While I was in Kansas City, Wade’s parents took the boys to the pumpkin patch, where they found pre-carved jack-o-lanterns. No muss, no fuss, no knives in the hands of my hyperactive children. Perfect!

Until last week, when I went out to pick up the mail and realized that the big orange jack-o-lantern was now a big BLACK jack-o-lantern. If anything could make it MORE spooky, it was the thick coating of mold that had taken up residence all over the pumpkin.

Gross.

(No there are no pictures. I was too busy strategizing how the get the damned thing into the trash without TOUCHING it, and THEN I was too busy washing my hands fourty million times. Because GROSS.)

Tonight I’m taking the boys trick-or-treating at a small, chichi mall near us. I love the whole idea of indoor trick-or-treat; it’s warm and there are no cars or dogs or houses where people will jump out and scare the holy living hell out of my kids. Just candy, and maybe dinner at the Mexican restaurant afterwards.

Henry is The Flash; Charlie is Mr. Incredible. In case you weren’t sure.

We have been practicing our trick-or-treat routine for a few days; we have reminded the boys not to say “Trick or Treat, smell my feet!” which is a bummer for Charlie, who has REALLY stinky feet. We have also reminded them that they are to say thank you NO MATTER WHAT the treat is. This has confused the kids a bit.

Me: What do you say if the treat is something icky?

Charlie: EEEEEWWW!

Me: No.

Charlie: Sheesh.

Me: No.

Henry: No, thank you.

Me: No.

Henry: But I always say NO THANK YOU when someone offers me something I don’t like.

Me: NO. You say TRICK OR TREAT and then you say . . .

Henry and Charlie: THANK YOU!

Me: And if the treat is icky?

Charlie: Eeeeewww!

Henry: Oooh! We say THANK YOU.

Me: Sheesh.

Happy Halloween!