTheCook Says:
I really really love this idea. I’m more of a reader, Jason’s musical and we both cook. Three date nights would be “A Movable Feast,” listening to an obscure English folk ensemble album in its entirety (Pentangle most likely) and picking up a used cookbook and doing 3 courses together from there.
Actually not a bad plan…think I’ll put that one in play. Thanks!
May 14th, 2009 at 3:20 pm, Kristen Says:
We LOVE discussing books … we just don’t necessarily have the same taste (seriously, who doesn’t love Jane Austen?). I love this idea, though! It’s like a private, romantic book club!
May 14th, 2009 at 3:26 pm, tutugirl1345 Says:
This is the cutest thing I’ve ever read. I would LOVE to do something like this with my boyfriend, but I unfortunately leave him in the dust when it comes to reading speed.
May 14th, 2009 at 3:55 pm, Mama Bear Says:
Date night? What’s that? Never happens at my house.
May 14th, 2009 at 4:46 pm, Elizabeth Says:
Um, Susan…you’ll look more literary if you spell “Hemingway” correctly.
Love ya!
I love the idea of a book clubbing date night with the hubster. Very cute.
Susan says: Whoops! I’m totally blaming the tornadoes for that one.
Fixed! Thanks, Elizabeth!
May 14th, 2009 at 5:57 pm, Patti Says:
Oh how I loved reading this!! I have a BA in American History from the Univ of DE (go Blue Hens!!). I hated the names/dates/generals part of it but loved the social aspect of it. Like why did people build Utopian communities? How did the urban city develop out of the agrarian? My husband is a science nerd so he is a perfect compliment to my history nerd. Together we think the MOST perfect evening is to watch the history of the Czars of Russia on the History Channel. You and I are truly sisters!!!!
– Patti
May 14th, 2009 at 6:47 pm, Carrie Says:
Sounds perfect.
May 14th, 2009 at 7:18 pm, blackbird Says:
Turn up the poignant why don’t ya?
May 14th, 2009 at 7:54 pm, Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck Says:
That sounds like the perfect date to me, if only my husband and I could agree on a single book to read. Although we both love to read, our literary tastes are night and day…but we are both nerds. Nerds have more fun.
May 14th, 2009 at 9:15 pm, MamaChristy Says:
What a lovely idea. My husband and I have read books together. It’s so fun. I’ll read the first chapter, then my husband reads the first two and hands the book back. I read two chapters, putting me a chapter ahead, and then give him back the book to read two chapters putting him a chapter ahead. It’s great fun to do this with Dean Koonz books because the chapters are usually short and they are suspenseful so you are always saying “You are never going to believe what happens next!”
May 14th, 2009 at 10:01 pm, Jill VT Says:
Cheers to nerds. My husband and I saw a real bull fight in Nimes, France…on our HONEYMOON nine years ago. Clearly overdue!
May 15th, 2009 at 9:11 am, Sheila Says:
Nerds? Maybe. But at least you are nerds who talk to each other. You’ve inspired me to give this one a try, although my husband’s book choices run to Business Tycoon Biographies (ugh) or Clive Cussler (even more ugh). Perhaps I can ease him into a Bill Bryson for starters…
I would love to hear future books you choose, if this sticks, as well as your reader’s choices.
May 15th, 2009 at 10:32 am, Margaret Says:
I read a feature article somewhere on the research behind reinventing date night when it first came out last summer, and I talked my husband (the man I met when we, too, were broke grad students in English, though our beer of choice was PBR) into a version of your idea here. But instead of reading a book together, we went to a reading by David Sedaris. I LOVED it (once I got over the fear that I’d have to take Haywood to the hospital for an emergency bowel repair after he spent two hours comletely doubled over with laughter). Honestly, it cheered us up for days. You should go if Sedaris gets anywhere near OKC on his next tour.
May 15th, 2009 at 12:33 pm, Rachel Says:
I was totally waiting for you to say that you actually went to a bull-fight for date night. And then I was going to say you’re crazy. But, this make much more sense. And sounds like fun.
May 20th, 2009 at 6:52 pm, ML Says:
We don’t even do dinner. Or date night. So the whole thing is intriguing to me. I like the nerdy approach. Never would have ocurred to me to go with my gut. Thanks for the revelation!!!
June 12th, 2009 at 12:28 pm, It’s date night! Someone tell me what to wear | The Working Closet | Work It, Mom! Says:
[…] warrant a cocktail dress. Date night is always tricky for me, partly because my husband and I do such oddball things for our dates. And work-related functions feel extra complicated because I don’t want to make my husband […]