September 29, 2008

I’m pretty sure it’s in the Old Testament

Last week the kids came home with the Note I Hate — you know the one: Someone at School Has Lice!

Dammit.

The school never identifies either the specific class or the specific child, which I really like, but AS IT TURNS OUT this year the class is Charlie’s!  Woo!  I know that because his teacher went ahead and told us all last week during our parent-teacher conferences.  I was glad she mentioned it because I was wondering why Charlie was making such a big deal about how he was NOT SITTING ON THE RUG in his classroom (”because there might be BUGS in it, Mama!”).

It all makes sense now.

Anyway, when The Note came home, I had The Talk with the boys.  No, not THAT talk, the one about keeping their hats to themselves at school.

Me: So someone at school has lice, which are –

Charlie: BUGS!  That live in your HAIR!  They lay eggs.  Behind your ears.

Me: Ugh.  I mean, yes, right!  Anyway someone at school has lice and –

Henry: Who has lice?

Me: We don’t know.

Henry: Charlie, do YOU know who has lice?

Charlie: WELL Henry I know that it’s –

Me: STOP! It doesn’t matter who it is.

Charlie: Right.  But it’s someone in my class.

Me:  Okay hello FOCUS.  Pay attention.  We don’t care who has the lice.

Henry: Yes we do.

Me: NO WE DO NOT.  Listen to me.

Henry: Okay.  Sheesh.

Me:  We don’t want lice.  So don’t share your hats with anyone.

Charlie: We’re not allowed to wear hats to school.

Me: Right.  When it gets COLD and you’re wearing a hat for school, like outside at recess?  Wear your own hat.  Don’t share your hat with anyone, and don’t try your friends’ hats on.  Okay?

Henry: Okay, but what if one of my friends forgets his hat?  Can I loan him mine?

Me: No.  WEAR YOUR OWN HAT.

Henry: But Jesus says that we should share with people.

Me: Jesus does NOT want you to have lice.

Charlie: Is that in the Bible?

Me: Yes.  Yes it is.

Honestly?  I think God will forgive me for that one, if only because the Holy Mother is TOTALLY on my side here.  I just know she is.

September 28, 2008

not even worth the effort of a title

Where have I been all week? OMG where haven’t I been?  Goodness!

Okay, I’ve been nowhere — I mean, I’ve been here all week, working and falling into bed at 8:45 because I am exhausted, probably from all the working.  Oh and also I have been to soccer — both boys are playing again this year, which means practice two nights during the week and FOUR GAMES this weekend.

Chris and I have been having a contest to see who is being made more miserable by our childrens’ sports commitments.  We’re both at practices on the same nights, and we while away the time exchanging text messages which consist primarily of weather reports.

Her: I am huddled in the car wearing a winter coat and a sweater and boots.

Me: I am sweltering because it is 90 degrees out.  At 6:30 pm.

Her: Did I mention that it is raining here?

Me: Whatever.  I am naked because it is so hot.

Her:  I am covered in a blanket in addition to all the clothes.  Am still cold.

Me: Am being eaten alive by mosquitos.

Her: SO AM I!

Me: Bastards.

Her: They just never die, do they?

I forget, every year, how much I hate fall in Oklahoma; it’s still unbelievably hot here and there are bugs everywhere and shit is blooming all over the place.  My eyes itch so much I’m about to scratch them out with my bare hands, and that’s AFTER taking Claritin regularly for weeks.  Meanwhile, I’m still wearing summer clothes every day, despite the fact that I have a closet full of perfectly lovely fall things, including some kick ass boots that I can’t wait to get out.

Wade keeps promising that “the cold front is coming! this week!” but I think he’s just trying to keep me from losing my ever loving mind from the sweating and scratching.  Good times.

Of course, I don’t currently own a winter coat, because the dry cleaners lost mine last spring, which means that one day I will wake up and it will be  freezing.  I guess there’s always that to look forward to.  And bitch about.

September 22, 2008

accounting for the various things that have been kicking my ass

We had a busy weekend over here — both kids cleaned their rooms (without federal assistance, which was amazing because their rooms are like SuperFund sites but the feds are too busy bailing other folks out to help my kids, so they had to do it Old Fashioned way, with lots of whining and a five dollar reward at the end).  We also had our first full soccer weekend, which would have been really fun except that I missed Henry’s Saturday game because I was coaching Charlie’s game (god help us all) and then I missed Henry’s Sunday game because I was shopping.

Best. Mom. Ever.

In my defense, I was shopping for work — BlogHer teamed up with JCPenney to give eight Oklahoma City bloggers each $300.00 to shop with me.  How much fun is THAT?  You can read all about our trips at BeautyHacks, starting today; the first two posts in the series are here and here (and I did a little shopping, too).  You can also enter to win your OWN JCPenney shopping spree — details are here.

And if that weren’t enough, over at ParentDish I’m making suggestions for what to wear for date night. Helpful hint: show off your cleavage.  Works every time.

Also, I had two poached eggs for lunch today, possibly because I’ve been thinking a lot about eggs recently.  In fact, I wrote about them, over here!  They were delicious, by the way.  Mmm eggy.