June 14, 2007
damn you, Steve Jobs
For my birthday, Wade got me a Dyson. Various women friends, when they heard about the Dyson, said, “It will CHANGE YOUR LIFE.” And I would nod and smile and think Girlfriend, you need to get out more.
Because IT’S A VACUUM CLEANER, you all. Not a sex toy.
And then I brought mine home and started vacuuming with it and dammit if it hasn’t changed my life.
Chris called me on my cell phone, the weekend we moved, and I said, “I’m in the plastic dinnerwear aisle at Target! With a Dyson in my cart!” And she told me about how she gets hers out and vacuums three or four times a day. And after I thought dude I’m going to share a HOTEL room with her this summer? I reminded myself that she has SEVEN KIDS so OF COURSE she needs to vacuum a lot.
I was missing the point.
The Dyson is addictive. It has that nifty little clear canister where you can see ALL the stuff you are sucking out of your carpet and honestly, the view of the stuff is mesmerizing. You’re vacuuming what looks like a COMPLETELY CLEAN swath of carpet and yet! stuff is getting sucked into the chamber! Really gross stuff! And you realize I CAN’T STOP VACUUMING BECAUSE THERE IS STUFF LIVING IN MY CARPET!
And yes, you will have that fleeeeeeting moment where you will think about ripping up all the carpet because OH MY GOD THE STUFF YOU ARE SUCKING OUT OF IT IS GROSS, but then you will realize that’s not going to happen any time soon because your husband loves the carpet and also you want a new sofa more than you want new carpet and so you just keep on vacuuming. And then perhaps you pour yourself a drink at ten am because OH MY GOD THE DYSON HAS CHANGED YOUR LIFE.
Where was I going with this? I have no idea. Stupid Dyson.
I’ve been seeing a lot of commercials for the iPhone, and while I was skeptical at first (because it’s a phone, people! A PHONE!) now I’m starting to think that I should learn from my Dyson experience and go for it. Because if a vacuum cleaner can change my life, imagine what the iPhone could do for me. Just imagine!
And it’s so much cheaper than tearing up the carpet.
Posted by Susan @ 7:27 pm • Uncategorized
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June 14th, 2007 at 8:32 pm, Karyn Says:
This had me collapsed in laughter. I want a Dyson so damn bad! And an iphone! And a new house and a carpet and a new sofa! But mostly what I have is a new wrinkle on my forehead and a blemish. At the same time.
Your life is so much better. LOL.
June 14th, 2007 at 8:54 pm, Melissa Says:
I totally want a Dyson, and I don’t even have carpet. Better order an iphone.
June 14th, 2007 at 8:54 pm, Rocks In My Dryer Says:
I posted a Dyson tribute myself when I got mine a few months ago.
And truly, I have never been the same.
June 14th, 2007 at 9:04 pm, Janssen Says:
I am clearly a married person with a house now, because, instead of contemplating the deep need I have for a purse or shoes. . I’m thinking about a VACUUM What in the world? Because now? I know I need one.
June 14th, 2007 at 9:25 pm, MonkeyKisses - Liz Says:
That is soooo funny.. BUT MY DYSON HAS CHANGED MY LIFE TOO.. I ALWAYS STRUGGLED WITH DOG FUR, I GOT THE ANIMAL EDITION AND IT IS PERFECT.. I LOVE MY DYSON AND DO NOT EVER MIND VACCUMING IT.. BY THE WAY I THINK IT HAS A 2 YEAR WARRANTY.. A SMALL PART AROUND THE BELT BROKE BEFORE THE TWO YEARS, THEY REPLACED IT FREE OF CHARGE AND IT’S BACK TO WHERE IT WAS BRANDY NEW!!!!
WHAT IS AN IPHONE?
June 14th, 2007 at 9:31 pm, Kelly Says:
The Dyson — it has changed my life. And I’m now totally grossed out by all carpeting. I long to live in a hardwood-only world.
June 14th, 2007 at 10:07 pm, kn Says:
My husband got me a Dyson for Xmas a few years back — because that is what I asked for — and I can’t stand to vacuum anymore. No more pretending that the carpet is okay with a few sweeps. No, I must go over each square foot at least three times before it is satisfied. And using the attachments in the crevices of the sofa…. That is an all day affair.
June 15th, 2007 at 8:19 am, Dixie_Amazon Says:
Last year my Hoover and an ancient Oreck died on the same day. It was a Sunday and my husband picked up an inexpensive Bissell. It seemed to do fine. Then he comes home with a Dyson the next day. I went over the dark colored oriental rug that I had just vacuumed hours early. What a difference! It looked new.
June 15th, 2007 at 9:16 am, Kate Says:
I can’t even believe I’m admitting this on the internet, but the first time we vacuumed with a Dyson our carpets were a DIFFERENT COLOR. It was astounding and horrifying and SO addicting.
June 15th, 2007 at 9:41 am, paper napkin Says:
Our 16th anniversary is coming up. That’s the vacuum year, right?
June 15th, 2007 at 10:25 am, Jennifer Says:
Um, I want a Dyson to vacum my hardwood floors. Is that ridiculous? Maybe I need to remind myself more often how much they cost to begin with.
June 15th, 2007 at 10:48 am, Jody Says:
LOL!
I think I need to get a Dyson for my husband, the vacuum maniac.
June 15th, 2007 at 11:37 am, Wendy Says:
I love my Dyson and frequently use it on my wood floors. Wood floors that were put down, because I couldnt take the funk of old as dirt berber carpet in my living room anymore.
Yes, the Dyson has changed my life, but I dont think the iPhone will have the same effect. I frequently throw my cell phone across the car, because it wont do what I tell it to do. And considering I have no idea how to use the many features offered on my little crappy phone; the iPhone will succomb to the same fate.
June 15th, 2007 at 12:47 pm, Mark Says:
A phone can change your life, I have a Crackberry, and love it. I can not understand how I survived before. Need to let my wife know I am going to be late, and I am in a meeting, email her!
She emails me our grocery list, so I a can stop at the store when I am running errands.
It rocks!
June 15th, 2007 at 1:06 pm, chris Says:
I so want an iphone and I don’t even know why.
I love my Dyson more than any other thing I own. If I were to get a divorce I would have it written in that I would have custody of it. Not that I am getting a divorce…
I use mine on the floor and rugs. I really want to get a second one for the upstairs. I can love two.
June 15th, 2007 at 1:14 pm, Anne Glamore Says:
I have a Dyson and a vibrator and I love them both. But you know, it’s not either/or… you can live with BOTH of them happily!
June 15th, 2007 at 4:44 pm, Kelli in the Mirror Says:
I’ve been married 11 years and we’ve gone through 5 vacuums. My husband loves to vacuum. I think he needs a dyson.
And I KNOW he needs an iphone! June 29, yes?
June 15th, 2007 at 7:20 pm, Her Bad Mother Says:
BUT! Do you have the HANDHELD Dyson?!? Cuz that rocks in an even specialler way.
TOTALLY HEAR YOU.
June 15th, 2007 at 8:19 pm, Susan Says:
Isn’t the hand held Dyson ACTUALLY a sex toy? Because duuuuuude . . .
June 17th, 2007 at 6:48 pm, Daisy Says:
If I start wanting a dyson it might imply that I would enjoy cleaning.
June 18th, 2007 at 6:46 pm, Heather B. Says:
Is it weird that I think about having my very own Dyson one day?? Like I can hardly contain myself because it will suck up all the little tiny things and the hair and….ahh…it will be awesome.
June 18th, 2007 at 10:50 pm, Nina Says:
We bought a dyson when we moved into our new place because it has carpets and our son has allergies and the dyson has a HEPA filter.
And yeah. The dyson. Is awesome. Charlie offers to vacuum and I refuse because that is just how awesome it is. I hate housework, but it’s a thrill to feel the power of that thing.
I love vacuuming now. And yes, I want the handheld dyson next. Right after the iphone. But I’m going to wait for the 2nd or 3rd generation to come out so they can work out all the kinks first. Also, till I can save up the crazy amount of money those things cost.