Do you know what happens when you don’t clean the bubble stuff out of the big container, the no-spill, no-mess kind with a lid and little openings for the bubble wands to poke through? And you leave the bubble container in the yard for, oh, say, the ENTIRE SUMMER, filled with the bubble stuff? Do you KNOW what happens?

I’ll tell you what happens. Bugs of various sorts–flies, mosquitos, roly polies, spiders–become embalmed in the bubble stuff. It’s like a cross between amber and those fancy soaps with the little plastic toys in them. But more disgusting. Like CSI: Miami disgusting.

And then the kids come and BEG to blow bubbles, and you agree because soon it will be cold as hell outside and you will be wishing that they could play in the yard for just ONE HOUR and you open the whole disgusting mess in the kitchen sink (because that’s easier and less messy than doing it outside with the hose while the kids spray each other) and suddenly you are facing a sink full of DEAD BUGS and slimy pieces of bubble soap and you realize that there’s no liquor at all in the house to take the edge off this.

Then, finally, you get the damn container clean and all the bugs ground up in the garbage disposal and you find a bottle of wine waaaaay in the back of the fridge and you take the bubble stuff and the wine outside and the boys are waiting for you. And begging to play baseball.

Moral: the more disgusting something is, the faster kids lose interest. I think.