April 9, 2006
a weekend of my own
This post is part of the Crazy Hip Blog Mamas collaborative writing project. Go here to read posts from other participating blogs and here to learn more about the CHBM webring.
If I had an entire weekend to myself, I would abdicate all Mommy drudgery. Everything! I would only do the fun parts, which would probably mean getting a nanny to pick up the slack. Can you get a nanny just for the weekend?
If I had an entire weekend to myself, I wouldn’t do laundry or load the dishwasher or answer the phone. I wouldn’t make breakfast or lunch or worry about what we were going to eat for dinner. I wouldn’t wipe any bottoms or defuse any tantrums or dispense any medications. I would not pick up one single toy or fill out one single form or make one single bed. All weekend.
If I had an entire weekend to myself, I would spend it with my family but I would NOT be in charge. I would take the boys to the zoo and have someone ELSE deal with packing the water and hand wipes and membership card. I would go to Henry’s soccer game and have someone ELSE coach the team. I would come to the table at mealtime and have someone ELSE make the pb and honey sandwiches. And get the milk. And the napkins. And the raisins. And take the superhero toys off the table. And remind everyone to sit up and stop waving their sandwiches in the air. I would visit with my children while they ate and let someone ELSE clean up after.
If I had an entire weekend to myself, I would do all the fun parts of being the mommy: I would play games and snuggle and read stories (good ones, not those crappy superhero stories my kids are always wanting to read). Someone else would clean up and make plans and tie everyone’s shoes. I would never say, “Mommy needs to mix up a meatloaf now” or “Mommy needs to move the laundry to the dryer” or “Mommy has to fill out these forms for your school.” I would play with the boys until we were all too tired and hungry for even ONE more game of tag.
If I had an entire weekend to myself, I would pack up my computer and go to the coffee shop and work, without any regrets or guilt or worry about what I’m going to make for dinner or how tired my husband is or all the other Mommy things I should be doing, like the laundry and the bills and the cleaning. I would not spend an hour wondering how I am going to get everyone where they need to go this week or what I’m going to send to school with Henry for snack or where the plastic easter eggs from last year have gone. Someone else would take care of it all, and I would get caught up on my reading and writing. And then I would come home to a nice meal and happy children who have been bathed and pyjamaed and are all ready for stories and bed.
If I had an entire weekend to myself, I would spend time with my husband doing something other than sitting on a bench at the playground or watching SaveUms or strategizing ways to get Henry to stop talking about superheros or worrying about why Charlie was awake in the middle of the night. We would talk about books and music and movies and politics and NOT the kids. I would wear high heels and something dry clean only. I would wear lipstick and drink a cosmopolitan. I would congratulate myself on being smart enough to marry this man in the first place.
If I had an entire weekend to myself, I would spend it with the people I love, doing the things I love, without any of the interruptions of my everyday life. But right now I have go to start some laundry and find Henry’s shin guards and get Charlie a snack, because my nanny seems to be falling behind in her work. Oh, wait, I don’t HAVE a nanny. Which is, of course, why I need that weekend to myself.
Posted by Susan @ 12:36 pm • Uncategorized
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April 9th, 2006 at 1:58 pm, Granny Says:
When you figure out how to be in the same house with your kids (with a hired hand) and still not be in charge, please tell me.
There can be three other adults between me and the kid. It doesn’t matter - it’s Grandma (in an aggrieved voice) every time.
April 9th, 2006 at 2:06 pm, Susan Says:
Ann, I know EXACTLY what you mean–my husband is around virtually ALL WEEKEND every weekend; he knows where everything is and is ALWAYS willing to do whatever needs to be done, and yet my sons will say, “No, thank you, Daddy, Mommy can do it.”
I was reading the Elle magazine profile of Caitlin Flanagan, where Flanagan insists that mothers who use daycare are permitting their children to love someone else more than they love the mother, and I though, Hey, not such a bad idea! Particularly in the middle of the night.
April 9th, 2006 at 2:35 pm, Andie D. Says:
You pretty much described the best of both worlds: someone else to handle the drudgery and more time to indulge in the fun parts of momming!
Sigh.
April 9th, 2006 at 3:05 pm, Mary Tsao Says:
Wait, aren’t you describing a grandma?
April 9th, 2006 at 3:13 pm, Mary P. Says:
Tangent: Caitlin Flanagan worries needlessly. No matter how many of their waking hours the children are in my care, no matter how fond I am of them, the kids always - always love mommydaddy best. Methinks Ms. Flanagan’s insecurities are showing.
I always said that if I could afford hired help, I’d hire a full-time maid before I’d hire a nanny, but it was so that I could achieve what you describe: getting to enjoy the fun parts, and avoiding the drudgery. Except the maid won’t break up squabbles or wipe noses or listen to (dare I say it?) incredibly boring microsecond-by-microsecond descriptions of the latest incredibly boring computer game the child is obsessed with, will she?
I may need to rethink this strategy…
April 9th, 2006 at 3:47 pm, Jenorama Says:
I think you are a saint. I think, given the above two comments, I would re-think the whole spend time with the family thing.
Heck, if you are gonna have the nanny, grab your husband and? Run. Run far far away.
Hee!
And Flanagan? What kind of bullshit crap is that????
Wow, is that also an argument for never sending the kids to school or college, or to work when they are adults?
Wait– does Wade love his co-workers more than he loves you guys? Why not? By her logic, (because when does daycare end? When does this permission to love someone else more than they love the mother end? And wow, how many children actually love someone more than they love their own mother? Can someone introduce me to these children? I’d love to know), mothers in particular should spend 24/7 with the kids until they die.
Yes, I am exaggerating. But that is only fair, because Caitlin Flanagan is able to spurt blatant hyperbole in Elle Magazine. So, why can’t I exaggerate here?
GAH!
April 9th, 2006 at 11:32 pm, The Daring One Says:
You are the sweetest lady. I LOVE that your ideal weekend of your own still includes your kids. That shows what kind of mama you are….although I am disturbed that you stop your kids from waving their sandwiches in the air. Isn’t that what sandwiches are for?
April 10th, 2006 at 4:41 am, daysgoby Says:
I always thought the Save-Ums theme song summed up motherhood pretty well…
Wouldn’t it be nice to have a discreet third person there who could wipe noses and put the shoes away? Stealth-Nanny.
April 10th, 2006 at 5:10 am, Velma Says:
OK, 7 a.m. and now I’m all riled up after reading that Elle article. Who knew? Apparently Caitlin Flanagan is more effective at waking me up than coffee. (But the taste left in my mouth? I think I prefer the coffee.)
April 10th, 2006 at 8:04 am, MJ Says:
Recently some friends and I were talking about having a nanny (b/c another friend who is a SAHM has a full-time nanny and we were insanely jealous). I maintained that I’d take the nanny so I could do exactly the things you described. It would be so much fun to be at the park and not worry about when you have to return so you have time to make lunch or dinner. It would be ready. And the house would be neat, etc., etc.
Alas, it will never be. But the man I was lucky enough to marry looked after our children all weekend while I went to a cottage with two friends and ate, drank, and talked.
April 10th, 2006 at 8:20 am, Felicity Says:
Hey Susan, I actually had a weekend to myself one time? When Fin was about two? I went away on a women’s weekend retreat. We slept in cabins and during the day we learned how to show bows and rifles and how to paddle a kayak. It was wicked fun. But I felt kind of adrift, not really sure for at least the first twelve hours, of who I was. It was weird, in a good way.
April 10th, 2006 at 8:54 am, Kristen Says:
I love the fact that your kids wave their sandwiches in the air, too. I thought that was part of our freak factor. I mean, what is UP with that? Why do they think their food items are action figures? Why? WHY?!
April 10th, 2006 at 12:18 pm, fluentsoul Says:
Ah, to be with my children and NOT BE THE ONE IN CHARGE — that’s exactly it! You described it perfectly.
As for the waving of the sandwiches, I’m just amazed that there are children who actually keep their sandwiches TOGETHER well enough to wave them. Are mime the only children who dissect their sandwiches? My kids might wave, say, the cheese, or maybe a slice of bread, but the whole sandwich? I’m impressed.
April 10th, 2006 at 4:04 pm, Susan Says:
The sandwich waving is possible only because all sandwiches MUST be peanut butter and honey. Period.
Although Charlie still takes them apart, which is just disgusting.
April 10th, 2006 at 9:06 pm, Kathryn Says:
I share every sentiment. I am feeling that way so strongly right now. I just want to do some of the good stuff. Loved the post! Thanks for sharing.
April 11th, 2006 at 5:01 pm, Antique Mommy Says:
Doing only the fun stuff sounds great, kind of like eating the topping off the pizza!
April 12th, 2006 at 7:36 am, Nancy Says:
I feel guilty now because when I thought about a weekend of my own, I was thinking of all the things I would do without my family — completely on my own.
Maybe I need a “do-over” where I imagine 2 kinds of weekends: one with the family and one without.
You’re a good mom. I like that about you.
April 13th, 2006 at 8:07 pm, Chaotic Mom Says:
Okay, YOU have a very BALANCED response to the weekend alone thingy. You WANT to be with your family, but without the added hassles that are usually put on the Mommy. I like this one!
April 16th, 2006 at 11:59 am, Undercover Angel Says:
That is so wonderful that your weekend to yourself includes your children and the fun side of being a mom. I would love to have a weekend with the kids where I wasn’t in charge…