Actual phone call with my mother.

Her: Hello! Where are you?

Me: At the grocery. We need food that is not pizza.

Her: Good idea. Daddy is getting a FedEx package ready to send you, for your birthday.

Me: Yay!

Her: You’ll have to sign for it.

Me: It’s a puppy!

Her: Daddy says to tell you it’s a pony.

Me: Even better! I always wanted a pony — who knew I would have to wait until my 40s to get one?

Her: Right. Are you going to be home in the morning?

Me: If there’s a pony coming, yes I will be.

Her: Okay, Daddy is going to have them deliver this before 10:00 am. You’ll have to sign for the pony.

Me: Of course.

Her: Put him in the backyard. Then call Rita and tell her to bring the kids over.

Me: Right.

Her: Daddy says he loves you.

Me: I love him too!

Her: Call us when the pony gets there.

Me: OH I WILL.