November 30, 2006

snow day: a photo essay

The last shoes of November. With socks.

7:50 am

He stayed outside until it started sleeting, then decided that he’d had enough. So we came inside and made muffins. Can you believe it? I”m such a housewife.

8:45 am

Looks like a damn school in here, doesn’t it? Don’t worry, later there will be pictures of the kids watching a video and me having a cocktail. Let’s just hope that doesn’t happen until after lunch.

9:15 am

Pumpkin muffins, hot out of the oven. Don’t you want one? I want a shower, myself.

10:00 am

Moroccan chicken and lentils. As I was putting this together, I reached for a LARGE knife and grabbed it by the BLADE. Fortunately, I didn’t cut myself, but I did realize that I need to be WAAAAAYYY more careful, because I totally do not want to go to the ER today. Also, we probably need to sharpen our knives.

10:45 am

Henry: Can we watch a movie NOW?

Me: After lunch.

Henry: Can we eat lunch NOW?

Me: How about we read some stories?

Henry: Nooooo . . . .

Me: How about we won’t watch a movie UNLESS we read some stories?

Henry: Let’s read this one!

11:30 am

As I was sitting here I heard a crashing sound from Charlie’s room. The boys are outside throwing snowballs AT HIS WINDOW. Snowballs that are primarily composed of ICE. No, they did not break the window and no, I did not kill either of them. Of course, it’s only ELEVEN THIRTY, so there’s still time. And I still haven’t showered.

12:15 pm

In the middle of lunch, Henry announces, “Hey, I think I lost a tooth!” He pokes around in his chair and says, “Here it is.” Then he hands me the tooth (eeeww) and finishes his sandwich.

12.30 pm

Why my kids should NOT be allowed to chose their own videos. Yes, that’s Scooby Doo Meets Batman. You didn’t know that Scooby Doo and Batman were ever in a video together, did you? Well they were! And it’s really really stupid. And Robin doesn’t seem to be wearing any pants, which I find a little disturbing. Also, The Muppets Christmas Carol, which the kids are refusing to watch. I didn’t really rent it for them, though, I rented it for me. So there.

1:30 pm

Showered. Thank god.

1:45 pm

French roast, from Starbucks. Because I really want to lie down and have a nap, but the boys have other ideas.

3:00 pm. I think.

Two and a half hours of patch today! Whoo hoo!

Oh good lord I have no idea what time it is now.

Not fighting. For now.

Is it 5:00 yet? No? How about another movie?

Watching the Muppets. And loving it.

Oh thank the lord.

Everyone needs a stegosarus at the end of a long day. Oh, and a glass of wine.

Yes, I know I said I would tell you about the Fabulous Friday Playdate Contest, but you will just have to wait ONE MORE DAY because my husband is home and we’re going to get some dinner and some sleep. Tomorrow! Contest rules and regulations! And prizes! Fabulous prizes!

I know you can’t wait.

November 29, 2006

more swearing! and more haphazard punctuation!!! and a contest!

Baby, it’s cold outside.

I realized this morning that one of my favorite things about Christmas is the inevitability of hearing a gin-soaked Dean Martin happily slur his way through Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Thanks to satellite radio, my kids have heard every Rat Pack version of Frosty the Snowman ever recorded (including the one where I SWEAR you can hear ice cubes clinking in highball glasses), interspersed with various Boston Pops renditions of Carols No One Ever Actually Sings (seriously, Good King Wenceslas? Too hard to say. Also, was he a real king? I should Google that). At our house, Christmas smells like cinnamon and sounds like a swank cocktail party. Now THAT’S Holiday Cheer.

It’s cold as hell here today; in the time it took us to eat breakfast, the temperature dropped from 60 to 46, and it’s still dropping. I sent the kids to school in multiple layers of cotton and fleece, which was weird because just YESTERDAY they wore shorts and tee shirts. Of course, just yesterday it was in the mid-70s here. Sheesh.

Charlie somehow managed, during a fall where the average temperature was 186 degrees, to lose ONE mitten at school, but because I am nothing if not PREPARED, I went yesterday (YESTERDAY! while it was still warm!) and bought new mittens for him. And because I knew we were in for two or three days of bad weather, I stocked up on cheese sticks. Also beer and wine! What else do we need? At the end of the day yesterday I was patting myself on the back because WE WERE READY.

As it turns out, we’re not; we need milk and bread and cereal and perhaps something for DINNER. But at least Charlie’s little hands won’t fall off today, and I could throw a cocktail party if the whim struck (because cheese sticks! and wine! and Dean Martin!).

Henry’s school called a few minutes ago, to remind me about their policy for weather-related school closures because apparently there’s a good chance that school will be CANCELLED tomorrow. So possibly I may want to get something besides cheese sticks for us to eat. And maybe some videos for the kids to watch. And another bottle of wine for me.

Tomorrow I may very well be live-blogging the First Snow Day of the Year, which will certainly necessitate much swearing and random! use! of! punctuation! Plus I’m going to announce a Fun Contest! with a Great Prize! that YOU can win! right here! at Friday! Playdate! Huzzah! Check back tomorrow for details.

Because right now I need to go to the grocery. AGAIN. Dammit.

Hey, whaddya know? King Wenceslas WAS a real person! And he was hacked to death at the door of his church. Surprisingly, that detail didn’t make it into the Christmas carol . . .

November 28, 2006

holiday huffing

Perhaps the last sockless day for a while.

We have a basic plastic Christmas tree, because nothing says Happy Birthday Baby Jesus! like fake pine. The kids are in love with the tree and cannot seem to stop burrying their faces in the pointy pretend needles and inhaling deeply, which just drives me berserk and also grosses me out a little.

Me: STOP SMELLING THE TREE!

Henry: But we can’t HELP OURSELVES!

Charlie: Because it smells like GINGERBREAD!

The tree, if it has any particular odor at all, smells vaguely like warm dust, probably because last year we were too damn lazy to close the box completely and so it wasn’t exactly clean when it came in the house this year. We have two ornaments made of cinnamon (yes, really! and no, I have no idea how you make a Christmas tree ornament out of cinnamon) which really do smell lovely, although not really like gingerbread at all. The boys are fascinated by the smelly ornaments and have been sniffing everything else on the tree to see what Christmas smells like. Because, as Henry pointed out, they can’t HELP THEMSELVES.

I’m left wondering two things: one, can you get high from sniffing cinnamon? and two, how did I turn into someone who says STOP SMELLING THE CHRISTMAS TREE?

Ho ho ho.

November 27, 2006

office party, take two: when it’s not YOUR office

Office party shoes.

I have a confession: I always have a hard time figuring out what to wear to Wade’s work functions. Not as hard a time as I have finding a sitter, but still! Hard. Some of this has to do with the fact that my work wardrobe consists entirely of things that can go in the washing machine, but there is also an element of not knowing what exactly is appropriate in this particular situation. Because you know, I don’t work there! And I don’t know these people!

So what do you wear to HIS office party? And what should HE wear?

For the after work party, go with some version of what you might wear to work; if your work consists of picking playdough out of the rug and filling cups with juice, think of this as an opportunity to pull out some of your favorite dry-clean-only pieces. If you’re in that post-baby stage where NOTHING FITS, DAMMIT, take a look at Old Navy; they have some lovely dressy trousers for under $40.00, some of which are MACHINE WASHABLE, even. Although at that price, you could wear them around the kids with nary a worry!

A weekend party can be trickier, as no one will be coming from work. Think of the Saturday night party as an opportunity to Dress Up; chose something more dressy than what you would wear to the office. Choose a beautiful skirt or dress and some fabulous shoes. Be sparkly! You deserve it.

This brings us to the Million Dollar Question: how dressed up is TOO dressed up? I would say ask your husband, but if he’s like MY husband, he will have NO IDEA what anyone else will be wearing (dammit). Instead, think about what kind of party you’re going to–is it an open house? cocktails? drinks and dinner? will there be dancing?

The open house is the most casual of these options, with cocktail party a close second. Because this is an OFFICE party, I do not suggest jeans; I also wouldn’t necessarily suggest your little black dress for an open house. Wear a fun skirt with a pretty sweater, or a pair of nice trousers with a fantastic jacket; choose one stand-out piece to make your outfit party-ready. I’ve worn my beaded lace skirt with a jean jacket for a holiday Girls Dinner, for example; I’ve also worn a silk skirt with a cashmere turtleneck and some great boots. Your husband could opt for corduroys or wool trousers and a sweater, or an open-collared shirt with a jacket.

Dinner–particularly dinner and dancing–typically calls for something dressier. Wear your little black dress or a beautiful skirt and blouse; wear heels. Your husband should wear a jacket and tie, or a suit, if this is a really dressy function. I’m not a fan of the Holiday Themed Tie, but he’s going to wear one, make sure it is a NICE tie, not some cheap thing from the Dollar Store. It should be long enough to hang correctly and substantial enough to make a good knot. If you MUST do the Holiday Tie, might I suggest something in a festive tartan, rather than something Frosty the Snowman? Please?

It’s important to remember that the office party is a WORK function; ripped jeans and excessive cleavage are not appropriate for work, and they’re not appropriate for the office party. Even if his (or your) office is Friday Casual every day, don’t assume that you can show up for the holiday party looking like you spent the day on the sofa. As with the job interview, err on the side of slightly MORE dressed up; look like you’re happy to be there. Chose something that makes you feel pretty–this is a party, after all! Enjoy it.

November 26, 2006

maybe Scrooge needed some butter toffee popcorn

Today I was indecisive, which works out well for you.

I’ve spent three days moaning about how FUUULLLLL I am (Wade: Any thoughts about dinner? Me: I’m still FUUUULLLL from Wednesday night. Wade: Soooo . . . what’s for dinner? Me: I’m too FUUULLL to think about dinner. Wade: Okaaayyy . . . ). Of course, that didn’t stop me from buying a gigantic container of toffee-covered popcorn at Target today. Because there’s always room for popcorn, particularly when it’s coated with a buttery-sugary glaze. And if you’re already wearing your stretchy yoga pants, then really there’s no reason NOT to buy it.

Mmmm, glaze . . .

Charlie has been pestering me all weekend to put up our Christmas tree, and today we finally did it. We have a plastic tree, which I used to think was a HORRIBLE TRAVESTY, until the Christmas that I INSISTED we get a live tree and the damn thing died three days later. We spent all of Christmas week sweeping up needles and trying to keep Baby Henry from eating them. It wasn’t exactly what I was dreaming of when I said, “I want a REAL tree!”

Now we have a little plastic tree that we put up every year. I like to think of it as our Charlie Brown tree; it comes out of the box totally mauled and horrific looking, and an hour later it’s beautiful.

This year, though, the road to beautiful was a bumpy one, as I seem to have lost ALL of our Christmas lights. So after taking the kids to SuperTarget this morning for muffins and milk, I had to go BACK to SuperTarget AGAIN to get Christmas lights. Oh, I tried to avoid a second trip to Target; I went to the Dollar Store (which was like a little visit to hell) and to Walgreens (seriously, you want HOW MUCH for those lights? are they made of glass or PLATINUM?) but in the end, there was no substitute. Also, Target has the candy-coated popcorn, so it wasn’t all bad.

But still, WHERE ARE THOSE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS? That’s going to bug the hell out of me.

So we got the tree up and the lights on and then the boys decorated it, which went better this year than last year, when I just haphazardly handed them ornaments, with no regard for the boys’ coordination or the ornament’s fragility. We broke some stuff last year, which was fine, really, because you know they’re just ORNAMENTS (except that Henry broke the cute cute handmade train my mother had sent him and I wound up sitting on the sofa holding the pieces and muttering CALM BLUE OCEAN over and over). THIS year, I put the breakable things on myself and the kids put the rest on and it was ALL GOOD.

When we were done, Wade looked at the tree and said, “Great job, guys!” Then he whispered, “Maybe later I’ll do some reorganizing.”

I also put some kitschy chili pepper lights up outside, which was when I started swearing for real. First I couldn’t get the string to hang right, then I couldn’t find the extension cord, THEN the cord (which was wedged under my mountain bike–dude, I totally forgot that I have a MOUNTAIN BIKE! cool)–the cord was all knotted, and THEN I had to drag it through the bushes to plug the lights in and THEN I had to run the damn cord halfway around the garage while Wade watched to be sure I wouldn’t block his car door and then . . .

Argh.

When I finally got the lights hung and ready to turn on, Wade sent the boys to look out the window. I plugged the cord in and waited for the cheering, or at least a big THANK YOU. Instead, I heard, “Is Mommy going to put MORE lights up, or is that it?’

Oh, that’s it. THAT IS IT.

Happy holidays, dammit.

November 25, 2006

self esteem? what’s that?

Everyday red shoes.

Charlie: Mama, I shared my snack with Henry!

Me: I know, buddy. That was nice.

Charlie: Yeah. I’m the nicest person in our family.

Henry: He is, you know.