October 26, 2005
because I’m shellfish (get it?)
I cooked tonight. Yeah, you heard me: I COOKED DINNER. And all it did was remind me why–and how much–I hate to cook.
I honestly do know people who like to cook, who love to cook. For me, cooking is essentially stressful. I can’t explain why, it just is. Tonight I made Shepherd’s Pie, which is about the most idiotically simple thing you can imagine–brown beef, add tomato soup and canned peas. Make mashed potatos; spoon over meat mixture and heat in oven. Serve. Ta da! By the time I had gotten to the potato part, I was begging Wade to stop at the liquor store, it was that stressful. And then! It didn’t turn out right and most of it went in the trash. But still, I cooked!
Part of the problem, I will acknowledge, is timing: five o’clock is a TERRIBLE time to try to prepare a meal. My children are all out of nice by five o’clock. I am all out of nice by five o’clock. And the actual preparation of the meal is hellish (there is the cooking itself, plus all the refereeing, and the occasional triage). My mother once suggested that I try to pull dinner together in the morning or during the boys’ rest time. But morning at my house is almost as chaotic as dinner time (but with a lot more nice) and nap time–oh, nap time . . .
For a while, when Charlie was a baby, I actually DID use the afternoon nap to make casseroles and whatnot. Of course, BOTH boys were still napping for a good two hours at that point, and even I can’t make assembling a casserole take more than an hour (I’m not THAT bad a cook). But now that Henry can tell time, ‘rest hour’ is over at PRECISELY 2:00, and I have (on a GOOD day) 75 minutes to myself. And I will be honest with you: I am too damn selfish to give up that hour to a beef stew. Or anything else that I fundamentally don’t give a damn about.
Which leaves me wondering about my mother’s generation. When I think back to my childhood, I swear we ALWAYS had a good meal on the table at the end of the day, one that included some protein and a vegetable and a starch. Not elaborate five-course meals, but certainly not the half-assed things I pass off on this family. What changed between my childhood and my mommyhood? Are we busier than our parents were? Or are we just more selfish?
While I am not enamored by the selfish option, I do feel like I am fighting to hold on to some non-mommy part of me, and that hour in the afternoon, when I read or answer e-mail or write, is crucial to that. And it seems to mean, at my house at least, that we are trading delicious casseroles for Mommy’s sanity, which is a complicated kind of deal with the Devil. I am certainly a better parent, a better wife, a better person, when I have time to myself; but if it means my children are eating grilled cheese and chicken nuggets all the time, is it really worth it?
And at my house that’s the kind of thinking that ends with a trash can full of Shepherd’s Pie.
Posted by Susan @ 7:12 pm • Uncategorized
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October 26th, 2005 at 7:50 pm, Candace Says:
Dude, if you don’t like it you don’t like it.
Yet ANOTHER reason to move to Ohio: so I can cook for you.
(Did you know I’m a culinary school student?)
October 26th, 2005 at 8:30 pm, educat Says:
Misfit’s right. You also spelled out a lot of the reasons why one of my mommy friends has me over and when I offer to help in the kitchen, I end up cooking. It’s fine by me, I don’t like cooking for one.
I say no reason to worry, your boys are growing and healthy and YES, HELL YES your sanity is worth a casserole. In the end, do you remember your mom loving you or what you ate?
For whatever spinster wisdom is worth…
October 26th, 2005 at 9:07 pm, Nothing But Bonfires Says:
Okay, I have to say that Shepherd’s Pie is one of THE MOST STRESSFUL things to make. Seriously, I only make it if it’s a special occasion, super cold, or if the stars align in such a way that there’s nothing on TV, I mysteriously have a lot of potatoes, and I FEEL like whiling away three hours of my evening. PLUS your way sounds way more complicated than mine — I don’t even do the tomato soup or the peas! Just ground beef and mashed potatoes, onions, and lots of herbs. (WITH AN H!)
October 26th, 2005 at 9:46 pm, Jenorama Says:
“but if it means my children are eating grilled cheese and chicken nuggets all the time, is it really worth it?”
Good Christ, yes!
October 26th, 2005 at 10:31 pm, adria Says:
There are many nights when Micah works late when I do make a traditional dinner. It usually is another form of lunch. The good thing: it is for sure Daria will eat everything. I am reassured because she is healthy and tall for her age.
I love preparing dinners (and desserts) in my crock pot. It is one of my favorite kitchen appliances, which surpises me. Most recipes have you throw everything in the pot and leave it in there on low for 6-8 hours. I love crock pot recipes - www.allrecipes.com - has a great selection!
October 27th, 2005 at 5:12 am, Felicity Says:
Hi Girl, I do love to cook but I also do love time to myself…I also work f/t…
all I really wanted to say was, I use that “shellfish” joke at my house ALL THE TIME. It kind of gets everyone smiling when really they’re mad at me.
October 27th, 2005 at 5:38 am, Misfit Hausfrau Says:
I love to cook, and I get quite bitter when I can’t be left alone to make something wonderful. Therefore, my daughter usually gets a cheese quesadilla and canned peas and we eat later.
I remember as a kid that I feared the wrath of my mother if I bothered her. A steady diet of threats of beatings and playing in a pack and play allowed my mother to cook wonderous meals for our family. She also baked cakes, made cookies (and not just for school obligations) and made pies. It was all I could do to whip up a quick stir fry of chicken and vegetables last night. My husband now just takes the children outside and plays with them while I cook so that I won’t go ape-shit. But winter’s coming…
October 27th, 2005 at 5:59 am, Mary P. Says:
Cooking. Gah. I like to bake, genuinely like it. I used to make bread every week. Used to. Where did all that energy go?
But cooking? The best era in my life as a cook occurred between marriages: no man around wanting a meal. (My first husband never cooked; the man I’m with now does most of it - which is why I’m keeping this one!!)
But between the men? Soup and sandwich supper made my kids happy. Peel a couple of carrots and there’s your vegetable. Did you know that little kids actively enjoy eating frozen peas and carrots - still frozen? A salad could be a meal. Ah, happy days…
October 27th, 2005 at 7:51 am, Dawn Says:
You have discovered why I contracted with a personal chef to make a weeks worth of meals and put them in my freezer.
Me: Sanity and tasty food
Child: Still refuses lovely food and opts for salami and cheese with mandarin oranges.
It was that - or go out all the time - and I end up drinking when we go out. So either Mommy’s Lazy or a drunk. I choose Lazy…most of the time
October 27th, 2005 at 9:36 am, ieatcrayonz Says:
What a coincidence: I tried to cook last night as well. It was Broccoli and chicken penne. I made about a month’s worth.
Unfortunately I tried doing it right after shopping at Wal-Mart, and with no Rancito in sight. Thank goodness Lauren is starting to entertain herself. But yes, it was still pure hell.
October 27th, 2005 at 9:55 am, Susan Says:
Ah, lazy or drunk . . . Dawn, do I have to chose ONE? Can’t I go with BOTH?
I would be so much happier that way . . .
October 27th, 2005 at 10:34 am, MIM Says:
Keep your sanity. It really is better for the kids in the long. At least, that’s what I tell myself on a daily basis.
October 27th, 2005 at 11:19 am, Kara Says:
from my favorite book ever:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000AXRTPQ/104-3027152-4767162?v=glance&n=283155&n=507846&s=books&v=glance
“So before I was really old enough to understand what being a woman meant, I already understood that the world of women was divided in two: there were proper mothers, self-sacrificing bakers of apple pies and well-scrubbed invigilators of the washtub, and there were the other sort. At the age of thirty-five, I know precisely which kind I am, and I suppose that’s what I’m doing here in the small hours of the thirteenth of December, hitting mince pies with a rolling pin till they look like something mother-made. Women used to have time to make mince pies and had to fake orgasms. Now we can manage the orgasms, but we have to fake the mince pies. And they call this progress.”
October 27th, 2005 at 12:19 pm, Homestead Says:
Yeah, what everyone else said….
Shepherd’s pie is a lot of work. It isn’t worth it.
How did our mothers do it? I don’t know about your mom but mine told me to entertain myself for a while…. I used to spend hours playing in my playhouse (an old pickup camper), making forts in the shelter belt or creating snow caves…. and I wasn’t very old. Of course, I come from a family where mom & dad lock the bedroom door on Sunday afternoons and the kids are left to fend for themselves…
October 27th, 2005 at 1:47 pm, Juggling Mother Says:
Shepherds pie is a lot of time consuming work - I only ever make it on day-care days or in the evening for the next day.
When you cook, cook lots & freeze it.
Occasional chicken nuggets won’t hurt!
Your sanity is more important.
Eat out whenever you can afford to - no cooking, no washing up, the kids learn table manners & get good food (if you eat in sensible places)
crock pots are good
The difference between your childhood & mommyhood: My mother said to me the other day “I don’t know how you cope with three kids under 5″ I gaped at her & pointed out that she had 7 (yes seven) and at one point 5 of them were under 6. She nodded sagely & said “but that is ALL I did. I was a mum, you also work, chauffuer, run a business, a blog and a house, are on various committees & associations, look after husband, visit siblings, parents & step-parents, live 100’s miles away from everyone who could help etc etc”
That’s the difference. Looking after kids is more time consuming now than when were young (we all walked ourselves to school from age 4, took buses to sports clubs age 5, and baby-sat the little ones age 9!), Most mum’s have out of home commitments (work etc), families live further away. We ave our kids later in life. We feel we have a responsibility to keep working at our other relationships (partner, friends etc). we expect to be able to have some life after kids. All together, that = less time for cooking!
Wow, that must cover everything - it’s completely hijacked your comments, sorry:-)
October 27th, 2005 at 2:05 pm, Susan Says:
Hooray for Mrs Aginoth! THAT’S what I was wondering about.
I find that despite the fact that I left my job to be ‘home’ with my children, I still love the work I did; I still want to read and write and think about something other than the rules of Quiddich (Henry’s new obsession). And it feels selfsh.
Cooking, on the other hand, strikes me as essentially generous; even if you are cooking because YOU love it, you can share that with family and friends. See what I mean?
And Kara! I LOVE that! Thank you so much for sharing it!
October 27th, 2005 at 2:32 pm, Mary P. Says:
Hey, I just finished reading that book yesterday!
October 27th, 2005 at 3:49 pm, M&Co. Says:
You know Prairie Gypsies carries frozen meals for four? Great stuff and when you consider stuff that has to be thrown away, not at all costly. I don’t cook much anymore. The Husband does. We tend to eat a lot of the same stuff over and over again. I make the menus but coming up with new and different every week is sometimes too much. I try to keep a PG mean in my freezer for when I’m just totally out of ideas. Besides my kids would rather eat peanut butter and jelly and/or microwave Mac & Cheese. Or that’s what I tell myself anyway.
October 27th, 2005 at 7:24 pm, theyellowwallpaper Says:
I admit that I enjoy cooking, it’s the cleanup that I can’t stand. My personal bane has always been laundry. To me, doing laundry is like building a sand castle at low tide. There can be no sense of accomplishment because just when you stop to admire the laundry put away snug in a drawer, the basket is already overflowing. I HATE IT!
October 27th, 2005 at 7:35 pm, Susan Says:
See, the laundry, I love. I find all the sorting/loading/moving/folding very peaceful, like meditation. Very Zen. And at the end, I feel like I have ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING!
But I will acknowledge that I’m wierd that way, and that no one else feels the same. But god I love clean laundry . . .
October 28th, 2005 at 6:02 am, Mary P. Says:
I do, I do! We are soulmates, Susan. I hate cooking, so my partner does most of it, but I do all the laundry. I even dry it on a line all summer, just to enjoy the smell of it as I fold it. Creating order - that will stay that way for more than ten minutes - is no small thing!
October 28th, 2005 at 8:55 am, the ockers Says:
god I love doing laundry too. and I love the smell of fresh washed laundry more than almost anything. I don’t care how long or how neverending laundry is, there is nothing nicer than clean sheets, clean clothes and fresh made beds. and I also line dry half the year (but it is rather sunny here in Oz).
On cooking, I don’t mind cooking but I hate cleaning up also. I can leave pots soaking for days. I make a mean Shepherds Pie. If anyones interested (and says so), I’ll post my receipe for your contemplation…friends beg me to make shepherds pie (amongst other things)…
October 28th, 2005 at 9:32 am, Susan Says:
Clare! Post the recipie! PLEASE!
October 28th, 2005 at 2:21 pm, theyellowwallpaper Says:
Wow…I never realized that there were so many people who loved laundry. Can someone please tell me how to turn that gene on? It would really make my life happier :o)
October 28th, 2005 at 8:14 pm, the ockers Says:
Susan, I’ll post my receipe for Shepherd’s pie in a few days time as this is a holiday weekend here in Melbourne (it’s all about a big horse race called “The Melbourne Cup” which happens on Tuesday, so everyone get’s mon & tues off work) so we’re off down the coast for a few days and there’s no internet way down there. don’t worry I won’t forget though. Clare