June 28, 2007

shopping with Caroline

Caroline and I are in SteinMart; I’ve just finished a long rant about why the micro mini should ABSOLUTELY NOT EVER have made a comeback. EVER. Did you hear me? NO MICRO MINIS.

When I turn around and see . . . a micro mini. Made of bandanas. So I MUST show Caroline, because I’m like that when I shop.

Me: See! Look! What the hell is this?

Caroline: Oh, a handkerchief skirt. Nice.

Me: Seriously, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

Caroline (who is a GOOD ten paces away from the Skirt in Question): Is that a skort? It’s a skort, isn’t it?

Me (looking): Uh, let’s see . . . Why yes, it IS a skort. How did you KNOW that?

Caroline: It’s a gift.

Me: I don’t know if I would admit that to too many people.

(Later when I told her about my secret longing for a pair of Take Outs, she said, “But wouldn’t it be weird to be busting a D cup one day and an A cup the next?” And twenty four hours later, I’m still giggling about her use of “busting.”)

(Also, I tried the SteinMart knock off version of the Take Out in my bra last night, and they were TOO BIG. Which is so depressing that I can’t even talk about it outside of these extra parentheses.)

June 27, 2007

the things that are wrong with my hair today include, but are not limited to, the following

1. My stylist is on medical leave so someone else cut it this time. For more money, I got less haircut. Or less of a haircut than I wanted. Or less something.

2. It is POSSIBLE that the cut is fine, but since I am out of texturizer stuff I just can’t TELL that it is fine because my HAIR is so fine that without the texturizer stuff it just lies there. Lays there? Looks like crap.

3. It is also possible that the good people at Suave changed not only the PACKAGING on my (dirt cheap) shampoo but also the FORMULA, to make it more MOISTURIZING, in which case it wouldn’t matter if I had a GREAT cut AND the texturizing stuff, my hair would STILL look like crap.

4. I opted not to have my hair colored on this go round, because my stylist is out on sick leave (see #1) and I didn’t want a random stylist COLORING MY HAIR (again, see #1). And because it’s been raining nonstop here for TWO WEEKS, I haven’t been in the sun at all, and we all KNOW that I am NEVER coloring my hair myself EVER AGAIN SO HELP ME GOD, so I am living with what I like to refer to as my Natural Color, which, in combination with my almost unbelieveably small bra size, is absolute proof that God has a mean, mean sense of humor.

5. The humidity here is hovering somewhere around 469%, or just enough to make all those other things completely irrelevant, because how can ANYONE have a good hair day with ALL THIS RAIN?

6. We are out of chocolate chip cookies. I don’t know what the connection is either, but while we had chocolate chip cookies in the house, the hair was not so bad. The kids finished them off at lunch, and it’s been all downhill since then.

I’m going out to get texturizer stuff, new shampoo, and cookies. Wish me luck.

June 26, 2007

this much I know (but only barely)

Sheri wants to know eight things about me. But I’m a rule breaker and a rebel (what???) so instead I am going to tell you eight things that I know for sure, which will probably tell you more about me than if I just told you eight things about me.

Ready?

1. I do NOT have strep throat.

2. The scale at the Urgent Care place at Penn and Memorial is TOTALLY wrong, and not in a good way.

3. Better tequila makes a better margarita.

4. It’s AHM-PEER, not EM-PYRE.

5. The following people read this web site, at least occasionally: my dad, my brother, my dissertation director, a guy I dated in college.

6. At least one of those people reads this blog while commuting to work. And by “commuting” I mean “simultaneously driving and looking at his Sidekick.”

7. My children were born at 11:17 am and 12:05 pm.

8. There is one more chocolate chip cookie down stairs.

Okay then! Better than a personality test, yes? Yes.

June 25, 2007

what’s the past tense of "smite"?

Henry does NOT have an ear infection–instead, he has strep throat! Yes!

Wade called this morning, to check in, as we were sitting in the drive thru lane at the pharmacy and I said, “If your throat hurts, get someone to swab it for you.”

And he said, “Well NOW it hurts. Thanks a lot.”

Ten minutes ago, it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe the headache I couldn’t shake all weekend was ALSO caused by a strep infection. So Wade is on his way home and I’m off to Urgent Care to have someone swab ME. I bet I already know what they’re going to tell me. Because we’ve been down this road before. (That link takes you to a whole mess of posts about strep throat. In my house. In the past TWO YEARS. Den of pestilence, I’m telling you.)

Oh, and? Just this minute? It started to rain. Like build me an ark, Noah, and gather up those animals rain. Because apparently I have angered someone higher up and now I will pay.

Amen.