December 28, 2006
2007: awaiting the compound fracture
I feel like I should be looking back on the trials and triumphs of the past year, or making bold proclamations about what I will do in the new year, but frankly I’m too logy from eating home made toffee and drinking Starbucks cream liqueur to do either.
Instead, I will make a prediction: I predict that 2007 will find me in the emergency room with a kid who has broken something. Something ATTACHED to him, I mean, not just a coffee cup or my new iPod.
I predict that 2007 will be The Year of the Cast.
Henry is, of course, the most likely candidate for major breakage, because he is hyper and impulsive, of course, but also because he is a climber. He has always been a climber; before he could walk properly, he climbed. He would pull up on the sofa or a table and start working to get his fat little baby leg up on the surface. When he was two he learned to climb INTO his crib (not out, thank god, but IN, which seems to me to be WAAAY harder). He attacks playground equipment, swinging and clawing his way from one place to another. Also, he is fearless and has an unnaturally high pain tolerance.
All of which will clearly lead us to disaster.
Recently, he’s been climbing on our swingset, hanging upside down from the crossbar over the swings. It’s amazing to watch him, to see him strategizing where to put his hands and feet, to see him holding on so tightly and carefully. I constantly find myself saying, LOOK AT HIM! HE’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT! KIDS WITH N.L.D. HAVE TERRIBLE BALANCE AND POOR COORDINATION! BUT NOT HENRY! HA HA!
So yes, I am proud of his “tricks,” as he calls them. And also terrified because one misplaced hand and he will break his arm, or possibly his neck.
I am equally worried about Charlie, who is not as daring as Henry but is prone to try EVERYTHING that Henry does, and who also really likes to jump on his bed. His favorite swingset related game is to get a running start and fling himself at the actual swing, catching it under his arms, right across his rib cage; he lifts his feet off the ground and yells, “I’M FLYING!”
He will most likely break a rib, although there is also the possibility that he will overshoot the swing and plunge head first into the rock-hard ground underneath.
Perhaps 2007 will be the Year of the Neck Brace.
Recently, the New York Times ran a terrific article* about behavior therapy for kids with A.D.H.D.; in particular, the article focused on programs that teach parenting strategies. The article summarized the approach in this way: “Behavior modification for A.D.H.D. and for related problems, like habitually disruptive or defiant behavior, is based on a straightforward system of rewards and consequences. Parents reward every good or cooperative act they see: small things, like simply paying attention for a few moments, earn an ‘attaboy.’ Completing homework without complaint might earn time on a Gameboy. Parents remove privileges, like television and playtime, or impose a ‘time out,’ in response to defiance and other misbehavior. . . . And they learn to ignore annoying but harmless attempts to win attention, like making weird noises, tapping or acting like a baby.”
This is the program we follow at home, and honestly, the hard part is that last bit, about ignoring the “annoying but harmless” behavior. I have made a conscious choice to use outdoor play as a way to channel the craziness, the yelling and running and jumping, all of which are expected and acceptable behavior for four and six-year-old boys just NOT in a house full of furniture. Instead of yelling or sending everyone to timeout or pouring myself a stiff drink at 3:00 pm, I send the boys outside, where they CAN run and jump and yell, and for the most part this is a good thing. But in 2007, I am telling you now, it will land me in the emergency room.
Mark my words.
*This article was the last in a series; you should get yourself some coffee and read all three. Really.
Posted by Susan @ 7:41 pm • Uncategorized
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December 28th, 2006 at 8:55 pm, chris Says:
OKay I haven’t read the articles yet, but you know this is a topic near and dear to my heart.
Unfortunately all the behavior modification techniques we tried to implement did nothing. In some ways I get tired of having to defend the use of medications as being the lazy way out. Like if I was only more patient, more supportive, and ignored the annoying behaviors my child would be fine.
I’m going to read them now and who knows may end up eating my words.
December 28th, 2006 at 9:05 pm, Mocha Says:
*tap tap
“Is this thing on?”
So, I’m here for the support group for mothers of children with ADHD. I see we have Susan, the expert on all things autistic. Oh! And there’s Chris! She’s an expert on all things times 7 with her 7 children. Six of them being boys. Yeah, I’m in the right place.
We had to go the behavior mod. route because we were at wit’s end. Therapy, rearranging everyone’s schedule, rearranging Mason’s ROOM and taking away all distractions, breathing exercises, dietary supplements and changes in what groceries we bought…
Yikes. Why haven’t I posted on this?
I really think Chris touched on something that was very present in your post: that WE have to make some changes for our kids to be successful and that there is a lot of guilt that comes with it. A lot of “If onlys”.
For the record, we were sure we’d have at least one boy in a cast by now. They’re 11 and 15. Not yet.
Hang in there, honey.
December 28th, 2006 at 9:17 pm, Susan Says:
I should say this, just so no one gets the wrong idea: I am not opposed to drug therapies for ADD and ADHD. We tried medication for Henry (four DIFFERENT medications, as a matter of fact) and all of them had side effects that we felt were unacceptable (one caused a tic, one made him surly, all of them disrupted his sleep to a greater or lesser degree).
But honestly, we so wanted those medications to work, because when they did, the behavior modification was incredibly successful. Without the meds, it’s pretty successful. Most of the time. Either way, it’s a lot of work.
We have done other things for Henry, in lieu of conventional ADHD meds. He takes an anti-anxiety drug; he goes to a school that specializes in multi-sensory learning; he goes to bed at 7:30. He has essentially the EXACT same schedule every day. He plays outside a LOT. Sometimes I worry that when he’s older and we can’t carefully control his environment and his schedule, he won’t get through the day. Of course, I also worry that he will break his arm playing in my yard; I’m a mom, worry is what I do.
Different things work for different kids; to say that a parent is lazy or neglectful or selfish for choosing or NOT choosing medication ignores the complexities of kids like Chris and Mocha and I are raising.
We’re all doing what we know is right for our kids. Tomorrow, we may rethink what we’re doing, but our choices are always rooted in our love of these quirky kids.
End soapbox rant.
December 28th, 2006 at 9:57 pm, Karyn Says:
I know for certain that if the sheer volume of annoying asshat behaviour keeps up, it will not remain harmless.
Very. Near. THE EDGE.
Gaaaaaaa.
Wishing you a brace and or cast free 2007 -
December 28th, 2006 at 10:10 pm, chris Says:
Susan,
Oh I *knew* what you were saying in this post. And now I have gone and read all the articles in the series, and they were fascinating and a must read.
My older son was (and is) completely out of cotrol when he isn’t on his medication. At 3 yrs old he would destroy his bedroom in fits of anger to the point where he would flip beds and pull out drawers and kncok down bookcases. It took util he was 8yrs old to get a diagosis and medication.
He is truly a different kid on medication. I dare say a joy most of the time. I knock on wood everyday.
And I do use behavior modification that you talk about, but I use it for all my children, not just the difficult ones.
A funny story we were at the dr before he was on meds and she suggested a sticker chart, where he would earn a sticker for all the positive behviors we were trying to instill in him. Having already tried things like this with him I knew it wouldn’t work but didn’t say anything. He looked at her like SHE was the crazy one and said, “WHY would I want a stupid sticker?”
And for the record, no bone breaks here. KNOCKING ON WOOD
December 28th, 2006 at 10:56 pm, Cathy Says:
this touched me:
“Sometimes I worry that when he’s older and we can’t carefully control his environment and his schedule, he won’t get through the day”
… me too! but you will wean him, hopefully from all your interventions so that he can be successful on his own. This is the goal - no? This is what the effort is about and you put in so much effort.
thanks for the link to the article. This year we are going to do more - not just read books. We are going to do the things IN the books to help J at home.
J has an aide at school to help him (I call it human medication), I am going to try this approach “mom as aide” More impartial.
I read the articles, I almost cried for that family with the daughter with all those voices in her head and problems.
Remember too that he will mature. I have learned this. Mr. 5 year old will turn into Mr. 7 year old with different probs. AND successes.
you have inspired me to blog about this and get some of it out!
December 29th, 2006 at 7:29 am, Mamacita Tina Says:
As a teacher with some ADHD children, I always felt prevention was key. I tried to keep them actively engaged throughout the school day, not do mindless worksheets all the time, but hands on and social activities. It benefits all children. Of course there has to be some down time, time to just think and practice, and that’s when behavior modification may be needed.
Hope you have an emergency room free year!
December 29th, 2006 at 10:39 am, Gidge Says:
WAIT A MINUTE.
They make STARBUCKS CREAM LIQUEUR?
December 29th, 2006 at 10:43 am, Gidge Says:
WAIT A MINUTE.
They make STARBUCKS CREAM LIQUEUR?
December 29th, 2006 at 2:28 pm, Mary Tsao Says:
I don’t want to hijack your serious post, but Happy New Year!
(okay, return to serious discussion now.)
December 29th, 2006 at 4:32 pm, Rayne of Terror Says:
Gymnastics classes, they provide matts and spotters and training on falling off things.
December 29th, 2006 at 10:07 pm, Kristen Says:
Geez, does Bryce have ADHD? Because everything you’ve described and all of those behavior modification techniques from the article sound really. damned. familiar.
SIGH.
Also, Quinn is now mimicking (sp?? how the hell do you make a gerund out of mimic??) Bryce’s wild, out of control attempts for attention. IT’s insane around here. Absolutely insane. And we don’t have enough alcohol to deal with this.
December 29th, 2006 at 10:47 pm, The Daring One Says:
I love the idea of doing predictions rather than resolutions. I predict that we will finally get a chance to meet up this year.
December 29th, 2006 at 11:13 pm, Sweety Says:
Glad I found your blog-
My 11 year old son has textbook ADHD! I’ve been thru it all and seen it all- Nothing amazes me now- We’ve been all over the south in search of help, therapy and the right meds for him- He has been in a special school since he was 4- Our entire family life has revolved around his ADHD- I’m surprised that myself and my marriage have survived it- It is a very real diagnosis! If I can help, please let me know!
December 30th, 2006 at 9:02 am, becky Says:
I sure hope you don’t end up in the ER this coming year, but with two very active boys I would say you are right on!
December 30th, 2006 at 12:33 pm, Annika Says:
Hmmm. Sam already had chicken pox…maybe I should be worrying about broken bones. He climbs everything in sight. (Well, he tries to. He usually fails. Cutely.)
December 30th, 2006 at 5:44 pm, sozzled Says:
In my experience it is not the climber who breaks a bone or needs stitches. My only ER trips have been with my hesistant child rather than my climber (crossing my fingers, knocking on wood, etc) and fyi the most commonly broken bone? The collarbone. So if you want to avoid Mama guilt don’t yell down the hill, “get up! its only snow! can you wiggle your fingers? you are FINE!” because it will haunt you when you are faced with the xray of a clearly broken bone.
December 30th, 2006 at 6:02 pm, Candace Says:
I only hope that your prediction doesn’t come true, because there just is never a good time to go the emergency room. Who has time for that?
I wish behavior modification had worked for Christopher without using the meds. You know I wish that. It just didn’t. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t been using some form of bx mod since the kid was in diapers, but still; it was never a fix for us. I’m glad to see it’s working out better for you guys.
Happy New Year!
December 30th, 2006 at 6:37 pm, daysgoby Says:
So THAT’s what one girl’s been reading!
(hint hint)
going away now….
December 30th, 2006 at 10:07 pm, daysgoby Says:
S -
Incredible articles. It made me think about how I tack please or okay onto the end of everything when I talk to Cass, and how knocking that off would make things clearer for him…
2007 is the year for stitches over here. They’re coming. I can feel it….
December 30th, 2006 at 10:40 pm, Andie D. Says:
Some days my kids look like they’re prize fighters. I’ve had times where I am literally afraid to take my son out in public for fear that someone will call CPS.
Some kids just need that “outdoor time” to burn off their energy. Some of those kids happen to have a high pain threshold.
Dang I need to get Ben involved in sports ASAP.
January 1st, 2007 at 1:55 pm, Busy Mom Says:
Merry New Year! (resume serious discussion, again)