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cleanliness is next to totally wigging out

Filed Under everyday life on August 25, 2009

The last time I really committed to keeping my house clean was when I was pregnant with Charlie; I had a schedule of what days I would clean what things (Monday: bathrooms, Tuesday: kitchen, Wednesday: mop hardwood). It’s possible that I was nesting but it’s more likely that I was completely losing my mind because OMG I AM HAVING A BAYBEE WTH WAS I THINKING AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. Because you do.

Anyway, it’s not like I haven’t cleaned for seven years, it’s just that my cleaning is pretty haphazard and typically revolves around house guests; Heather and my parents are pretty much the only things preventing my house from turning into a hazmat site. Recently, Wade and I had started talking about hiring our housekeeper back, which was really tempting — for one thing, it would mean that at least one day every other week, my entire house would be clean all at once, every single corner and counter and crevice. Of course, it also meant that that we would be paying the housekeeper, which was fine until I quit my job.

(That’s all I’m saying about that. Sorry.)

Recently, I’ve been cleaning again, sorting through closets and making piles of things to give away or toss or pack up for later, vacuuming and dusting and tidying. And it’s making me feel peaceful and calm, which is a nice change, honestly.

Last week, Rita and I were talking about the connection between the state of our houses and the state of our minds; she was in the midst of a big clean, which happened to coincide with her son’s first day of school. We talked about how sweeping and straightening our houses is a way of ordering all those parts of our heads and our hearts that are in some sort of chaos.

I don’t particularly like to clean; there is a big part of me that finds the repetition depressing. Cleaning is a never ending cycle; mop the kitchen floor and twenty minutes later, a kid with dirty shoes comes running in to tell you that he just made five baskets in a row, wipe the mirror off and the same kid spatters it with water and soap while he’s washing his hands for dinner. And on and on and on. It’s easy to give up.

These days, though, I’m noticing the repetition less and the payoff more. My kitchen is clean, the bathrooms are clean, the closets are clean. Everything is in its place; everything is orderly and neat. My head needs that right now, that order. It’s restful.

I never wanted to be a housewife; I wanted to have children and I wanted to stay home with them, but I also wanted to challenge myself, use my brain. I didn’t think about things like how kids always manage to walk through whatever gross thing is in the yard or how the sink is full of dishes twice a day (on a good day, when everyone goes to school and no one eats at home), or how the laundry just never ever stops. In some kind of La La Land, I just assumed that I would be able to work — from home, of course — and still have endless time for my kids. And clean bathrooms, too, of course, because that’s what good moms have, right?

I certainly never thought about how, one day, I would want a cleaner house and more time to spend with my kids. Even if that meant working less.

We have a packed schedule this fall; Henry is taking karate and Charlie is playing football. Both boys have homework, every day, which includes things like practicing spelling words and reading out loud with a parent. And honestly, those things are fun, but only when there isn’t something else — unfinished work or a bathroom that smells like it belongs in a bus station — getting in the way of the reading and spelling.

When I walk through my house these days, it feels soothing; everything is folded and dusted and the whole house smells like furniture polish and bleach. It’s a good time to come visit, I think. Although I’ll probably be running someone to karate or listening to spelling words.

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This really strikes a chord with me. I quit my corporate job 3 weeks ago. My son started kindergarten last week. And I sit here typing this between putting away laundry and tidying my room so I can vacuum tomorrow. I never expected to not have a typical corporate job, yet here I am happily. I do, however, remember from your fashion blog that no one wants to see me in my gym clothes outside the gym

I COMPLETELY agree with the home/head/heart connection you mentioned. When my mind is in chaos, my home suddenly (instantly!) becomes suffocating and filthy.

And, I was just thinking today about the monotony and unending circle that cleaning has become for me… I haven’t ever thought of it that way before, but today I was folding a piece of laundry and suddenly saw myself repeating the same action 30 years from now, and, I must admit, I got a little sad. And tired.

So I had some wine. And felt oodles better!

heh.

Thank you! EXACTLY. I take a lot of heat from my friends and (especially) family about how clean I keep my house, but you explained if perfectly. I FEEL BETTER when I keep my house clean (and I actually do clean on a weekly schedule, every week, without fail, just like you did–clean the kitchen every Monday, dust every Tuesday, etc.). It is calming to live in a clean environment. Other people seem threatened by it, though. Because why else would they knock me so much for it (semi-jokingly, but only semi-)?

Also, congrats on quitting the job. Because I think things like that deserve congratulations.

I, too, completely agree about the state of the house/state of mind connection. My house is a complete disaster right now, and actually has been for some time. I think it’s circular–I’m overwhelmed, so I don’t clean. I don’t clean and so I’m overwhelmed. I still have a housekeeper, so you’re right, at least every two weeks my house is clean. I wish I could figure out a system that worked. Sigh. But YOUR house sounds just lovely right now. Enjoy it!

This is an amazing post, I love the connection between needing the house tidy when your mind is in a state of disarray. I have really been feeling this lately and looking back at all the times my house has been truly clean I have been in a similar mental state.

Can you bottle that mojo? I’d totally buy it.

Yes, yes, yes, yes!!! When I get stressed about *anything*, I automatically start to clean the house. It’s so very therapeutic. To me, it’s knowing that, while I may not be able to control whatever it is that was originally stressing me, I CAN control my house. And the cleaning is mindless, providing an opportunity to mull over and mentally chew on other problems. The bonus is that, while it doesn’t happen often, the feeling of sitting in a totally clean house just can’t be beat!

I work from home, with three kids here (and a Nanny during work hours, thank GOD) and it is so very true that the state of my mind mirrors the state of my house. Over the last few days it has degenerated from very orderly to utter chaos and I feel very unsettled. I know, without a doubt, that once I get a chance to get things straightened up in the house (this afternoon), I will feel more peaceful. Its good to know I’m not alone!

Does this mean I can finally cancel my ParentDish subscription in Google Reader?

, this will never happen for me. But it sure is nice to imagine it.

“And honestly, those things are fun, but only when there isn’t something else — unfinished work or a bathroom that smells like it belongs in a bus station — getting in the way of the reading and spelling.”

As a mom of two who is trying to figure out if we could make it on one income, this is what I always come back to. My boys are 11 and 9, so we have been making it work for a while now, but these evenings filled with soccer and swimming and homework are more stressful than they need to be… I find myself reminding myself that these are FUN activities that I should not be dreading. (The homework and sports and time with the boys - not the cleaning… I will never love cleaning, but it would be nice to have time for it.) Thanks for the post… I needed it!

I’m with you. My first blog was called Diary of a Reluctant Housewife because I never, ever wanted to be a housewife - but I chose to quit my corporate job, and I need to have a clean house. So I’m always cleaning it (but we do have cleaners come twice a month to help out.)

You sound like you’re at peace.

It’s so true that your house affects your state of mind. Ours is dirty right now and I just can’t seem to find the time to clean it and it’s KILLING me.

You really just put into beautiful words something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately. For some reason, when my house is a mess, my entire life seems chaotic and unmanageable. The simple (ok, not always so simple) acts of making beds, washing dishes, vacuuming, putting away all the toys, etc go a long way towards making everything else feel more orderly and organized as well.

It’s odd, but I find myself needing these things more as my children grow than I did when they were babies.

Nothing turns me inside out quite like chaos and dirt in my home. I try to let things slide in the summer so we can concentrate more on having fun, but after 11 weeks, I am itching to get back to my routine once school starts in 6 days. (Not that I’m counting. Okay. Well, yes. I am counting.)

I am the same way. Now… if only I could get my husband to understand that if he’d help out around the house, I’d be a LOT easier to be around:)

[…] a good thing I’m throwing myself into cleaning my house (and also pontificating about how much better my life is when everything is put away and dusted) because yesterday Henry cried the ENTIRE WAY HOME FROM […]

My cleaning goes in fits and it revolves around guests and how stressed I am. If I can control nothing else, I can clean. Messy house, happy me, to a point of course. Some day, I’ll get a cleaning lady. That has to be the trade off for only having one kid, right?

It is very comforting to know that there are so many other ladies out there who also feel that same sense of peace and calm in a well ordered home!! Last year was a very difficult one for personal reasons and I let my house completely fall apart….now I am trying dig out from under and it is so overwhelming…but I will get there and man, am I a HAPPY camper once the clutter is under control! Onwards and upwards! p.s. your boys are adorable and their ‘forgetfulness’ is perfectly normal and to be expected….boys brains are actually still developing well into the teens (so says my husband and our family doctor!) and there is no way of getting around this infuriating ‘fuzz brain’!!

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