March 31, 2008

about last night

10:30 pm

Stumble to bed; fall immediately into deep coma-like sleep.

11:00 pm

Child crying hysterically. Stumble to child’s bedroom to find husband soothing child. Stand next to child’s bed and ask, “Who is crying?!?” At husband’s suggestion, go downstairs to get Tylenol for child. Stumble around kitchen bumping into things and muttering about the CRYING and the SLEEP and OH MY GOD IT IS SO LATE. Come back with Tylenol to find child sound asleep and husband on way back to bed.

12:30 am

Thunder, lightning, and hail smashing into the roof. Get up, find glasses, and go down to foyer to see how bad it is. Hail is the size of golf balls. Hope the roof makes it. Go back to bed.

2:00 am

Tornado sirens. Husband is wandering in circles muttering about the hail and the television and the sirens. Ask, “Should we get the kids up?” Husband says he will look at the weather and starts to go down stairs in his underwear. Suggest that he might want to put some pants on since the neighbors will ALSO be up and it is possible that you may all have to leave the house. You know when the tornado comes and takes the roof off.

Tornado is close to the house, maybe, as much as anyone can guess in the dark. Sirens still going off. Wake the kids. Child husband fetches comes peacefully and sleepily; other child has a screaming tantrum and refuses to leave his bed. Think seriously about leaving him there; decide against it. Drag him down the stairs by his arms, hoping that you both don’t fall on the tile floor and die. Wonder if that would be so bad, really, at this point.

Pile into the bathroom with the children; husband has covered the floor in towels because there isn’t time to wipe every single surface with a Chlorox wipe (twice). Screaming child decides he needs to pee, with everyone in the bathroom, while continuing to complain loudly about being awakened in the middle of the night. Again consider that death might be the best option. For everyone.

2:30 am-ish

Sirens off; tornado gone. Put kids back to bed and lay down with agitated child who wraps his arms tightly around your neck, cutting off any possibility of breathing deeply or really at all. Will self NOT to fall asleep in child’s bed. Sneak out when child goes to sleep, leaving him with his glasses on. Because at this point who the hell cares.

5:01 am

Alarm goes off. Commence swearing. Spend the day telling people about the craziness of the previous night, only to have them say OH MY GOD THAT IS CRAZY. Continue to wish for death. Or coffee. Or, by two pm, a martini.

8:10 pm

Hit publish; go to bed; the end.

Posted by Susan @ 8:09 pm • just happy to be here   

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39 Responses to “about last night”

  1. I cannot believe I’m about to bargain this, but I will trade you warm weather and the threat of tornado sirens in the night for one March 31 snowstorm.

  2. I, too, got to suffer through a 3/31 blizzard in New England…but I would NEVER trade it for a night full of tornado alarms…sorry about your sucky sucky night!

  3. OMG! You have to live in my home town - starts with an E???? My parents are still there and told me about the tornadoes.

    Glad you were all okay. First timer on your blog but just happened to hit on this day - freaky isn’t it?

  4. Oh, Susan! I’ve done the siren thing, hiding in the bathroom (of a complete stranger-but that’s a different story!), but all without kids. I can’t even imagine the exhaustion you must feel.

    Sleep well, and don’t wake till morning!

  5. Dude, I can’t even imagine. I hope you get some rest soon, and before your trip! I’m thinking of you!

  6. I can’t imagine how you feel right now, that must really suck :( I hope all is well tonight and that you get copious amounts of sleep

  7. Oh my hell. What a nightmare. Glad you’re sleeping and hope all the younguns are too!

  8. Holy crud! May your night tonight be full of sleep and not the child I have refusing to go to bed!

  9. I must be a lousy mother. I woke up, saw that the tornado was at the high school down the road, and I still left my kids in bed hoping it would “hop” over us. It did! There’s nothing quite like springtime in Oklahoma!

  10. Dude, we had the same night! Well, almost the same: substitute a confused toddler for a screaming gradeschooler and add three dogs and two cats into the bathroom. Let’s just say, I felt your pain today. Here’s to early bedtime.

  11. Hey! Were you sleeping at my house? No, of course not. There was no mention of the power going out after crawling out of the bathtub followed by my husband spending 45 minutes in the car in a closed garage listening to the radio. Gotta love storm season in OK.

  12. That blows. I’m glad your husband participates with the horrible, ugly nighttime parenting.

  13. Mondays shouldn’t be allowed to get that bad. I hope Tuesday is much better for you.

  14. Ugh, I remember those days/nights when we lived in the Dallas area. I wish you a great night’s sleep and a nap on Tuesday!

  15. I have never had the threat of a tornado.

    Here I have been, complaining about SNOW.

    Glad you all survived. That is all sorts of crazy.

  16. Feeling very sorry for you.

  17. Jeez. What a nightmare! I thought we had bad weather here yesterday. I hope that you had a good, restful night and that you all wake up this morning feeling refreshed and non-cranky!

  18. Holy crap! That sucks. I guess I won’t even bother complaining that my little one woke up an hour early. I hope you got some sleep last night and off to a better start of the day!
    - AUdrey

  19. Oh man! I remember night’s like that and I am soooo sorry. My mom used to put us IN the tub with pillows over our head. I hated it. I hope the weather stays calm for a good long time for you.

  20. holy hell. (that’s all that’s required for a comment.)

  21. OMG! That is like when the fire alarm goes off at three a.m. no matter how hard you try sleep is impossible after that. Hope life gets better. We only have snow to deal with.

  22. Been there.

    My city has recently been found to be second only to yours in being a tornado target.

    Get some rest.

  23. wow.

  24. WOW! That sucks. I think a martini and a nap are recommended. Take as directed in any order that you see fit and repeat as many times until you forget about the night before.

  25. I started laughing at “Who is crying?” and didn’t stop for half an hour. By the end *I* was crying.

    We do the bathroom thing during tornado sirens, too, only I make everybody wear bike helmets with their pajamas, and then our 16-year-old takes a picture of the whole crew and posts it on his Facebook page under the heading, “My family: See what I mean?”

  26. I started laughing at “Who is crying?” and didn’t stop for half an hour. By the end *I* was crying.

    We do the bathroom thing during tornado sirens, too, only I make everybody wear bike helmets with their pajamas, and then our 16-year-old takes a picture of the whole crew and posts it on his Facebook page under the heading, “My family: See what I mean?”

  27. Please excuse the duplicate post. I don’t have a blog and I don’t know why I just made yours mad enough to mock me.

  28. You waited until 2pm to wish for a martini? You are strong, woman.

  29. Whoa! You Okies are some hearty folk. Wishing you calm skies and the end of tornado season.

  30. That SUCKS. I thought the sick, wandering toddler who got me up FOR THE DAY at 3:30am was bad. I thought the sick husband (again) was frustrating (like many men, he is a toddler when ill.) Your night was worse. Stay safe.

    Personally I hope to be in bed by 8:10 tonight as well.

  31. What an awful nite! Here I thot the cricket outside my window was a bad nite! I’ll stop over with the martinis

  32. Luckily, our kids didn’t wake up with my screaming, “We are gonna all die!”

  33. Oh no! I’m glad you’re all okay. I hope you get some sleep.

  34. Wow. Scary stuff. And I thought all our snow was bad. You win - hands down!

  35. I hate nights like that.

  36. Um, yeah that puts my bad night in perspective. I will stop complaining, poste haste.

  37. Um, yes, that IS crazy. Glad you got through the night (sort of). Glad nobody died (really!) and that you were able to survive the rest of today. Hopefully more sleep tonight?

  38. Glad you’re all okay.
    Story most amusing despite hellish circumstances for author.
    Stock emergency martini makings in loo for future tornado drills. Will insure continuing (?) sanity and preserve life of offspring. May foster more sleep for all.
    Just a thought.

  39. first time commenting, but i had to. this post made me laugh so hard. i am sorry about your lack of sleep. thanks, though, for your story telling and keepin’ it real.

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