September 9, 2005
chew on this
Henry bites his nails. We first noticed it in the spring before he started preschool, when we were visiting various schools and talking about how much fun! fun! fun! it would be to go to a new school and meet new friends! He was very excited and liked to talk about it with everyone, but he was biting his nails. The pictures from his fourth birthday show him smiling happily at his chocolate cupcakes and biting his index finger while we all sing to him. Yikes.
We noticed it again when school actually started, but that time he was also getting up in the night and asking me to lay down with him. He wasn’t sad or sick, he just couldn’t sleep and wanted company. When I am stressed out, I have terrible insomnia; I think Henry probably does, too. But eventually he got into a routine and started sleeping through the night and the nail biting stopped. And now he’s in a new school, and has started biting his nails again. But this time he has also been biting the tips of his fingers, until they are raw and bleeding. And now I’m realizing that I should have warned you that this post would be icky and graphic. Sorry.
As you might imagine, I am a little concerned about this. Okay, a LOT concerned. I am certain that the nail and finger biting have to do with the stress of a new school; Henry really does seem happy with his school situation, and you all know how much I adore his teacher, but still, change is a hard thing, especially for a child with limited emotional and social skills. And I don’t think that Henry, at five, with all his issues, has the vocabulary or the emotional wherewithall to talk about his stress. Hell, I’m 37 and I don’t always have that.
And he comes by the nail biting honestly and genetically; both Wade and my brother bite their nails. Wade, in fact, used to bite his so badly that they would get infected. And yet more gross stuff! Wow, where is the disclaimer? Sorry again.
We have made clear to Henry, in a kind and loving way, that we are not mad about the nail biting, nor is he in trouble, but that he needs to stop before his poor fingers are totally ravaged. And we are trying to emphasize all his recent successes at school as much as possible. And I’ve been visiting with his teacher regularly, just to keep up with how things are going. And everything seems great. Except for his poor fingers.
So help me out, Internet. How do I help my son stop before he chews his whole hand off? Any and all suggestions will be welcomed. Really.
Posted by Susan @ 6:36 pm • Uncategorized
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September 9th, 2005 at 7:26 pm, Candace Says:
Um…well…we got Sophie to stop by painting her nails pink.
Then if she bit them, we’d have to take off the polish, on the pretense that the polish would make her ill.
She stopped almost instantly, from biting them from about age 20 months.
Maybe a squish ball would help with the anxiety…something else to keep his hands occupied. Or a rubber bracelet around his wrist; something he could touch and play with (perhaps even bite) but wouldn’t require holding.
September 9th, 2005 at 7:47 pm, Susie Says:
Oh this is probably so lame but what about reward system for days/weeks without biting? Can you tell I had a toddler and no experience? Maybe I need to dip in the booze pool first. Sounds SO refreshing!
September 9th, 2005 at 8:05 pm, Susan Says:
No no, Susie, there is NO lame here, there is only helpful–I hadn’t thought about offering a reward. But now I AM thinking about it . . .
And that Liam? SO cute.
September 9th, 2005 at 10:49 pm, adria Says:
I hear what you are saying. Daria chews on her nails a lot, and it is not all nails just the thumb and index finger. We have tried everything too. I even had her doctor talk to her about stopping and germs. We even bought the spicy/bitter polish, but it did not phase her at all. I am so happy she is not a quitter.
I will be anxious to know what works for Henry.
September 9th, 2005 at 11:43 pm, McSwain Says:
I’d love to hear answers here, also. My son has gone through stages where he chews and licks on his lower lip. I started watching to see if there were certain times he was doing it more. There were. So we talked about why those circumstances were stressful and other things he could do to help himself feel better. Talking about it and making him aware of it really seemed to help, but it still happens once in a while.
September 10th, 2005 at 9:19 am, Missy Says:
The reasons our ‘quirky’ kids bite their nails are different than ‘normal’. So, what my sons therapist suggested and we tried and had success with. Have him wear a rubberband, one of the thicker kind. And when he feels like chewing have him snap the band on his wrist. He gets the same feeling but in a different way. We thought it odd at first but it works. And then the need will start to fade away. And he will like how his hands look and feel.
September 10th, 2005 at 10:40 am, Susan Says:
Miisy! That is EXACTLY what Wade and my brother do. How old was your son when you started this? I’m a little concerned that Henry will shoot some other kid in the eye with the rubber band, but I wonder if the rubber bracelet would have the same effect without the projectile possibilities.
This is so helpful. What else have y’all got for me?
September 10th, 2005 at 11:19 am, M&Co. Says:
Oh poor Henry! And poor Susan. Sorry but I got nothing for you. Maybe when I can figure out what’s turned my kid into a teamster who likes to rough people up, I can help with Henry and his nail biting.
September 10th, 2005 at 2:59 pm, Busy Mom Says:
I dunno, but we got it here, too!
September 10th, 2005 at 6:15 pm, The June Cleaver Diaries Says:
Susan–
You could pretend to be a germ-phobe, and every time he wants to touch something, food, etc., have him wash his hands, because you don’t want spit germs all over everything (but say it’s okay to need to bite your nails— as long as you’re considerate of others in regards to spittle). It will be a PAIN at first, but as soon as he gets sick of excessive hand washing, he might be more aware of the nail biting.
Then again, he might start doing it when he thinks no one is watching. And then he’ll get busted in 2nd grade, because you’ll be selling milk at lunchtime with another mom, and she’ll tell you that all the other kids in class snicker behind your son’s back because they all know about it when he thinks they don’t. And then your son will want to switch schools because he’s so embarrassed and—- oh wait. We’re talking about me here. Me and my traumatic childhood memories. I still pick my cuticles when no one’s watching….
September 10th, 2005 at 6:28 pm, Mary P. Says:
I am no earthly good to you. Surprisingly, this isn’t something I’ve run across with the tots. (It’s not that uncommon…) The only one who chews their nails around here is me - and I don’t do it for stress, but only, all unaware, when I read. Reading merrily along, and then I notice I’ve done the deed. Argh.
For what it’s worth: One of my clients, with a thumb-sucking three year old, used that bitter stuff you paint on the skin.
September 10th, 2005 at 6:43 pm, Susan Says:
Mary P, I thought for sure you would have a solution! Okay, you’re off the hook, as you have helped me to stop Charlie’s tantrums and whining cold this last week. Hooray!
And SNMartha, your germphobe idea is so wonderful, except that I’m married to an ACTUAL germphobe, so we DO wash our hands ALL THE TIME–last winter, Henry washed so regularly and so well that the skin on his hands CRACKED and had to be slathered in Vaseline every night. Ha ha ha! Crap. (But on the up side, he was NEVER sick last winter. Not once.)
And I should have said, in the original post, that I bite my cuticles in times of stress. This is the real reason I never get a manicure; I’m a staph infection waiting to happen. Sigh.
September 10th, 2005 at 8:19 pm, MIM Says:
No clue here. But I will certainly be interested to know what works.
BTW, I’m here via Mary P. I read your last comment on her blog and thought it very inspiring. What a great example of finding what works for you and your family.
September 10th, 2005 at 9:16 pm, educat Says:
You bite your cuticles too? I have nothing to share here for I am a spinster, but we both have the same nervous habit.
And we both look just like Catherine Bell.
Yeah, coffee.
September 11th, 2005 at 10:58 am, Missy Says:
Derek was 9, remember we started late with figuring things out. And he was told the band stays on no matter what , to eliminate the shooting out the eye thing. The power bands aren’t as good, not rubbery enough for a good snap so to speak.
September 11th, 2005 at 7:41 pm, ieatcrayonz Says:
Obviously I have no expertise in this area, but I was wondering if he is old enough for a manicure lesson. If he is into grooming, maybe you could give him a manicure set, show him how to clip and file his nails. I love those 3-in-1 files that have the buffer on them. Maybe if he sees that nails are more than something to nibble on…well, who knows?
Sounds so simple. Okay, stop laughing at me. Now. Please.
September 13th, 2005 at 9:05 am, Redhead Mommy Says:
I can’t help you, I’m a life-long nail biter and live in constant fear that my boy will be one too, even though his dad isn’t. Good luck!
September 14th, 2005 at 11:18 pm, Bill Says:
I still bite mine. I’m 51. Young at heart.
A prominent psych prof I had in college, who examined the criminally insane down the road to see if they were restored to reason, claimed nail-biting was evidence of a self-destructive personality.
He’ll outgrow the habit. Or not.
September 15th, 2005 at 9:33 am, Shellynoir Says:
Is it okay to give kids friendship bracelets? When he is nervous he could pick at it! Pick pick pick! and at the end of the week you could have “Make New Friendship Bracelets” time! Yippee! And if he’s really good, he could include one of those little beads you make by cutting paper into a triangle and rolling it up!