July 26, 2008
famous is as famous does
I lost my job yesterday.
I knew this was coming — I had known it for a while, in the back of my head, in that amorphous way you just know some things. I had been tormenting Wade for months with my strategies for saving this particular site, all of which he listened to politely and with much sympathetic head nodding. I knew with more certainty this week, when a budget crisis had me sitting at my dining room table with a glass of wine and a calculator and three thousand post-it notes trying to do math (which, as Barbie told us, is HAAARD). I knew for certain early yesterday morning, when I got up and made coffee and saw the advance email confirming that yes, the site would close at the end of the month.
I knew it was coming. But I was still unprepared when it came.
When I read the official your-site-is-being-retired email, I cried, which goes to show you that I am not cut out for actual office work (because really who wants a manager who CRIES? and also because it was 9:00 am and I was still in my pajamas with no bra on, and let’s not even TALK about what was going on with my hair). I didn’t cry because I had lost my job — it actually wasn’t until much much later in the day that I even realized that I had lost MY job too — but because the other women who wrote for the site were losing theirs. I cried because I have loved working with those girls and I will miss them and their funny emails and fantastic writing. I cried because I felt like I had failed them somehow, even though I knew in my heart that we had done everything we could, and done it well. I cried because it was just so sad.
This morning I got up early to work (because the great thing about freelancing is that there is ALWAYS more work! although you might have to get up at 5:00 am on a Saturday to get it all done) and found an email from a very nice woman who wants to know how “famous” bloggers do it (her word, not mine). Specifically, she asks this: “How can you continue to write about your life as if it is a normal-every-day-writing-just-for-myself life when you are receiving, in some cases, enough monetary payments to live off your blog?”
And I kind of wanted to cry again.
I don’t make much money off this blog — let’s just say that the money I get in ad revenues from Friday Playdate is enough to get my hair cut every month and colored every other. My very very short hair, which doesn’t need much cutting or coloring. At a fairly inexpensive salon. In Oklahoma City, where the cost of living is still very low.
And yes, I do tip my stylist pretty generously, but still, it is NOT a lot of money.
I make my living working at other sites, not writing here. I manage and write for three sites (two, after Friday) and write a wee daily-ish shopping blog on the side. I freelance for whoever will hire me. I work, easily, 35 hours a week, which doesn’t include what I write here but DOES explain why I don’t post every single day. Because after a full seven hour day of emails and editing and posting at other sites, I have no words left for this site. And also no one really wants to read about how I sent emails! and edited posts! and cropped photos! and maybe, if it’s a REALLY exciting day, had a conference call! or WROTE A REPORT! WOO!
Okay, seriously (did I mention that I got up at FIVE AM? and that I LOST MY JOB yesterday? oh right I did) — I don’t know what the answer is. I’ve written about strategies for making a living blogging, but strategies for being popular or famous? I have no idea. And honestly, I don’t really care.
I love what I do — I feel fortunate every day to have stumbled into this crazy career, because it lets me be home and be flexible and do something I enjoy. But I work hard at it, and it can be exhausting and stressful. You know, like any other job. I don’t have time in my day to worry about being famous or popular; I’m too busy weeping in front of my laptop because a bunch of people I really respect and admire just lost their jobs.
